Research - England: Turn by turn (links provided here) [Archive]

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 11:51

EDIT: PHOTOS AVAILABLE AGAIN- for now....
=============================================================
Start original post:

I finally completed a project I have been working on, which will enable any viewers of this post to actually follow a game, turn by turn. The links to each turn are posted below.

The game is England
difficulty: VeryHard/VeryHard
Goal: Capture all regions (except America) by turn 60
Completed on: Turn 58

Read before commenting:

This was done on an unpatched version of M2TW. In order to play these files, you may need to open it with an unpatched version of M2TW. You can make a copy of your current version and put it in file "Sega 2", and then install the original version. If you want. I know that's probably a pain.

This game uses the crusade exploit (no loss to desertion because of join/leaving the crusade, first 10 turns of a crusade only). You've been told up front. These are my house rules, and the only way to beat the game in 60 turns I believe. I did not use modded versions of the game, hacks, or codes.

Before you say it's easy and cheap... it is challenging. I know most people do not use the crusade exploit, but I justify it because the computer also does not lose soldiers to desertion and the computer cheats in other ways. This is much like playing poker with deuces wild. It's still an even game, but the game is different. And beating the game by turn 60 is not easy even using the crusade tactic.

If you have absolutely no life whatsoever, you can view each and every turn of the game by downloading the links below. Each turn is labeled. Sorry about the order; that is how they arrived via email and I was too lazy to switch them around to look better.

If you have slightly more of a life but are still interested, I recommend viewing the game in 5 turn increments. Or 10. Or whatever you prefer.

At least view turn 1, turn 15, turn 30, turn 45, turn 58. I put a lot of effort into saving each turn and beating the game as fast as possible without using codes, mods, or hacks.

For your convenience, here is the starting turn and the final turn.

File Name: England turn 1.sav
Download Link: http://www.sendspace.com/file/e5olt2

File Name: Victory England 58.sav
Download Link: http://www.sendspace.com/file/7bhzlw

Turn 1 shows probably the best first move. Thanks and credit go to SlicenDice for teaching me that it is possible to purchase Angers and Toulouse from France on the first turn.

Turn 58 would have been impossible without the moves on turn 1.

I may annotate this game in the next several days, so check back. I might be providing a blow-by-blow description of the entire game. So even if you DONT want to download any files or try them out on an unmodified game, you may want to see the commentary for each of the 58 moves.

I won't be going into gory details, however, such as moving a spy or a diplomat. Just major events neccessary to finish the game.

HERE IT IS: The updated link which contains all the files for a single download. (zipped)
======================================================
http://www.sendspace.com/file/tiv9m7

==============================================
Good luck, and thanks for reading my post. :2thumbsup:

Guru

06-16-2007, 13:38

Not very long long campaigns... Well, congratulations for your quick victories. :applause: Me, I prefer slower paced campaigns with many open field battles. I tend to establish a country with solid borders and then send armies around to challenge enemy armies and maybe take a town or two.
Unfortunately I do not have any insults this time, maybe I'll think of some later. Nor any questions since I'm pretty sure someone else will ask about the life thing. Comments? Well, a good post, I found it interesting enough to read it to the end. :jester: Compliments? (see "insults".) I admit I didn't download anything. (Hey I got a life!) I'm using the patch.

To take screenshots press "Print Scrn" and the game will create a screenshot in the "tgas" folder. You may want to convert them to other file type like .jpg or was it .jpeg. (Someone correct me if I missed something or got something wrong...)

Cheers, Guru

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 13:56

To take screenshots press "Print Scrn" and the game will create a screenshot in the "tgas" folder. You may want to convert them to other file type like .jpg or was it .jpeg. (Someone correct me if I missed something or got something wrong...)

Cheers, Guru

Print Scrn?

I'm still lost.

Guru

06-16-2007, 14:09

http://www.rrsecurity-abuse.com/images/printscreenbutton.JPG
Here is a little picture, hope you'll find the button! :jester:

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 14:16

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

...to those of you who may be lost, I use a laptop. There IS no print scrn button on my computer.

I am betting you thought I was a NOOOOOB!

Sucks to be me, then.
Thanks for the advice, though... just a shame my computer doesnt have that button.

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 14:20

Yes, it's a beefy laptop. My old pc cant even run these games.

Guru

06-16-2007, 14:30

I am betting you thought I was a NOOOOOB!

Actually I got a twisted sense of humour. ~D Those so called "NOOBS" rarely post threads like you did. :bow: Going a bit off-topic but what laptop you have? Btw, check if the print screen button is labelled as "Sys Rq" on your laptop.

-- Guru

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 14:40

Actually I got a twisted sense of humour. ~D Those so called "NOOBS" rarely post threads like you did. :bow: Going a bit off-topic but what laptop you have? Btw, check if the print screen button is labelled as "Sys Rq" on your laptop.

-- Guru

I have an HP Pavillion zd8000, customized with the maximum available memory and add-ons. Don't ask me about the specs, because it's all greek to me. Many florins were spent in its acquisition.

All I know is it is very heavy, it overheats, but it handles games like a dream.
By the way, no sys rq button either. I'm lucky I have a number pad.

*Enjoys the fact that this back and forth dialogue is keeping this post visible.

HoreTore

06-16-2007, 15:35

http://www.rrsecurity-abuse.com/images/printscreenbutton.JPG
Here is a little picture, hope you'll find the button! :jester:

If only women were that easy....

Guru

06-16-2007, 16:07

darth_napo

06-16-2007, 17:52

what's the research thing as mentioned in the title? I found no research thingy at all.

Shahed

06-16-2007, 18:55

Good post pizzaguy ! IIRC you can also just change the screenshot key to make it any you want it to be in the options. So what's the Princess doing in Jeddah ? (lol) She's trying to hook some rich oil sheikh ! Also, just an idea you could zip all the saves into one file and post em to sendspace, in addition. So that way people can just download the whole thing if they want to browse through the turns.

If only women were that easy....

I think they are/can be. If you start a topic on the subject be sure to let me know about it, or if you frequent any other forums where this is already being discussed let me know. Got a lot of theories on that species.

Forward Observer

06-16-2007, 20:38

:holmes: You dont need that print scrn button to take screenshots! :logic:
Use a third party screenshot capture program, like Fraps! (http://www.fraps.com/download.php) Take screenshots by pressing "F10" or "ö" if you wish! Its very easy to use... What is more, you can capture videos too. I probably got the "genius" trait, took only this long to figure that out. In fact I tested like 6 screenshot capture programs before recommending Fraps...

-- Guru

I also use FRAPS, but it's hard to find an unused button that does not have some other application in at least one of the games I play, so I chose the Print screen button.

The down side to this is that I am still putting a TGA file in the game screen shot directory that I have to remember to clear out periodically. I don't particularily dislike TGA picture files, but a lot of simple free picture editing software that I use simply can't open them--stuff like Paint, Office picture editor, etc.

What would be the simplist way to disable the screen shot function of the game? (BTW you cannot disable it in the key options of the game--you can add a second key but not remove the Print screen key)

Cheers

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 23:22

If only women were that easy....

What is this... "women".... you speak of? Even more puzzling. My computer doesn't have a button for that either. People have some fancy keyboards these days.

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 23:25

what's the research thing as mentioned in the title? I found no research thingy at all.

Research was the category closest to what I was looking for.

To enable viewers to see a turn-by-turn method of rapidly conquering the world and give them tips on how to do it was my project. I don't think an entire game has been done before, from first to last turn.

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 23:33

[QUOTE=Sinan]Good post pizzaguy ! IIRC you can also just change the screenshot key to make it any you want it to be in the options. So what's the Princess doing in Jeddah ?[QUOTE]

1) Does IIRC stand for if I recall?

2) I was unaware that I could chose a print scrn key via the options menu. Thanks!

3) The princess in Jedda is from my France game as I recall. She must have been born and travelled along with her daddy on his non-stop conquer-the-world tour. Then, when he got to Arabia, he decided to ditch her. And no wonder, she's not that charming.

The princesses have pretty faces, but their personalities must be like Paris Hilton or something.

(Looks ok but is stuck-up, has a yappy little dog, sleeps around, and drinks. And did I mention stupid?)

Askthepizzaguy

06-16-2007, 23:35

I have some homework to do, but I will be responding to everyone's posts, and then I will work on posting SCREENSHOTS and annotating this game.

Upated the links above to a single zipped file. Man, that could have saved me a bunch of work.

YAKOBU

06-16-2007, 23:51

askthepizzaguy - IIRC means If I Remember Correctly, which is not to different to If I Recall.

:charge:

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 00:19

askthepizzaguy - IIRC means If I Remember Correctly, which is not to different to If I Recall.

:charge:

That does it. I'm going to start inventing my own acronyms.

TDIIGTSIMOA!!!

(that does it I'm going to start inventing my own acronyms)

Pronounced "t-DIG-z'mowa". Use it in everyday language.

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 08:51

EDIT: first few images lost... see below for some.

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 09:16

The images and the rest of the story are hidden... How will you ever find them?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0004.jpg

The next target is Bordeaux. Then Spain, then Africa, then Newfoundland, then the world! Also, Rennes has been sacked. In order to expand as fast as possible, I will need to figure out a way to snap up those French cities before I get excommunicated. Methinks ballistas are the way to go...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0005.jpg

Heading to Caerbannog, home of the Killer Rabbit... I mean Caernarvon.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0006.jpg

Seiging Bordeaux, sending reinforcements from Rennes.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0007.jpg

Used the navy to transport to Dublin, sacked it after a bloody battle, and shipped off straightaway to Wales.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0008.jpg

Laying seige to the Rabbit. Don't think those reinforcements will make it in time.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0009.jpg

Just as I sacked Bordeaux, Sicily invades!!! Oh no! Oh woe is me! Curses and Drat! How will I ever survive? Answer: send a diplomat to make nice with the idiots, and crush them later.

Guru

06-17-2007, 09:26

IIRC you can also just change the screenshot key to make it any you want it to be in the options.

I tried this too before trying any programs, didn't figure out how it worked though. I'm not a wizard when it comes to computers. :surrender2:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When you post many large pictures it might be wise to "spoiler" them. Some people still may have a slow internet connection. :bow: You can use the fat "B" button between the "php" and "ABC" buttons in the reply window. You could also post them as small, clickable pictures like Jong did here (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=83011). I don't know how it's done but I'd like to know though.

:hijacked: :oops: :stupid:

- Guru out.

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 09:36

England: The saga continues. Clicky the button.

===============================================
https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0010.jpg
Caernarvon has been sacked... most of Scotlands army is away from Scotland. I seem to have beaten them to the punch, and now they are wide open and I can beat them to a pulp. Oh what horrible jokes...
Get used to them! Bwahahaha!!!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0011.jpg
Sicily lays seige to our castle Sire! We're totally defenseless! Our crappy archers just won't cut it against those treacherous Norman fiends!!! Wait... aren't we Normans too?
P.S. the computer backstabbed me first. Now they are going to get it.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0012.jpg
Heading to Belgium for some waffles. Caen produces ballistae.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0013.jpg
To Edinburgh! Look how foolish those Scots are, Sire! They have left themselves with a single undefended city, and they are already beginning to reek of death!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0014.jpg
Diplomat makes nice with those Norman fools. They accept like the spineless, gutless, brainless zeroes (and ones) that they are.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0015.jpg
Turn 8: Diplomat reaches Rome and makes nice with the Roman Senate... I mean His Pontificating Pontiff, or as the French call him, 'le Pope'. I urge his Holy-moleyness to call a crusade against the Moors. But first a stop in Bruges and Antwerp. Those 'Twerps fight like twerps. WHAT THE HECK are the Scots doing in Caen??? That's it... I'm declaring war. I get angry easily.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0016.jpg
Here I come you mangy Scotch git. I'm warning you!!

