Why Are the Octosquids Cutting Our Cables?

[Lemur]

Anybody been following the cable-cutting weirdness (http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticle.asp?xfile=data/theuae/2008/February/theuae_February155.xml&section=theuae) in the Mideast? Depending on who's doing the counting, somewhere between five and seven undersea data cables have been cut in a very short span of time. Here's some coverage (http://www.dailywireless.org/2008/01/30/oceanic-fiber-cut/), here's some more (http://blogs.wsj.com/biztech/2008/02/06/conspiracy-theories-behind-those-cut-undersea-cables/?mod=googlenews_wsj).


Beckert says that the most likely explanation is that a fishing boat damaged the cables by catching them in its net or that a ship accidentally cut them with its anchor – these are responsible for 65% and 18% of cable problems respectively. The first two cables were only 400 yards apart, suggesting that they were damaged in the same incident. “It might have been sharks with laser beams on their heads but I’m guessing it’s not,” says Beckert. Viewed this way, it’s two incidents in a week, which is higher than average but not unusual – last year their were 50 damaged cables in the Atlantic alone.

Not sure what to make of this. Sharks with frickin' laser beams are clearly silly, but devious octosquid commandos are a real and present danger. Anybody know what's going on?

-edit-

Okay, is it just four cables (http://www.engadget.com/2008/02/05/fourth-undersea-cable-cut-near-uae-suspicions-rise/)? I can't get a fix on this.

[Banquo's Ghost]

The Middle East is where most of the West's combat troops are engaged. It would make sense to cut communications there while a bridgehead is established in Louisiana.

[Lemur]

Ars Technica (http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080207-repairs-underway-explanation-elusive-on-cable-failures.html) weighs in, talking about four to five cables cut. They claim that it's just a coincidence ...


The conspiracy theory explanation, while just slightly more plausible than "OMGPONIES," has absolutely no independent evidence to back it up. Whatever else the Trilateral Commission, Illuminati, Big Pharma, Al Qaeda, vaccination campaigns, and the Easter Bunny might be plotting at this moment, they just don't seem to be planning a major assault on the Middle East's ability to watch illicit American Idol broadcasts, conduct business, or surf the Arabic equivalent of YouTube.

[CrossLOPER]

Weak cables in a high traffic area get cut easily? TELL ME MORE!~:wacko:

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Hehehe.

[Beirut]

Multiple undersea cables cut all at once?

It's an attack. Or a practice run for a larger attack.

[Gregoshi]

It's just tentacle envy and the dumb beasts can't tell the difference between a real tentacle and an undersea cable. :clown:

[Mikeus Caesar]

It's a conspiracy, i tell you, a conspiracy.

But you all already knew that.

[Pannonian]

Okay, is it just four cables (http://www.engadget.com/2008/02/05/fourth-undersea-cable-cut-near-uae-suspicions-rise/)? I can't get a fix on this.
If we look at the cables as gigantic arms, then it starts to make sense. 4 cables = 4 arms. However, cut each in 2, and they become 8 arms. 8 arms = octosquid. Clearly, they were stealing material with which to make a giant robotic octosquid. We need diving teams to search the seas around for wrecked ships that have been assembled into giant beaks, and masses of seaweed which may have been knotted together into a giant mantle.

[Leet Eriksson]

I got an anonymous IM from someone who works for Haliburton in the mideast. He says there is 3 teams of techs that are installing taps on the mideast internet backbones. They have to break the wire to install the tap. Normally they synchronize their work so there's no more than one break every couple of days. What happened was they messed up the dates. Someone wrote down the wrong dates, and they all broke cables for taps right around the same time because they were rushing to get a day off to watch the superbowl.

-johnny

Jokes aside check this:

http://www.dissidentvoice.org/2008/02/irans-oil-bourse-could-topple-the-dollar/

[Peasant Phill]

It's a global attack.

Yesterday there was an underground telephone line damaged in 'kleine brogel', a military base in Belgium where there are supposedly nuclear missiles stashed.

I'm not insinuating that octosquid commando's have learned to digg, only that there might be a possibility that they have inlisted the help of the dreaded naked mole rats.

[TB666]

Well cutting off communications is the first step before an invasion.
So they obvious intend to strike now.
But luckily they are showing a flaw so early.
They are cutting the communication in the Middle-east.
While they invade that place, the rest of the world will have time to raise their armies and fight them off.

[Vladimir]

Well cutting off communications is the first step before an invasion.
So they obvious intend to strike now.
But luckily they are showing a flaw so early.
They are cutting the communication in the Middle-east.
While they invade that place, the rest of the world will have time to raise their armies and fight them off.

Uh-huh. Right after they seize the world's oil supply, brilliant. But I'm sure there's NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT! :furious3:

[Rodion Romanovich]

Octosquids don't need the above-earth oil supplies, they have access to huge underwater facilities already. When they invade, I advice you all to lower your weapons and surrender immediately, to avoid unnecessary casualties. This enemy is beyond your capacity, and they are not your true enemy, but will treat you fairly after the occuption. The true enemies are the zoombie hordes, and the octosquids are here to protect you from them. So give up the fight and hand over control to the octosquids peacefully!

:evil:

[Caius]

Well, I present you the new way of banning YouTube!

[Mikeus Caesar]

Octosquids don't need the above-earth oil supplies, they have access to huge underwater facilities already. When they invade, I advice you all to lower your weapons and surrender immediately, to avoid unnecessary casualties. This enemy is beyond your capacity, and they are not your true enemy, but will treat you fairly after the occuption. The true enemies are the zoombie hordes, and the octosquids are here to protect you from them. So give up the fight and hand over control to the octosquids peacefully!

:evil:

You're one of them!

Lynch mob, anyone? :candle:

[Rodion Romanovich]

You're one of them!

Lynch mob, anyone? :candle:
No, silly man, I am just working hard to preserve us from the zoombies. :yes: :skull:

[CountArach]

It's a conspiracy, i tell you, a conspiracy.

But you all already knew that.
Of course, we are in league with *them*.

[Big_John]

it's just plain old octopi.. pusses.. whatever. they're probably tapping into our communications to learn where the best crab fishing is.

see this one opens jars and likes 'playing' with screwdrivers... little 8-armed punk probably boosted my hubcaps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfRqYjv9QgA

[Viking]

The global warming is forcing them up.

[BigTex]

The global warming is forcing them up.

Then is Al Gore their leader?:juggle2: :dizzy2:

[Gregoshi]

Then is Al Gore their leader?:juggle2: :dizzy2:
But if Al is spineless, how does he appear so wooden?

[Papewaio]

I rallied the troops last night and cast down half a dozen zombie octosquids using stakes to stop them ever moving again.

I had dinner last night at a Japanese diner in Eastwood, the Takoyaki was very good.

[KukriKhan]

I rallied the troops last night and cast down half a dozen zombie octosquids using stakes to stop them ever moving again.

I had dinner last night at a Japanese diner in Eastwood, the Takoyaki was very good.

You're going to Octosquid-Hell, of course you know. :)

Did you find any bits of cable or insulation in your Takoyaki?

[Azi Tohak]

Yeah yeah... I'm glad you guys think it is funny. I work in Saudi, and trust me, having to deal with slower-than-dial-up internet is not funny.

I do like seeing this back here though.

Azi

[Rodion Romanovich]

On the bright side, if we get invaded by octosquids:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_26987,00.html