A Stratege on the Rise- a "short" story

I wrote this for Literature class, when we had to write a short story. I used some forum member's names.... hope no one minds.....
feel free to leave comments!
enjoy :2thumbsup:



“Hold those spears! Don’t you dare, by the grace of Apollo, drop those spears!” Demetrios grunted and strained as hard as he could to keep holding a sand-paper like spear for four hours straight. He and a few hundred other trainees stood out in the harsh Greek sun, with their instructor shouting orders and giving punishment. Of course, Karenos, his sworn enemy, was holding up just fine. Demetrios was hoping that Karenos would drop his spear, damaging his reputation among the others and get an earful from the instructor.
“This will get you ready for warfare, where you will be holding the spears for possibly hours! If you drop them now, you are unfit for combat!” Demetrios rolled his eyes as the instructor yelled at them.
The instructor tried very hard to be as oppressive as he could, but that was hard because he was a friend of his fathers and was known to be a very gentle-hearted man.
When the practice was over and the recruits, with blistered hands, arrived at the eating area, Karenos approached him. “I saw you having difficulties with the spears today. Maybe a smaller one covered in silk would help you?” the room exploded with laughter. Demetrios got up and left, only eating a small portion of his food.
Later that day, during classes, Demetrios could barely think about the subject on hand. When the teacher called on him, he could not answer, so the teacher sent home a bad report to his father. Demetrios knew what that meant. As he approached home, he prepared himself for what was to come.
Demetrios’ mother died when she gave birth to Demetrios’ brother. Admetos, his father, was a veteran of previous campaigns as well as a retired general. The death of his mother caused his father much grief, which he took out on Demetrios many times. He also demanded the best from Demetrios, and if he didn’t produce favorable results, he got angry.
“Why weren’t you paying attention in class, boy?! You will pay for this dearly!” he roared. As his father raised his stick, Demetrios uttered,
“May you go to Hades!”
“WHAT?! Insolence!” his father retorted, and beat him savagely.
A blow fell to his head. Demetrios blacked out. When he awoke, he was lying on his lawn, bruised horribly, and his head hurting. Just his luck that Karenos passed by and saw him at that moment, and Karenos made that experience even more painful at school.
Within days word got around about what happened. Demetrios was in ruins. He was frequently depressed, and he only had one friend, Tekelos. The pain continued, and Demetrios only got the will to go on through Tekelos. Through the runs in the heat, the hand-to-hand combat lessons, and outside of classes, Demetrios was teased and scorned by Karenos. It got to a point when he considered committing suicide, but Tekelos talked him out of it. He considered running away.
“Tekelos, I have this great plan!”
“Hopefully not another plan to commit suicide.”
“No, it’s a plan to run away. I can’t take it anymore! I don’t want to end my life, but I don’t want to go on with the way it’s going on right now. Where should I go? Thermon? It sounds like a nice place.”
“Demetrios, you can’t! You have a life here!”
“But why should I stay here if all it brings me is disgrace and pain?”
“You have a good point, but I still don’t like this idea. How are you going to do this?”
“I still have to think about it, but I will tell you when I think of one.”
Before he could run away, his teacher intercepted a message that outlined his plan to Tekelos. His teacher brought him aside after class.
“Demetrios, I am concerned about you. I learned about this plan of yours to run away. Technically, I can’t really do anything about this, since I have no control over your domestic affairs, but I think I can give you some advice. In addition, if the other military schools find out you ran away, they won’t accept you, for they look down on runaways. I have great expectations for you, Demetrios. I want you to become a senior general, otherwise known as a Stratege. I really want you to succeed, but with this attitude, you will never become a general, which is what I presume you want to become. Am I wrong?”
“No sir, not at all.”
“I thought so.”
A million thoughts ran through Demetrios’ head at this time about his situation. He thinks it’s his business? What nerve! He has no right to be in my business, but I may as well try to make the best of this. He weighed his options quickly.
“Sir, is there any way to get a transfer out of my class to a different one?”
“Yes, I think there is a way. Let me see what I can do.”
Demetrios was transferred out of his class to a different one, so he wouldn’t be with Karenos. With that, Demetrios found new hope, and two years later, he graduated at the top of his class. Karenos wasn’t laughing at him too much after that. After graduation from basic training, he went to officer training school, where he will become a general. Life got easier for him after that. His father beat him less, and since Karenos went off to a different school for his officer training, he didn’t see much of him, thankfully. As the months went on, he got stronger, and became a better leader. Soon they were conducting war games, which everyone loved.
War games were fun, but challenging. Opposing officer schools would pit their best three generals-in-training against each other, in a large topographical table where army units were represented by different figurines, so for example, cavalry units were represented by cavalry figurines, and phalanxes were represented by a large group of connected figurines who had spears. Officials regulated the game, and judged when a unit was routed or annihilated. So the games went on just after the third moon. It was the Military Academy of Pella versus the Military Academy of Thermon. The representatives were chosen a month in advance, so they had time to get ready. Demetrios was one of the contestants representing Pella. He did not know who his opponent would be. When he got to the room, he saw his opponent from Thermon. His heart sank. Karenos, his sworn enemy, was to be his challenger. Now Demetrios had to win, to prove that he was better.