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 09:58

The saga continues... click

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0017.jpg

This is for all my homies in Bruges. Those Scots act like they need a friend or something. I took out Bruges with some Ballista so I could take it this turn. Next: The fall of Antwerp.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0018.jpg

All too easy. Call me an oppurtunist.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0019.jpg

This stack of troops needs a general... and those Moors need to die... Whatever should I do to solve both problems simultaneously?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0021.jpg

For some reason, Scotland isn't attacking my helpless undefended settlement. I guess they want me to spare their lives... (this is the first part of the epic tale of Scots in Ireland, a musical opening on Broadway this week. Get your tickets now before they sell out.)

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0022.jpg

'Twerp has been taken. Those Belgian waffles were delicious. Heading to Spain now.

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 10:16

Here's the part where I conquer Scotland and really begin crusading.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0023.jpg
Inverness is the last stop on my tour of the British Isles. Apparently, that is what I named them, even though my King is a Norman. They should be called the English Isles, as my faction is English... or Norman... or maybe they are Communist. I don't know anymore. At least I'm not Welsh.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0024.jpg
Here I come you Moorish... uh, Moors. France joins the crusade, apparently.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0025.jpg
After wiping the Moors off my boot, and promoting captain Whats-his-name to a full fledged member of my royal family, I invite him to join the crusade.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0026.jpg
Others join the crusade as well. The French are trespassing on my land, therefore they must die.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0027.jpg
The remaining forces in England join as well. Inverness is MINE!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0028.jpg
Turn 12. 5 crusading armies make their way south. Meanwhile, I use the sudden monetary gains from not paying for my troops to... gain more troops.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0029.jpg
Zaragosa will be mine. General whats-his-face arrives by ship.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0030.jpg
Eddie Canmore says that after he kills me, my entire family will be next. He never makes good on this threat. Instead, he and his entire army stand perfectly motionless for the next 50 turns.

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 11:06

Here's the part where I betray my allies, the French.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0031.jpg
I lay seige to Eld Cid the Victorious and his band of merry men. Other stack camps in Holy Toledo. It looks like France will get to the target before I will... those treacherous swine!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0032.jpg
Mine armies of Christ continue to move south of the border. I bet those Spaniards wish they had a fence. Oh, the irony.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0033.jpg
My armies move into position, preparing for the crusade to end ever so quickly. Frenchmen inside of Paris prepare to surrender like the monkeys they are.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0034.jpg
My army of peasants needs a brave general to lead them to victory against the infidels.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0035.jpg
Those French may have some fight in them yet. But once they are inside those city walls, they are doomed... DOOMED!

Why fight the moors when you have brave Frenchmen ready to die for you?
Meanwhile, a general lands in Algiers and lays seige.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0036.jpg
Onward Christian soldier!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0037.jpg
I recruit and recruit and recruit until there are no such things as florins.

Okay, twelve. But I'm saving those.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0038.jpg
Ballistas + Horsies = dead Frenchies. This is for accidentally traspassing into my holy land, which is Caen apparenly. Caen you understand the words that are comming out of my mouth?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0039.jpg
Frenchies sack Cordoba, I sack Algiers. Meanwhile, I betray those Portugese who live not in Portugal. Not for long, that is.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0040.jpg
Not sure why I took this photo. Those are some nice dirt roads. Paris is under seige way off in the distance. Oh, how I need a girlfriend.

That's 40 photos so far, the turn number is 15, and I own the British Isles, half of France, a third of Spain, and Algeria. Not bad for a Welshman.

More photos are coming, so stay tuned. Also feel free to comment.

Guru

06-17-2007, 12:10

Keep them coming, please. I enjoy those comments...~:thumb:

-Amon-

06-17-2007, 12:42

Great job askthepizzaguy, keep posts coming !

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 13:00

Great job askthepizzaguy, keep posts coming !

Stay tuned Guru and Amon, my loyal fans...
Daddy has to go to sleep for a few hours, then he will post more photos and commentary. I have almost 300 photos to share.

I believe the correct reaction is: to cream your pants.

-Amon-

06-17-2007, 13:13

C'mon, sleeping is an unnecessary reaction :sweatdrop:

:smash:

However, I'm waiting impatiently..:shame:

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 13:17

Oh very well. I can sleep when I die. Here comes simoa.

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 13:45

Yet more of my frothing mad conquest of the world. With pictures! And more pithy commentary.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0041.jpg

Rufus lays seige to the French dogs. Seriously... Rufus? That is as bad as Fido or Fifi. All Hail KING FIFI.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0042.jpg

-"What of the reports of rebel forces massing near Sollest?"

-"It is of no concern. Soon the rebellion will be crushed and young Skywalker will be one of us. Your work here is finished, my friend. Go out to the command ship and await my orders."

-"But there's... pirates!"

-"Get on the boat, you big mechanically breathing baby. By the way, you sucked in episode II."

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0043.jpg

How to stick it to Paris and Rheims in one turn: Ballistas. Not so threatening anymore, are they?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0044.jpg

Pamplona, or Pampy for short, is mine. Now I backstab the Spainish AND their treacherous yet adorable Puss n Boots.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0045.jpg
England leaves a swath of destruction all the way to Africa. But, in a saintly sort of way. They may have conquered the world, but they are really polite and cultured. Plus, tea.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0046.jpg

His Pompousness the Pope has politely denied my request to continue raping and pillaging the French countryside. Better find a plan B or else this quick conquest will take forever... I know! Let's randomly attack the Germans.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0047.jpg
"The honorable??? Hmm... he's not intelligent, good looking, or brave... but that man can keep a promise!"
How about some other crappy names...

"John the Punctual"

"Leon the Perfect Attendance Record holder"

"Saint George who Means well"

"Prince Theodore the Properly-Flossed"

"John The Bloated and Wears Spandex"

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0048.jpg
Nicholas the Saint moves westward to crush the Moors... wait! They have armies that can kill us! We had better be stealthy about it. Hide our massive army of cavalry in those shrubs over there. They aren't hard to find, there's only three of them.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0049.jpg
Oh but the French are begging for me to crush them... can't I, Pope? Can't I? Pretty please? I'll send you some *ahem* tithing florins... after all, God needs money to build His church... and swords, gotta have swords.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0050.jpg
Oh, the Moors have outmaneuvered me. I had better charge straight through them like a drunken idiot and 'accidentally' hit their capital along the way to my boat.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0051.jpg

I am conquering the world so fast, I am apparently catching up with sunrise. Looks like Portugal is about to get a sudden jolt in the night.

More to come... only 40 more turns to go until everyone dies.

Bonus extra credit... which letter am I missing? And do you know what I am talking about?

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 15:28

More zany action with crazy contraptions. And useless captions.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0052.jpg

England prepares to knock the stuffin' out of Staufen.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0053.jpg

The path to Lisbon is paved with blood. Meanwhile; Leon, Spain's final bastion and sanctuary, is about to become a puppet of the British Empire.

...British? Listen, I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out if I was British, English, Norman... I am all of the above and 1/16th Cherokee. But definitely not Irish.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0054.jpg

He foolishly attacks the Moorish capital. It may not be apparent because of the fog of war, but there are a couple stacks just outside of viewing range about to slay me. There's no way to hold the city even if I win.

But then again, pillaging is fun and cripples your foe. So, am I brilliantly stupid, or stupidly brilliant?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0055.jpg

His popefullness has apparently decided to cut into my empire-building business. I sent two diplomats just in case one gets assassinated.

He is properly addressed as:
Pope John Pope the Popefull (the Popeteenth), from Pope, Arkansas.

OR

Pope Smurf the Smurfy of Smurfton. The Smurfiest Smurf that ever Smurfed.

AKA Papa Smurf.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0056.jpg

Sacked Marrakesh, much to the dismay of the Moors who foolishly didn't crush me when they had the chance. Was it luck, or bad AI programming?
Maybe his Popeiness (oohhh, that's baaaad if you say it wrong) would like this wretched hole as a gift?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0057.jpg

Portugal has built her last boat. She will soon be a province of the Mighty Normanobritfrenspanglish Empire. Plus Algeria, but then of course, it would just be too weird.

I mean, who ever heard of the Algerionormanobritospanglishfrenchglish Empire?

...somebody better post a 'lol@Frenchglish'. Let's just say I'm not doing this because it pays well.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0058.jpg

I redundantly posted another redundant shot of Toledo. If I were to guess, I would say that I was trying to highlight how the Spanish went rebel. Which is kind of dumb, because you would already know that when I sacked Leon. Poor Leon... he was such a ladies' man.

Someone better get that reference.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0059.jpg

See how the AI cheats? The French just pulled an entire stack of troops directly out of their ass. I don't feel guilty about crushing them now.

Little do they realize just how many soldiers I've pulled out of mine during my lifetime.

You heard me. Well, technically you saw it. The typing, that is... not the acts in question... never mind.

Did you ever tell a joke that just kept going? This is becoming increasingly less relevant to the pictures.

Nothin but time on my hands. Maybe I am just delaying you intentionally.

I could do this all day.

I have less of a life than you.

My imaginary girlfriend keeps me warm at night.

Ok, next picture:

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0060.jpg

I run cowardly away from the fight and give the sitting duck Marrakesh to the Popeiest Pope that ever... uh, Poped.

You heard me. This stuff doesn't HAVE to make sense.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0061.jpg

The vultures are circling... but did you know, France will be dead and gone before I even get to crush them inside those walls? Once the cease hostilities period is over, Frenchie gonna die.

Wait and see.

You watched it.... you can't UN-watch it. Tune in again soon for more...

TALES

OF

INTEREST!!!!

Askthepizzaguy

06-17-2007, 15:58

It's the thread that is almost entirely supported by myself. People might start to think I am a schitzo.

Me, myself, and I, Tighty Righty and Lefty Lucy will be having tea together. You're all invited to join us and the toes.

You don't know with whom you're dealing... I have been keeping myself occupied for 24 years now.

Seriously, feel free to comment.

Guru

06-17-2007, 17:42

Blah. People are watching but too afraid to say anything. You know, never disturb a psycho when he is having a chat with himself. :jester:

Btw, lol@Frenchglish.

-Amon-

06-17-2007, 17:53

Ok,ok askthepizzaguy..

:dizzy2: Look at my eyes..Watch them..Okaaay..Your eyes is getting heaver..Sshhhht... Let's sleep...:fortune: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz: :Zzzz:

Guru, run for your live my friend,it's our chance :laugh4:

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 06:15

The continuing saga. Britain invades Germany, prepares coup de grace of the Moors and the French.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0062.jpg

Staufen is about to become British

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0063.jpg

Cordoba is surrounded

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0064.jpg

Marrakesh rebels, enabling me to take it back from Papa Smurf.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0065.jpg

Staufen captured. The Holy Roman Empire begins to crumble from this sudden, devastating blitz invasion.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0066.jpg

That rebel stack could be trouble, so I am actually eliminating it.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0067.jpg

Undefended cities are an open invitation for an invasion. I have nothing to lose.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0068.jpg

The Moors are about to become extinct.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0069.jpg

Losses from fighting the rebel Spanish stack were not too bad, and that pretty much wraps up northern Spain.

