Family comes first

[edyzmedieval]

At first it might seem a strange thread, but some of you guys might like it, although I do admit, it's a bit weird. Read on anyhow. :balloon2:

It started with the movie Click(comedy with Adam Sandler) that I have just seen today. The guy gets and universal remote and does everything with it and such, but it starts to mess up his life. He fast forwards to every big promotion he gets from his boss. He loses his superb wife(interpreted by Kate Beckinsale - lovely and charming...), he gets to 400 pounds, his dog dies, his kids grow up, his father dies and he wasn't at the funeral. All ends with him in the hospital, and his grown up son says he cancelled his honey moon to go to Miami, because of an important project. Michael(Adam Sandler) gets of his bed, and follows his son out of the hospital, in the middle of a thunderstorm, where he dies, not before he says to his son: "Family comes first."

Anyhow, back to the point. I know it doesn't apply to me, but I sometimes see my dad coming from work grumpy and grouchy and he doesn't want to talk to anybody.

This brings me to the question. Have you guys(especially the married guys) have these sorts of moments, when you think work counts, and you neglect your family and someitmes get arguing in the family and such?

[Strike For The South]

Well Your Dad my Dad there Dads have a responsibilty to provide the best for the family now that dosent mean they should neglect the family for other things but you do have to look at it like that. Go thank your dad for the electricity itll make his day:laugh4:

"Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Dad":2thumbsup:

[edyzmedieval]

Yeah, I know that Davy Crockett. :laugh4:

We all thank him for that, but sometimes, he needs to talk to the family more. I hope I won't be in this situation. :no:

[Crazed Rabbit]

Dangit man, put the movie plot in spoiler tags!

Gah.

Crazed Rabbit

[The Spartan (Returns)]

totally yes.

btw you should put spoilers!

[Papewaio]

So what is your Dad's hobby?
What does he do to relax?
Does he get any exercise?

In short does he get an oppourtunity to unwind from work?

[doc_bean]

It happens to all of us. Work tends to be a lot harder (and more) than school. In addition to Pape's questions: what kind of job does he do ?

If he works 10 hours (or more) he's bound to be exhausted.
If he has a lot of meetings he's bound to be frustrated, especially if he is there representing the interest of other people (I have a friend working in the national 'farmer's union', some things really get under his skin)
If he works shifts his bad sleeping habits will leave him grouchy.
....


In short, work isn't always fun, it's what people have to do. Be nice to your dad. If you want to talk to him after work don't start about school or things only concerning you. Don't ask him how his day was, there's probably a reason he isn't too happy. Basically, start the conversation with :"Can I get you a beer, dad ?".

[edyzmedieval]

Car business. Cars, cars, cars, auto parts.... That's why I love cars too.

Yeah, my dad gets some exercise(tennis 3 times a week, at 7 in the morning :dizzy2: ), and he has some hobbies too. Travelling, he loves that.

He works more than 10 hours a day...
And I only talk to him at 1 in the morning, but I get to talk to him alot.

What about your dads? Are they somehow the same to my dad?

[doc_bean]

Mine retired (at 52) over 10 years ago...

Be glad yours is still working :sweatdrop:

[English assassin]

What about your dads? Are they somehow the same to my dad?

I am a dad. And on behalf of all dads everywhere can I please make a plea NOT to try to talk to us for the first 20 mins-1/2 hour after we get in from work? After that we will be only too pleased to hear that next door's cat sicked up a hairball again or to express an opinion on whether we should get new towels and if so in precisely what shade of blue, and generally to hear about and comment on all the other trials and triumphs of the day. Just give us 20 minutes peace first, OK?

Seriously, if they could only teach this to girls in school the divorce rate would fall by about 50%. If the girls could learn not to interrupt the evening news (especially with endless questions about new towels) we could more or less abolish divorce altogether.

[Husar]

Mine retired (at 52) over 10 years ago...

