Shadow and the Blossom

Mountains. Icy wind tearing all life away.Few trees covering their naked trunks in vain with skeletal remains of whithered branches. Snow covering the remains of everything, except few rocky tops of lifeless stone.

In center of it all, a shadow. Maybe of darkness, certainly of ice. Maybe once a man definetely not anymore. Hollow, empty, no pain, no feelings. Amidst the raging blizzard the shadow stands still. Not feeling the wind nor the snow. Unable to feel the storm, incapable feeling the cold embrace of the mountain. Eyes made of ice, staring at emptyness.Locked in its form. Feeling nothing.

How long the shadow has stood there? No one knows. Maybe once it could have answered the question before it lost the words to tell the answer. Maybe once it could have told it´s story. How it was, before consumed by the ice and shadow. Maybe once, not anymore.Dark frozen shadow standing still, forgotten about the past, forgotten life that once were. Still, life has not forgotten the shadow.

Inch by inch the frozen snow moves on the feet of the shadow. Inch by inch something break´s free from the snow unknown to the shadow. First almost as if nothing would move, snow starts to give away before something new. Breaking free from the ice and snow, closed petals come out from the frozen ground. So delicate, so beautiful. The blossom arise´s from the ground, without help of sun light nor it´s warmth.

For some time the blossom shivers on the feet of the shadow.Blizzard raging it´s fierce winds trying kill the blossom. Snow ready to cover it´s remains. Then something happens. Slowly but steadily the glass like remains of the eyes once were, start to turn towards the ground. Breaking its almost eternal form the shadow leans towards the blossom. Where once were lips something moves. And the blossom opens its petals. Shining bright beautiful light in all colours towards the lone shadow. Shadow leans forwards, light tearing its form. A hand appears, dark and frozen, next becoming more clear and clear. Shadow vanishing in the bright light. For a second what once were a shadow kneels above the blossom. Now in the form of clear ice. The eyes which could not see now seeing. Shadow that once could not comprehend the world around it now clearly understanding.

For another second a clear frozen smile on its features what once was shadow, now ice, melts into water. Surrounding the beatiful blossom.Most beatifull it has ever seen. Covering it with clear ice. Not to kill it, but to protect it so it can bloom when the long winter is gone and new Spring will arrive.

That is beautiful. :bow:

The second paragraph in particular captures something I myself never managed to place into words I am satisfied with. Now I see why: I had too many words and they stifled it.

Thank you.I am humbled from such critique from writer so much above my level.:bow:
I know my english grammar is terrible, but if the text can transfer a an emotion or an atmosphere.Then i feel i have succeeded in it´s purpose.

Grammar ain't everything (ha ha). There's grammar, ensuring that the text is standardised for easy interpretation. Then there's pace, rhythm and flow. Sometimes to capture those you need to break the rules of grammar. Allowing yourself to be rigidly bound by the rules is one of the biggest traps when writing in English; sometimes they need to be broken, and provided you know when and why it's not a problem to do so. It's only a problem if you are breaking them for the sake of it, or being careless about it, or doing so in such a manner that it is hard for the reader to make sense of your work.

You had a feeling and a tight selection of (good) words, and that's why it worked. Simplicity and focus. When I tried to capture similar sentiments I had words, then some more words, then I added a comma here, then I decided that wasn't smooth enough so I changed it, then this wasn't grammatically correct so I change that too, then I added some more punctuation so I could have more words, and oh look the entire thing is headed towards the bin because it's entirely lacking everything that's important.

Sometimes a pen and ink sketch captures the moment better than a fancy oil painting. Just look at those amazing brush and ink pictures of plants, birds or mountains some of the old Japanese artists made. A few lines, two shades, and wow.

~:)

Wow. froggy's word "beautiful" captures my feelings as well. :bow:

I loved it. I enjoy reading things that sort of provide a relaxing sensation as I read them thru, as this one did. I think your grammar isn't as bad as you think either. Write more, I would love to read it!