More will come shortly. Will resume humorous captions when some occur to me.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 06:39

France and the Moors become extinct. The HRE crumbles before your eyes. I obliterate Milan in about 4 turns.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0070.jpg

Dijon typically rebels unless you deal with the high heresy in the region. Reinforcements arrive to quell dissent.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0071.jpg

Peacenik Pope finally allows me to smash the French this turn with a sudden, deadly, ballista strike on their king, eliminating them from the game (even though they have 3 other regions). Ballistas are great for annihiliating an entire faction in a single turn to avoid excommunication or cease hostilities messages. Also, I call a crusade on Baghdad! My vast army joins the fight and I gain lots of florins next turn due to no upkeep on most of my troops. My budget woes are finally over!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0072.jpg

Nuremburg falls. I stupidly move towards Baghdad.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0073.jpg

One of the armies by Cordoba uses the movement bonus to go for the Marrakesh province.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0074.jpg

Cordoba prepares to surrender.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0075.jpg

All is quiet in France. Next turn, I begin massive recruitment here thanks to the extra florins. See those two rebel stacks? Those are potential general makers. Mmm... free generals. Generals + troops = more crusaders.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0076.jpg

The HRE foolishly excommunicates themselves, apparently by attacking either poland or Denmark. This means they're gonna die.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0077.jpg

The last of the Iberian peninsula falls to England.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0078.jpg

Marrakesh falls to England next turn.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0079.jpg

Walter lands in Algeria in order to avoid being sunk at sea by pirates. Plus, there is a castle there which can recruit good troops to join my sacred quest to slay Baghdad.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0080.jpg

Marseille falls next turn.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0081.jpg

King Fifi is well armed, but the Milanese have good troops. I'll smash them anyway if they backstab me, which they will. It never fails.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0082.jpg

All standing armies in Spain leave for Baghdad.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0083.jpg

Milan gets excommunicated. I couldn't resist. Marseille falls.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0084.jpg

Check out Eystein Tryggvasson. What kind of a goofy Viking name is that? Meanwhile, the HRE's capital is about to fall.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0085.jpg

Troops and generals in England join the crusade as well. Nonstop recruitment pays off.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0086.jpg

The Pope (or Papa Smurf, as I call him) is pretty badass. He has taken at least two provinces, and lords over Rome as well. He has 3 stacks of troops, I believe. So much for 'blessed are the meek'.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0087.jpg

Sicily, my ally, has not conquered a single province since I made peace with them. The FOOLS! Even Venice beat them to Tripoli, and the Pope... yes, good ole Papa Smurf... beat them to Tunis. Their incompetence will be their undoing. I expect my allies to be strong.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0088.jpg

My prince lays seige to the greatest fortress in the Holy Roman Empire. Sends reinforcements around the back way.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0089.jpg

Prepares to wipe Milan off of my boot and then stomp Venice.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0090.jpg

France becomes a giant recruitment region. All troops prepare for the crusade in progress.

Note how I stopped my advance into Africa. I will get those final two provinces on my last few turns without wasting a good general in the Sahara.

My vast empire becomes a vicious horde of zealots.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 07:06

Bye, bye HRE. See you later, Milan. Venice becomes crippled. I prepare my invasion of Greece and Egypt and Denmark. Oh, the humanity!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0094.jpg

Crusader troops are easy to recruit in catholic regions. There are usually hordes just waiting to join your cause. Always make a detour through Italy when Crusading.

Also, check out Jerusalem and the surrounding regions. Great crusader troops usually sit right there.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0095.jpg

Milan's pathetic little island is about to fall. Does anyone ever actually use Ajaccio for any reason? Here, they wasted florins turning it into a castle. Why? Milan's best early troops come exclusively from cities.

Meanwhile, Venice is about to fall. Believe it or not, they got themselves excommunicated as well by pissing SOMEone off. I don't know or care who.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0096.jpg

Um... better shot of Venice getting pwned. Bologna is going to be a bloody battle. Look at the size of their army.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0097.jpg

Magdeburg falls. Peasants in Stettin embrace their British liberators.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0098.jpg

Yet more recruitment in England. I never, ever stop. Next turn will be 3 stacks.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0099.jpg

Preparing my troops for training against the rebel punching bags.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0100.jpg

Yet more rebels prepare to die. Their blood will paint the way to the future!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0102.jpg

Spain joins France and England in recruiting yet more troops. You can never, ever have too many troops. Ever.

...Ever.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0103.jpg

Bob the Saint rests in Algeria on his way to the Bloody Crescent.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0104.jpg

Snags Cagliari.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0105.jpg

Venice becomes British state. Beware the Inquisitor. Say... that Greek babe in the purple dress is hot. Maybe I can give her a job at a brothel once I slay her entire family.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0106.jpg

Stettin falls.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0107.jpg

Notice how my general left the crusade here. These troops will become the garrison of this newly conquered settlement, ending their crusade, enabling me to attack (with said troops) the Danish, who are NOT excommunicated.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0108.jpg

I prepare the British invasion of Greece.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0109.jpg

Bologna will fall. The Holy Roman Empire, neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an empire any longer, becomes a puppet of England.

Targeting Denmark, Byzantium, and Egypt. When the crusade ends, Poland will fall. (They aren't excommunicated, neither is Hungary, unfortunately).

The slaughter is just beginning...

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 07:36

The stage is set for a bloody battle in Greece. The Byzantines pose the greatest challenge to British domination thus far.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0110.jpg

-You ugly old hog.
-"WHAT DID YOU SAY???"
-I said I've always wanted to visit Prague.

Prince Morris heads to slaughter Denmark.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0111.jpg

Aelfgar and Michell the Saints reinforce the Prince, from England. See the cooridinated strategy?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0112.jpg

I grow weary of Metz' independence. They must accept British rule.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0113.jpg

Vienna becomes English. A single rebel unit of some sort attempts to ambush me, but chickens out at the last minute.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0114.jpg

The Prince, flanked by the armies of Christ, betrays the Danish.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0115.jpg

James the Apostle prepares to reinforce my reinforcements.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0116.jpg

Henry frees himself from babysitting Cordoba.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0117.jpg

The invasion of Byzantine begins with a sudden sneak attack on their entire western front.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0118.jpg

Town militas aren't usually that scary. But when you have 1500 of them, and they are religious zealots led by a fanatical general...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0119.jpg

I continue my advance into Danish territory. Hamburg falls to British rule.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0120.jpg

Armies march through Eastern Europe to join the crusade against Constantinople... I mean Baghdad.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0121.jpg

Corinth and Durazzo enjoy British rule, in the loosest sense of the word. Armies march onward to Thessalonica.

...Ouch, this battle is going to be really bloody. They have two whole stacks and their best general.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0122.jpg

More reinforcements advance eastward as quickly as possible.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0123.jpg

Bologna falls. The HRE is no more. The german rebels get no reprieve.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0124.jpg

Metz falls, solidifying Britian's hold all the way to Innsbruck.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0125.jpg

Yes, more adopted generals spawn in England. Not letting them go to waste, I recruit them some fresh meat and join the crusade. (Who saw that coming?)

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0126.jpg

Captain Symond prepares for battle. Will he become royalty? We shall see how well he fights.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0127.jpg

Aelfgar the Saint leaves the crusade, allows his troops to become a garrison.
Oh the humanity! Oh the tactical exploit!

I dare the Danish king to lay seige to his former fortress.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0128.jpg

There is about to be a battle of epic proportions. I will lay the smacketh down.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0129.jpg

Thessalonica... turn 33. The stage is set for a massacre of Biblical proportions. Will the Purple-wearing Greeks turn back the endless tide of the English army? Or will the English stomp all over their candy asses?

Tune in again soon for the thrilling conclusion of England v. The World.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 08:07

The end of Venice. Egypt gets bloodied up. Russia tastes the back of my hand. The Poles get their first taste of English steel. Denmark feels the pain.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0130.jpg

Bob the Saint prepares to single-handedly cripple Egypt.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0131.jpg

I move troops into position to ambush what's left of Denmark's forces.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0132.jpg

I am about to pick a fight with Russia. Apparently I have a grudge against the entire world. Maybe I need to get laid more.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0133.jpg

I am ruthless and bloodthirsty. I don't want there to be anything left of Russia, so I bring in reinforcements from Denmark.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0134.jpg

I prepare to finish off the Venetian Cretins. Or is it Cretans?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0135.jpg

The Byzantine faction leader is no more. I advance on to Constanti... wait! It's been conquered by Hungarians!

Curses and DRAT.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0136.jpg

See? I meant it when I said I wanted to wipe the Venetians off the map.
Note the lone ballista laying seige to Zagreb. I like to harass. If they do nothing, it cuts off their trade.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0137.jpg

Alexandria has FALLEN! I massacre the local population.
Well, I'm officially a genocidal maniac now. If the rest of the world had any sense they would all simultaneously declare war on me while they had the chance. I never said this campaign was going to be ethical.

Cairo prepares to be slaughtered. Ok, Ok, I'll spare the women and children.
Deep down I'm not such a bad guy. I am "the Saint" after all.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0138.jpg

Nicaea is surrounded. Let the butchering begin.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0139.jpg

Too bad the crusade is still in effect. I move troops into position to massacre the Polish army. For sentimental reasons, I wish these folks would accept my rule without a fight. I've nothing against the civilians.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0140.jpg

I lay waste to Russia's greatest city.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0141.jpg

Zagreb is surrounded. Ragusa falls to the British army.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0142.jpg

I smash the Danish king. Their capital is now defenseless!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0143.jpg

I sack Cairo. The Hungarians made it all the way to Baghdad before I did. So, I need pillaging florins. I was, believe it or not, over 30,000 florins in DEBT before I sacked this city.

God, they must have been rich.
Look at the map. Britain's might becomes readily apparent.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0144.jpg

The Danes watch helplessly as their capital is taken.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0145.jpg

With the abrupt conclusion of the crusade, my armies are in place to lay waste to Poland.

Loefwine, by the way, is the only general I ever lose in battle. He will be sorely missed. He is about to be ambushed by another Polish stack hiding out of sight.

He does NOT go down without a bloody fight. This is the only major battle that I lose during the entire campaign. I should have reloaded, but I make it a point to swallow my serious errors and move on. Flukes, like a general getting hit by a ballista or dying for apparently no reason, I reload. Not when they go down fighting brilliantly and bravely.

Had I not attempted to take Breslau with my other stack, he would have survived.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0146.jpg

With Venice wiped off the face of the Earth, I ready my forces against Hungary.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0147.jpg

That is a scary sight. Strength in numbers, my friends.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0148.jpg

The general I had camped out in Tunis/Sicily moved down to take the shores of Tripoli. No more Venetian scum. Next: Sicilians will die.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0149.jpg

In honor of my fallen comrade, captain Loefwine heads to Timbuktu in order to finish off Africa. This takes a loooooooong time. I barely finish off Africa before the last of the remaining provinces are taken.

More to come. The world shakes in fear as the English juggernaut advances.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 08:22

Leave any comments or questions you like. I will respond personally to each one.

The more interest I see, the quicker I will post more of the campaign.

-Amon-

06-19-2007, 13:18

Guru

06-19-2007, 13:34

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 13:48

:jumping: go askthepizzaguy go !

Anyway,I wonder that how do you prevent from revolts?And how do you make your people happy so much?

