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Tamur
04-18-2007, 17:56
The votes have been tallied, the awards prepared, the hare has been gutted (sorry all you rabbit fans)...

...and the winner is...

SNITE! (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/member.php?u=18266)

...for his excellent work "Redemption", which you can still read right here (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpost.php?p=1472768&postcount=3). All other contest entries are
still available here (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=81707) as well.

This was a very close contest with all stories nearly even in the voting. Snite won on away goals, as it were ~:)

A big thanks to all the heretics who submitted stories, and all the inquisitors who voted for them!

Tamur
04-18-2007, 18:01
oh, and the story submission thread has been opened, just in case anyone had comments to post on the stories themselves.

Agent Miles
04-18-2007, 18:34
Great work SNITE. You had my vote.

Warmaster Horus
04-18-2007, 18:50
Mine too. Good work.

Snite
04-19-2007, 00:19
Thank you


Peace, One Love,
Snite

Zalmoxis
04-19-2007, 02:58
I voted Mitchell.

Beirut
04-19-2007, 03:20
Congratulations! :bow:

Franconicus
04-19-2007, 07:03
~:mecry: Hey, can you dig it? This competition was made for me to win? Something went terrible wrong!!

At least I voted for the winner. Congratulations!
:applause:


Can we see the final results and a who wrote what list?

How far did my story made it?

Prince Cobra
04-19-2007, 16:25
Congratulations to the winner! And also to the one who wrote "To be heard" . :yes: :balloon2: :balloon2:

Tamur
04-19-2007, 17:35
Can we see the final results and a who wrote what list?

After getting one PM from an author who was, sad to say, embarrassed by his effort and wishes to remain anonymous :inquisitive: ~:) ... anyone else? I will, perhaps unfairly, post the author list in a couple of hours and hope that everyone who needed to see this request has seen it.

Ludens
04-19-2007, 18:52
Congratulations Snite! And my compliments to the writer of "To be Heard" as well.

To all other writers, thank you for participating!

Warmaster Horus
04-19-2007, 19:41
Thank you Ludens and Stephen Asen. I knew I wasn't going to win, but it didn't matter to me.

As for the revealing of the authors, it's fine by me. Also the voting results?

Tamur
04-19-2007, 21:17
Can no one see the poll results? TosaInu said that any logged in member should see the poll results. At any rate...

AUTHORS and TOTAL VOTES

To be heard - Warmaster Horus - 4 votes
Tuesday - 0 votes
Blood and Roses - Agent Miles - 0 votes
Redemption - Snite - 4 votes
The Weapon - Franconicus - 1 vote
The Emperor - Stephen Asen - 0 votes
Mitchell - Beirut - 3 votes
The Heretic Ship - Crazed Rabbit - 2 votes

As you can see, To be heard and Redemption had equal vote counts. However, because of the weighting scheme, Redemption won because it received the most author votes of any story (thus the away goals comment).

And, as you can also see, the popular vote was *cough* a tad low. Time to tell your friends and family about the Mead Hall!

edyzmedieval
04-19-2007, 23:08
How's about another one? ~:)

Snite
04-20-2007, 01:02
Seems we were neck-and-neck there Horus. Too bad. We coulda done a tie-breaker.


Peace, One Love,
Snite

Zaknafien
04-20-2007, 02:06
Wow, congrats to the winners, excellent stuff! I found out about this too late, any chance of another contest starting up with a new topic?

Tamur
04-20-2007, 03:53
Hi hi,

For those interested in another contest, I'm sure we can run another one sometime in the near future. It might not be next week :dizzy2: but the next one has been discussed already to a small extent.

Meanwhile, as someone else has said, be well, do good work ~:)
Tamur

Franconicus
04-20-2007, 06:59
Can no one see the poll results? TosaInu said that any logged in member should see the poll results. At any rate...

AUTHORS and TOTAL VOTES

To be heard - Warmaster Horus - 4 votes
Tuesday - 0 votes
Blood and Roses - Agent Miles - 0 votes
Redemption - Snite - 4 votes
The Weapon - Franconicus - 1 vote
The Emperor - Stephen Asen - 0 votes
Mitchell - Beirut - 3 votes
The Heretic Ship - Crazed Rabbit - 2 votes


:stars: One vote? Guess it is time to look for a different hobby! :stupido: :smash:

Agent Miles
04-20-2007, 14:17
Actually, I enjoyed reading everyone's story. You can only vote once. People who don't write, because they're afraid of rejection or don't vote because they don't want to express an opinion are the losers. So don't throw your keyboard out yet.

Andres
04-20-2007, 14:53
Congrats to the winner and to all participants :bow:

And thank you Crazed Rabbit for a nice read. I really enjoyed "The Heretic Ship". And I love steak ~;p

Prince Cobra
04-20-2007, 15:03
Cheer up, Franconicus! At least you have 1 vote... Am i expected to commit a suicide with 0 votes... Well, it's a cliche and stupid... I prefer to be stab by angered reader...using a dagger, if possible... I do not like being shot (esp. with a cannon), torn into pieces ( not very healthy), decapitated using ax (risky; the executor may happen awkaward)... Sword, no thank you, it is too chivalric for me. So please use dagger.

Until then, I will continue to try writing something that is supposed to be a story... :wizard: :beam:

Anyway, joking aside, I am in surprisingly good mood for a loser ... One seat for the next contest is reserved!:2thumbsup:

Tamur
04-20-2007, 15:04
So don't throw your keyboard out yet.

No indeed. Just remember the many (many many) stories of authors who are famous now but had rejection after rejection before the one break-through. Ora et labora.

Franconicus
04-23-2007, 10:43
... Anyway, joking aside, I am in surprisingly good mood for a loser ...

Well, I feel amazingly good, too:

The eagle picks my eye
The worm he licks my bone
I feel so suicidal
Just like Dylan's Mr. Jones
Lonely wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh, girl you know the reason why

The black cloud crossed my mind
Blue mist round my soul
Feel so suicidal
Even hate my rock and roll wanna die
Yeah, wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh, girl you know the reason why

Unfortunately, these words are not from me. Who knows the poet?

By the way, I urgendly need feedback! I must know what I could do better! Please! Don't let me down!

P.S.: Nice words and sympathy are not welcome!

Tamur
04-23-2007, 15:59
hi Franconicus,

A couple of comments...

First, when the main character has no name, it acts as a wall between the reader and the character. There are stories that work when you do this, and times when no name is a good thing for a character. But it's very rare, and extremely difficult to make your readers care about the unnamed character.

Which leads to the other comment I have. I personally have no sympathy for either character in this story -- and therefore the tension in the meeting is mostly lost. The only point at which I worry is when the gun is pulled out and laid on the desk. I feel something then because I've had a gun pulled out and pointed at me, and I know how that feels.

So, my suggestions would be to include at least one scene -- in story time or remembered -- that makes the main character into a person that the reader can care about... something that makes him "human". And give him a name.

There are a few word choices that seem odd, but I think those don't matter too much if the main character is someone that readers are concerned about.

Hope this helps,
Tamur

Franconicus
04-24-2007, 07:28
Hi Tamur,

Thank you very much for your comments. I hope they will help; at least they made me wondering.

Regarding the name – you are probably right. I think one of my main weaknesses in all my stories is the missing depth of my characters. I will work on that.

In this story, my focus was in creating the tension, increasing as the stranger passes the way from the river, through the crowd, to the building, in the corridor and finally to the room of the Inquisitor. I thought that a stranger without a name would create more mystery, being more sinister. Maybe this was wrong. It also makes it more difficult to write about persons without names.

I hoped the thoughts of the stranger and his impressions could transfer his feelings to the reader and create a bond. Obviously it didn’t.

Of course it is a problem that the stranger is not a positive character, this makes it hard to have sympathy with him. I always feel attracted by those dark characters (sigh).

So thanks again. Your comments are very welcome.

By the way, what is that story with the gun pointing at you?

Tamur
04-24-2007, 17:49
hi Franc, I'm glad the comments were somewhat helpful. I did want to add but never got time yesterday --- I think you do a great job of setting up the environment surrounding the characters. The isolation the main character experiences shows through superbly.


By the way, what is that story with the gun pointing at you?

Someday I should write that up, quite the experience. Basically I was held hostage for half an hour by a drug dealer who mistook me for someone who was delivering cocaine to him... and with a pistol pointed at my head the entire time. Happily for me, he didn't pull the trigger.

Franconicus
04-25-2007, 07:02
Happily for me, he didn't pull the trigger.
I am glad he didn't!

By the way, a loaded gun was pointed at me once too. However, not so dangerously by far!

Crazed Rabbit
04-26-2007, 04:42
Congrats to the winner and to all participants :bow:

And thank you Crazed Rabbit for a nice read. I really enjoyed "The Heretic Ship". And I love steak ~;p

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

Interesting story about that ...er...story. It was Monday afternoon of the deadline when I started, took about 5 hours total including revisions and cutting it down to size (the end product was 1,500 words, and I had to cut out completely my favorite character), though I had the idea for a couple of weeks before. Okay, not so interesting. But I wanted to do something out of the ordinary for a heresy theme, and I figured a vegan autocracy ruling the solar system would do that.

My two favorites (besides my own baby) were Mitchell and Tuesday (did you write that Tamur?) (though I also forgot to vote - do'h! - not that it would have mattered).