The game began. Demetrios pulled his phalanxes up to the top of the hill, as Karenos pulled his men up there as well. Demetrios beat him to it, and soon both lines were locked in combat, in a stalemate. Neither side had broken the other side. Then Demetrios noticed Karenos slyly moving his cavalry to the right flank. To counter, he moved half of his cavalry and a unit of spearmen, while moving the rest of his cavalry to his enemy’s left flank. He smiled at his own ingeniousness. But that soon turned to a frown when he saw that Karenos was expecting him with a few units of spearmen. Soon, half of his cavalry was routed, and his right flank was in peril. He withdrew his flanks so it made a U- shaped formation. On his left flank, his cavalry managed to rout the enemy attack, but they lost half of their number. So there was but a fourth of his cavalry left. He began to pull what was left of his cavalry back to defend the back of his formation, but disaster struck when they were intercepted by another spearmen unit. That left him with no cavalry, a few units of elite infantry and three units of spearmen, in addition to the six units of phalangites. The enemy still had a forth of their cavalry, which Karenos used to his advantage.
Using his phalanxes, Karenos broke a hole in Demetrios’ line and enlarged the gap with his own elites. Demetrios sent in his elites, but to no avail. A large hole was created in his lines, and soon two units of his phalanxes were routing. Demetrios took his last cavalry unit, his general, and charged it into the enemy flank. He caused two units of enemy spearmen to rout, but that was it. Karenos charged his general and the rest of his cavalry into Demetrios’ bodyguard, who promptly routed. Soon after, his line crumbled. All the phalanx units began to rout, along with his spearmen. He gathered the remaining two units of elite infantry on the highest part of the hill, but it gave Karenos time to reform his phalanxes, and soon they were shredding the last of his men. The battle was over soon after that. Demetrios was distraught. As he watched his opponents’ army dissolve, Karenos smiled.
“Lose again Demetrios? Better luck next time!”
As Demetrios sadly turned away from the table, he got news that the other two team members both beat their competitors from Thermon. He was the sole person from Pella who lost.
When he got to his dorms, he broke down, and cried out, as if to the gods,
“Why did I have to be such a bad commander?! Why did I have to lose so badly?! Why was I only able to rout six units of his army?!”
There was no answer from the gods, as if he expected one. He threw himself on his bed and sobbed for many hours, until his head instructor, his Stratege, found him.
“Demetrios, are you upset that you lost?”
“Yes Stratege, I wanted to win very badly.”
“Well, don’t feel too bad, because Karenos is the top member of his class. He beat some of the senior generals of our great nation! Now did you really expect yourself to win against someone who has beaten generals who have seen combat? Maybe you don’t know, maybe you will get another chance to fight him, and maybe you will win! In fact, why don’t we do just that, I’ll ask the Stratege of the Thermon military academy if there will be a rematch between you and Karenos.”
“Thank you Stratege!”
“Now listen closely- I watched your battle, as you know already. The problem was that after you took the high ground, you just stayed put! You reacted to his moves, not making him react to yours! So next time, make him counter your moves first, not countering his moves, then making a feeble attempt to counterattack, and in the end getting crushed. So think about what you are going to do. Every great commander does it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you did it too. So go out there and beat him! I know you can do it!”
“I will Stratege, I will!”
When the time for the rematch rolled around, Demetrios was ready. He had a plan in mind, and he entered the room with a confident, yet cool look on his face. Karenos had a smug expression, and looked very haughty, as usual. When the battle began, Karenos looked, looked twice, and then looked again. He saw in the corner was his enemy’s army. He quickly moved his army to attack, but as the two lines were about to collide, out of the trees behind Keravanos’s army came every cavalry unit Demetrios had. They slammed into the behind of Keravanos’s troops, and routed most of them. The enemy general was killed, and Demetrios’s elite infantry finished off the rest. It was a resounding victory, and Karenos didn't have a single unit left that was able to rout. All of his units have been completely annihilated by the brilliant charge by Demetrios. As the forces commanded by Demetrios were mopping up the remains of his army, Karenos left the room with much anger and sorrow. The foe that he just beat earlier the day before just completely smashed his army. Demetrios hadn’t lost a single unit.
Back in the dorms, Demetrios was mobbed by his peers.
“That was an amazing victory!”
“Very well done- we couldn’t have done better!”
“Tell us, how did you think of it?!”
After he explained his strategy, they went to the mess hall and ate with the members of the other dorms. During the meal, his Stratege stood up to make an announcement.
“Friends, students, fellow Hellenes! I would like to give recognition of a certain student here who, after losing very badly in the war games, came back and won an astounding victory against the same foe! Demetrios, we honor you!”
The entire room exploded in cheers, and Demetrios had never felt better in his life. He had just crushed his biggest foe, and now everyone loved him. Then he noticed his father. He was sitting in the corner, smiling. When the eating resumed, he ran over to him, for the first time in many years, they embraced.
Later that week, he met Karenos in the street.
“You did good Demetrios, I must admit it.”
“Thank you, I can not deny you did well on our first time around. You smashed me quite thoroughly!”
“On that cavalry charge, I must say, I was shocked. I knew privately that as soon as your men came out of the forest behind, I was in trouble. I tried my best in consolidating the rest of my forces, in attempt to hold out, but then again, I did let you win.”
“Did not! I know you were trying, don’t try to pull that over me!”
“By the word of Apollo! Did you really think you could beat me if I tried?”
“It’s a pity that the games are over- we could have a third rematch! Then we would see who is better!”