I know how I make my people happy but playing as HORDE makes this so difficult:dizzy2: Yeah.. I wonder..

I don't worry about revolts from Catholic factions. Only Dijon or high heresy cities are considered a problem. Priests can cure that.

Muslim and orthodox factions either need to be sacked and filled with a garrison, or sacked and sacked and sacked, or exterminated.

If I am in a hurry to get somewhere and I know another crusade will only require an extra turn to pick it back up, I let it revolt.

See Marrakesh, Cairo, Nicaea? I let them revolt and picked them up again later. I had stuff to do.

Sacking and dismantling buildings and moving on CRIPPLES whomever you do that to. Now their city is in disorder and unable to defend itself OR resupply their armies.

This is TOTAL war, not a polite disagreement.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 13:57

*Sitting in the auditorium with Amon* :director: "Cut! Cut! More feeling! More passion!"

Did you actually fight every battle or did you use auto-resolve?
How was your reputation in the end? Not that it really matters since the other factions are... :flybye:

I agree... sorry, not a whole lot of jokes this time. I had an expletive deleted amount of photos to post, and frankly they weren't that funny.

In the beginning of the campaign, there were lots of clever tactics to employ. Now, in the middle game, it is strictly seek, sack, and destroy.

Kind of hard to write clever caption jokes about exterminating egyptians. That's a little dark even for me.

The whole idea of this post is to show the strategy, tactics used, and movement required to make the world your own by turn 58. It wasn't originally intended as a joke piece.

I fought the pitched battles. No sense in fighting a battle an idiot could win. I only use my general skills when there is need for a serious general on the field. When brute force is enough to win, and the tactic is charge, surround and slay, and it's not even a close fight, there is no sense in fighting it yourself.

Closely fought seiges were where I needed to be, and WHENEVER my generals got attacked on the field by a big army, I fought those battles to protect my general (and troops, I suppose... pfft. Peasants.)

Reputation was pretty much disastrous by the end. Whatever the bottom level was, that was me. I betrayed allies, exterminated their cities, and betrayed more allies.

Frankly, I was Germany in world war II. That's what my reputation was like by the end. Unfortunately for the world, the bad guys won this game.

I can shrug that off because it is just a game.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 14:02

There will be more posts soon. I am a college student and homework takes priority over fun, I am afraid.

I do have a question for you... would you folks like me to post all of the rest of the screenshots? I have a bunch. Maybe it would be quicker to post only the big events and describe in detail what happened between shots.

The narrative would move more quickly, but you would miss out on uh... stuff.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 14:17

Because I laid waste to the entire world before the Mongols arrived, you were apparently deprived of England's massive armies taking on little Mongolia. I am thinking about extending this post to include the Mongol invasion.

I'll even include screenshots of the battles. Apologies in advance if it seems like Britain is winning them all. Because they will be.

I don't worry too much about the Mongols, they're harmless really. It's so cute the way they try to strike fear into the hearts of mortal men. They are just a bunch of cuddly bunnies to me. Oh, look at the cute little Mongol general with the maxed out dread. I'm shaking, I'm shaking! See him ride the pony into battle like a big boy?

He's got funny looking whiskers, mommy. Can I pet him?

Ooops! I accidentally stepped on it.

Privateerkev

06-19-2007, 20:01

Shahed

06-19-2007, 20:42

LOL that's what you gotta love the English for: their English ! LMFAO ! that was very well said.

Privateerkev

06-19-2007, 20:50

Who's english? mine? My english is good ole Midwest USA English with a touch of academic pretension thrown in for good measure. ^_^

Shahed

06-19-2007, 21:07

I was referring to the language, theirs. I did think think you were English. It's not the first time I've seen an American with very good English, perhaps they teach very "English_English" in the Midwest. I know a young man from thereabouts who could easily be mistaken for a very entertaining, well spoken and affluent Victorian diplomat (no pun intended).

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 21:30

Quote:
Originally Posted by askthepizzaguy
In response to your first question, I honestly do not know. But you can find out! Generally, a faction with fewer provinces won't part with any. Try getting Milan to give up one of their two cities and it probably won't happen. France, England, HRE, Byzantium, and the Turks begin with multiple provinces, and they would therefore be up for grabs early on.

However, I recommend against purchasing. You can simply conquer in most cases. I simply did it to double the size of England on turn 1.

In other cases, those florins are better spent on troops. Unless you can get an extremely good bargain.

As for your second question;

Crusader/Jihad capable factions have the ability to recruit cheap troops and mercenaries and maintain them at no cost during a holy mission. This can triple the size of your army. To jumpstart this tactic, get several generals. Use town militia and cavalry to attack wandering rebels and fight non-seige battles to promote captains. Then, after you have a mess of crappy troops and a ton of generals, declare a holy war. Join EVERYone that you can to this war.

Then, recruit more town milita and cavalry and repeat while the crusade/jihad is still active (first 10 turns). You will quadruple the size of your army.

CAUTION! When the Jihad ends, or the crusade ends, you will have massive numbers of troops and NO FUNDING.

You will maintain them through deficit spending. Try to sack as many cities as possible while in debt, because you can remain afloat if you backstab anyone within range you can conquer.

Try not to lose any generals or too many troops in the process, and LET THE CITIES REBEL if you need to keep your troop levels up. When the next crusade or Jihad begins, sack it again and then keep it. Two sacks means double the florins, and equals an extermination. Unless you feel like you don't need the florins for some reason, just exterminate immediately and leave a sizeable garrison and move on (useful when there are plenty of crusader troops to recruit nearby)

Make expensive troops. They cost nothing once they join up, enabling you to build more. It's both cheap in terms of a tactic and in terms of economics.

In response to your third question, How many factions can a 900 pound gorilla knock over until everyone else gangs up on him? Answer: as many as he wants. Who cares if everyone else gangs up on you. If they declare war on you, it betters your chance of them getting excommunicated instead of you. And if you are playing the 'honorable' way, with a flawless reputation, this enables you to war with everyone without harming your rep. Although you have to play in a VERY chivalrous way to conquer the world and have a perfect reputation. (no sacking/extermination, no backstabbing, and lots and lots and lots and lots of bribes all around).

To more directly answer your question, it seems almost random. Sometimes the computer backstabs you first, all at once. Other times you're halfway through slaying two of your former allies before the world turns on you. Still others, half the continent.

But be prepared. The AI is NOT to be trusted. No one should ever be completely trusted. And since they WILL turn on you eventually, 99% of the time, why not fight them on your own terms? Backstab them.

Reputation is for the weak. Bribe the pope and just dont get excommunicated. Thats all you need to do to have both hands free to annihilate the whole world.

And the reply from Rebellious Waffle:

I just gave your suggestions a whirl on a Venice campaign -- not completely yet, I've only got 36 provinces on turn 75 -- but it's a huge improvement over what I was doing before. A few crusader stacks from Antioch provided the final push to take down the Byzantines, and a lucky Holy Roman Empire excommunication let me Crusade on Frankfurt, taking all their starting provinces and about half of France in four turns. Byzantium, most of France, Germany, Hungary, Sicily, Milan, Tunisia, Corisa and Sardinia are all mine, for a GDP of approximately 50,000 florins per turn. (Venice has great militia units, so I usually get 20,000-30,000 per turn to spend on construction, bribes and recruitment because of free city garrisons.)

Before this, I never really appreciated the awesomeness of spies and assassins -- my earlier approach was more chivalrous, not so much of a brothel to be found anywhere. (Who wants Extravagant generals?) Soon after conquering Constantinople, the Turks called a Jihad; not being enthusiastic about other people's hordes, I sent a flock of assassins out to shake hands with doorknobs.

(Jihad army - general) = (no jihad)

Long story short, Turkey lost eight family members, a gaggle of imams, some merchants and more diplomats than were strictly necessary. A ceasefire ensued -- and that lovely "failed jihad" noise that sounds like a manic-depressive accordion. Plus, Doge Bartolomeo got "the Killer" added to his name. Yay terrorism!

"Despicable" means "mad stylin' ", right?

-The above was an email exchange regarding how it is possible to be more, shall we say, proactive and expedient, in slaughtering the AI.

Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow. I can feel your anger. It gives you focus; makes you stronger. With each passing moment you make yourself MORE my servant!

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 21:48

I wish to applaud you on both your endevour and your ability to crowd out all else that could be important in your life with what is essentially a glorified board game (albiet a fun one). My favorite faction is the English so I was intrigued by the notion of winning in 60 turns. But, after reading all of your posts and captions, for which I deserve both an award and years of therapy, I see now what people mean when they speak of the "spam-conquer" method of playing total war. Pretty much any game can be broken down to math and when you do that, you can figure out what is the mechanically best method to achieve victory parameters in the quickest possible time. I have just never seen such in-depth proof of this method being used, for which you deserve both praise and pity. I prefer the slower method of role-playing the British Empire but that probably has to do with the fact that I am a history grad-student studying the British Empire. I rather turn the Isles in a massive economic powerhouse and then capture colonies out of the European continent. But to each his own. If you keep the pictures coming, I'll keep reading them. We'll laugh together. We'll cry together. I just hope that one day you'll let yourself get some sleep so you can have the energy to do this test with every faction (you had to have known what you've started).

*sits back and grabs the popcorn to watch the next installment of "The British Empire Strikes Back (or first...)*

Come, boy... see for yourself. From here you will witness the final destruction of the alliance... and the end of your insignificant rebellion. Your fleet is lost, and your friends down there on the sanctuary moon will not survive.

...There is no escape.

Yes, in response to your comments, in order to pull of this freak show of epic proportions I have had to sacrifice what could have been a life. It IS both brilliant and pitiful. Of course, the extraordinary must always make sacrifices, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

I however, do guarantee that the economic powerhouse will be achieved, eventually, and generate more wealth than doing this the relatively peaceful and honorable way. When this campaign is over, there is generally no need for standing armies at this point, and all the provinces belong to the victor. At this point, there is simply no way to spend the money fast enough. Seriously, building whatever is the most expensive in each city, all the cities combined, not even close. You almost have to have a standing army to prevent your massive bloated budget surplus from wreaking havoc on your generals non-corrupt traits.

This maximum slash-and-burn method simply gets you to the point of owning all the provinces quicker, and by that point you have all the money in the world to improve your cities... and with no need to fund armies, every settlement can be a city, and every city can be built up by you.

It is quicker to build it up yourself than let the AI do it.

Now... back to the clone wars... from the ashes of which rise the first galactic empire.

Privateerkev

06-19-2007, 21:52

Yes but I want to play with more units than just town militia...

rofl

:D

"your overconfidence is your greatest weakness"

Rebellious Waffle

06-19-2007, 21:54

Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow. I can feel your anger. It gives you focus; makes you stronger. With each passing moment you make yourself MORE my servant!

Only now, at the end, do I understand.

Privateerkev

06-19-2007, 22:11

"Wars not make one great."

Also, as much as I admire how you can spam the known world with endless hordes of town militia, I just enjoy watching fully upgraded Retinue Longbowman set Elephants on fire too much to forego upgrading in order to see how quickly I can beat a program(and not even a very smart program).

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 22:20

Could this be an allusion to the second star wars trilogy?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0150.jpg

Queen Amidala... has she signed the treaty?

I have the Senate bogged down in procedures. I will see to it that things in the Senate stay as they are.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0151.jpg

The droid armies of the trade federation prepare their assault on Naboo.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0152.jpg

"...begin landing your troops."

