Funniest/Strangest things you've seen in game

[LordCurlyton]

As the title says, what are some of the funniest and/or strangest things you've seen in the game? It can range from starnge to absurd troop combinations, deviant empire growth, or whatever else you deem as funny/strange. My entry would have to be during my Qart-Hadast campaign I'm doing right now (to take a break from my Romani one and its waves of Sweboz troops): a while back Patavium revolted from the Romani for whatever reason, and not only did the Eleutheroi not get some tribe name (just Rebels) but the troops spawned to defend the newly rebel town were as follows: a godillic (warhammer carrying dude) infantry, Polybian Velites, Liby-Phoenician infantry, and a post-Marian Cohort......in the year 253BC. Sadly I didn't take a screenshot though if I catch something like that again I most definitely will.

[Caratacos]

Methinks someone like Dr. Who must have been behind that particular rebellion :laugh4:

[Orb]

1.6 BI exe

KH main army under their best general besieges Krete.

He waits for a year or so, then the eleutheroi sally out.

Entire Greek main army destroyed, general killed. Kretans suffer few losses.

[Gask]

When ever (and it happens often) I surround an enemy general with 3-4 units of spearmen they slay all his guards but he mysteriously charges out though a sea of spear tips to freedom. Then this lone horsemen proceeds to dodge several hundred sling bullets on his ninja like flight off of the map to anoy me another turn. :furious3:

Compare this to my Casse general's chariot which gets blown over by a strong fart, its rather irksome to say the least.:sweatdrop:

[Spoofa]

uhh, besieging korinthos, cretans get on the seige tower, get on the wall, i tell them to attack enemy horse skirmishers on the ground, they all immediately run off the edge and die. LOL :oops: i thought i hit the ATTACK button not the SUICIDE button! :smash: :smash:

[SwebozGaztiz]

It was on my makedon campaign, i kicked epeiros out of the balkans and greece, their only two settlements where on italy i already conquered roma, so while my main army was attacking the settlements in the northern part of italy the layed siege on rome, they only brought a battering ram and a ladder, my towers destroyed the ram and my skirmishers killed some of the guys carrying the ladder, suddenly they just stoped there and did nothing i had to wait until they retreated to won the battle!

[Megas Pyrrhos]

In my Epeirote campaign, Rome had taken Taras from me(i sent most of the starting garrison back to greece). It was about 265B.C. or so, and i had pacified northern greece and was secure, when i decided to stop the romans before they got too large and decided to take my city back. The roman garrison at Taras left it to take on Rhegion, which prompted the city to revolt back to me and gave me a small garrison, when i had a medium sized army on the way over by boat to take the city in another turn or two. I went on to take italy with that medium sized army, never increasing troop size but getting reinforcements to replace troops lost(because of this, most of the time i was outnumbered.).

[MarcusAureliusAntoninus]

Compare this to my Casse general's chariot which gets blown over by a strong fart, its rather irksome to say the least.:sweatdrop:
:laugh4: LOL :laugh4:

[Rilder]

That female prostitute retinue ive seen(can't remember name) has a pretty funny desription, "his wife thinks she spends a little to much time in his coach" or something, ive seen her on like 2 different generals to.

[Thaatu]

In one battle there was this greek mercenary who was sliding around the battlefield and getting thrown in the air to a height of maybe 20 meters once in a while. He was hilarious, I couldn't get enough of it. I think he survived the battle too. I wonder where he's now...

[Tiberius Nero]

The strangest thing I have seen so far is Parthian AI expansion. Playing as Sauromatae, I have an alliance with them and they march whole armies through my territories without attacking my completely undefended settlements (they pass right next to them), and when I say undefended I mean not one unit as garrison, and proceed to march all the way to Lithuania conquering the northernmost provinces on the map. I mean wtf?:inquisitive:

[Tellos Athenaios]

That female prostitute retinue ive seen(can't remember name) has a pretty funny desription, "his wife thinks she spends a little to much time in his coach" or something, ive seen her on like 2 different generals to.

Hetaira Hyperkale or something?

[L.C.Cinna]

The story of the lost Baktrian army:

I play as the Romans and while I concentrated on the western med i sent a spy over to Syria to check what the Ptolies and AS are doing over there. It was around 260 when I discovered a Baktrian army near Jerusalem. Don't know how they got there but they tried to march the whole way back to Baktria. So I followed them with my spy. Now, some years later they finally reached Baktrian territory but they met too many rebel stacks an their way home lol There are only 4 units left and none of them has more than 15 men.

[Teleklos Archelaou]

I've never seen any faction do anything like the parthian expansion you mentioned TN, but while it is odd it isn't a result of anything "EBish". They seem to be loyally abiding by their alliance though - which is very good. If you could crush them and they know it, why would they take your city - knowing they die as a result?

A lot of the stuff I see here has nothing to do with EB as much as weird things that can happen in RTW.exe (e.g., units walking off walls, besiegers getting thrashed when their rams are destroyed, AI factions going after rebel provinces first, etc.). Still it's fun to hear about them.

[Schatten]

a battle as Roman v Selukids at a Bridge...my Army stays in defense at the other side of the River...the whole Selukid Army marches at the other side from left to the Bridge, present their unshielded right side to my 2 Cretan Archer and 2 Balearic Slinger Units.....terrible loses for them but they march cool and slow to the Bridge....after that the Selukid General with his 40 man dos the same thing....my Slinger´s fire until ammo out and left him with 7 Guards back (Cataphracts).
After that Selukids build a line to the Bridge but stay at their place..dont move forwards...the General stays as 1st Unit to the Bridge...after ca. 10 minutes waiting i think me..."why not" and send a Cavallery Unit over the Bridge and attack him...they kill his Guards and finally him after ca. 4 minutes Battle( half minute for the Guards and other for General :P ) and the whole Selucid Army (over 4000 man) stays few steps away and look as 100 man kill their General...:dizzy2:

Probably they have hated their General.... :oops:

[Rilder]

Hetaira Hyperkale or something?

Yea I think so, pondering general transferring her for the next 200. years :laugh4:

I'd just love to see that father-son coversation.

[Tiberius Nero]

@TA

If I could crush the Parthians with my current armies, I could probably spare a couple of units to garrison my cities; in short, the Parthians in the current state of things can crush me like a bug (only mad l33t micro with my horse archers can save me) :P

I didn't mean disrespect to the mod (I guess everyone who mentions something not immediately and obviously dithyrambic about EB, must use this disclaimer somewhere in their posts) and I really enjoy it very much, I just mentioned it because: a) in my experience with RTW mods the AI attacks you immediately when it can (and I find it very good indeed that it abides by its alliance here, although very odd RTW modwise) and b), I am not the only one experiencing that kind of expansion from Parthia (I have seen it happen to other people) in EB and since I consider it rather detrimental to the Parthians themselves (because being unable to hold provinces so far away they only waste their time and resources; in my Sweboz campaign one of the northernmost regions in the Baltic suddenly rebelled to me from the Parthians e.g.), I wonder if there is some way, by terrain shifting, that Parthia focuses her attention to the south and if that could be looked into for a next build.

[Teleklos Archelaou]

We have tried to get Parthia to go south, consistently, without unbalancing things too much. The parthians rarely have done much before 0.81 - that's my impression. We gave them three spies outside of seleucid cities in 0.81 and I think it is helping, but am not sure. We still are working on them a lot, and will continue to do so for a while longer. There is no need for a long disclaimer also in your post, as far as I know. The rebellion in the Baltic to the parthians can only have happened because they bribed it or they held it earlier and changed the culture by upgrading the town level. I cannot possibly imagine it rebelling to them under other circumstances.

[Danest]

While the parthian spies are in the south near the Seleukid towns, the bulk of the parthian arms are in the north of their empire - it can take years to move them all the way down to the south, especially if you bring the infantry. I suppose it's possible that this distance is effecting the AI decision-making. It seems to prefer targets near to its armies, as opposed to strategic advantages like spies and wealth.

[Tiberius Nero]

Parthia is a tricky one, I understand. The rebellion in the Baltic, I was referring to, was actually to me (Sweboz) from the Parthians, who had captured it earlier, while it was still rebel (I guess it rebelled to me because it is considered to have "Germanic" culture, I had never owned it previously).

[Teleklos Archelaou]

It prefers rebel territories like all AI factions do - that's why they usually march across Baktrian sogdiane and try to take bin-kath usually, and then when that doesn't work, move to mazsakata. They are allied to seleucids, as they should be, and that makes them hesitant to attack the seleucids immediately.

[GeneticFlea]

In my Roman campaign while busy in North Africa a decent army of rebel mercs besieged, and before i could rescue it, attacked Rome. In the city I had one skirmisher unit and one rorarii and my faction leader's impressive cavalry. Anyway, I destroyed one of their seige towers and with their ladders, succeeded in nearly killing both their Rorarii units, except for the last 3 of one unit who "routed" but went nowhere and capture the city gates. Anyway, i ended up killing the rest of their army with my kick ass general (charge, retreat, charge retreat), but alas, after everyone else had run or died, those three damn rorarii were still stuck up on my wall in rout mode and seeing as i had no time limit mode going on, i couldnt kill them, or win the game with them stil on my wall. So frustrated as i was, I had to quit the battle and take it as a loss, and then recapture Rome. That really pissed me off.

[MarcusAureliusAntoninus]

When I removed the AI money script for Seleucia, the Parthians started taking territories to the south.

But back to the original topic...
One time I was fighting a battle in a city. I set up a line of pezheteroi and the enemy cavalry charged me. They went right through the spears and were waisting me, but I had enough men that I was going to win no matter what. During the fight, the pezheteroi started being pushed back in three directions. Two directions were into the buildings that flanked the street, but there was an alley on one side. Slowly guys were being pushed into the alley. When the enemies fled to the square, I chased them, but the guys in the alley were still stuck there. I can just amagine a guy in bronze armor, stuck by the shoulders in a narrow space. Eventually having to be cut out of his armor by a blacksmith.

[MarcusAureliusAntoninus]

Here's another strange thing that happened. A pathing error:
https://img85.imageshack.us/img85/5953/maa074sa7.th.jpg (https://img85.imageshack.us/my.php?image=maa074sa7.jpg)
See my guys in the distance, I told them to form a straight line. And I think the AI was having trouble too, the were moving sideways and spread one group out into an "L" shape. Once I got my guys in a straight line, I moved them forward with a single click. I pushed 'shift' and all the red arrows were in the right place, but one group charged into the enemy general far ahead when he was suppost to walk a couple feet forward.

[McHrozni]

I had a funny battle where the entire Seleucian armada (several units of phalangites of various quality, persian archers, armored spearmen, some medium cavalry and some change) attacked my eastern city of ... grr ... P-something on the Kappadokian frontier.

In defense, I had my newly minted general, who was hatched into adulthood after the siege begun, a decimated unit of whooping 16 Wild men (eastern version of Gaetstae) and two badly understrength units of Galatian shortswordmen (less than 90 men each, in a unit of 200 at full strength) and a wooden wall to defend me.

I tried holding the wall as long as possible, charging out with most of my units, but only managed to produce losses. The enemy numbers scared the shit out of my men. I did manage to kill their general with my general and some help of tower turrets.

The enemy poured through the walls and was unstoppable. Of course, what did I expect anyway. They took the city square and I noticed the city was quite large.

At this point I had 7 men left, all of them cavalry from my general, and about 25 minutes in the battle to go.

You can probably see where I'm going. At least I paid back the AI for all those siege assaults I couldn't win due to timeouts :beam:. It took something like 10 charge and retreats on the city square to reset the timer, but I won the battle and "defeated" a vastly superior Selcuid force ~:)

As a side note, I think the battle timer for sieges should be at least doubled.

McHrozni

[Oleo]

As the title says, what are some of the funniest and/or strangest things you've seen in the game? It can range from starnge to absurd troop combinations, deviant empire growth, or whatever else you deem as funny/strange. My entry would have to be during my Qart-Hadast campaign I'm doing right now (to take a break from my Romani one and its waves of Sweboz troops): a while back Patavium revolted from the Romani for whatever reason, and not only did the Eleutheroi not get some tribe name (just Rebels) but the troops spawned to defend the newly rebel town were as follows: a godillic (warhammer carrying dude) infantry, Polybian Velites, Liby-Phoenician infantry, and a post-Marian Cohort......in the year 253BC. Sadly I didn't take a screenshot though if I catch something like that again I most definitely will.

I had that with the same city back in 0.8. The stack was a bit different, but:

https://img350.imageshack.us/img350/8034/weirdwf1.jpg

[Moros]

You shouldv'e seen a screen I once took of pataviu, now where did I put it? It had indians, tanvasomething (thos eastern arechers, like cyrus (wasteland)), red sea axemen and stuff like that.

[LordCurlyton]

Patavium just seems to attact all sorts of customers, doesn't it?

[Tiberius Nero]

Here's another strange thing that happened. A pathing error:
https://img85.imageshack.us/img85/5953/maa074sa7.th.jpg (https://img85.imageshack.us/my.php?image=maa074sa7.jpg)
See my guys in the distance, I told them to form a straight line. And I think the AI was having trouble too, the were moving sideways and spread one group out into an "L" shape. Once I got my guys in a straight line, I moved them forward with a single click. I pushed 'shift' and all the red arrows were in the right place, but one group charged into the enemy general far ahead when he was suppost to walk a couple feet forward.

That is a bug of 1.5 and BI 1.6 I guess (I don't recall it happening in 1.2); it so happens, when the enemy sallies forth to meet your besieging army, that if you as a besieger order your units to make a formation by right clicking and dragging, the troops just end up literally all over the place. 100% reproduceable in my experience. Try giving them simple orders like where to go by right clicking for each unit, don't order them to make a formation!:no:

And indeed the same pretty much goes for the part that sallies.

[Rilder]

I just noticed these today while randomly browsing around the map..

https://img63.imageshack.us/img63/6498/ebftwfb0.jpg

https://img85.imageshack.us/img85/1018/ebisownageuf3.jpg

[Boyar Son]

^I wonder whos Idea was that?^
:clown:

[Rilder]

heres a weird thing I did in my casse campaign I'm working on. 15 allys!

https://img180.imageshack.us/img180/6118/zomgsallianceni2.jpg

[LordCurlyton]

Everyone loves those silly Brits with their funny paint. We used to hire court jesters until we found these people.

[Teleklos Archelaou]

Ne'er seen that before Rilder. Nice!

[von_neurath]

I got Tired of my Roman Leader I think Dentatus who reached 93 years old and didn't want to get consular funeralies. :furious3: So I wanted to help him die sending him to suicide missions. He finally died at 95 after conquering by himself Ambrakia, Epidamnos and killing 2 medium size macedon army.:wall: And He died of old age...:laugh4:

[ElectricEel]

When I was assaulting the town square of a settlement as the Sweboz, it started raining. From an almost completely clear sky...

[Intranetusa]

I got Tired of my Roman Leader I think Dentatus who reached 93 years old and didn't want to get consular funeralies. :furious3: So I wanted to help him die sending him to suicide missions. He finally died at 95 after conquering by himself Ambrakia, Epidamnos and killing 2 medium size macedon army.:wall: And He died of old age...:laugh4:


you mean just his cavalry body guards?

how is that possible?

[antisocialmunky]

I'm wondering that too, did Ambrakia sally forth or something as Horsies can't batter down gates?

[Juvenal]

Byzantion was mine (KH), but I had not built up the barracks. Feeling vulnerable, I decided to build a decent road back to Pella.

My governor went off to swat some rebels... only to have Byzantion bribed right out from under me by the Maks. He started retracing his steps with an expensive new mercenary army, only to find himself suddenly called away to compete in the Olympics! :wall: ...Nevertheless, Byzantion was retaken.

My governor now had to leave again (rebels besieging Tylis), a small Pontic stack appeared and promptly laid seige to Byzantion.

Again the governor and his mercs had to struggle back (still no roads). To add insult to injury it was winter and KH march distance was pathetic. Finally, he struggled around the Black Sea side of Byzantion within spitting distance of the Pontics, who had now brought up a full stack.

Out of nowhere (OK I wasn't looking) a Makedonian full stack (with 3 family members) suddenly hit him from the rear. The Maks were beaten off with great loss (it sure is scary when you don't have any cavalry).

Now the Pontics attacked (same turn). My remaining Greeks swarmed over the small stack in the west and routed it, but the whole east edge of the map appeared to be turning purple.

Brief prayers were said, exhausted Greeks lined up for their last stand and waited to be overwhelmed... :skull:
...and waited
...and waited

The Pontics were on the field, but formed up in a gigantic column and not moving.

When they got their breath back, the greeks warily formed a crescent around the lead Pontic unit... still no reaction.

Attacked from three sides, the lead Pontic unit was quickly routed. I was able to repeat this several more times before the rest of the Pontic column started to react, and by then it was too late for them to stop the rout.

So - Byzantion was saved, but the behaviour of the Pontics was very odd, their formation was the one the A.I. uses when waiting to cross a bridge. The battle map was unusual - a bay of the Black Sea took up the Northern edge, and my small army ended up on the southern part of the east edge, meaning that the Pontics had to wheel left 120 degrees to face me before they stalled.

Anyway, for me the whole episode felt quite epic, good material for role-play.

So, in conclusion RTW + EB = more immersion than ever seemed possible.
:2thumbsup:

[antiochus epiphanes]

in my getai campaign, i took pergamum from those nasty rebels, only to get beseiged by arche seleukia, my ally. this i beat the seige off, then asked for a cease fire, they accepted! this cycle went on for another 3 years! till finaly i took my big ass army down there and took sardis.

[Basileus Seleukeia]

I have not really seen it, but a lot of evidence speaks for this:
Arche Seleukeia was able to conquer Byzantion with an army consisting of 1 family member and 1 unit of slingers! Next turn that pesky little army besieged Pella, which had 1 unit of Hoplitai Haploi in it, but there was a stack of 1 Chaonian Guard and 1 Hippeis Thessalikoi, so they were massacred. If I had some time and spare troops (that stack was intended to supply my main force in italy) I would conquer Byzantion, but even when I'll have, those AS are so frickin' large and mighty!

[NeoSpartan]

in my getai campaign, i took pergamum from those nasty rebels, only to get beseiged by arche seleukia, my ally. this i beat the seige off, then asked for a cease fire, they accepted! this cycle went on for another 3 years! till finaly i took my big ass army down there and took sardis.

This same thing is happening to me as the Aedui and KH. I own Italy and KH sent 1 full stack and then another one by boats.
-They siege my town and then asked for a ceasefire.
-Next turn they siege again.
-I kicked thier a**es and they asked for a ceasefire. HOWEVER, I made them pay me 6k for it!
-I am now waiting for them to siege the town again so I can woop them and... get some $$ from the following cseasefire. :2thumbsup:

---------

On another note:
-In that same game Epiroes broke the alliance with me and attacked me. So I sent a diplomat and allied with the Seluicids (sp).
-But in one turn, EPIROES (SP) BREAKS THE SEAGE, ASKS FOR A CEASEFIRE. I ACCEPT, THEY MAKE AN ALLIANCE WITH THE SELUICIDS (SP) AND ATTACK ME AGAIN!!!
-Now I have no allies!!!!!!:wall:

oh...oh.. but they will PAY for this insult.

[LordCurlyton]

I just play by the simple rule of "Attack allies first" if we share another ally. I have found that the AI will universally support the aggressor, so as long as you initiate the violence you won't lose other allies because you happen to share that one with your targ....err, friendly neighbor.

[Radier]

After sneakpeaking a bit on Casse gameplay guide I started a new game with them. I disband most of my army and is just about to turn my capital to an economic supercity when after two years a 600 man large Caledonian invasion is at my hands.
Desperatly I defend my city with my 150 chariots, but with their mobile, light caledonian skirmishers, I loose. Yep, thats right, I am wiped out after ten turns by som far away northmen. :laugh4:

This is what makes EB campagning so much funnier than vanilla ones.