View Full Version : Bad Movies
I know there's a movie review thread, but this thread is only about bad movies. And I mean REALLY bad movies. B-movies and lower than that, that you've seen or know of. Movies of which you might think they shouldn't even be in existence. Or movies you haven't seen (yet), but know they're worthless because you've seen the front poster (and it says a lot about them).
But even if some movies are bad, I sometimes don't mind watching a couple of them..... of course to criticize them that they're bad and to laugh about it, or for nostalgia's sake.
-American Ninja series
Terribly bad! The story is just-- ARGH! Main thing iirc is that super ninjas are being trained, or created, etc., and hired to bigshots to protect their interests, etc., usually evil interests. The first one was enjoyable to see, but was such a typical play so bad.
And of course the "American Ninja" himself Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) who grew up in Japan(?) and was trained by a Japanese master after an accident in which he was wounded? CHEAP.
But still funny to see.
-Every Chuck Norris movie :saint:
-Every Steven Seagal movie :saint:
And that voice is always the same. Just give him a nice suit, put him in an expensive office in a big compound in a big expensive chair, and hear that voice, and you got yourself a mafia boss character, like the Godfather, just without the short hair.
-Scary Movie series :skull:
-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.
-Those Shaolin-type films that always look the same are really bad. But they're funny to watch because of it.
-Any movie that has one or more fighters on the front of the box, except for Bruce Lee films :smash:
-Those old American war movies in which they depict those soldiers like happy men who go to war happily and in which you hear happy marching music and so on.
-Not a movie but still: the newer Star Treks that are not The Original Series. The originals were quite good actually (and I even used to dislike those), but those new ones...... it's just plain bad.
Well, I can't think of any more right now, but I probably will :)
Big King Sanctaphrax
04-22-2007, 15:59
-Every Steven Seagal movie
Under Siege is a great action film.
Kommodo vs Cobra
On a secret military island in the S Pacific secret experiments push the boundaries of modern science. A group of animal activists infiltrates the island to set the animals being tested free. They arrive only to find everything has gone horribly wrong and a giant kommodo and a giant cobra are destroying the island.
Among the funniest movies I've seen in a while. The dialogue sucks and 'US Navy Command' looks like it was filmed in the lobby of a motel. And the end when it comes you'll laugh for a week.
Blood Gnome
Evil gnomes run around killing people in the bondage community.
Its messed up. My friends and I got it because we thought it would be funny bad. But after we realized half the movie is bondage porn ( ~:mecry: ) we turned it off. Only to try again, fast forwarding through the extended porn scenes. The movie part of it is funny bad with great bad lines and poor quality gnome puppets, but be warned this movie is not for the faint of heart (unless you're into that kinda thing? :inquisitive: )
Revenge of Drunken Master
It's a kung fu movie with cymbals of death. The end.
Gregoshi
04-22-2007, 17:39
On my list, by far the worst movie I've ever seen was Comin' At Ya! (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082193/). No plot, almost no dialog, just a lame excuse to show off 3D effects. The worst example of 3D effects is that of a baby's bottom "comin' at ya!" :wall: 'Nuff said.
edyzmedieval
04-22-2007, 17:43
IScary Movie series :skull:
Those movies are really good for one thing:
When you're feeling really sick and want to puke, but you can't. Just watch 2 minutes and you'll puke right near the TV.
Kralizec
04-22-2007, 18:19
-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.
Hugh Grant. I wouldn't shoot him, castration would be only fair though.
Matrix 2 & 3
King Arthur
Any comedy starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
the newer Star Treks
I thought DS9 was pretty good most of the time. I agree the rest of them is pretty bad, though.
master of the puppets
04-22-2007, 21:39
When a Stranger Calls... worst attempted scary movie EVAR!!!
any sci-fi channel original movie.
oh and forgot to mention, Napoleon Dynamite, hated it, it was stupid, it was pointless, it was a waste of film and 2 hours i can never retrieve:bigcry:
The Spartan (Returns)
04-22-2007, 22:02
Edward Scissorhands.
if you liked it tell me why because i h8ed it.
Under Siege is a great action film.
No! I mean, come on! Steven SEAGAL. Always the same voice, the same face, the same... everything! Then again I haven't seen Under Siege in a long time. Might have to watch it again to be sure if it's worse or better than his usual ones, though they're always bad in general. Guess I'll have to wait until it's on TV: I'm not spending any money on renting THAT :smash:
And edyzmedieval, just the thought of it makes me pu-- ARGH.
@Fenring
Castration? Hmmm. I think that'd be too painful. A quick bullet followed by a quick death would be for the best. For everybody :smash:
Philippus Flavius Homovallumus
04-22-2007, 22:50
300
Under Siege is a great action film.
damn straight!
the cake scene alone is enough to justify that movie :cake: :applause:
as for movies that should never had existed...I say:
-anything from Uwe "toilet" Boll
-"lost in translation"....man...that´s 2 hours of my life that are never coming back :wall:
Geoffrey S
04-22-2007, 23:07
Lost in Translation? :dizzy2: That's one of the most touching films I've ever seen!
Saw Paycheck recently, it's atrocious. Also, SS Doomtrooper.