I'll admit I'm not real big on the whole 'those evil inquisitions and Catholics', being a Catholic and all.

Anyone else have critiques or comments on The Heretic Ship?

CR

Warmaster Horus
04-26-2007, 09:37
But I wanted to do something out of the ordinary for a heresy theme, and I figured a vegan autocracy ruling the solar system would do that.

You certainly succeeded in that... I had to read it more than a couple of times to "really understand" it.

Prince Cobra
04-26-2007, 23:34
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

Interesting story about that ...er...story. It was Monday afternoon of the deadline when I started, took about 5 hours total including revisions and cutting it down to size (the end product was 1,500 words, and I had to cut out completely my favorite character), though I had the idea for a couple of weeks before. Okay, not so interesting. But I wanted to do something out of the ordinary for a heresy theme, and I figured a vegan autocracy ruling the solar system would do that.

My two favorites (besides my own baby) were Mitchell and Tuesday (did you write that Tamur?) (though I also forgot to vote - do'h! - not that it would have mattered).

I'll admit I'm not real big on the whole 'those evil inquisitions and Catholics', being a Catholic and all.

Anyone else have critiques or comments on The Heretic Ship?

CR

Hmmm, this explains many things. To tell you the truth, you presented too weird world for my aristocratic conservatism :beam: . Somehow, it lacked any logic. True, I caught it was about the vegans... but the story was somehow chaotic (what is called too many new things syndrome; but I think I also suffer from this disease) and the effect you aimed did not work. Another criticism: " A" and " B " plan. "A" plan was good and made me smile but "B" lacked any originality. At this moment, I am almost sure, you are cursing at me... Yet, the fact you've cut much of your story and this is enough to explain why the story was not so good. The good side: I think the retrospection fit well in the story. I am sure there are other things you've done well and probably I've missed to say. Just in case be warned: I am of these nasty people who more criticise than praise.

To sum up: Never do the things in the last possible moment!!!!!! And yet you got two votes, so no reason to despair but one more to work harder for the next contest!

I hope I was helpful.

P.S. Actually, you are free to hammer me for my story about the poor Emperor
who never got even a vote. :beam:

P.S.2 Wow, Tamur, Franconicus, that is called a real real-life problem! :sweatdrop: But fortuantely for the Mead Hall everything went well!

Crazed Rabbit
04-27-2007, 00:44
Ya, the word limit didn't help. But thanks for your feedback, I'm glad the flashback worked. I think I might revise a bit, add a few words in the beginning giving a better picture of the VNC as a massive solar empire, spice up the ending a bit (which was crammed in under the word limit), and then post it again. I think that would help with setting the scene.

CR

Tamur
04-27-2007, 05:23
A bit late with this for Crazed Rabbit...

I thought The Heretic Ship was hilarious. It's very funny on two levels: one is sort-of the slapstick, can't-miss-this-joke way. The second is the cultural aspect of vegan vs. omnivore, which I think you did a good job exploiting with phrases like "there will be no attempt to realign their attitudes" and "Hurray for lax security practices" (the last one made me nearly spew a drink ~:) ). I'd be interested to read the longer version to see if you played with that any more.

I didn't have the same confusion problems as Stephen Asen with the VNC -- probably because I'm just fine with reading things I don't understand which clear themselves up later. I can see where that might a possible place to get stuck as a reader, but on the other hand, making it clear at the beginning would ruin the "punchline" halfway through. Maybe a middle road would be to leave the VNC name out of it in the beginning and gradually introduce it later. Though in 1500 words, space is an issue.

It's hard to critique the characters in this short of a piece, but one thing I'd suggest is giving the pilot, Robert, a bit more character before the end. The gleam in his eye caught me off guard -- I had thought of him as a fairly level-headed fellow who gives factual responses to everything.

edit: oh, and I've relayed your liking for Tuesday to the writer (who is not actually a member of the boards). Thanks for letting me know ~:)

Crazed Rabbit
04-28-2007, 17:46
Why thank you, Tamur.

I do think keeping the VNC mysterious is good; if I were to clear up anything, it would only be something to the effect that VNC is a generic solar system wide empire, with the name only being explained later.

Thanks also for your suggestion on the pilot.

CR

Snite
05-03-2007, 02:13
Just a note: I wrote about a Catholic Inquisition because it was something that actually happened and to this day is still relevant history. I thought about writing something original and creative, but what really intrigued me is how close to home my story could have been. There have been some dark periods in the history of the Church. Imagine if one such period never came to an end.

The Church is a Human organizatin and therefore never perfect. I wasn't criticizing the Church or defaming it, I just coouldn't get over how possible such a thing could be.

That is all.

Peace, One Love,
Snite