Battle of Veii

Battle of Veii

Marcus Furius Camilus sat with a visible vein throbbing in his right temple cursing in an ancient tongue and waving his hands. Rome had the magnificent city of Veii under siege, for doth long time now it had not-eth fallen (Livy: verse 10: chapter Paul –Ab Urbe Condita).
Camilus rose with the vigour of a young man to background music often heard in churches, “by gringo I have got it! Yes, why don’t we build a tunnel?” And with that a tunnel was made.
On a black, black night the Romans prepared to capture Veii, Camius made a prayer to the Godly protectors: "Pythian Apollo, guided and inspired by thy will I go forth to destroy the city of Veii, and a tenth part of its spoils I devote to thee. Thee too, Queen Juno, who now dwellest in Veii, I beseech, that thou wouldst follow us, after our victory, to the City which is ours and which will soon be thine, where a temple worthy of thy majesty will receive thee.” Awe inspiring. Like a calamitous baboon he made the signal to go, shakes of disco-fever by Three Romans and a Guitar.

The poor Veientines did not stand a chance, not with the greedy Gods on the side of the Romans, they threw down their swords, threw up their arms and proceeded to panic like blind dwarfs in Mordor.

It did not take long before the victorious Camilus was drunk where he then decided to make a speech. He was an embarrassment, he fell on his arse and started choking on a gold coin. (Plato: Verse 10: chapter Plato – Meno)

Battle of the Allia

Battle is imminent; the Gauls have invaded the Etruscan province of Siena and attacked the town of Clusium. The Clusians, overwhelmed by the sheer brute force of the enemy call on Rome for help.

Fabius the Killer swaggered up to a delegate from Gaul and tore his head off with his bare feety. He is not called Fabius the Killer for nothing you know, patrician he may be. Now the Gauls were not too chuffed about that it must be said, they ordered the Romans to hand over the offending Fabians and did they? No-they-did-not!

Those who ought to have been punished were instead appointed for the coming year military tribunes with consular powers (the highest that could be granted). (Livy: Verse 11 chapter Paul: Ab Urbe Condita).

Brennus sat with a visible vein throbbing in his right temple cursing in an ancient tongue and waving his hands. Not a good omen. Not too surprisingly the Gauls gave battle.

At this time the Roman military was a haphazard bunch of useless rabble held together by a strong centre line of the upper-class.
The Gauls charged the poorly equipped flanks causing an instant rout; an eye witness gave the following account:
“They like just flew at us on drugs or summat, spiky hair an all, I like just ran dint I.”

“Well, who can blame him for being a coward?” (Socrates: Verse 2: Ramblings of an Idiot II)
That was the end of the battle with the centre line being enveloped and slaughtered. Oh why didn’t the rich buy a house in the country?
Rome had never seen so many tourists running for the sales, oh wait; they were fleeing the Gauls, my mistake. At least somebody shut the gates... whoops.

With shouts of Glee the Gauls chased the Romans round and round Rome like some cheesy cartoon to the tune of dip dip diddle dee, dip dip diddle dee deeee until they were holed up on the Capitoline Hill. This speech was made by Brennus:

“Bit of gold eh? Yes I will go if you give me gold. But I shall use MY weights, WOE TO THE VANQUISHED!”

Is this thread about battles,speeches? Give us some info

I suppose that it can be made into a time line of the battles of Rome.