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0153.jpg

The gungans field their "granda armee", led by Jar Jar Binks. For now, their shield is still up, but the imperial forces advance.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0154.jpg

The Outer Rim territories begin to fall.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0155.jpg

We must move quickly. The Jedi are relentless... if they are not all destroyed it will be civil war without end.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0156.jpg

I want you to go to the Jedi temple... we will catch them off balance. Every single Jedi, including your friend, Obi-wan Kenobi, is now an enemy of the Republic.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0157.jpg

Master Anakin... what are you doing here?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0158.jpg

Kashyyyk is about to fall.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0159.jpg

The rebels on ice planet Hoth are under seige by imperial forces.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0160.jpg

The Senate has ordered a cease-fire! They are threatening to pull funding from the war! Gaghhhh.... I want that treaty signed.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0161.jpg

The Empire will not be stopped... unless it's the Byzantine empire. Iconium becomes a Sith world.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0162.jpg

More imperial forces arrive near Naboo from interstellar space...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0163.jpg

Surprise!

I've waited a long time for this.... my little... gray... friend...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0164.jpg

3 entire legions of my best troops await them.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0165.jpg

The rebels have routed one of my garrisons and taken control of the town.

Oh wait... that was Braveheart, not Star Wars.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0166.jpg

The last remnants of the Mandalorians fall to the Empire.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0167.jpg

I begin my assault against the Jedi scum.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0168.jpg

The Jedi temple falls.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0169.jpg

Coruscant falls under the control of the Emperor.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0170.jpg

The gungans' shield is down. Wipe them out.... all of them.

Next: A new hope, perhaps?

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 22:22

Yes but I want to play with more units than just town militia...

rofl

:D

"your overconfidence is your greatest weakness"

Your faith in your friends is yours.

Rebellious Waffle

06-19-2007, 22:28

"Never underestimate the power of a few large men on small horses to change the world."

I like seeing how much money I can leech out of Constantinople. A Fairground, Warehouse and Merchant Bank have improved the amount of trade goods to such an extent that the silk commodity there goes for about 600-700 florins per turn.

Shahed

06-19-2007, 22:30

HAHAHA! The Star Wars reference is great !

Privateerkev

06-19-2007, 22:32

Your faith in your friends is yours.

"You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?"

"But how am I to know the good side from the bad?

You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive."

Rebellious Waffle

06-19-2007, 22:42

http://www.tweakup.dk/images/article/1001/mtw2x_excom.jpg

I find your lack of faith... disturbing.

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 22:55

Someone must have killed Luke, because the Empire just keeps slaughtering the rebel forces!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0171.jpg

The base is secure, Lord Vader... but the rebels have escaped.

Get my shuttle going.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0172.jpg

Chewie, where's my hyperdrive?

*wookie roar

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0173.jpg

The Wookie homeworld is now... mine.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0174.jpg

As you know, our blockade is perfectly legal. And we'd be happy to receive the ambassadors.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0175.jpg

The rebels must be hiding on Dantooine.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0176.jpg

Imperial forces scour the deserts of Tatooine looking for two droids.

Help me Obi-wan Kenobi... you're my only hope.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0177.jpg

The droid armies reach the capital of Naboo.

Now, your highness... sign the treaty. I'm sure in time the suffering of your people will convince you to see things our way.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0178.jpg

The last remaining Jedi will be swept away.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0179.jpg

(Imperial march theme playing)

http://www.sendspace.com/file/pq2dkc
Click this link and play the file while watching these next few scenes.
It's an mp3 of the Imperial March.

Dun dun dun, dun-duh dun, dun-duh dun....

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0180.jpg

(Imperial theme continues)

Dun dun da da da da da dun duh dun-duh DUNNNN!

Don't sue me, George Lucas...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0181.jpg

The march continues...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0182.jpg

Freeze! Don't move, Jedi.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0183.jpg

You rebel scum....

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0184.jpg

Naboo falls under the jurisdiction of the Empire.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0185.jpg

And the last remnants of the Old Republic are being swept away... The regional governors now have direct control over their territories.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0186.jpg

We will crush the rebellion with one swift stroke...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0187.jpg

Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this battlestation.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0188.jpg

Do not be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy an entire planet is insignificant compared to the power of the force.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0189.jpg

...The Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire!

You can kill the emperor... he has forseen it. Join me, and together, we can RULE THE GALAXY as father and son!

Next: The return of the Jedi...

Or, the extinction thereof...

Shahed

06-19-2007, 23:15

LOL ! I specially like the last screen and I LOVE the march !
I find the lack of faith extremely disturbing !

Askthepizzaguy

06-19-2007, 23:31

Begun, the Clone War has...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0190.jpg

"Victory? Victory, you say? Master Obi-Wan, not victory. The shroud of the dark side has fallen. Begun, the Clone War has."

The Geonosians will be the next to fall...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0191.jpg

The Techno Union army is about to be annihilated.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0192.jpg

The Banking clan will sign my treaty.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0193.jpg

I grow weary of the Senate's involvement in matters which are none of their concern.

I am the commander-in-chief of the Imperial army. If they think they can withdraw support from the war, I might just have to disband the Senate...

But not now... not yet...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0194.jpg

The last of the Gungan army is about to be obliterated by the Imperial forces.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0195.jpg

We dare not go against the Jedi...

Viceroy, I don't want to see this stunted slime in my sight again!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0196.jpg

If there's a bright center to the galaxy, you're on the planet that it's farthest from.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0197.jpg

Planet Muunilist falls before the might of the Empire.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0198.jpg

The Senate has defied my will for the last time.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0199.jpg

Moving troops into position.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0200.jpg

More of the Jedi scum to kill... Execute order 66.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0201.jpg

The Jedi commanders everywhere are shot and killed by their troops.

The shroud of the dark side has fallen indeed.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0202.jpg

Chancellor Vallorum has been our strongest supporter. Still, we need a new Chancellor... a strong chancellor.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0203.jpg

We have found the location of the secret rebel base.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0204.jpg

For the Glory of the Galactic Empire, we will attack!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0205.jpg

The clone war is over... the hunt for the rebel alliance has begun.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0206.jpg

Darth Vader rallies his forces to persue the rebels from starsystem to starsystem...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0207.jpg

Eliminating the Jedi Council...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0208.jpg

The victors of the clone wars all across the galaxy rally behind the Emperor.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0209.jpg

Endless armies of clone troops become Imperial Stormtroopers, and secure the galaxy from the subversive and traitorous rebel scum.

The enemies of the empire flee in terror. The only facton left unscathed so far is the Geonosian Turks.

And soon we will deal with the traitorous Imperial Senate...

Askthepizzaguy

06-20-2007, 00:16

Luke trains to be a Jedi. The Empire threatens to wipe the rebels from the face of existence.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0210.jpg

But the loss of Count Loefwine?

His death was a neccessary loss... soon I will have a new apprentice. One far younger and more powerful.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0211.jpg

Artoo, you had better reconsider playing that message for master Luke.

(R2 whistles)

...No, I don't think he likes you at all.

(R2 whistles)

...No. I don't like you either.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0212.jpg

...Once more the Sith will rule the galaxy... and we shall have peace.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0213.jpg

You have done well, lord Vader. I have a new assignment for you. I want you to go to the Mustafar system. Kill viceroy Gunray and the rest of the rebel leaders.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0214.jpg

...It will be done, my lord.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0215.jpg

...every single Jedi... including your friend... Obi-wan Kenobi....

(sounds of death and destruction... images of Anakin slaying younglings)

...is now an enemy of the Republic.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0216.jpg

Representative Binks, before being ruthlessly slaughtered by my forces, suggested giving emergency powers to the Supreme Chancellor.

Every good deed deserves a reward.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0217.jpg

Asteroids do not concern me Admiral. I want that ship, not excuses.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0218.jpg

The droid foundries of Geonosis are being overrun by Imperial forces.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0219.jpg

The cloud city is about to become a possession of the Empire.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0220.jpg

Bring the Princess and the wookie to my shuttle.

"That wasn't part of the deal"

I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0221.jpg

His high exaltedness Jabba the Hutt has decreed that you are to be terminated... immediately

"Good, I hate long waits."

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0222.jpg

You are to be cast into the pit of Carkoon. In his belly you will learn a new definition of pain and suffering, as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.

"On second thought, let's pass on that."

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0223.jpg

Te wana wunga!

Uh... Te wana... wygo? We bring a message to your master Jabba the Hutt.

It says Luke's dead, and you're next.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0224.jpg

The Imperial forces continue their march toward the rebel stronghold, wiping out star system after star system.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0225.jpg

Soon you will learn to appreciate me.

"we have... powerful friends."

I'm sure.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0227.jpg

Not to worry... I forsee that the rebel scum will all be dead in 10 short turns.

...as well as the Imperial Senate.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0228.jpg

"In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you're under arrest, Chancellor."

Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0229.jpg

A little boy named Luke Skywalker is given to his adopted parents on Tatooine. Perhaps, just perhaps, he can turn the tide back in favor of the Rebel alliance and freedom lovers everywhere.

"You've failed, your highness... I'll never turn to the Dark Side. I am a Jedi... like my father before me."

So be it... Jedi.

So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.

Guru

06-20-2007, 08:40

"Ohhh! Great warrior! [laughs and shakes his head]
Wars not make one great!"

The invasion of the holy land (and usage of spies):

Don't worry, my friend's down there. He'll have that shield down in time... Or this'll be the shortest offensive of all time.

Hahah! :jester: This Star Wars theme is great.. :director: "Excellent!"

- Guru

Askthepizzaguy

06-21-2007, 04:28

Now witness the final destruction of the alliance, and the end of your insignificant rebellion.

FIRE AT WILL, COMMANDER!

KABOOOOM!

Oh no! That thing's operational!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0235.jpg

Turn 49: Beginning the final assault against all remaining provinces. For the sake of brevity, only one photo per turn until the last turn.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0249.jpg

Turn 50: Enough troops to stomp the Turks? Perhaps I should send more.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0255.jpg

Turn 51: Egypt has one province left, as does Hungary and Russia.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0261.jpg

Turn 52: My forces arrive at the heart of the Ottoman empire. It does not look like they have the manpower to defend themselves.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0265.jpg

Turn 53: And Russia goes down without a fight.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0273.jpg

Turn 54: With Russia destroyed, the Egyptians are next. I prepare to backstab the papacy.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0275.jpg

Turn 55: The last remnants of Egypt are gone. The Turks are down to one province. Baghdad has enough forces to repel my initial assault.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0279.jpg

Turn 56: The Turks are crushed, and the crusade ends. Imperial forces swarm towards Baghdad. Meanwhile, Arguin, the remaining African province, and probably the most isolated and worthless piece of expletive deleted in the game, is about to be crushed.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0282.jpg

Turn 57: I finally give the Papacy what they deserve for years of annoying messages about not attacking my fellow Christians. I am officially excommunicated at long last this turn...

But wait! I OWN the college of cardinals. Does the Pope seriously think I will let him live?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0286.jpg

Turn 58: Baghdad falls to the glorious Empire.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0288.jpg

Here is a display of the public order bonus in Rome, even at maximum taxation, due to both my glory bonus, the way I strike fear into the hearts of men, and by the authority of my ruler. I make Rome my capital on the final turn.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0289.jpg

A glimpse at the finances of my glorious empire. I may be deficit spending now, but by the time the Mongoloids arrive, my army will be sleek, streamlined, and all surplus troops will be eliminated. Also, I can finally spend money on improving my provinces.

