View Full Version : A thread for the broken hearted version II
Today, I made a horrible mistake with my gf.
Im thinking i wont be able to superate this, and our relationship is going to be nothing.
What can I do? I need help, and I think you guys can help me.
Cheers
GvI
If you think it's worth it fight for it, and if not just break up there's plenty more women.
and if not just break up there's plenty more women
Thats not the point. I love her, and I dont think other woman will be the same.
Hard to give advice with so little info. Assuming you haven't done a Big Bad (sleep around on her, kill her dog, etc.) most things can be healed if both people care enough to try. If you really love her, give it a shot.
GeneralHankerchief
07-16-2007, 02:49
Yeah, we do need a little more info.
A general remedy is completely swallowing all of your pride and letting her know what you did was wrong (even if it wasn't), you love her, etc.
Big King Sanctaphrax
07-16-2007, 02:55
Come on mate, spill it. What'd you do?
Unless you have actually slept around, there'll be something you can do about it.
No, I swore to myself not to be with other girl.
Just I said something stupid, exactly I didnt think in her when we made an decision, and now she dont want to know anything about me. Im losing her.
Privateerkev
07-16-2007, 03:47
If someone will leave you for saying something stupid, then they probably aren't a good person to be with.
If someone will leave you for saying something stupid, then they probably aren't a good person to be with.
Well good news, at least we are talking again, but Im not sure she will want to be with me again.
Btw, I think she is perfect. I made a bg mistake saying that.
What did you say? Was it insulting or just something embarrassing?
Make her know you care. That's something they find very important.
Someone please give them a sense of humor. Bite the dust, mistake is a mistake. You are sorry.
Just I said something stupid, exactly I didnt think in her when we made an decision, and now she dont want to know anything about me. Im losing her.
Two possibilities:
1) The worst one: she is looking for an excuse to break up with you. Some people are like that. They don't want to be the one who is to be blamed for the end of the relationship. Be honest with yourself: was it really that bad what you did/said? Bad enough to end a relationship for? Isn't she exaggerating?
2) She still loves you and you really did something wrong : talk. Maybe what happened was just one event in a string of events in your relationship that are upsetting are and you guys need to sort it out.
But first of all: apologise. And do it in style.
Go to her house. Bring a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers with you and ask her to go out for a walk. Go to a nice, quiet spot. Talk and drink wine. If you can afford it, take her out for a romantic diner afterwards. Be a gentleman. Open the door for her. Help her when she wants to sit down. Serve her. Make her feel like a princess. A bit of self confidence, a million dollar smile on your face, behave like a true gentleman, spoil her, make her laugh and don't forget to talk, talk, talk.
If all of this doesn't work, you are probably finding yourself in possibility 1). In that case, best thing is to break up as soon as possible and don't see or hear her again for at least 3 months to allow yourself to get over it.
Rodion Romanovich
07-16-2007, 10:59
Btw, I think she is perfect. I made a bg mistake saying that.
Wait, you said to her you think she's perfect, and she replies that she never wants to talk to you again? :no: :wall: Sounds like a very demanding woman to me :embarassed:
Women these days...tsssk Since when should they have an opinion. It all went wrong after we let them vote, I tell you. Tsssk. Louzy Democrats. ~;)
EDIT: Yes, I'm single....
(Un-Frontroomish comment - Beirut)
Rodion Romanovich
07-16-2007, 11:11
If you really want her back, there's a quite good advice that has always worked: look richer!
If someone will leave you for saying something stupid, then they probably aren't a good person to be with.
Oh, I don't know about that. We men can muster up some mightily stupid things to say, and women have memories that could shame an elephant.
Twice (I'm proud to say) my woman has cracked me right across the face for an... inopportune comment. I mean closed fist "Wham!"
I know very well I could say worse. :evil:
I think Andres summed it up very nicely, only thing I'm not sure I can agree with are the three months. :sweatdrop:
I think I'm single because I can't afford the wine. :stupido2:
Privateerkev
07-16-2007, 15:27
Oh, I don't know about that. We men can muster up some mightily stupid things to say, and women have memories that could shame an elephant.
Twice (I'm proud to say) my woman has cracked me right across the face for an... inopportune comment. I mean closed fist "Wham!"
I know very well I could say worse. :evil:
I guess what I meant by that is this;
If someone leaves you for saying something stupid, it pretty much means one of two things (or both).