Before a fight could ensue, some bystanders rushed in and pulled them away. Now Demetrios hated Karenos even more. It was a pity they could be friends, because though Demetrios was training to be a cold-hearted general, he still had some flickers of kindness within him, while Karenos had none, as far as Demetrios could tell.
Seven months later, both military academies were getting ready for their graduation ceremonies. As the graduates were getting ready, a messenger rode up with urgent news.
“Stratege! Barbarians! In giant hordes! From the north! Two armies have been assembled, but have no leaders! An army under another one of our generals was ambushed and completely wiped out! Your assistance is requested urgently!”
“Very well! I will come, but who will command the second army?”
“I do not know Stratege! You are to pick out the two best men under you to lead them!”
“As you say. Demetrios and Karenos will lead them. Then we will see who carries the day....”
Demetrios and Karenos each rode on separate sides of their army, not wanting to see each other. Soon, scouts reported a great multitude of barbarians just a few hills over. They set up, with the cavalry on the flanks, phalanxes in the middle, and skirmishers up front.
The land was good, and they had a good tactical position. They were at the top of a very small hill. There was a dense forest to their left and a thinner forest to their right, with an open plain in between them, and few rocks. The land was perfect for a battle.
“We need a chain of command”
“Why Karenos? We do just fine as it is.”
“You can’t tell Demetrios? There will be arguing between us if it's like this!”
“Fine, then you will be the commander and I will be the second in command.”
“I thought you would see it my way!”
At once Demetrios knew it was a plot for Karenos to make himself look greater. That self-interested person thought knew what he was doing, but Demetrios had inklings that something would go wrong, for those with large egos rarely make good commanders. He requested to receive use of half the cavalry and the elite infantry. Karenos agreed, seeing that he thought they would play only a small role in the battle.
The barbarians came over the hill. They looked fierce, and Demetrios could tell his men were nervous. The barbarians came from the northern tribes, as they had long curved swords, native to that area. They were covered in body paint and their hair was hardened with lime. Each had a look of pure hate painted on their faces. All of them ready to kill, all were ready to die. They descended upon the Makedonians, screaming war chants, swinging their swords around, and yelling at the top of their lungs. Demetrios rode along the lines, reassuring everyone, while Karenos stood up on the hill behind the front lines. Demetrios turned and saw Karenos and where he was. He spit on the ground, in disgust.
The battle began. The Greek skirmishers threw a few volleys at the enemy and ran behind the phalanxes for safety, as custom. The barbarians began to throw themselves against the spears. Demetrios looked towards the hill, towards Karenos. He saw that Karenos was laughing, apparently amused at the barbarians’ feeble attempt to break the Hellenic lines. With a great cry, the barbarian nobles broke through the wall of spears, and charged directly towards Karenos. The few bodyguards who opposed them were brutally killed. One had his head split open by a Celtic broadsword, while another had his stomach gouged out as multiple blades were thrust into him. Seeing this, Karenos bolted away, leaving his bodyguards alone and his army without a general. Or so he thought.
Demetrios told the bodyguards that he was taking command. They readily agreed. As the gap got bigger, some phalangites began to flee. Demetrios rode the length of the lines, persuading some to keep fighting, and even threatening a few. Eventually the entire middle section of the phalanx line broke. Demetrios ordered his elites to engage the enemy who had managed to push through, while he rallied the routing soldiers. He managed to rally a large amount of them, and they formed another phalanx line. This line advanced on the barbarians who made the opening, ultimately routing them and closing up the breach. With the initial barbarian force defeated, the exhausted Greeks could take a break. Before anyone could take a substantial breather, someone cried out, “Barbarians! More of them are coming!”
Demetrios knew what he had to do, for only seven months earlier he was in the same position. The main barbarian force was descending upon his army. His men would hold firm against the enemy, and he trusted them to do what was expected of them, but Demetrios knew that wouldn’t be enough. When the fighting got tough, and casualties were mounting on both sides, He directed his cavalry around the battle, through the forest to the back of the enemy army. With a great cry, he led the charge into the rear of the barbarian horde. The phalangites and other troops who were barely holding the line saw this, rallied, and kept fighting the barbarians with great ferocity. The barbarians began to rout when they saw they were in a hopeless situation. Still, Demetrios didn't stop. He sent his cavalry to chase down the routing enemy, while he and a small contingent of cavalry went against the enemy warlord. They soon found him, on a chariot, and guarded by swordsmen. He and his contingent paused, looked at each other, and at once, they charged.
The warlord fought savagely. Many of his bodyguards were cut down, but still Demetrios fought on. Eventually, being knocked off his mount, he grabbed a spear and stabbed the horse which was pulling the warlords chariot. He quickly stabbed the two guards that were on the chariot, then dropped the spear and went after the barbarian warlord. With swords drawn, they faced each other. Looking around quickly, he saw his bodyguards were occupied with the warlord’s bodyguards. So the battle began.
They fought savagely, but soon, the enemy warlord was disarmed and put on his back. Demetrios looked at him, said “I wish you were Karenos” then drove his sword deep into the warlord’s chest. Pulling it out, he said, “I wish this was the blood of Karenos.”
When he rejoined the fight and found a new horse to fight upon, he found that he had only one bodyguard left, but they had successfully driven the barbarians from the field. Then they heard a yell. It was his Stratege, with his entire army coming over the hill.