Be glad yours is still working :sweatdrop:
:laugh4:
Mine also retired last year, well, when he was still working he was often upset because his bosses were all nutheads(the company going bankrupt shortly after my dad left proves this~;) ).
You may really try to, erm, kinda like, ahem, be his sunshine. You know, he should be happy to see you. Make him laugh, try to talk about positive things, support him.:2thumbsup:

[Duke of Gloucester]

I am a dad. And on behalf of all dads everywhere can I please make a plea NOT to try to talk to us for the first 20 mins-1/2 hour after we get in from work? After that we will be only too pleased to hear that next door's cat sicked up a hairball again or to express an opinion on whether we should get new towels and if so in precisely what shade of blue, and generally to hear about and comment on all the other trials and triumphs of the day. Just give us 20 minutes peace first, OK?

My wife has a rule ('cause Mums work too). She gets home before me so she is the one who is more likely to receive such interersting news. Her rule is:
"Don't tell me anything until I have finished my first cup of coffee" A good rule too. I have adopted it in case I arrive home and she is halfway through her coffee and I end up first in the firing line.

[edyzmedieval]

Thanks for the tips EA. Kinda same with my dad too, but he takes about 20-30 minutes. A shower, dinner and a beer and he's back to normal. :thumbsup:

[English assassin]

Yeah I didn't want to mention a beer for fear of sounding like Homer Simpson, but if you take the Duchess of Gloucester's "first cup of coffee" rule and substitute "bottle of beer", you're there.

[edyzmedieval]

You got me the exact "Get-back-to-normal" Harry Potter style potion. ~D

By the way, aren't your wives complaining about the fact that you sometimes ignore them because of the work? :inquisitive:

And possibly the Org? :laugh4:

[Ser Clegane]

By the way, aren't your wives complaining about the fact that you sometimes ignore them because of the work?
No (she knows that I only do long hours if it is not avoidable ~;))


And possibly the Org?
ehh ... uhm ... next question please :embarassed:

[Lemur]

As another dad, I'd like to throw out a tip. There's nothing more boring than hearing someone complain about work. So don't.

I make it a rule to never talk about work unless it's something interesting or funny. For whatever reason, this works for me, and keeps me positive and fresh for la familia.

At this point in time, it's useless to ask my family to observe a 20 or 30 minute rule. I get tackled the minute I walk in the door.

[Mount Suribachi]

I am a dad. And on behalf of all dads everywhere can I please make a plea NOT to try to talk to us for the first 20 mins-1/2 hour after we get in from work? After that we will be only too pleased to hear that next door's cat sicked up a hairball again or to express an opinion on whether we should get new towels and if so in precisely what shade of blue, and generally to hear about and comment on all the other trials and triumphs of the day. Just give us 20 minutes peace first, OK?

Seriously, if they could only teach this to girls in school the divorce rate would fall by about 50%. If the girls could learn not to interrupt the evening news (especially with endless questions about new towels) we could more or less abolish divorce altogether.

Indeed. I have no intrest in hearing every single word said to and by my wife that day as soon as I walk in the door.

My 2 year old is very zealous for my attention. If I'm on the PC he will come and grab me by the hand and pull me away or climb onto my lap with a Postman Pat book. If the cat is sat on my lap he will push her off and climb on in her place.

[IrishArmenian]

My da was an oddly cheery man. Of course, in my family, like Lemur, we never discussed work unless A)Something Funny or Good happened B) A tragedy (happens more in the army). My da was also an Irish drinking man, so I made sure there was a bottle of stout and a glass wating for him. That was not only a nice thing to do but he would be kinder to me, resulting in less beetings from my brothers

[English assassin]

My 2 year old is very zealous for my attention. If I'm on the PC he will come and grab me by the hand and pull me away or climb onto my lap with a Postman Pat book. If the cat is sat on my lap he will push her off and climb on in her place.

Wait til he works out the way to really grab your attention is to head for the power button...

