Originally Posted by Beirut
(I really, seriously apologise for this... )
On the second day of masturbatory May
The boys and the men all had it their way
The women complained and shouted real loud
And snivelled that they were left out of the crowd
For the art is an art, a male art you see
An art form to you and an art form to me
But the women are newbies and don’t do it real good
They need a man’s help to be done as it should
“We’re all experts” I said to my sweetie last night
She looked stunned and surprised and frozen in fright
“What is your problem? Have you all gone insane?”
I explained to her “Baby, it’s simply our game.”
From the very first Playboy, to Penthouse and better
We scan every picture and read every letter
From the age of a teen to the oldest old prude
We conduct our experiments and don’t think it’s rude
A man is a man, we’re all spankers you see
We provide our own fun, we provide our own glee
You women are great, don’t get us wrong
But how often are you there in a nightie and thong?
We can’t wait forever, we’re animals at heart
And can’t wait for “maybe Saturday” before we can start
We’ll do it ourselves, with confidence too
If you could do it as well, you’d do it times two
We conduct our experiments, sometimes unfrocked
And safe sex is the safest when the door she is locked
To be caught in the act by the wifey, bad luck
Brings scorn and contempt and “Put your pants on you shmuck”
Then they question themselves and wonder “is it all me?”
“Do I still do it for him? Is he bored? Possibly”
“Well tonight I’ll make changes, into a nightie and thong”
“And I’ll show that dumb man that his self love is wrong”
So now the girls are involved, to prove they’re needed
After all of these years our begging is heeded
Now the stigma is gone, we’ve removed the old hex
There’s now proof that wanking leads to great sex
