English reponse to the Declaration of Independence

Amusing response to the Declaration from the viewpoint of a grant writer. Submitted by M. Kisslinger here: http://www.blueavocado.org/node/804

Quote:

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December 1, 1776

Thomas Jefferson
Independence Hall
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania Colony

Dear Mr. Jefferson:

We have read your “Declaration of Independence” with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the crown. Therefore, we must return the document to you for further refinement. The comments that follow might assist you in your process of revision.

In your opening paragraph you use the phrase “the laws of Nature and of Nature’s God.” What are these laws? In what way are they the objective criteria on which you base your central argument. Please document them, with citations from the recent literature.

In that same paragraph you also refer to the “Opinions of Mankind.” Whose polling data are you using? You also hold certain truths to be “self-evident.” Could you please elaborate? If they are as evident as you claim, you should have no difficulty locating the appropriate statistics.

“Life, Liberty, and The Pursuit of Happiness” seem to be the goals of your proposal, even if they are not explicitly stated as such. These are not measurable goals. Please clarify your goal statements so that observable, unbiased results can be verified by an independent, disinterested evaluator.

Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive, and eloquent. However, an assessment of need such as this should precede your statement of goals and objectives, not follow it.

You have not developed your strategies for achieving your goals in any positive way. You state that the colonies ought to be “ Free and Independent States.” Who or what must change to achieve this objective? In what way must they be changed? How long will the change take? What will constitute evidence that the change has occurred? Who will be responsible for implementing the changes? How will you represent the interests of the client populations?

you have also failed to include any evaluation design, or a line item budget. We have been requiring both of these since the reign of Queen Anne. I must confess I was surprised at their absence, since any qualified consultant familiar with this type of proposal would most certainly have appraised you of the essential nature of these two components.

Finally, what impact will your proposal have on the greater community. What do you see as the long term, intermediate, and short term outcomes of this project? Your failure to include any assessment of the consequences of this program inspire little confidence in the long range viability of your undertaking.

In addition to the above mentioned revisions to your proposal, please submit an organizational chart listing the titles, roles, and functions of all key personnel. Where possible please include the C. Vitae for each filled position as well.

I do wish to complement you on your charming writing style, and your obvious gift for prose. Such talent is rare among colonists, and it seems to me that your academic inclinations are ill-suited to political endeavors. I urge you to reconsider how your talents might best be used by the Crown. However, should you persist in submitting a revised proposal, I hope that this critique will assist you in preparing a Declaration that may receive serious consideration from the Crown, and from Parliament.

Best Wishes for the continued success of your endeavors.
I remain,

Very truly yours,

Lord North
Prime Minister
London, England

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Ahaha this was quite entertaining! And actually correct on most points. Howeer, I'm not sure how justified this smugness is after the military defeat which preceded the declaration. It could have been yelled by a naked man in a beaver hat in the town square of Boston and the effect would have been the same. No british troops to enforce it - no more Ameircan colonies.

As soon as the progressive warfare started, the citizens of exquisite Britain became extra involved about the colonies and their combat for independence.