Lost in Translation? :dizzy2: That's one of the most touching films I've ever seen!
yeah it´s touching....I think it touched my boredom center...
it´s just the second movie i´ve considered walking out of the cinema on....the only reason I didn´t was that I wasn´t alone and the other people wanted to stay to the end...
p.s.- ohh and in case anyone was wondering the other movie (that I did walk out off) was "The HulK"
Marshal Murat
04-22-2007, 23:42
The Hulk was one of the WORST movies I ever saw. It dragged on, and on, and on, and on, and, well, you can guess the rest.
Eragon was the stupidest movie, hands down. Don't ever watch it. Ever.
:hanged:
Incongruous
04-22-2007, 23:43
Whale Rider, I mean, I came out of that and, WTF!
Terrible movie.
Munich was pretty average, I mean what with all the hype.
King Arthur and Troy, both travesties which couldn't make up for all the dodgy acting and plot lines with decent action, I mean in Troy there were only a few strange battle scenes.
2001 a space (load of crap) OD. I can't believe people call this a classic, ugh..
Saving Private Ryan, a bot too over the top, but yeah, I can see how people love it.
Big King Sanctaphrax
04-22-2007, 23:45
I would have walked out of The Hulk if it didn't have Jennifer Connelly.
I must admit, I enjoyed Lost in Translation. Perhaps I'm just a cissy. Or perhaps I'd just like to bang Scarlet Johansson.(Sp? Who cares anyway)
The Spartan (Returns)
04-22-2007, 23:50
to add to Marvel movies: Spiderman/2.
AggonyDuck
04-23-2007, 02:03
Several of the movies you've mentioned are actually fairly decent as entertainment.
As to bad movies, two movies immediately came to mind.
One is Clifford, which is propably the most annoying film I've ever seen. It is just plain annoying to see a grown man act the part of a mischievous kid who is constantly screaming "I want to go to Dinosaurland!". Can't say I laughed once during the film and I pretty much rank it as the worst movie that I've ever seen, although the next one might come pretty close to it.
The other is Epic Movie, which I ended up seeing due to a rather poor decision by me. Anyway the only feeling that the movie gave me was a disbelief over the fact that someone had actually made a movie this bad. The jokes are boring and the plot is just a tool to "parody" as many movies as possible. Nothing really works in this film, but that said I did laugh twice during it, which isn't a lot considering the non-stop attempts at trying to get the audience to laugh. Overall I just couldn't believe someone had actually made such a movie and that I actually had paid to see it. It still bugs me to a degree.
TevashSzat
04-23-2007, 02:07
One movie that no one can disagree with....Gigli with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez
KukriKhan
04-23-2007, 02:34
The Conqueror, wiki link (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Conqueror), starring John Wayne as Genghis Khan. So bad, even Wayne disavowed it. Worth a rental, for a laugh.
I must admit, I enjoyed Lost in Translation. Perhaps I'm just a cissy. Or perhaps I'd just like to bang Scarlet Johansson.(Sp? Who cares anyway)
No, you spelled bang properly.
seireikhaan
04-23-2007, 03:12
Passport to Paris. My French teacher loves this movie, along with a few select girls from my class. I've been forced through the torture of this movie at least ten times by now over the last three years. I just want to shoot Mary Kate and Ashley whenever I hear mention of them, just because of this film.
Mansquito. A sci-fi channel film, so I probably don't have to say much more. The most preposterous part of this film was when the man sized mosquito flew down a hallway towards at least 8 guards who were all unloading m-16 ammo at it. Somehow, the creature is unharmed and summarily rips the guards apart.
ajaxfetish
04-23-2007, 03:18
Reign of Fire and Flyboys both looked promising during previews. However, Reign of Fire not only was without plot but without reason or logic either, and Flyboys felt like just a rehash of Pearl Harbor with a lower budget. Its biggest problem--for me at least--was a complete inability to respect or empathize with the main character.
Of the previously mentioned films, I have to disagree on a couple. I thought Napoleon Dynamite was an beautifully quirky and original flick, and one that was willing to ignore Hollywood conventions and stick it to the establishment. I also think the Spiderman movies are the best superhero movies made so far, and certainly the ones that best capture the human element of a superhero.
Ajax
Smoking Aces
Not bad. Not great, but certainly good. Lots of action, good characters, a few semi-twists, but it's almost like it tried too hard. Worth seeing, though. Alicia Keyes is gorgeous, and her partner with the .50 caliber Barret rifle is a hoot.
I remember a really terrible movie I rented with a friend back in 87-88. I believe it was called "Queraq", but I can't find it in the IMDB. EDIT: It was called "Exterminators of the Year 3000". Heh kewl title. Maybe I have two movies mixed up there.
It featured a boy with a bionic hand (he could lift a car with it!), and the nefarious "Ultrasonic key". We still laugh about that movie from time to time.
Those National Lampoon movies... :hmg: :hmg: :wall:
300 and War of the Worlds. Rubbish.
mightilyoats
04-23-2007, 10:12
Starship Troopers 2... It just did not work. And the DVD cover picture makes the main dude's chin look too big.
Any movie that has any (even remote) similarities with Big Moma's House I guess I just don't understand the humour.