Rest assured, in about 15 turns, I will be making perhaps 50,000 florins per turn. All I need to do is cut my massive, redundant armies in half.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0290.jpg

A display of the final score of my game. King Rufus, my original faction heir, conquered the entire world during his lifetime.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0291.jpg

How I got un-excommunicated. Hint: I own all the cardinals. My official relations with the Papacy are now Neutral. I guess they finally got the hint that it is unwise to challenge my rule. The millions slaughtered along the way might have been a clue.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0292.jpg

For those of you paying attention, here it is: The original faction heir of Scotland, still sitting harmlessly next to my still undefended Dublin. I told you at the very beginning that they would never, ever move. I guess the Canmores are (slang term for part of the female anatomy, plural).

Now nothing left to do but wait for the Morons and the Timids to arrive.

Only now, at the end, do you understand... You will pay the price for your lack of vision.

Now, young Skywalker... you will die.

Bwahahahahaha!!!

Privateerkev

06-21-2007, 06:21

*remains unimpressed because you lost 81 battles*

jk!

;)

"The more you tighten your grip, the more [regions] will slip through your fingers..."

Askthepizzaguy

06-21-2007, 07:49

[QUOTE=Privateerkev]*remains unimpressed because you lost 81 battles*
QUOTE]

LOL

Umm, in my defense, I never attempted to have a navy. I used mercenary ships, mostly, and I let them get eaten alive by pirates.

Pirates do not concern me, admiral. I want those territories, not excuses.

So yes, I lost almost all the naval battles. What good is a navy when you have zero territories? Navies are more of a drain on resources than having your own PORTS blockaded.

And the computer counts all engagements you retreat from as losses, I believe.

Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!

He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.

And for those of you who wanted the whole thing, here's the beginning:

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen-- Uh, I think that's enough singing for today!

And yet more silliness from silly Camelot (it's only a model), which is indeed a silly, silly place.

We're Knights of the Round Table,
We dance whenever we're able,
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot,
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

We're Knights of the Round Table,
Our show are formidable,
But many times, we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We're Opera mad in Camelot,
We sing from the diaphragm
a lot!

In war we're tough and able,
Quite indefatigable,
Between our quests we sequin vests,
And impersonate Clark Gable.
It's a busy life in Camelot,
I have to push the pram a lot.

Askthepizzaguy

06-21-2007, 12:28

Just a quick update: I am in the process of crushing the Mongrels. I will be uploading photos of my endless horde of red and yellow clad troops and their 30 generals advancing towards 5 little stacks of barbarian scum.

The Jedi have apparently hidden their reserve force from the Emperor's sight. Not that it will make any difference. I will repel their feeble offensive and upload the proof to this comm network for all to see.

This will teach the fools to fight for their freedom. They underestimate the power of the dark side.

Who wants to see my ridiculous reserve of an all-general stack? Keep in mind, this is turn 65 or so. Not turn 265, where all general stacks are more common.

Askthepizzaguy

06-22-2007, 11:04

Thus begins the great war between the heroes of the British Empire and the full force of the Golden Horde.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0311.jpg

The Imperial forces march to meet the invading Mongol scum. They will meet their end this day.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0313.jpg

Because cavalry sucks under the control of the AI, I allowed my infantry divisions to be under computer control, and met the Mongols with a full cavalry stack under my direct control. The battle is on the northeastern steppes, Sarkel region, in winter, with fresh snowfall. The ground will be soaked with blood after this great battle. I have four stacks attacking 2 Mongol stacks. Let's hope my other stacks bother to show up.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0314.jpg

I charge to the southwestern corner of the map, inviting the Mongols to battle me head on before my reinforcements even arrive.

Knights... full attack!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0315.jpg

The Mongols employ their cowardly horse archer strategy of shooting from afar. Too afraid to meet us sword to sword, they circle us and fire. Their infantry is now completely exposed to a full charge.

CHAAAARGE!!!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0316.jpg

A wave of swords on horseback descend upon the mongol infantry. My horses trample over most of them, leaving little meat remaining to be butchered by my noble men.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0317.jpg

My men are surrounded and outnumbered so far, but they all fight with fierce determination.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0318.jpg

My general is no coward. He rides directly into battle.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0319.jpg

My loyal bodyguards make short work of these pitiful peasants.

Hack them to pieces, men!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0320.jpg

My horde of Christian soldiers charge into the Mongol horse archers and lancers... they will die a coward's death.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0321.jpg

The enemy have reserve forces... GOOD! This means more of them will die today!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0326.jpg

I charge uphill to meet the threat to my infantry reserves. Foot soldiers are no good in this fight, but my men hold their ground.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0328.jpg

The fools think they have the advantage... but they forgot to watch their backs!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0331.jpg

Let the second stage of this battle commence!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0332.jpg

They have slain a few of my archers... but they shouldn't get too cocky.

Hey, what's that rumbling sound coming from behind?

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0333.jpg

My men are already exhausted from battling their main force and from the uphill charge, but they meet the enemy at full speed.

Butcher them!!!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0334.jpg

The enemy run away, rather than fight like men.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0335.jpg

HAH! They cry for help like mewling infants.

Brace yourselves, men!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0336.jpg

Not content to let his men bear the brunt of the work, my general slays as many of those ugly rats as he can find.

Prepare to meet your death!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0339.jpg

My men rally to assist me in killing these gutless swine.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0341.jpg

My ally falls in battle.

I will avenge your death... I promise.

I will personally see to it that every last one of those treacherous swine dies by the sword. Next: Part two of this epic battle.

Askthepizzaguy

06-29-2007, 17:19

DOWNLOAD O FORTUNA and play this mp3 during the battle!
http://www.sendspace.com/file/nfw2j5
http://www.savefile.com/files/853068

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0346.jpg

Vengeance will be mine...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0352.jpg

CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0353.jpg

Crunch! Men go flying as the force of many tons of flesh and steel create an avalanche of death which rains upon the Mongol scum.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0354.jpg

I'll have your head!

Oh, you think so? Not if I have yours first!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0356.jpg

The enemy slain, I continue my downhill stampede to meet more enemies below.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0358.jpg

What is that you have in your hand? A dagger??? Use a sword you mangy gits!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0361.jpg

I desire more blood to pay for my fallen brothers!

Continue the hunt!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0363.jpg

Let the carrion birds have at your worthless corpses!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0365.jpg

Mine allies approacheth from the hilltop. Too little, too late, my friends; for these foolish Mongrels belong to ME!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0366.jpg

Their reinforcements arrive, and my battle-weary men prepare to make war upon these fresh victims.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0367.jpg

Trample them underfoot!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0368.jpg

Have at you!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0370.jpg

Uh oh.... *soils his armour*

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0371.jpg

SLAUGHTER THEM!!!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0372.jpg

The time of Destiny is at hand men! Do not waver! Do not falter!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0374.jpg

FINISH THEM!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0375.jpg

Every last one of you will die by my hand

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0376.jpg

You are next, fool!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0377.jpg

Still my allies advance. They arrive to late to slay anyone. The battle is MINE!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0380.jpg

The enemy orders a full retreat...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0382.jpg

That's right... run you dogs!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0383.jpg

I have such lovely poleaxes to smash your spines and eviscerate you with!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0386.jpg

RUN AWAY!!!!!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0389.jpg

We never invade your land again! We promise! You winner!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0394.jpg

COME BACK AND FIGHT LIKE MEN, YOU GUTLESS SWINE!!!

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/0398.jpg

Total victory is mine!

And thus ends the final epic battle of the English campaign. None dare oppose me now, as I present the bodies of the fallen swine to thier Khan. Gift-wrapped, and with a warning....

Don't mess with the British Empire!

-fin-

Monsieur Alphonse

06-29-2007, 18:14

Askthepizzaguy

06-29-2007, 19:08

Monsieur Alphonse sings:

Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the eh.. grassy plains
Nice story.

I actually feel a little sorry for the Mongols. They never had a chance. Wait I don't feel sorry. Great slaughter of those pesky stinking barbarians. :charge: :hmg:

PS The goats will be happy.:laugh4:

Thank you Monsieur Alphonse!

I have a question for everyone who enjoyed this thread...

Since due to eventual inactivity, this thread that I worked so hard on will eventually die.

Who here wants me to start another thread like this one?

Any suggestions?

Privateerkev

06-30-2007, 17:32

Askthepizzaguy

06-30-2007, 18:51

I think that if you have the time and inclination, you could do this for every single faction. Though I did say that earlier in the thread. Also, are you going to show us what happens when the Timurids show up? Or go take the English Empire to their rightful place in the New World?

Good Job!

^_^

Well, Privateer, no... I am not going to show the Timurid invasion or sail to the new world. That takes so much time and many, many turns. In the meanwhile, I have over 100 provinces that need serious micromanagement every turn to prevent rebellion. Since I could squash the invaders easily, and because it would be such a tedious challenge to get there... I believe at this point I have made my point. However, a faction like the Byzantine Empire or Russia should be able to do so, because they lack the crusade function and would still probably be in the process of conquering the world when the Timurids arrive.

As for the new world, the event that triggers the ability to sail there takes far too long in my opinion. Consider it a character flaw... Once you have all 106 provinces in the Old World, You have to agree that there is no challenge conquering the new. There is such thing as overkill.

But I thank you very much for taking the time to read my story.

I don't believe I will be doing any more 'speed runs', because in order to prove that I did not cheat, I will have to post a picture of every turn. That is a very tedious thing and it takes a long time to convert over 300 images and load them on the web.

Instead, I will now be focusing on visual strategy guides.

But fear not, for the day may come when I decide to tell the tale of a glorious empire once again... perhaps not until all regions are captured... maybe until long campaign victory conditions.

Thanks again!

Privateerkev

07-01-2007, 04:06

Well, Privateer, no... I am not going to show the Timurid invasion or sail to the new world. That takes so much time and many, many turns. In the meanwhile, I have over 100 provinces that need serious micromanagement every turn to prevent rebellion. Since I could squash the invaders easily, and because it would be such a tedious challenge to get there... I believe at this point I have made my point. However, a faction like the Byzantine Empire or Russia should be able to do so, because they lack the crusade function and would still probably be in the process of conquering the world when the Timurids arrive.

As for the new world, the event that triggers the ability to sail there takes far too long in my opinion. Consider it a character flaw... Once you have all 106 provinces in the Old World, You have to agree that there is no challenge conquering the new. There is such thing as overkill.

But I thank you very much for taking the time to read my story.

I don't believe I will be doing any more 'speed runs', because in order to prove that I did not cheat, I will have to post a picture of every turn. That is a very tedious thing and it takes a long time to convert over 300 images and load them on the web.

Instead, I will now be focusing on visual strategy guides.

But fear not, for the day may come when I decide to tell the tale of a glorious empire once again... perhaps not until all regions are captured... maybe until long campaign victory conditions.

Thanks again!

I think your just afraid to admit that your afraid of Oliphants! ;)

j/k

Askthepizzaguy

07-01-2007, 09:06

I think your just afraid to admit that your afraid of Oliphants! ;)

j/k

Oh, you think so?

Just wait until the Egyptian strategy guide is finished... then you will have a giant pile of dead Mongrels and Timids.

I spit on their mangled corpses!

TheRealSlimBrady

07-01-2007, 15:55

Wow. Dude: you rock.

Askthepizzaguy

07-01-2007, 19:22

Wow. Dude: you rock.

