View Full Version : You have miscalculated a battle when...
The moderators locked my previous thread So here is a new one.
Please do not break any forum rules otherwise I will not post any more of these and I really enjoy posting these.
You have miscalculated a battle when you forget that your cavalry commander belongs to a nation you are now at war with (battle of Zama was my refference)
maximus overlord
11-03-2006, 21:15
you know you will lose a battle when.......
your commander screams:I HAVE A DREAM uhhhhhh(sigh):idea2:
have fun boys, last one to the bar picks up the bill.
r johnson
11-03-2006, 21:33
You realise your army shouldn't be running this way. :wall:
um... Praetorian cavalry are the weak ones, right?
Rocketman
11-03-2006, 23:50
When you attack uphill. Against cannons and machine guns.
You have miscalculated a battle when all your army is running in the wrong direction, despite you screaming at them to stand and fight.
"Don't worry gents, it's only the air force."
~On that distinct cloud that's above you...
when the 300 enemy slaughters over 10,000 of your men before finally dying.
note: I am citing the battle of thermopylae
woot! 200 posts!
Roman_Man#3
11-16-2006, 00:08
when you forget what culture your facing in battle tomorrow so you field an army of all cavalry against an army of the greek cities.
When your army is running away into a big lot of bad guys and they die.
Instead of a couple of old men and a few women and children, you find the entire Sioux nation riding down on you.....
Thanks to General Custer!
Slartibardfast
11-16-2006, 06:11
....you hear your WW1 seargent calling "Nothing up the spout lads, were going in with the bayonet."
Devastatin Dave
11-16-2006, 06:27
...your troops ask you for the largest piece of white cloth you can find...
....you notice that none of your troops are moving....they're all just lying around with arrows, spears, and lances sticking out of them......
Your men play rock/paper/scissors to see who has to stand in the first rank of the charge.
You attempt to emulate the Trojan horse idea, and forget to put anybody inside before you give it to the enemy.
Roman_Man#3
11-17-2006, 21:17
ok, im sorry, but lucjan, i think that last one was stolen from monty python and the search? the holy grail, was it not?
ps. funny, nonetheless
It was, but it was certainly a miscalculation. Perhaps we should mention how they continue to search for the Holy Grail regardless of the fact that the Frenchman says his lord "has already got one." lol
Your men play rock/paper/scissors to see who has to stand in the first rank of the charge.
You attempt to emulate the Trojan horse idea, and forget to put anybody inside before you give it to the enemy.
You do realize that this now means that you're on the hook. We expect (when they finally release the damn tools so we can actually DO this) a mod for M2TW that replaces the standard voice sets for routing units with "Run AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!!" :grin:
Are you kidding me? I would love to replace standard voices with a whole slew of quotes from the holy grail.
Let's see, what ones should we use, might have to slightly modify some.
1 - Run AWAY! Run AWAY!! (retreating)
2 - It's just a flesh wound! (rally troops)
3 - Help! Help! I'm being repressed! (Selecting an army)
4 - *crazy monk chantings, followed by noise of book hitting forehead* (Selecting priest on the campaign map.)
5 - Bring out your dead! (Selecting assassin on campaign map)
6 - A five ounce bird cannot carry a one pound coconut! (Selecting a merchant on the camp map)
7 - He must be a king, he hasn't got *^#@ all over him. (Selecting the monarch.)
8 - I blow my nose at you so called Arthur king! You and your silly English kkkkkknigits! (Selecting a french army)
More suggestions would be nice.
Roman_Man#3
11-18-2006, 15:50
that would be the best if you did that.
You have miscalculated a battle when.. You ask to settle it one-on-one the best against the best only to find that the otherside has Achilles and all you have is a stinking 7"10, heavily muscled, steroid driven, spear wielding Monster.
Though what I do want to know (and I am not trying to get a warning etc. or be stupid); who would win: Achilles or a female he had scorned.
Rurik the Chieftain
11-19-2006, 04:06
You have miscalculated a battle when...
You chose to attack after the enemy archers were out of ammo so they couldn't defend themselves.
The enemy uses Elephants. Period.
Your "Charge the horse archers into the Swiss pikemen" plan became the "Charge the horse archers onto the Swiss pikes" plan.
You thought the tough guys in your retinue were going to help you.
You sallied forth after taking the castle.
Your Faction leader and Heir just died in the first charge.
It turned out longbows can pierce armor.
You were counting on God to smite your enemies.
The Foolish Horseman
11-19-2006, 17:38
when you realise that a cavalry unit of 8 men and a 24 strong dog unit are your only unit left against most of the carthaganian elephants:wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall: :wall:
You bellow the order "Charge!"....but notice when you are halfway to the enemy line that nobody else is beside you.....
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