Well I have a friend who's dad collects videos and dvds from ANYWHERE! And almost any video or dvd he can get his hands on. They have enough videos in their how to start up a video store. They don't have a tv aerial since they have brought so many videos and dvds they don't need to and they also don't have to watch ads.
Anyway so I often borrow videos off them and one of them that I was told I should watch because it's so cheesy is Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
I had to watch it in 2 sittings because I just got sick of it. I actually didn't watch tv for a week after watching half an hour of it then finally I decided I had better finish watching it just so I can say I had done it.
The second one which is the worst film they'd ever seen and said it wasn't worth wasting the 2 hours of your life to watch was called Howard the Duck. But of course curiosity got the better of me and after half an hour of hearing them complain I decided (stupidly) to take it since I couldn't understand how something could be any worse than Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
It wasn't as bad in my opinion as AotKT but I admit that I regret wasting my life watching it.
So if anyone ever offers to lend you these two films RUN!
edyzmedieval
04-23-2007, 18:59
Napoleon Dynamite is a waste of time. I can never get back those 2 hours I've wasted.
Also, The Ladykillers. HORRIBLE. WIth Tom Hanks, but it was an incredibly bad movie. No plot, no dialogue, no nothing.
Gregoshi
04-23-2007, 20:17
I think some of you don't really know what a bad movie is. I can see were many of the above mentioned movies would be in the "I didn't like that at all" category, but I find it hard to believe they fall into the "bad". From Bijo's first post:
...this thread is only about bad movies. And I mean REALLY bad movies. B-movies and lower than that, that you've seen or know of. Movies of which you might think they shouldn't even be in existence. Or movies you haven't seen (yet), but know they're worthless because you've seen the front poster (and it says a lot about them).
Surely we can do worse than The Hulk, Spiderman, 300, etc...
Another movie that stinks up my bad movie list is a turd called Sorceress (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086340/) from 1982 - a fantasy film trying to cash in on the Dungeons & Dragons craze of the time. It starred Playboy playmate twins in the leading roles. Now, you'd think this in itself would give the movie a couple of pair of redeeming points, but you'd be sadly mistaken. The movie opens with an exciting horseback chase scene. All is well until, about 10 seconds into the movie, the first actor opens his mouth and delivers a line worse than most 8 year olds could do. My buddies and I immediately looked at each other and mouthed "Oh no!" To backup my claim, here is another reviewer's opening comments to a review on this movie (from IMDB.com link above):
I initially purchased this movie, along with two others, in a used bookstore's `Our Owner Is Dead Sale,' for the hefty price of one dollar. One must beg the question, of whether perhaps I got ripped off.
Sorceress is bad. Astronomically bad. Not the kind of bad that we're used to. No, not mediocre Hollywood bad. It's so bad, it's almost a religious experience.
That's what I mean yeah :) The REALLY bad ones.
Here's another: Barb Wire.
This movie is just plain rubbish. Pamela Anderson's bad acting, and the bad story, etc., and her big boobs are in it only to show off and distract from the bad quality picture it actually is :smash:
-Any Beatles film ever made is BAD QUALITY. I mean-- it's just-- just... I mean it's..... arrrrgh! :fainting: They were good music people, but they were lousy actors and those scripts were so cheap and inferior, even.... eh... EVEN UWE BOLL COULD MAKE A BETTER PICTURE.
-Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!
:shame:
-3 Ninjas
This is just rubbish. No!! It's rubbish -10. Actually, if you multiply the value of this movie by 20 the outcome is -40 000.
-You Got Served
Arrrrgh! :smg:
-Any cheap comedy with bad actors
edyzmedieval
04-23-2007, 21:04
What's wrong with You Got Served?
What's wrong with You Got Served?
Do you even need to ask?! ~:eek:
edyzmedieval
04-23-2007, 22:15
Yes, because I enjoyed it. Not an extremely awesome super duper movie, but enjoyable at least...
Crazed Rabbit
04-23-2007, 22:36
Starship troopers. I saw on IMDB that a very few people see it as a misunderstood satire of great intellectual depth. These people are very stupid.
Also, Slasher.
Also, Zombie Nightmare and Space Mutiny. Saw those on Mystery science theater 3000, though.
CR
Blodrast
04-24-2007, 00:43
That's what I mean yeah :) The REALLY bad ones.
Here's another: Barb Wire.
This movie is just plain rubbish. Pamela Anderson's bad acting, and the bad story, etc., and her big boobs are in it only to show off and distract from the bad quality picture it actually is :smash:
You got it all wrong, the boobies ARE the movie - the *rest* is just filling, 'cause they couldn't just show a close-up of her boobies for 90 minutes... Uhm, actually...
Evil_Maniac From Mars
04-24-2007, 01:12
-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.
Hugh Grant? I feel your pain. :wall:
Gregoshi
04-24-2007, 02:30
The early 80s were a cesspool for D&D rip-off fantasy films: Sorceress (mentioned above), The Sword and the Sorcerer, The Warrior and the Sorceress (detect a pattern yet?), and Hawk the Slayer.