Oh, and fair play to the lemur, work talk is usually boring. If I'm asked about work I usually refuse to answer on the grounds anythign remotely interesting is confidential.

Irish Armenian, I'm confused, was your dad an actual Irishman, and lived in Armenia? Must be quite a story how that came about, is it something you fell like telling?

No offence meant if its private or personal or anything like that.

[IrishArmenian]

Yes, he was on a trip to Israel, flew into Greece, had to take a boat to Turkey, then was supposed to haul arse in a car to Israel and had to make a stop here. He met me mum and the rest is history littered with children(15).
This is basically the summary of 1-2 hours of drunken rambling from him.

[Mount Suribachi]

Wait til he works out the way to really grab your attention is to head for the power button...


*panics*

[Husar]

Some of you may enjoy this article (http://www.simhq.com/_air7/air_241a.html) from SimHQ.:2thumbsup:

[Papewaio]

He met me mum and the rest is history littered with children(15).


15 children? Your dad liked Rugby or was going for a Football team, a reserve, two linesman and a ref in one family?

So are you and the rest of your siblings planning on having 15 kids... your dad would then have 225 grandchildren... so every 3 days he would have to attend two grandchildrens birthdays.

My family of four was large by NZ standards.

[Strike For The South]

I have a family of 8

[Redleg]

When I come home off of shift work my family is normally all asleep - so I wake up when the wife gets ready for work and the kid gets ready for school.

And I attempt to spend some time with them on the week-end.

[lars573]

My family of four was large by NZ standards.

I have a family of 8
Counting parents or not? Counting parents I have a family of 5. Would have been 6 if dad had more gianful employment 20 years ago.

Also my maternal grandmother has 9 kids (from 3 different men 2 of whom were her husbands, long story can't go into it). This leads you to 25-30 grandchildren. Ranging in age from 50's (my mom has a nephew that is a year or two older than her, and she's 50) to well my sister is 21. Also in mom's family there is a large prepensity for popping out the first kid in your late teens.

[Strike For The South]

Well 2 parents 6 kids. Im the oldest. My mum has 11 borthers and sisters (divorce/fuse) My dad has 7 (all blood) I have 35 aunts and uncles and 43 cousins. Beat try to I dare you

[lars573]

Do you know what they all look like? I was non-specific about the amount of granchildren cause I don't know most of them (appearance or personality). Don't know most of moms sibling either. We live in different provinces (Nova Scotia and New Brunswick). But it's a couple hours drive. There all practically strangers to me.

[Strike For The South]

Well I didnt until my trip to Massachustes this summer now there all commited to the memory. There all first cousins.

[IrishArmenian]

Pape, that is really shocking. I don't know.

[Divinus Arma]

I continually and habitually neglect my wife in order to do work/school. I will continue to do this for the rest of my life. I am fortunate to have a wife that was raised by a hard-working father, and thus she is accustomed to this. I will also do this when my daughter is born and after we have all of our kids.

I will miss recitals, baseball games, and birthdays. I will be absent during Christmas, New Years Eve, and Halloween. I will not be home for thanksgiving, nor will I attend many school events. I will attempt to be there for every birth (that I will not miss for anything).

Why? Am I cruel? No. This is how it was as a cop, and this is how it will be as a firefighter. I am sure I will be home for some special days, but I plan on missing everything. Would I prefer to be with my family? Of course, but not at the expense of duty. If I am needed by my community, I will always be there. This is one of the few great lessons of my own father: Always be the one willing and able at a moment's notice, and you will survive any layoff and be the first in line for promotion.

Ironically, by neglecting my family I am better able to provide for them.

[Samurai Waki]

So instead of writing a short blip about Family, I decided to write an entire thesis on it:laugh4: If your man (or woman enough to read it) be my guest.