Overjoyed, Demetrios galloped, along with his remaining bodyguard, towards his Stratege, who was talking to some of the remaining soldiers of the army that Demetrios had so valiantly led. But before Demetrios could get in even a word to his Stratege, Karenos came over the hill, at a gallop, dismounted, and told of how he courageously fought the barbarians alone when he was separated from his bodyguards, and somehow remained unscathed, which explained his spotless armor. Then the remaining bodyguard spoke up.
“He is a liar, Stratege, a liar. He bolted from the field as soon as the battle began to get out of hand. It was Demetrios who led us, and it was Demetrios who won this battle. He even killed the enemy warlord himself!” the troops who were under Demetrios’s command spoke up as well.
“If I may say so myself, Karenos is a coward who ran from the battlefield even before the day was lost, and Demetrios is the best general I have ever served under.”
“Agreed!”
“Demetrios saved the battle! And that liar who calls himself a Greek fled like a coward!”
As the men continued to speak out, Karenos began to shake. With a roar, he pulled out his sword and lunged at Demetrios. Quickly, Demetrios dodged it while taking out his own sword. Karenos lunged again, but Demetrios stopped it with his sword. The two struggled, but finally, as with the warlord, Karenos was thrown to his back, and Demetrios sank his sword deep into Karenos’s chest. Karenos gurgled blood from his mouth for a bit, and then lay still. When Demetrios pulled out his sword, he smiled, and said, “Finally, your blood is on my sword.”
Riding back from the battle, his Stratege told him of how his army met a small detachment of the barbarian horde, and a captured prisoner told them how a much larger force was marching to where Demetrios was going to be.
“So I made full haste here, and I find that Pella trains its generals better than Thermon does! It certainly made my day!”
“Thank you Stratege.”
“I think, and I think this is definitely the right decision, that now you can rightfully be called something which very few generals your age can be called: Stratege.”