Thanks to the miracle of Youtube, here is the opening 3 minutes of Hawk the Slayer (it only feels like 6 minutes): Hawk Intro (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKiZnUc_pmU)
If you can make it through the first 51 seconds of riveting dialog, you get to witness the outstanding audio and visual effects (I refrain from using "special"). If perchance you make it to about the 2:30 mark, you get to witness what $15.93 cents (in 1980 dollars) will get you for opening credits. The theme song, I have to admit, is a bit catchy in a cheesy, 70s, synthesizer way.
I dare any of you to claim that 90% of the films you've mentioned above even come close to this bad. Jack Palance and Morgan Shepperd starred in Hawk. It is truly amazing that they were ever cast in another film again.
I dare any of you to claim that 90% of the films you've mentioned above even come close to this bad. Jack Palance and Morgan Shepperd starred in Hawk. It is truly amazing that they were ever cast in another film again.
Theirs? No. Mine? Mine make Hawk the Slayer look like Citizen Kane.
Komodo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROOyUtvdbRM) vs. Cobra (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s308L0BcU1g)
And I haven't even explained Demon Child or Frankenfish
As a side note, throughout KvC my friends and I counted no less than 240 shots from the pistol before it was reloaded. And a parrot squawks whenever someone swears so they could keep a pg13 rating.
Gregoshi
04-24-2007, 06:15
That was dreadful JimBob. I suspect they didn't want to reload the guns as that would force them to deal with the plot for a couple of seconds. KvC looked and smelled like a made-for-TV movie. That is exactly the kind of movie we should be seeing in this thread. :thumbsdown: (thumbs down is a good thing in this case)
Some many can't even name them all.
Edward Scissorhands.
if you liked it tell me why because i h8ed it.
I like it for the same reason I like all Tim Burton movies, the guy really knows how to create a sense of wonder.
And what is up with people not liking Lost in Translation??
mightilyoats
04-24-2007, 09:42
Dead or Alive. It is a completely shallow look alike of the Mortal Combat series (And I am guessing it is also based on a game).
Admittedly it features some pretty women in skimpy outfits, but it also features:
- Bad acting
- Bad fighting scenes
- A hastily slapped together story line...
It reminded me of shows like baywatch where the creators try to get away with casting a bunch of uber sexy people and not much else.
What's wrong with You Got Served?
Mental Institution's down the street, eddy.
Seriously, that has to qualify as the worst movie* that I have ever seen. No plot, no acting, no hope. Pathetic.
*I hesitiate to use the term 'movie' here, as You got Served honestly doesn't deserve it.
If you ever consider seeing it, or your friends do, or even your children - do all of you a favour, and reach for the 4b2 ~;)
doc_bean
04-24-2007, 10:35
Starship troopers. I saw on IMDB that a very few people see it as a misunderstood satire of great intellectual depth. These people are very stupid.
No, we aren't, although I wouldn't call it 'intellectual' depth, which could mean it actually carried a message or was philosophical, it doesn't and it isn't. It IS dumb, but it knows it's dumb, without feeling the need to point out every minute just how dumb it is (which seems to be the only way American movie makers, and perhaps movie goers, can understand 'camp' humour).
It's 'news intermezzo's' were also scaringly predictive, if you take a look at FOX News....
When I watched Barb Wire I didn't even know what the story was about exactly. It probably wasn't interesting enough to remember... she was a bounty hunter or something? I did have a good look at Pamela Anderson's body, though, her boobs, her outfit, etc. In fact, that was probably the thing I paid most attention to :)
And that Komodo vs. Cobra and Hawk the Slayer thing....... UGH. It was difficult watching the Hawk clip. It was so-- I mean... among the moments of the most difficult couple of minutes I ever had. Truly painful, and full of torture. How can man make such a worthless POS? How traumatic to witness :no: *sniff.... wipes away a tear* ...really.
:laugh4:
Here's some more rubbish films:
-Mortal Kombat series
Plain, plain garbage material. Though that Kitana woman looks good, but that's all. Oh: and of course it features a Bruce Lee ripoff, and the annoying arrogant Johnny Cage.
Pfff: the games were nice, but even THERE the stories are worthless too :smash:
-That movie about the computer industry involving Bill Gates and the other guy -- don't really recall that well. Silicon Valley or something? My teacher gave it to me on a CD, so when I got home I watched it.......... after a couple of minutes, even less, I turned it off, hid the CD somewhere deep where I couldn't find (and I still can't) and next day I complained to him how the **** he could've told me to watch this piece of crap. HORRIFIC.
Though now that I think of it, it might've been a documentary. Even if so, it was still a piece of crap.
-Scorpion King
:shame: What a POS film. Senseless useless spectacularity with bad acting, and a bad story.
-Street Fighter
Arrrgh! :skull:
-Any film that has Jean-Claude van Damme in it.
-Those movie series about a cop who infiltrates street riding gangs / people. I forgot the name, but it was just a show-off of fast cars, illegal racing, and people acting tough. Can somebody give me a cyanide pill already?!?
doc_bean
04-24-2007, 17:41
-Any film that has Jean-Claude van Damme in it.
Hardly anything worse than those.
@Gregoshi : Have you seen the more recent movie Dungeon and Dragons ? It is extremely crappy, it has all powerful dragon controlling magic wands that look like cheap toys and Jimmy Olson as a hero...