A.) You deserve to be left because you said something really stupid and that was a deal breaker for them.
B.) Or they are too touchy or were looking for an excuse anyways. Which should make you question whether to be with them anyways.
So, whether its A or B, the important point is it would probably be better if you let them go and moved on with life.
Well good news, at least we are talking again, but Im not sure she will want to be with me again.
Btw, I think she is perfect. I made a bg mistake saying that.
One of the reasons she might not want to be around you any longer is that your loosing what made her attracted to you in the first place. Think about it, you like women because they are femine right? Well most like men because they are masculine.
While you shouldnt club her over the head and drag her home, you should appologize if you made a mistake and then be done with it.
No grovelling, no begging, no whinning. She will respect you more, and longer if you just admit when you are wrong and dont fetch when she throws you a bone.
Now this isnt going to be easy, because societal conditioning has put you at a disadvantage. But remember being masculine is not the traditional machismo (it can be but you know thats a bit passay), it does require you to be firm, but fair.
She will try and bring things back to a situation where you are off balance, you know going to message boards pleading for help for other men.... You appologize and mean it and then dont mention it again, if she keeps hounding you excuse yourself from her or the conversation and tell her you can continue the conversation later.
Right now (this is where the tables turn, or you find out the woman dosent feel as strongly for you as you do her) you tell her you are going to meet an old college/school friend for coffee, drinks whatever.
She asks the name, you say "Tina", or "Rebecca".
You'll know where you stand right then and there.
DISCLAIMER: the above advice and tact was last employed by the poster giving it in the mid 90's. Also, any injury (emotional or physical) resulting from deployment of the advice above is the sole responsibility of the user.
Caius, can you be a bit more specific on what the situation is? It almost sounds like this may have been one of those things in which the proverbial straw broke the camel's back, and something else has been bugging her for awhile.
Caius, can you be a bit more specific on what the situation is? It almost sounds like this may have been one of those things in which the proverbial straw broke the camel's back, and something else has been bugging her for awhile.
Here is the sutuation, very (!) explained.
When we were friends, she had to go to a school very far. She was undecided between yes and no, and I told her if she didnt want to go, then dont go.
Time had passed, and I asked her if she liked the decicion she take. At the first time, she didnt like it, but she said, today I like it, because i can be with you. Then I said, when I said, "if you dont want to go, then dont go" I said, I didnt think in you(my gf), but that was the problem. I feel guilty of the charge of saying that.
I know, I make all the things wrong. Thats the situation.
EDIT: I am not sure if she want to be with me again, she told me:
I dont understand why do you react that way with me, I told mins ago i wanted to think a little but your prepotency made you think another thing. The first impression you gave me is that you are Scolding me, and I wont tolerate this because Im not the peson who is wrong.
Then she told me : Dont do this again.
:gah2: I dont think I will stay with she again.
Andres:
Go to her house. Bring a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers with you and ask her to go out for a walk.
Wine? We dont drink!We are 16! We cant! Thank you anyway for the advice.
She asks the name, you say "Tina", or "Rebecca".
You'll know where you stand right then and there.
:laugh4:
Then she told me : Dont do this again.
Well, if she says you shouldn't do it again, that indicates that you will be together in the future, otherwise you couldn't do it again anyway. Maybe I'm off here but that's how I see it.
First, I am to say to you, Inca, honestly, that no woman is perfect. More largely taken: no human is perfect. Your idea that she is perfect is merely an idea, a belief. You simply like her, which is good enough and accurate, true?
They all have their flaws, stupidities, silliness, etc., in many forms. (Personally, I find humans' illogic and silly emotional and irrational abundance the worst. And especially greed, and egos, and pride, etc.)
Second, I am to tell you "why have a relationship anyway?" This desire you have, this longing, this emotion... it will bring you either happiness or suffering or both. What is certain is that both ends are possible at least, while when you control these things you would have no suffering at all.
Why bring upon yourself the silliness of relationships and the likes? Why love? As long as one seeks it, and experiences it, and expects it, etc., one is (more) prone to pain, suffering, and conflict. Even if you have merely come of age or you still are to, my advice to you is: control your emotions, passions, and desires, yet remain healthy to function.
You are young and have many a thing in prospect. If you truly desire love, check if she is good and true, and work on it. If you discover she is not so good after all, leave her and find another girl. To be honest with you, when I read your story -- which appears very limited in explanation -- she is simply a silly young girl.
If I were you at your age and I knew what I know at my own age now, I would not even pay attention to her.
EDIT: in fact, if it was me at the age of 16 I would probably be a mix of hardness, coldness, humour, etc., and let this girl come to me out of her own will. She wants to act silly? Well, let her act so. Not worth my attention.
woad&fangs
07-16-2007, 19:48
read whacker's post below. Also If she cares about you as much as you care about her than she will fight for this relationship.
Oh my word, I didn't know you were THAT young Caius! :laugh4:
First off, Husar is the wrong guy to be listening to here. :smash: We of the IRC chat all know why that is. :clown:
Second of all, you have to consider your situation realistically. You're 16 mate, when we were that age, quite a few of us hadn't even been in anything remotely resembling a serious relationship by that point. You are both young and, please don't get mad or take this the wrong way, still immature and have some growing up to do. You still have some childhood left to live, for crying out loud. I don't want to sound all doom and gloom but I don't want to sound all happy-go-lucky-sure-it'll-be-fine and put false thoughts in your head either. If you can work things out with her and stick together, and end up as high school sweethearts 20 years down the road, then certainly more power to you and many of us would be happy for you. However do be realistic with yourself, and do consider that this may just be something that happens over the course of your life and is not meant to be. It's really hard to accept that, should that turn out to be the case, but you'll come out of it a wiser person and with little better outlook on life. I still remember breaking up with the girl I dated for a few years in high school, it was extremely hard to do, but now that I can look back on it, it was def. for the best. Then I think on my other friend from high school, who married his high school girlfriend, and they are still happy together.
In short, just do the best you can, do what you think is right, and let the cards fall where they may. Worse comes to worse, just get on IRC with disco, itchy, the great satan, husar, spork and the rest of us and we'll cheer you up one way or the other. :beam: :whip:
Good luck mate!
woad&fangs
07-16-2007, 20:00
ignore this post
We are 16!
Read Whackers post above mine. You will survive this, I assure you.
Chin up friend :thumbsup:
in fact, if it was me at the age of 16 I would probably be a mix of hardness, coldness, humour, etc., and let this girl come to me out of her own will. She wants to act silly? Well, let her act so. Not worth my attention.
16 and still haven't been drunk? Tssk...:egypt:
If you're 16 relations look so important and it seems that there is nothing on the world except for her... While it was not even real love. Now when you are 17 my freind then you are man and get real relationships, and make it fast before you are to old and grey like me. I'm 18 already and can forget about marriage...
On the other hand I was drunk the first time when I was fourteen...
It's really to hot out here for being serious...damn.
In short, just do the best you can, do what you think is right, and let the cards fall where they may. Worse comes to worse, just get on IRC with disco, itchy, the great satan, husar, spork and the rest of us and we'll cheer you up one way or the other.
Thank you man.Thanks to everybody who replied.
Caius, my advice would also be just to forget it. Be her friend if you can, but worry about getting to serious. I am thirty three, and I went through the same thing. Believe me, you don't need a gf at that age, just enjoy what is left of your (if you don't mind me saying) childhood. I don't like commenting on people's personal lifes, but as a friend, that is my advice.
Vuk
Caius, my advice would also be just to forget it. Be her friend if you can, but worry about getting to serious. I am thirty three, and I went through the same thing. Believe me, you don't need a gf at that age, just enjoy what is left of your (if you don't mind me saying) childhood. I don't like commenting on people's personal lifes, but as a friend, that is my advice.
Vuk
Thank you for your advice Vuk, but I want to be with her!I still love her.
Thank you for your advice Vuk, but I want to be with her!I still love her.
It's up to you, I just suggest that you be with her as a friend more than a bf. :bow:
Vuk
Samurai Waki
07-17-2007, 07:28
Read my Signature. Pretty Much Sums up everything about everything.
AntiochusIII
07-17-2007, 12:22
Now, now. I'm sure we are all just a bunch of totally hot bishounen ready to set the world and all the ladies in it on fire and all, but be realistic here, this is a gaming forum. :book:
Take all comments from this place with utmost caution my friend.
Oh, and Bijo: Don't ruin other people's relationship with your bleak philosophy. :laugh4:
Then she told me : Dont do this again....sounds like the best thing a girl could say in such a situation IMO. But I wasn't there to observe the tone of the voice and the body language and even then my ability to read a girl is at an absolute zero so it doesn't matter.
The Stranger
07-18-2007, 18:40
i think its just been a misunderstaning... apologize and maybe explain the situation
I did. Everything went ok.
Thank you guys.
Why God Why?
I've just confessed to my gf that im not sure about the relationship. I dont want to hurn her with false love, and she told me that i should take a time away from her.
Now, is that good or bad?
Why God Why?
I've just confessed to my gf that im not sure about the relationship. I dont want to hurn her with false love, and she told me that i should take a time away from her.
Now, is that good or bad?
I think it's what you were asking for. ~;)
pevergreen
08-30-2007, 01:13
Do you want it? I suggest take some time away from her. See how you feel after a while.
I'm angry/sad/nervious/anxious/I want to cry.
I think it's what you were asking for
I did not asked that. I just have my feelings mixed.
I did not asked that. I just have my feelings mixed.
Well, apparently you mixed up her feelings as well by telling her.
Well, apparently you mixed up her feelings as well by telling her.
She blamed herself and said we should take distance.
FactionHeir
08-30-2007, 05:37
Erm, pray why did you even tell her that if you post here that she is perfect and you are in utter love with her? :inquisitive:
If you say that just when she "gives you another chance", you are asking to be dumped....
As for what to do now. If you don't take some time off from her, she will think you a liar/out to hurt her feelings anytime you can.
So, take maybe a week or so off, and get back to her, and try to be somewhat romantic at least and maybe with some new idea she didin't expect.
I'm angry/sad/nervious/anxious/I want to cry.
Been there a couple times.
If it doesn't work out, take comfort in the fact time heals all. Trust me, it does. You may not think so, but it really does.
woad&fangs
08-30-2007, 14:09
Erm, pray why did you even tell her that if you post here that she is perfect and you are in utter love with her? :inquisitive:
If you say that just when she "gives you another chance", you are asking to be dumped....
As for what to do now. If you don't take some time off from her, she will think you a liar/out to hurt her feelings anytime you can.
So, take maybe a week or so off, and get back to her, and try to be somewhat romantic at least and maybe with some new idea she didin't expect.
Follow his advice.
Ah... good tactics GvI!!
Ok... If you think this is the one, go to her tonight.
Tell her that you can't be parted from her more than a day.
Tell her that your heart bleeds when you can't be with her.
Tell her that while being apart no longer than a day, you are now so sure about this relationship that ... well you take over from here. Make sure you have a ring :beam: .
I think he's too young to be bending down on one knee Sigurd, :laugh4:. But I can see you were/are quite the swashbuckler.
But I can see you were/are quite the swashbuckler.
Ok... The translation for that word is quite negative in my language. What do you mean?
Kagemusha
08-30-2007, 16:02
Ok... The translation for that word is quite negative in my language. What do you mean?
Me thinks that Rhytmic is trying to say that you must have had bit of luck with the ladies.:yes: (Back then during the stone age).~;)
GeneralHankerchief
08-30-2007, 16:16
Suave pirate/ladies' man. :yes:
FactionHeir
08-30-2007, 17:03
I'm interested now. What's it translate into, in Norwegian and what's its meaning in comparison?
I'm interested now. What's it translate into, in Norwegian and what's its meaning in comparison?
Well the word that was listed across from swashbuckler in my dictionary was storskryter.
Swashbuckling came up as: (agressiv og), brautende, storskrytende.
Switching to a Norwegian - English dictionary yields different results.
Storskryter – braggard, boaster, show-off
Storskrytende – loud mouth, magniloquent.
But I should know Rytmic used it in a positive sense and you are quite right. I swooped my wife off her feet and she is still recovering. I shall not mention any other women in my life as they are all past tense.
[edit]: I do sound like a swashbuckler, don't I ?
I think you're just fine Sigurd.:2thumbsup:
Why God Why?
I've just confessed to my gf that im not sure about the relationship. I dont want to hurn her with false love, and she told me that i should take a time away from her.
Now, is that good or bad?
Telling the young lady that you're "not sure" is as good as telling her "I want out". If you're "not sure", it is better to say nothing until you are - either way.
I started to talk with she again, but we are talking like a "just someone I know".
Bad Day (http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=SUhb2qf_6BM)
Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"
She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"
And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on
And had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
Left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"
No...
And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on
Oh and had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day...again"
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day..."
Ahh...ah ah...ahh...ah ah...alright
Oooh...ooh ooh
Ohhh...oh ohh...
I thought I would post it. I have lost contact with my gf. So, I feel Bad and blah blah blah blah blah.
PershsNhpios
03-14-2008, 06:26
Good god sah!
As a fellow member of the age of Sixteen - I recommend you look to your ambitions and ne'er again your lovelife!
I had a rather similar situation, when I was fourteen, and also still in school - when I found myself in the same style of mind you yourself are in.
And I shamefully admit here that I could not of understood at the time just how futile, and how unneccessary my constant keeling was - for a girl of High School years.
Oh yes, they know all about the serious relationships!
They have seen them in several movies!
I would imagine that PrivateerKev came closest to the best advice, though it was short.
Girls at this age unconsciously crave instability in their relationships.
Just observe how they pretend to fight and break up their friendships with other girls, just watch how they come back, 'forever', two days later.
Boys are no different for them, this young Queen who I knew - well, I spent several hundred dollars on jewellry, I stayed up late, late nights just so I could finish that darling romantic portrait of a young horse for her,
(And they were good!),
but this is what I found - after one year, perhaps two, of what you are currently experiencing.
That girl, though about to turn sixteen, who was saving herself for marriage and blossoming and virtuous - she simply wasn't mature enough.
She couldn't comprehend or appreciate the lengths I went to,
that I would spend every spare moment thinking of a new way to greet her in the mornings, a new joke, and new goodbye - a different pet name.
She took it most terribly for granted - because she was too young.
In the end, she was more entertained by the emotion that entailed, "Breaking-up", and the daring and soap-opera of lying to me and taking up with another young boy.
----
And she is still in school, in Year 11 studying for some certificate so she can enter into childcare - if she still, "thinks", she might do that.
And I have left school, experienced freedom, studied Classical works, music, riding and language of my own accord - and now I am applying at the Spanish Riding School in Vienna for the position of Eleve.
I don't know how special you think this relationship is, Caius, but I have never witnessed this, "Love", between people of different genders.
I have seen it between two men - and do not be immature in imagining that - and I myself love my horses more dearly than any people.
For your own sake, forget about this damned addiction you have and look to your future - what is your ambition?
Spartan198
03-14-2008, 07:08
It's better to have loved and lost,my friends,than never to have loved at all.
In my view,no one's had it worse than I have. I once loved a goddess named Sadie,who never even looked at me,even when I'd try to talk to her. I once had a future,then she came along and took it away. Now I sit here at home,no ambition,no dreams other than that chocolate-haired goddess that I never got to hold,no hope for the future.
Sorry,I tried to make that sound poetic,but I'm no good at that kind of thing.
See you guys on the public forums.
I can't speak for you, I can only speak for myself, and I would rather all breadth of feeling in life, than the tedium of constant joy. Live life to enjoy every emotion you feel, and understand that without pain, happiness would not be as great.
People talk of having loved and lost. But, that is not how you should approach life. You can love and lose, but if you do, learn to love, win or lose, and if you lose, take stock, forgive if need be and move on, stronger, heartier and more prepared for what lies ahead.
Remember if you are sad, you are alive; and if you are happy, share it.
Bad Day (http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=SUhb2qf_6BM)
Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"
She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"
And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on
And had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
Left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"
No...
And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on
Oh and had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day...again"
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day..."
Ahh...ah ah...ahh...ah ah...alright
Oooh...ooh ooh
Ohhh...oh ohh...
I thought I would post it. I have lost contact with my gf. So, I feel Bad and blah blah blah blah blah.
Pfft, it's just one of a gahzillion girls. You got better things to do. :sunny:
She blamed herself and said we should take distance.
Gah! I don't like it when girls want distance. I think it's nonsense. Why would 'some time away' help? The only way to fix broken things is to fix them by hand, not from a distance. Which means, talking, hanging out, whatever, getting to trust and like each other again.
I don't like her view on your relationship. She seems to be in control, and not really afraid to lose you. Are you sure that she loves you in the same way as you do love her? And, what kind of love do you mean exactly, how long do you know her, etc?
Btw, don't worry too much. Losing a relationship that isn't working isn't really reason to cry/etc. You don't want to be in a not-working relationship anyway. If you keep some distance and do other things you like you'll have few trouble in getting her off your mind. Time indeed heals all, well, for a young relationship like this it should.:book:
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