I certainly don't mind the compliments; thank you.

Might I ask: What did you enjoy most about this post?

Atreides

07-03-2007, 13:31

Fun guide to read. A very detailed work, still written with humour.

Could you summarize your anti-excommunication tactic? Imo is it amazing that you can wander through the entire game without getting excommunicated….

Thanks a lot.

Askthepizzaguy

07-03-2007, 13:45

Atreides

07-04-2007, 12:14

The guide to perfect Papal standings.

Here's what the pope likes:
1. Alliance
2. your maps
3. trade rights
4. 100 Florins/turn for 100 turns
5. Offer to attack everyone. He is secretly a genocidal maniac in this game.
i.e: Offer to attack HRE, Sicily, Venice, Milan as a gift. He will eventually accept and boost your rating.

Continue gifting maps and attacks every single turn. Station a diplomat inside his skirt and set it on vibrate. He will be too distracted by your generosity to care about the little things, like wiping out half of Europe.

He will eventually get pissy with you for attacking genuinely nice catholic factions. He will threaten excommunication. He did several times during this game, which set me back about 20 turns, total. I could have wiped out France, Denmark, Poland, and Hungary a lot sooner.

Just wait it out and provoke them. They might excommunicate themselves. Just stop laying seige to cities and unblock ports. Then move slightly outside their territory and wait for them to attack you.

aha, 1-4 was working. But still he likes to..... (despite it is my pope, and my college of cardinals (10 out of 14).

Thanks for your answer.

Off-topic but do you have any special tips to stop the annoying Mongools. The they won’t attack the beautiful bridge and the first battle again them had to be replayed (apparently i did not trigger the timer button, so after killing 64% of a 4 full stack army their army had to be triggered (after already few others triggers and 3 to 4 hours of play).

I know some general tips. But how do I provoke an attack to a interesting place on my terms?

Askthepizzaguy

07-04-2007, 13:22

aha, 1-4 was working. But still he likes to..... (despite it is my pope, and my college of cardinals (10 out of 14).

Thanks for your answer.

Off-topic but do you have any special tips to stop the annoying Mongools. The they won’t attack the beautiful bridge and the first battle again them had to be replayed (apparently i did not trigger the timer button, so after killing 64% of a 4 full stack army their army had to be triggered (after already few others triggers and 3 to 4 hours of play).

I know some general tips. But how do I provoke an attack to a interesting place on my terms?

This all depends on which faction you are playing as.

As any non-excommunicated Catholic faction, the answer is Crusades, plain and simple. after the Mongols invade, (and wait for it, there are several waves), call a crusade against whatever province they happen to take. Join all your generals and all the troops you can muster.

Try to concentrate your stacks together and form a horde of your own. Doesn't matter so much the composition of your armies, although I find that crusader seargents and crusader knights form a good backbone. You will take heavy losses.

Target, as I did, the lead Mongol stack. Surround with at least 2 stacks of troops, or three. Charge quickly with your best general and his best forces and wipe out the lead stack, and then rally your troops and go for broke against their second stack. Night fighter abilities come in handy, as you get to choose just how many Mongol stacks you fight at once... sometimes. They also have night fighter generals, so this doesn't always work.

I don't recommend having generals in your support stacks. This way, if you lose the battle or take heavy losses, you are only risking one general at a time.

Aim for whatever provinces the Mongols have taken, first. This gives you the ability to discontinue the crusade whenever you choose by leaving the crusade and slipping inside a newly recaptured city as a garrison, ending troop loss to desertion, and all the movement bonuses and so forth.

You must move quickly and overwhelm them with numbers. They will not go quietly.

For non-Catholic factions, this is not so simple. Jihads don't work, as the Mongols are apparenly Muslim (don't blame me, I didn't program the game), and the Orthodox factions don't have a crusade function.

This means war. Literally. And from the beginning.

As Orthodox or Islamic factions, you have only the option of expanding your empire until you take up a good third of the map. Only then can you afford to spawn endless stacks of armies on suicide missions.

You can try to block bridges and garrison towns, with moderate success, but sometimes you just cannot provoke them. Sometimes they wander elsewhere or just stay put. You are going to have to go after them.

You had better have a lot of family members. Don't waste your King, Prince, or his son. You have a family line to look after. Instead, use all your aging generals and young hotshots to lead waves of 3 stacks towards your foe. They will all die, but they will stop the Hordes.

First wave: shock troops led by disposable, good general. Flanked by two captain-led armies. You lead the general's army into battle.

Keep your general alive and move your army as supporting troops for your other two armies. Generally, the AI gets eaten alive by the Mongols even with good troops. They merely serve as a distraction while you come at them in a pincer movement, or to divide their forces and overwhelm half of their army.

In the meantime, prepare another stack of your best troops led by a second general, and two supporting armies. Militia does just fine as filler troops in your captain-led wings.

After you have fought to the death with your first wave and killed as many fo the scum as possible, send your second wave.

Prepare a third.

After a few waves of generals and captains, the Mongols should be hurting. Be sure that they have no cities left, or else they could respawn troops and turn this into a war of attrition.

You should only have to part with a few good generals to win the day. But if the Mongols are already spread out and have a good sized portion of the map, you had better hope that your offensive abilities are up to the challenge. This war is going to be bloody, and you will lose half of your family.

But it is winnable. Avoid the Mongols in hilly areas, because more often than not, you will be attacking them, and they will have the high ground. Unless you plan on defending, in which case, head for the hills and bridges.

I personally know of no way you can goad them into attacking you. The AI is stupid, they either will or they won't.

Finally, besides troops and troops and troops, use spies to recon the enemy, and find their generals, use assassins (it may take a LOT of them) to slay their leaders, one by one. Go after any general with a decent percentage of likelyhood that they will die.

That should get you started. I am sorry I do not have a quick fix to the question of how to get the Mongols to attack you... that seems to be pure luck. Try an ambush, if you're really pressed up against a wall. Hide and take down their general.

Always aim for the head of the snake.

Askthepizzaguy

07-10-2007, 09:22

Sorry folks, but my bandwidth has been exceeded, and I was forced to break all the links to photos on this thread temporarily.

No one has posted in a while, and until I can create an entirely new photobucket account and move every single stinkin photo, the links will remain broken.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

If anyone knows a quicker fix to this problem, let me know.

Askthepizzaguy

07-20-2007, 07:32

The Photos should be repaired.

Go easy on this thread... if too many people view it I will have exceeded my bandwidth again for another month.

Guyus Germanicus

07-25-2007, 23:52

Good Grief, pizzaguy. You're a man possessed. The Puhp (in my best Peter Sellers) needs to send a primo exorcist to your laptop. :download:

I just browsed through your posts on this thread. I'm awed by your technique. :jawdrop: I wonder if CA ever imagined anyone would play the game as you do. :beam:

Here's a cheers ~:cheers: to when you put out your Egyptian :egypt: strategy guidebook. Or should I have sent more culturally relevant cheers? :belly:

Crusades, treachery, religious zealotry, rapine, pillage, rebellions . . . it's like, like .... :drama3: real life.

Pizza kudos, big guy. Well . . . back to my game. :titanic: :)

Askthepizzaguy

07-26-2007, 01:08

Were you aware I already have an Egyptian thread? Click on my name, do a search for all threads started by askthepizzaguy, and then click on my Egypt thread.

Or maybe I'll post the link:

Egyptian Blitz
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=88116

The photos are broken until August (THANKS PHOTOBUCKET... couldn't you just use ads like a normal website?)

Russian Blitz
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=88366

Proof of HRE 50 provinces by turn 16
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=88390

I also started a Scotland thread... but it's the lands to conquer mod, so I won't be doing any serious blitzing. Check the throne room (AAR battlestories) for Scotland's finest laddies.

(Work in progress)

I'm glad the photos are working again. This is my favorite thread of all time.

Guyus Germanicus

07-26-2007, 03:47

F a s c i n a t i n g, PG. . . . . . You've obviously got this game's number.

Just out of curiosity, and if it's not violating trade secrets, how did you come by this idea of the blitz? Was it just an intuition based on what you knew about the game features? Did something just click for you one day while slogging through a routine long campaign?

It's serious risk taking to launch out the way you do with your faction. Frederick the Great could certainly appreciate your audacity. And that's what wins real life wars.

My guess is, CA never expected anyone to play the game this way. And you are absolutely right. The AI certainly could have a faction crusade it's way to your front door just as you have blitz'd them. So you're certainly not playing unfairly.

It makes me wonder if anyone at CA ever tried the blitz themselves.

I dare say this blitzing would not occur to most of us because we expect the game to play long, requiring building up cities, accumulating a bank account, and generally administrating the faction, slow-building campaign armies while trying to hold off aggressors. But you've turned the tables on that whole notion.

I noticed in your English/Norman thread many times you were thousands of florins in the red. That's basically counterintuitive to how most of us would think about managing our campaign. But you basically made money as you conquered, and your breathing spells were brief, and you used the Crusade to recruit good units at Crusade discount prices.

I'm impressed. :yes: You've got a talent. :juggle2:

I hope you find your true calling. And thanks for sharing with us. I know I'll be coming back to these threads of yours many times.

Askthepizzaguy

07-26-2007, 04:50

Well the blitz certainly was not my own invention. Many other players have noticed the ability to build your economy from the incredible amount of florins you get from sacking, and everyone has noticed the economic/military benefits of crusading. The trouble is, once you build your military up to a point, and a crusade ends, and you've sacked your target city, you go deeply into the red, really fast. So your choices are to stay in debt and keep your troops, or disband your troops, balance your budget, and watch your freshly-conquered empire collapse.

I originally got this style of play from Rome: Total War (Total Realism mod) playing as the Gauls.

As the Gauls, you have a massive empire right from the start, that is on the verge of collapse. You have several full stacks of fresh, superb troops. But your economy is a disaster, and you WILL go into debt unless you disband over half of your standing army.

The result of such disbanding is the loss of 2/3 of your empire. You will most likely lose your Celtic territory in Asia Minor, as well as Thrace. That leaves you with almost nothing with which to stand up against the Romans, who have superior troops and start out on your doorstep as a united faction.

I could not suffer to watch my empire die. Not when I have five thousand brave troops standing at the ready, and a history of being an ancient and proud people with a unique culture.

So I was introduced to the idea of playing deeply in debt. I would take my armies in Asia Minor and wait by the shore for a boat to take me to Greece. I would use my province in Greece as a ship builder and get my troops across the sea. Then, my three stacks of Gaulish troops would pillage their way across northern Greece and Dacia until they reached northern Italy, where the rest of my forces had rallied.

From there, I would burn and pillage my way south until the Romans had been destroyed, and use the pillaging florins I acquired to reinforce my army and attack Germania, and my main force would end up taking either Iberia or Greece. Eventually, the budget righted itself. The idea was to not let the debt get out of hand, because every time I pillaged a city, I would sell off the buildings and reduce my debt, while crippling my enemies for a second pass.

If I were to play as the Mongols, I would go on a world tour of pillaging (but not selling buildings) before settling down. Then I would completely dismantle my army except for two stacks, Settle in Italy, and slowly reclaim the map from the pathetic rebels.

The risks of this particular style of play would be greater IF all AI factions attacked you with everything they have simultaneously. Since they don't, you can repel the sole invader or two with basic militia garrisons, unless they have artillery. Which they almost never do. And armies with artillery are slow to move around the campaign map, and can be easily repelled if pressed by a single general and as many spearmen as you can muster. Just surround the settlement they captured and seige them to death, or repel their sally.