Gregoshi
04-24-2007, 19:14
doc, I saw both the theatrical Dungeons & Dragons as well as the more recent SciFi Channel "classic" Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God. While they were both crappy, each had one or two redeeming things about them that keep them off my "Worst movie" list. Each movie did a respectable job at representing magic in the D&D world and there were a few good special effects - like a dozen wizards casting a volley of fireballs in the first movie or that magic hammer (I want!) the cleric had in Dragon God. On the bad side, Justin Whalen's character, the hero of the first movie, was a high school stoner right out of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. At the end of every line Justin delivered I had to resist the urge to speak aloud "dude" to complete the sentence. Example from the opening scene of the movie:
Justin: It's like some twisted magic experiment gone hideously wrong...
Me: dude!
And I don't even want to think about the character Snails. :wall: One thing I have learned from all these crappy fantasy films is that, as cool as the profession may seem, I don't want to be a wizard. They never fair too well health-wise.
BTW, CR mentioned movies spoofed by MST3K. That almost deserves a thread of its own...Manos, Hands of Fate anyone?
Crazed Rabbit
04-24-2007, 19:39
Good gracious.... KvC - they don't have blanks or anything. They're just squeezing the trigger and add all effects later. Gah. And the 'Komodo' thing just stands there, getting shot, while the humans take their time getting into the barn. Gah.
I remember some pre-release hype about the D&D movie about how the villain would make people forget about Vader, or something. I doubt that happened.
CR
Gregoshi
04-24-2007, 19:44
I remember some pre-release hype about the D&D movie about how the villain would make people forget about Vader, or something.
They were partly right - people forgot about the D&D movie.
Marshal Murat
04-26-2007, 03:56
I like Reign of Fire just because it was post-apocyliptical, and pretty sci-fi cool.
Troy was just ugh, it was terrible. Ugh.
I didn't 'like' Napoleon Dynamite. It was stupidly funny, so I got some good laughs out of it, not that it was a serious movie. Quirky, desperate, sad movie.
I didn't like Enemy at the Gates. It was okay, battle scenes were epic and all, violence and such, but I ended up rooting for the German sharpshooter just so he could kill Vasili (Jude Law) because he was p*$$ing me off.
Alexander Please do not get me started.
Alexander the Pretty Good
04-26-2007, 04:13
Absolutely anything on Mystery Science Theater 3000 is awful, though they are all masterfully shredded by the MST3k guys.
Reign of Fire was awesome, because of the Star Wars reference thing. Beautiful. Everything else was pretty much stupid, but that one minute could make me look the other way.
Battlefield Earth is terrible.
R'as al Ghul
04-26-2007, 07:18
Signs (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0286106/) with Mel Gibson. :thumbsdown:
No, we aren't, although I wouldn't call it 'intellectual' depth, which could mean it actually carried a message or was philosophical, it doesn't and it isn't. It IS dumb, but it knows it's dumb, without feeling the need to point out every minute just how dumb it is (which seems to be the only way American movie makers, and perhaps movie goers, can understand 'camp' humour).
It's 'news intermezzo's' were also scaringly predictive, if you take a look at FOX News....
I didn't mind Starship Troopers at all.
It's not an A grade movie, but it knows it, and it's fun.
Sometimes we don't need our movies to be meaningful :grin2:
@doc
Universal Soldier: no comment.
...arrrgh. What a movie :dizzy2:
InsaneApache
04-26-2007, 13:47
Return from the River Kwai. Dreadful dialogue, acting, story.
The_Mark
04-26-2007, 17:05
Night of the Creeps, which is an excellent movie by the virtue of being bad and cheesy. Plus, it has the most brilliantly translated name in Finnish, perfectly suited for it: Lötköjen yö.
Apache with IIRC Burt Lancaster.
Such weak acting, and script.
The movie of Shakespeare's "Titus", with Anthony Hopkins. Bleh, I had to stop watching a half hour into it. Horribly bad taste. Hopkins sounded like a Charlie Brown character doing Shakespeare... and that was not close to the worst part of the movie. Sapi mentioned that "Starship Troopers" is not an A grade movie and it knows it... see this movie for a great example of not knowing it.
"-Any film that has Jean-Claude van Damme in it."
I kind of like "Bloodsport" and "Kickboxer".
Marshal Murat
04-26-2007, 21:20
I liked Titus with Anthony Hopkins.
I disliked Marie Antoinette
Mucho Libre.
Crazed Rabbit
04-26-2007, 21:32
Titus was good, if disturbing. I don't think they were going for realism, what with the motorcycles and the shotguns.
Another MST3K movie: werewolf (or something). Boring movie, and horrible filming. Showing the werewolf attacking somebody consisted of showing a snarling close-up of the mask they made, so that you could only see the head, then of the person being attacked, from the perspective of the werewolf, so you couldn't see the werewolf at all besides it's mask.
So;
-Werewolf head shot
-Man covering head with arms to shield himself
-Head shot again
-Man covering himself again, as though he put his arms down to look at the werewolf
-Head shot again
-Man covering head with arms again, now slightly bloody. He makes no effort to run or fight back.