I have always been taught along the lines of thinking that Family is more
important no matter what. My Duty as a father is to provide the best possible environment for my Spouse and my Child's safety and growth. Obviously, I cannot be there for everything, but I want them to know, that no matter the consequences I will be there if I'm needed.
I was raised in a poor family, four children, living in an apartment in the poorest state in the Union (Montana). My Father, was never there... ever. He was always working, always more concerned with his own ambitions, or sense of duty, and yes, his sense of duty was towards bettering our lives... by thinking that money would solve all of our problems. Well, he played his cards right financially, and had enough to move us out of our apartment, had enough to send us to private schools, had enough to buy expensive hotels and developments. But it was not enough to save our family, it was in shambles. My mother, had decided that after 20 years of marriage... and almost that much time in not seeing him, no amount of money could salvage what was left.
Likewise, my mother was always so busy with us, but we only had enough to make it by, so she had to take on a job. From there-on, My brothers and I, essentially raised ourselves. There was always food on the table, but there was never anyone to cook it, so we had to learn. Our parents never attended special events for us at our schools, so we had to attend each others events. When I was six, I was taking care of my two year old brother, my eight year old brother was taking care of me, and my ten year old brother was trying to keep everything else in order.
My social life was chaotic to say the least, I was an out and out thug by the time I was 12. There was so much repressed anger and hatred, and bitterness towards life, that when someone even gave me an awkward glance I would beat them unmercifully. When I was 13, I had my first visit in a jail, and was charged with assault and battery, but the charges were dropped. Two months later, I stole a car, and attempted to run somewhere...anywhere... but I'll be the first one to say, that armed robbery will give you a quick 6 month visit to juvie. When I got out, my Dad had bought a huge house in Boulder, Colorado. My parents divorced, and I tried to stay in Montana with my mom, but I was essentially disowned. So I moved in with my Dad.
So my brother and me, lived with my Dad. and my youngest and oldest stayed with my mom. It was more of the same, and my Dad attempted to slap a bandage on all my problems by sending me to a Private Christian School. Yeah...things were okay, out of school, I was free to do whatever it was that I wanted to do. Which, in hindsight, was idiotic of my father. From 14-16 I essentially caved in to myself, the only time I felt centered, was sitting in the darkness of the basement, playing Shogun, and eventually Medieval Total War until I fell into a drowsy sleep.
Emotionally, I managed to hold out for 11 years before everything hit critical mass... and I couldn't hold onto reality any longer. Suicide. I realized that afterwards, I really didn't want to die. So I asked my brother to drive me to the hospital and commit me. I was there for about two weeks, but nothing really changed. I was still terribly depressed. But I also realized some things, my life, is not about me. It was never about me, I could be damned for all I care, that I was not the only one. I was only a very small part, of an epidemic seizing our world.
I returned to Highschool, played around for a few months and dropped out. So I drifted for about a year, when I was eighteen, I came to the painful realization that I wasn't doing anything really. I came into contact with an Army Recruiter, that to this day, I think of as my savior. I wanted to be in the military more than anything after meeting this guy, I was 230 pounds of fat... flunk out loser...that contributed nothing to society, and by that point, I really didn't give a **** about society. But, he was the only person in my life, up to that point that thought I mattered, that I could do anything that I wanted too. My first requirement was to get either my Diploma or GED. I decided on the GED... The day after I talked to him, I went in and signed up, and about a week later I got it, scored extremely high in everything. The second was to take my ASVAB, I scored a 96. The third was to go from a waist size of 42, to a 36. In Three months I went from a size 42 to a size 34. I went from being able to bench 110 lbs. to a 190 lbs. in six months, and from being able to continuosly run for about 7 minutes to being able to run at full sprint for about 12-15 and being able to run at an average pace for another 30 minutes. I was ready to go in, Combat Medic, 82nd Airborne. Got to my MEPS... DENIED! Why? Because a year previous to that, I had made the worst mistake of my life and I knew it. Well, I decided to hell with the Army then, I had to wait two more years, and then take a psych exam if I wanted to join again.
So I worked for like another year, not because I had too, just to stave off the boredom. My Father, who was 46, came to the realization... That he had spent his entire life building an Empire, and one morning he woke up, and looked at the devastation around him, he had accumulated what he had wanted his entire life at an extremely terrible price, both to us mentally, and to him physically. So he actually took the time to get to know us, I hated him... I didn't know how I could possibly forgive him. But instead of throwing money at the problem, he took us each out on our own vacations, and we actually got to know him, and likewise. He actually woke up about 4 in the morning during my vacation in New Zealand, and took me deep sea fishing off the coast of Auckland. It was one of the best memories I ever had with him... in fact, whenever I think of him, I remember that and him telling me "Son. I am a terrible person, I hate myself and god can only forgive me for what I've done, I don't expect you or your brothers to ever forgive me, and I understand." There had been times that I wanted to kill him, that when I needed him the most he hadn't been there, that through constant pain and suffering throughout my childhood and teenage years he had never been there for anything, ever. But instead of saying everything that I wanted to say, I realized that I wouldn't be the person I am today, that I wouldn't have learned all of the lessons that I had learned, had it been different. That hatred only begets more hatred. Instead I turned to him and said "I still love you dad." Now...getting past all the emotional jibberish. To me, irregardless, through everything that I have learned, there is always room for forgiveness, that going through your worst, means becoming your best. That no matter what, no matter the cost to yourself, Family ALWAYS COMES FIRST.
The expenses of my Fathers ambition finally came to fruition in April... He had a massive heart attack and died at 49. He spent his life looking at the big picture, and only after it was complete did he stop to take a look at all the missing details, but I think, he still deserves a good place to rest in the afterlife. My brothers and me inheireted the Company Fortune, although the Company itself no longer exists, bought out by a bigger competitor, he did something for us, and my future children that means that if everything goes well in life, and we spend our money frugally, I potentially wouldn't have to work a day in my life for the rest of my life and I could be there 24/7 for them. Obviously, I'm someone who is never at ease, that something could happen and I will need to work. But since May, Amy quit her job, I quit mine, and am now fully devoting my time, this summer to her and her needs, and in a couple of weeks, I will be fully devoting my time to finishing up my Degree in Corporate Law, which I estime will take at least another two years until I'm done.
But even if we do hit hard times, and theres not much money left. My Children will always have the knowledge that I'll be just a stone's throw away, and I won't have it any other way.