no comments?

Nice story. Is it based on a campaign or just made up?

made up, but i took some elements from EB, ie, greek names....
is there a writing competition or something? i would like to enter this.

why not make one?:inquisitive:

then would i get an official Guild award?

Overall, I like the story, but:

1. It goes waaaaaaay too fast for its own good. The amount of ground covered in this story would be appropriate for a novel, not a short story; as it is, it feels like the outline of a really good book. There is no room for any real character development; I honestly can't make myself care about any of the characters as they stand.

2. I hate Karenos. Not in the sense of "he's a bad person, I hate him;" he is just far too stereotypical. He does everything I would expect the antagonist of a story to do. Without any variation or points of interest, he feels like a cardboard-cutout bad guy, and when he is killed at the end... well, I felt like, "who cares?" And why is he Demetrios's sworn enemy? Why sis he not show any examples of cowardice beforehand? Character development was already a problem in this story, so it's a real double-whammy with Karenos.

But, like I said, the story itself is quite compelling.

ya, i guess ur right, but i did write this the night before it was due..... lets just hope my teacher doesnt view it like you do......

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hooahguy

ya, i guess ur right, but i did write this the night before it was due..... lets just hope my teacher doesnt view it like you do......

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the character development point is a good one:
we get information of demetrios training, of his relationship with his father and best friend, but he does not appear to learn or develop from these instances. the only instance that has a positive effect is when he beats karenos for the second time.

on stratege: correct me if i'm wrong, but the nominative form of this greek word is strategos. only stratege if the general is being addressed (vocative). so he would be hailed "stratege", though titled "strategos".

but also, the movement is quick in this: worth dropping the incident about running away, the new school, the early stuff, just to move straight to war games and war?

hey lads give him a break! its a short story, and i reckon its a good one, nice work man.