-Head shot of werewolf again
-Man covering head with arms again, now more bloody
-Head shot
-Bloody man once again raising arms to defend himself. Oddly, most of the blood is on his face, not his arms. Maybe really slow reaction time.
Etc.
Gah.
CR
Beren Son Of Barahi
04-27-2007, 02:26
Bloodsport was okay as a martial arts film....maybe b grade but not the worst ever surely....
The Postman um i fell to sleep in this, woke up and still the plot had no advanced at all. and the ending surely 3 hours of build up can not end with a nod and a wink.
seireikhaan
04-27-2007, 05:22
CR, that sounds like a sci-fi network film. Or at least that's how it sounds to me. They had one in paricular that was really bad. It was some movie where some mad scientist resurrects dinosaurs, including a couple of raptors and a T-rex(of course, gotta have a T-rex). Well, we never actually saw a rapter, rather we saw the shadows of what looked like a cardboard cutout that was placed on a skateboard to move. And whenever someone got attacked, they would somehow always disappear behind a crate or something, and then we would hear his (terribly done)cries of anguish.
ShadeHonestus
04-27-2007, 14:09
The very worst movies of all time eyemo...
Night Patrol (1984)
1:25
Pootie Tang (2001)
1:10
Warning, if you choose to view these realize that you will never get that 2hrs and 35 mins of your life back.
HoreTore
04-29-2007, 13:15
Sin City. The only movie I've ever thought about walking out of the movie theater.
It was just plain bad.
Conradus
04-29-2007, 16:03
Are you kidding? I thought Sin City was one of the best movies I've ever seen.
Some movies I wouldn't want to see again: 'Or, mon trésor' and 'Le fils'
Three hours of darkness, without the smallest ray of sunlight.
Dutch_guy
04-29-2007, 16:05
Sin City. The only movie I've ever thought about walking out of the movie theater.
It was just plain bad.
That may be your opinion, but was it really K v C bad ?
:balloon2:
Kralizec
04-29-2007, 18:41
I thought Titus was pretty good too.
I thought of mentioning Street Fighter myself, but it was the only one I could think of at that moment...
I picked up Miami Vice as a bargain DVD a couple of days ago. I didn't know what to expect of it, but I liked the old TV series, so there you go. Watched it with a friend yesterday, well...they probably could have made it even worse, but that would have taken some effort :inquisitive:
The fact that Colin Farrell reminded me off that guy in Dodgeball didn't help.
The Spartan (Returns)
04-29-2007, 23:28
School of Rock. 'nuff said.
Sin City. The only movie I've ever thought about walking out of the movie theater.
It was just plain bad.
Yeah, it wants to be cult, it fails miserably. Leave cult to the small productions, it just tries to hard.
School of Rock. 'nuff said.
That is a fine film, surely not in the same (low) league as some of the more crappy ones mentioned above! And to mention Sin City here is a sin in itself...
Maybe the problem is that some of us old timers remember some truly awful 80's movies that put modern crappyness to shame.. Now that I think about it Mad Max 1 was quite poor, even though it made Mel Gibsons career.
Pfff, Jack Black. Come on(!): he's not funny. Any movie with him suffers from-- well, you name it :P
You know what's a bad film? That 80s one -- I assume 80s; I haven't seen it in a long time, though -- with these two guys / highschool kids or something, who "magically invent" a woman that does anything they want. What was the title again...? Something with Science?
HoreTore
04-30-2007, 16:26
That may be your opinion, but was it really K v C bad ?
:balloon2:
IMO it was just as bad, but with more money. If K v C had a budget in the 100 mill region, it would be like Sin City.
Oh, and another extremely bad movie, The 13th Warrior. The fighting stuff aint that bad, but the storyline as well as some of the acting is just horrible. Oh, and the "Viking" girls at the start is supposed to be speaking the native tongue... But they speak norwegian, more specifically, they speak the dialect of western oslo... Which you can compare to the english of the nobility/upper class...
doc_bean
04-30-2007, 17:16
Weird science isn't that bad. It's in the same genre as American Pie and related and other coming of age and trying to be funny movies. In a crappy genre it certainly doesn't stick out.
doc_bean
04-30-2007, 17:28
Argh, double post
HoreTore
05-06-2007, 11:28
OK, I just saw truly HORRIBLE movie last night. Or at least, I saw the first ten minutes, and decided to quit, instead of watching on and having to pluck out my eyes afterwards.
The movie was The Three Musketeers, starring Charlie Sheen as Aramis, Kiefer Sutherland as Athos(!), Oliver Platt as Porthos and Chris O'Donnell as d'Artagnan. If that didn't scare you, read on....