End...:sweatdrop:

[IrishArmenian]

That was moving. I smell a nobel prise.

[Samurai Waki]

Thats what two Monster energy drinks drank simultaneously will do to a guy. :laugh4: I didn't really even realize I wrote that much, but meh it was 4:30 in the morning.

[whyidie]

Thats what two Monster energy drinks drank simultaneously will do to a guy. :laugh4: I didn't really even realize I wrote that much, but meh it was 4:30 in the morning.

Has in been that long since STW ? Yikes.

I was going to make a comment about thank goodness for our liberal society giving you multiple chances, but your story deserves more than such a flippant reply.

Your story is very feeling thing.

[doc_bean]

Great post Wakizashi !

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Well, my parents were there for me more or less since the day I was born. My father quit his job when I was young, because my mother wanted to finish her teaching degree, and somebody needed to stay home to take care of me. I missed my mother, of course, but she always made sure to come back to see me at least once every few days, and usually much more.

Of course, on occasion I would (and still do) complain about my parents, make them angry, and, in turn, make myself angry. However, I really didn't have anything to complain about. They were always there for me, so I think I'll try to make an effort to be there for them much more then I have been in the past. :shame:

[Reverend Joe]

My father is Zorba the freakin greek. And he loves beer.

That should answer any and all questions. :laugh4:

[edyzmedieval]

Seems like Ser Clegane is the poster of this thread... :laugh4: