Getting x-rayed or getting felt up, which should I choose?

So circumstances beyond my control are going to force me to use public air travel for the first time in ages next month (fortunately not around Thanksgiving). My airport choices of egress are either BWI or Washington-Dulles, both of which have installed the millimeter-wave/backscatter x-ray body scanners recently. Don't go through the pornoscope, and you have to be felt up by the TSA JBTs.

So here is my chance to stand up for the little man and denounce all this for the security theatre it is. My first choice is to decline the scanner and ask for the pat-down, preferably in a manner that will embarrass the lucky man who gets to reach second base. I prefer the frisking since I know only 1 person will have access to the "result", I don't really want to be x-rayed by a machine that hasn't been checked out medically, it takes more effort by the TSA, and it's a public display of what we have become. But I am asking the Backroom for other suggestions (that will not get me arrested or put on the No Fly List). I intend on showing up early, so a short delay shouldn't be a problem.

And, yes, I have given serious thought to the Derek Smalls route. :yes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRpWnK6Rg3E

Get felt up, on the grounds that the x-ray may be harmful for your health.

Afterwards, ask for the guy's number - then don't call.

Say you just want the warm touch of another person and grab his wrist and smile

Why can't we have both? Seriously.

I'm going to moan and pant while they do it....

Be sure to eat lots of beans and chili dog the evening before.

Get felt up. Could you take a train instead?

Tell them that, as a homosexual, you are very uncomfortable having your genitals patted down by a strange man. But a strange woman.... :idea2:

Wear a big sock as you go in for the x-ray. That would make them feel really inadequate.

fake an orgasm.

I'm with Dave on this one.

~:smoking:

Anybody know where I can get a Janet Napolitano t-shirt? That and a Speedo might be the dress code of the day.

I hear kilts without underpants are the new airport fashion.

CR

Tough decision, why can't you do both

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Originally Posted by Fragony

Tough decision, why can't you do both

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That's what I'm saying! Embrace change people. It's going to embrace you so you might as well get something out of it. :shrug:

I suppose I could request both, I'm not sure how the TSA guys would react to that.

If I'm going through the machine, I think I'm going to spell out some naughty words on my body with metallic ducting tape. On the other hand, if I take the pat-down, I'll ask the guy if his union has looked into what the long-term health effects of standing around that machine all day long are.

Do both. Just don't let the pat down excite you!

1. Imagine GF/other hawt woman naked
2. Get super-boner
3. Position penis at an awkard angle away from its natural position
4. Go for the patting
5. When the security guard touches your penis and asks what you got there, you daisy-ing WIN!!!!

Ask them if they're singling you out because you're a Muslim.

You guys are hilarious.

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Originally Posted by Xiahou

Ask them if they're singling you out because you're a Muslim.

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http://www.alig4real.co.uk/images/main_ali_g_04.jpg
iz it cuz i is black?? :P

Wear a burka and demand an exemption.

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Originally Posted by Hosakawa Tito

Wear a burka and demand an exemption.

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Better to wear a burqa and bring your own gloves, insisting they are halal.

But, do they really have the right to feel you up like a criminal??? Sometimes I really love living in my little swamp.

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Originally Posted by Fragony

Better to wear a burqa and bring your own gloves, insisting they are halal.

But, do they really have the right to feel you up like a criminal??? Sometimes I really love living in my little swamp.

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Yes, because it makes us all "secure".

....which, of course, is a bunch of bull :daisy:, they fail miserably every single time a paper tries to smuggle something. We spend billions on something that doesn't affect real life whatsoever, we might as well burn the money. "Always on, never on" is how the world works.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by drone

I suppose I could request both, I'm not sure how the TSA guys would react to that.

If I'm going through the machine, I think I'm going to spell out some naughty words on my body with metallic ducting tape. On the other hand, if I take the pat-down, I'll ask the guy if his union has looked into what the long-term health effects of standing around that machine all day long are.

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http://thestir.cafemom.com/beauty_st..._your_privates

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Originally Posted by Fragony

But, do they really have the right to feel you up like a criminal??? Sometimes I really love living in my little swamp.

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Welcome to the new land of the free. :rolleyes:

This is what happens when politicians are allowed to use irrational fear to cow the populace. Even Krauthammer is calling bs, fer chrissakes.

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Originally Posted by drone

Krauthammer

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HOLY HELL

That's a real persons name?? Sounds like a nazi in a monty python sketch....

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Originally Posted by HoreTore

Yes, because it makes us all "secure".

....which, of course, is a bunch of bull :daisy:, they fail miserably every single time a paper tries to smuggle something. We spend billions on something that doesn't affect real life whatsoever, we might as well burn the money. "Always on, never on" is how the world works.

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Security is an illusion, it's simply not possible never will be. They are idiots for doing this, most of all because political correctness will most likely kill the very purpose, I am 100% sure no muslima will have to endure this, leaves you with nitwits who do something just because they can

hopefully this video will help answer the dilemma:

http://defense-and-freedom.blogspot....-scanners.html

http://www.party-world.co.uk/product...ouser+Expander