The movie starts with "Captain" Rochefort(damn yanks, can't understand titles), disbanding the musketeers. Oh yes, cardinal Richeliou is a complete bad guy, and seeks complete power of France. Next, we see Richeliou arguing with King Lious XIII, portrayed as a child! He was around 30 at the time, and looks like a 14-year old!! After that, we see d'Artagnan on the way to Paris, and gets into a fight. But not with Rochefort at an inn, instead he assaults the queens 2 bodyguards when they are out riding, as he thinks they are bandits trying to rob 2 ladies. Apparently, queens at the time liked riding around with protection one man could kill.. But that's not all, Madame Bonaciuex turns out to be the queens guard. Next, we see the cardinals guards trying to arrest Aramis, Athos and Porthos, as they refused to hand in their swords. They argue a little with Rochefort, and informs us that Rochefort once was a musketeer himself, but was discharged due to bad behavior... Oh yes, did I mention that Rochefort wears an eyepatch? And I always thought he had a scar... After that, we see d'Artagnan in his duel. They are interrupted by the cardinals guards, and they decide to fight them. They kill the first guards, however, a new group comes, and they now decide to flee, except d'Artagnan, who attacks Rochefort, but fails and is arrested and put in the bastille. He manages to escape from his cell, and overhears a conversation between Richeliou and Mylady. I quit watching this movie when Richeliou started hitting on her...
One has to wonder, did they even read the book? The only thing here in common, are the characters names.... The Cast is horrible, Kiefer Sutherland as Athos is, well, blasphemy. The guy playing Rochefort is good though, he actually looks like a french noble of the time. Except his eyepatch.
EDIT: I read a comment on IMDB about this movie, and it summarizes it very well:
"What they've done is the equivalent of turning James Bond into a teetotaler who abhors violence and respects women for their personality."
Worst movie of all time, The Core.
Also Norbit, Battlefield Earth, The Blair Witch Project, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Lost In Space and Titanic.
Blair Witch Project, excuse me? One of the greatest horror movies ever!
Possibly the most over-rated and hyped up rubbish ever.
Possibly the most over-rated and hyped up rubbish ever.
Well it's a hate it or love it thing, either it gets to you and scares you witless, or it doesn't and you feel like watching a homevideo with a theme.
Worst movie of all time, The Core.
Also Norbit, Battlefield Earth, The Blair Witch Project, Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Lost In Space and Titanic.
I saw 'The Core' a couple of weeks ago. The most predictable plot ever.
Sasaki Kojiro
05-07-2007, 18:59
School of Rock. 'nuff said.
That's a fantastic movie.
ShadesPanther
05-07-2007, 19:32
SS Doomtrooper
an excceedingly bad film filled with so many stupid errors it's funny.
A Grey hulk that looked awful, A Tank that only has a driver but can fire away, the tank is clearly a t34 but is called a panther (and to state the fact it is german has a swastica on it), A selectively deaf steropytical english demo expert and loads of other stupid things.
Im surprised thatnoone has mentioned Robo Vampire
this funny atricle tells the story of the movie
http://www.encyclopedia-obscura.com/moviesrobovampire.html
Boyar Son
05-08-2007, 01:06
That movie Irak... from turkey I think.
So horrible....
The Spartan (Returns)
05-08-2007, 01:27
i heard Pluto Nash was bad.
Don Corleone
05-08-2007, 01:59
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man. Oh how this film sucked lemons.
seireikhaan
05-08-2007, 02:17
Oh, another one. Flash Gordon. My goodness, I don't think anyone could have made a worse movie if they tried. I mean, the whole movie is totally ridiculous, the plot, the characters, and, most of all, the special effects. I mean, I realize its not that recent, but even for when it came out, the effects are totally abysmal.
lancelot
05-08-2007, 11:16
Weird science
Weird Science is awsome! For shame!
SS Doomtrooper is probably the worst film ever. The best thing is they actually discuss the plot holes in the movie-
Bad Actor 1: If the Germans are building new secret weapons in an abandoned castle why dont we just bomb it?
Bad Actor 2: We would but the Germans just happen to have a perfect radar system that makes AA fire super accurate...
:wall:
Dutch_guy
05-08-2007, 13:09
Im surprised thatnoone has mentioned Robo Vampire
this funny atricle tells the story of the movie
http://www.encyclopedia-obscura.com/moviesrobovampire.html
That article was a blast, the corresponding footage is even better:
But RoboTom isn't scott free just yet. Five vampires appear, and start flipping around and holding his ankles, causing the robot to lose his gun. What they didn't take into account is that the robot is a Jedi, and is able to pick his gun up using only his mind. There is more shooting and hopping than I care to describe, (https://youtube.com/watch?v=iRZ1yid7sYY)
and it all is ended when one of the henchmen in hiding shoot Tom with a bazooka, revealing that Tom is pretty much just a gasoline-soaked mannequin wrapped in tin foil. Luckily for Tom, they still have the plus-minus machine back in the barracks. (https://youtube.com/watch?v=oVShkH_KvyE)
:balloon2:
Gregoshi
05-08-2007, 13:51
All Hail Robo Vampire! Classic! I have to see this movie. My life has always seemed incomplete, and now I know why - I haven't seen Robo Vampire. When those vampires started hopping in the first clip, I was hooked. It lacks just about everything a merely bad movie should have. Thank you for mentioning this stinker, ShadesPanther.
Big King Sanctaphrax
05-08-2007, 14:08
Oh, another one. Flash Gordon. My goodness, I don't think anyone could have made a worse movie if they tried. I mean, the whole movie is totally ridiculous, the plot, the characters, and, most of all, the special effects. I mean, I realize its not that recent, but even for when it came out, the effects are totally abysmal.
I fear you might have watched Flash Gordon in the wrong spirit...
ShadesPanther
05-08-2007, 14:17
SS Doomtrooper is probably the worst film ever. The best thing is they actually discuss the plot holes in the movie-
Bad Actor 1: If the Germans are building new secret weapons in an abandoned castle why dont we just bomb it?
Bad Actor 2: We would but the Germans just happen to have a perfect radar system that makes AA fire super accurate...
:wall:
and the monster is created by............. Atomic Radiation!
Don Corleone
05-08-2007, 15:24
Oh, how could I have forgotten. Sleepaway Camp. Lovely little story about a young lass and her first trip to camp who discovers some plumbing problems during her visit. :dizzy2:
The studio should be paying me royalties everytime I have the misfortune to have it run through my memory. :sick:
Warluster
05-11-2007, 11:17
Anyone mentioned Kung Pow?
My friend brought it over to my place a few weeks ago, and it was cheesy (or meaty) but there was some pretty funny bits.
mightilyoats
05-11-2007, 12:47
Actually, I loved Kung Pow! It was a very inteligent and deep movie. I recommend it to everybody I meet.
Abokasee
05-11-2007, 20:37
I Don't wacth films, I play on the PC and Wacth internet Animation and YouTube (Search for Thomous the tank engine vs 50 Cent :grin3: )
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned Trog, which features Joan Crawford and a man in a cheap ape mask. I have video to prove it. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnjje2Sd1SU)
"This is blue ... blue ... blue ..."
"Trog!!!"
It also features a long, long speech (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRu2ZVTf5Lc) by Ms. Crawford about Darwin's theory. If that isn't weird enough for you, nothing is.
Shaka_Khan
05-12-2007, 00:27
I don't like horror films unless it's science fiction. They're not written badly, but I don't like to see people suffering. At least in movies like Aliens, the characters have a chance to defend themselves.
I don't like horror films unless it's science fiction. They're not written badly, but I don't like to see people suffering. At least in movies like Aliens, the characters have a chance to defend themselves.
Can't stand sadism for the sake of sadism. Movies like Hostel, nono. Sick bah. Don't mind violence but it has to serve a purpose.
doc_bean
05-12-2007, 11:05
Can't stand sadism for the sake of sadism. Movies like Hostel, nono. Sick bah. Don't mind violence but it has to serve a purpose.
Hostel wasn't too bad. For true sadism you have to look to the oriental cinema. Ichi the Killer or Ebola Syndrome, now those are cruel movies...
Somebody Else
05-12-2007, 13:55
The film I most recently saw that had me really rather annoyed was Babel, which seemed to rely on just about every character being a complete moron in a rather coincidental fashion. One 'tragic' incident should be enough to base a film on. Stringing a dozen of them together in a single film is not only highly unlikely, but also shows a weakness in plot.
Having my sister next to me defending the film's inadequacies infuriated me further. I have absolutely no time for morons and those that defend them.
That article was a blast, the corresponding footage is even better:
But RoboTom isn't scott free just yet. Five vampires appear, and start flipping around and holding his ankles, causing the robot to lose his gun. What they didn't take into account is that the robot is a Jedi, and is able to pick his gun up using only his mind. There is more shooting and hopping than I care to describe, (https://youtube.com/watch?v=iRZ1yid7sYY)
and it all is ended when one of the henchmen in hiding shoot Tom with a bazooka, revealing that Tom is pretty much just a gasoline-soaked mannequin wrapped in tin foil. Luckily for Tom, they still have the plus-minus machine back in the barracks. (https://youtube.com/watch?v=oVShkH_KvyE)
:balloon2:
I would just like to point out that you just read about a ghost and a gorilla vampire trying to have sex when they suddenly are interrupted by a robot out to get a drug lord. You will never read that again in any other context, so cherish this moment before it's gone.Best. Movie. Ever. ~:)
I give you Bubba Ho-Tep
Based on the Bram Stoker Award nominee short story by cult author Joe R. Lansdale, Bubba Ho-tep tells the "true" story of what really did become of Elvis Presley. We find Elvis (Bruce Campbell) as an elderly resident in an East Texas rest home, who switched identities with an Elvis impersonator years before his "death", then missed his chance to switch back. Elvis teams up with Jack (Ossie Davis), a fellow nursing home resident who thinks that he is actually President John F. Kennedy, and the two valiant old codgers sally forth to battle an evil Egyptian entity who has chosen their long-term care facility as his happy hunting grounds.
I literally fell down when my friend pulled this off the shelf at the video store. I go to watch it now. I'll report back.
I give you Bubba Ho-Tep
You blaspheme -- Bubba Ho-tep rocks. It's a great example of oddball writing, low budget, great acting, and sheer creativity. A black, aging JFK complaining about how part of his brain has been replaced with a bag of sand -- what's not to like?
ShadesPanther
05-12-2007, 19:41
You blaspheme -- Bubba Ho-tep rocks. It's a great example of oddball writing, low budget, great acting, and sheer creativity. A black, aging JFK complaining about how part of his brain has been replaced with a bag of sand -- what's not to like?
and it's got the legend that is Bruce Campbell. Nuff said. :2thumbsup:
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