The other risks involved are losing your generals by not playing defensively. You can get overzealous and put yourself at risk. You also have to worry about losing your men at sea, because I never build navies. I try to end all of my turns with my armies back on the shore so this never happens. There's usually enough mercenary ships to take me where I need to go, even if my first boat gets destroyed.

I am sure CA anticipated this strategy, that is why they have the Pope getting mad at catholics for being belligerent. They simply overpowered my ability to bribe and placate him.

The basic philosophy here is: Troops on the field are either suicide units to weaken the enemy, like kamikazes, (which after they are dead cost nothing) or they are potential sackers and pillagers bringing the world under your rule and bringing taxes to your treasury. If people don't wish to be exterminated, they had better stay loyal from a single sacking.

Of course this is all brutal and dishonorable, and in real life it wouldn't work. Everyone in the world would squash you immediately. But in the game it works perfectly.

The thing you must avoid is losing more troops than your opponents. Generally speaking, after blitzing your nearby rebel settlements or your first conquest of a faction, you are among the mightiest empires in the world (early game). Therefore, if you go on the attack, and do it well, you can cripple your enemies, have all of your troops die gallantly, and come back with a fresh stack to finish the job, or you can destroy them on the first pass with good generalship.

I also make it a point of ignoring enemy armies. If I see an army, I move away from it, unless it is near a settlement I want. Then I kill it if I can, or move quickly past it and find another. Once I am sure my troops will not be surrounded, I attack the nearest settlement and take all the florins I can from it. I am the ultimate robber baron and viking raider. The fewer troops you lose, and the more you destroy and pillage, the mightier your empire becomes.

When you get powerful enough, you can return with two stacks of troops and annihilate any straggler stacks of enemy troops you didn't get on the first pass, or any especially hard settlements that were well-defended. (Like Constantinople sometimes is. While on crusade, a single crusader stack may not be able to take it without sustaining HEAVY casualties. So, I sometimes ignore it and take Nicaea instead, pillage it, and allow the garrison from Constantinople to be split apart to retake Nicaea. Then, I have two moderately defended settlements. Divide and conquer.

I attack the enemy where they are weakest. I hit their soft, bloated bellies and avoid their claws. I strike them fast and without mercy, leave them crippled or dead, and move on just as quickly. Then, when the hunt is over, I come back to collect their carcasses. They are too busy mending their wounds or rebuilding what I have destroyed, or fighting to reclaim their own territory that they cannot spare the troops to defeat even the most mediocre defenses in my territory.

The philosophy is: Every stronghold can be taken. None are invulnerable. While some waste resources defending what they have, they miss the oppurtunity to claim themselves a larger piece of the pie. The best defense is a good offense and all that.

Against a human or humans, this cannot work. But the AI is divided and uncoordinated. The AI has no soul, no intelligence, no conscience, no consciousness. They cannot work together as human beings might to overcome regional or cultural differences and repel a racist, genocidal maniac.
See World War II for an example of this. Making yourself an enemy of the whole world accomplishes nothing but your own destruction.

However, in this game, it accomplishes everything; it destroys the world and remakes it in your image.

I'm on a roll here, and I could delve into my thoughts on matters beyond this game, and yammer on about philosophy, but I'll end it here so this post will actually stay on topic.
:knight:

phonicsmonkey

07-26-2007, 05:03

Askthepizzaguy

07-26-2007, 05:06

hey pizzaguy, did you ever try RTW: Barbarian Invasion as the Western Roman Empire?

I only ask because their starting position is similar to the one you describe for the Gauls in RTR - large crumbling empire, economically unviable etc.

Conventional wisdom had it that the only way to win as the WRE was to disband armies and allow most of the empire to rebel, then slowly rebuild and retake it one step at a time.

wonder whether the insane blitzomaticTM strategy could have done a better job...

Funny you should mention that. Yes, I played that. Exactly once.

I played as the Western Romans, and my empire was about to crumble.

"I DONT THINK SO" I said.

I forget exactly what I did, but all the regions I KNEW would rebel, I pulled my entire army out of and sold off the buildings. Then I waited for the rebellion to take place, and I layed seige to the city, with backup from my less rebellious cities.

It took me about 5 turns to solidify my empire again. I lost maybe four cities. I burned to the ground all the traitorous settlements and rebuilt them.

After that, I realized the game wasn't a challenge. I was already the largest empire in the world allied to the next largest empire in the world.

The Romans were fools to let their empire collapse.

phonicsmonkey

07-26-2007, 05:16

don't be too hard on them

I'd imagine you'd lose interest too if you'd blitzed your way to ruler of the known world in 50 turns, then had to administer it for several monotonous centuries

Askthepizzaguy

07-26-2007, 05:32

don't be too hard on them

I'd imagine you'd lose interest too if you'd blitzed your way to ruler of the known world in 50 turns, then had to administer it for several monotonous centuries

Reminds me of our idiot CEOs and children of the rich and famous here in America.

The inheritors of our culture. Those who contributed nothing to it and don't know how to maintain it. The squanderors of fortune, the playboy millionaires who become drug addicts, the people who waste what they have.

They will be the downfall of our society.

Forgive me, but you can't be too hard on them. They have it too easy, and the reason why the fail is because they have never been challenged.
I challenge them. If more people did the same, maybe they wouldn't ruin themselves. Maybe they could use what they have to make the world a better place. But I digress. I'm going to leave this thread alone for a while so that people can view the pretty pictures before they break again.

Csargo

07-26-2007, 06:01

Very nice. I'm not a blitzer, but you did a fantastic job. Painting the world red is always fun.:2thumbsup:

Guyus Germanicus

07-26-2007, 13:20

Well the blitz certainly was not my own invention. Many other players have noticed the ability to build your economy from the incredible amount of florins you get from sacking,

True, as I have. But you've taken the Crusade feature coupled with a blitz style of campaigning and turned it into something systematic. This is what I don't think CA anticipated. And it really is a quite clever way to play the game.

The trouble is, once you build your military up to a point, and a crusade ends, and you've sacked your target city, you go deeply into the red, really fast. So your choices are to stay in debt and keep your troops, or disband your troops, balance your budget, and watch your freshly-conquered empire collapse.

Yes, that can be a consequnce of Crusade's end. And I do think it's a waste to let a recently recruited and blooded army go to waste. You are going to eventually need all those troops anyway. So it's logical to simply put them to work immediately. As you point out about your experience with Gaul in the Total Realism mod. A lesson of real life can be seen in this - you use the gifts that you are given. Large army, bad economy - so move forward with what you have.

The risks of this particular style of play would be greater IF all AI factions attacked you with everything they have simultaneously. . . . the AI is divided and uncoordinated. The AI has no soul, no intelligence, no conscience, no consciousness. They cannot work together as human beings might

True, and perhaps one of these days they'll be able to improve on the AI and make it more relationship savvy.

I attack the enemy where they are weakest. I hit their soft, bloated bellies and avoid their claws. I strike them fast and without mercy, leave them crippled or dead, and move on just as quickly. Then, when the hunt is over, I come back to collect their carcasses. They are too busy mending their wounds or rebuilding what I have destroyed, or fighting to reclaim their own territory that they cannot spare the troops to defeat even the most mediocre defenses in my territory.

Yes, this is a classic military philosophy. And one can see it illustrated in your screenshots. MacArthur did as you described in his New Guinea campaign. He bypassed Rabaul, the Japanese stronghold, taking smaller towns and strategic points of communications eventually cutting off this main base and making it militarily irrelevant. He took all of New Guinea and the Phillippines suffering less casualties than what the US Army suffered in the Battle of the Bulge. Here's a little philosophy . . .

All war is about mistrust. It's relational. We don't trust our neighbor. We don't feel safe and are moved by desperation or earnest. We think someone is holding out on us, or not giving us our due. We feel threatened or shamed, devalued to the point that we fear for our very existance or viability. We fear being victimized or violated. Or, we ARE violated and want to stop it and re-establish healthy boundaries. We are betrayed by someone or aggrieved. We want to protect our families, our neighbors, our community and our property from harm. All these potential reasons for war are about relationships. Truly, trust has to be earned. Good faith has to be expressed mutually. Otherwise we live uncomfortably close to someone we're not sure of. That's real life, or at least, how I understand it. And to a large degree, even M2TW illustrates that.

To me, in your observation about the wealthy, (farther down the thread), the issue is really about gratitude. People who've had everything given to them, who have never sweated for anything, especially their own community, don't know gratitude in their lives. They don't know that their own life is a gift. It takes a sense of gratitude to fight for your country and your national community, or even your neighbor. But that notion is horribly old-fashioned these days. We've lost our sense of common destiny and community. Many of our fellow countryman don't feel connected to the national community in any real way. Instead, they feel alienated or even victimized by it. They feel their ideals and expectations have been dashed. And sadly I'm powerless to convince them otherwise. And then there are those who have so many personal troubles, that the national community doesn't even show up as a blip on their radar screen. I guess I'm off topic and probably rankling someone.

Thanks again for sharing a little bit of your world with us, PG. And best wishes,

ForgotMyOldNick

07-28-2007, 07:34

Askthepizzaguy

07-28-2007, 08:30

Awesome stuff PizzaGuy. Love looking at the screenies and the print screen posts were very funny !

After managing my first successful crusade last night..( hey I don't have enough time to play at the moment and only installed game a few weeks ago ) with the French faction ( Talk about florin saturation! Sooo easy compared to Sicily faction) ; I am wondering about this Crusade exploit thingy you mentioned on the first page?

I mean for when I play the Sicilians again it might be worth a try heh...

Anyway, thanks for the most detailed thread I have ever seen and humour sprinkled throughout.

Crusade exploit may refer to any number of things.

In the first example, exploiting the fact that crusading armies cost nothing. Making your entire current standing army join a crusade and then *poof* building an entirely new army at home for defense and conquest would seem to be exploitative.

In the second example, exploiting the fact that in some versions of the game (read: most versions of the game) you can leave/join a crusade every turn for ten turns and move in ANY direction (or none) without loss to desertion.

In the third example, some versions of the game (read: most versions) allow you to leave/join/leave/join the crusade in order to gain Chivalry to maximum levels. Every one of my generals in my France game was "the Saint" in terms of character stats, if not in practice or in name, except my faction leader who I purposely built up to have 10 dread.

So crusades in most versions of the game are cheap ways to blitz and gain stats and have free standing armies.

However, because I warned everyone up front that I was going to use every legal loophole at my disposal to win, this qualifies as fair play. The only thing I don't agree with is using a modified game or codes to bend the rules.

I play with the rules 'as is'. It is not my fault and I am not to judge the fact that often times the rules aren't fair. I will viciously defend any attempt to label my blitz runs as cheating, because they aren't, by definition. If you play Scrabble, anything in the official dictionary is fair game, even if the words are NEVER used in everyday English language. It's not cheating, it's following the rules all the way to the breaking point.

However, for the sake of fun, 'house rules' eliminating blatant exploits are allowed and encouraged. It is also recommended that you delineate your 'house rules' when you post a thread so that people won't ask you what rules you are playing by. Since most people are either unwilling to use, or unaware of, legal loopholes in the game, I make it a point of telling people that they do exist and I am using them, even though I shouldn't have to.

I am gratified that you enjoyed my attempts at humor. These posts are meant to be informative and fun.

:knight: