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View Full Version : D DAY a story of their efforts



warking
03-11-2007, 12:00
this is another story i will make it will probably not be so good i know im not that good but i hope you all enjoy reading it whoever reads it( please leave a reply to tell me how it is).

It was a cold, dark morning on the ship, that night they new that the tommorow was going to be huge day, and for many their last........

" today is the day men " said sargent murphy, as he walked into the bunkers at 3:30 in the morning. "today is the day that we take out them damn bunkers!. And we all know that today will be a difficult day and probably not many of you will make it to the end. And we all know that those Jerry bastards will not go down without a fight!" said sargent murphy who sounded like he had some hate in his voice." now the mission is to take out 8 FLAK guns up behind those enemy bunkers, which we will have to clear out first. So hurry up and get ready becaus the invasion starts in an hour." the men got ready, all of them nowing hat they may never see all of them together again or even see their families ever again.

As the invasion started they all hoped into the boat to take them assure. As they got closer they could hear gunshots and the sound of grenades exploding. Lekky a rifleman was 4th from the front of the boat, when all of a sudden there was a huge explosion on the front and 3 of the four that where in front of him were lying on the floor dead with half of their body blown up.

When they finally got to the sure lekky and sargent murphy went over to a rope and started climbing up the rope. When they where halfway up 2 men in front of them fell to the ground mixing there screams with all of the others along the beach line. When they reached the top they could hear the voices of all of the germans and their own teamates. Sergant murphy said "c'mon lekky this way lets go and kill those Jerry bastards!". "right sir!" replied lekky. They made there way through all of the bunkers to eventually encounter and blow up tanks.

"We are almost there sarg, i can hear them so keep quiet!" whispered lekky."There is one just behind this wall i'll take this side and you take that one!" ordered sargent murphy, "yes sir" replied lekky quickly. They moved in and took over the FLAK gun. And eventually after hours of nonestop killing they finally took over all 8 FLAK guns.

"Now it's time men to put some bombs up the asses of these jerry FLAK guns, i want you to plant them with some explosives, quickly!" "yes sir" they all replied and they all did as the sargent said to do. After planting some explosives onto the FLAK guns they quickly ran to cover.

After the explosions where finnished they made there way back to the bunkers taking out all of the left over germans as well. but then all of a sudden a whole platoon of men came from no where and they where diffending the bunker until the re-inforcements arrived."keep em of us boys!, watch your back alex! get that one over there, DIE YOU JERRY BASTARDS!" yelled sargent murphy."only 2 more minutes boys then we would have done it keep on it!"cried the sargent as more men came.

After 2 more minutes of hard defending the re-inforcements came and shot down all the rest of the germans."We have done it boys! we've made it through hell and back! and we have showen them jerry bastards who's boss!" said sargent murphy in a sort of releived way.All of the men had a good night sleep that night and are still remembered for their efforts to this day.

Ludens
03-14-2007, 21:57
I like the ending, but I think the rest of the story is a bit too fast. Have you ever seen "Saving Private Ryan"? You remember how long and terrible the landing scene was? In your story, they are over the beach almost the moment they land. You could draw out your scenes more. Also, I appreciate you pointing out that the men knew some of them wouldn't make it, but when it actually comes to the killing you simply state that "two men were blown up". Who were these men? What did Lekky think when he saw his comrades-in-arms being killed? As it is, it seems like these men are unimportant.

I hope you found this helpfull.

warking
03-19-2007, 10:12
thankyou ludens im very new to the story writing this and i was kond of in a hurry!

Warmaster Horus
03-24-2007, 20:11
Yeah, it's not bad. The fact that you were rushed is more or less obvious in the story.
Also, could you use spell check, or verify your spelling?
Note, this isn't too much of a criticism, it's just easier for your audience to understand, when it's correctly written.