Defense of Urianopolis

Wrote this after making a sort of "urban war map", and seeing the results, decided to become even more of geek and write about it. Here's the result. Continuance depends upon how it is received.

May 14, 1113 A.D.
Vasileios scratched at the stubble that grew on his face, nothing but concentration written upon it. His face, that is.
"These reports are accurate?" He asked.
"Yes. An Englishman, and a few of the new recruits came in this morning with the information."
"We only have three Englishman left after those invasions from Antioch. Which one?"

"Morcar, you son of a b--," Loefwine was muttering. Morcar Eadwulf grinned.
"I told you, Loefwine." Morcar continued. "'Listen to the Roman,' I said."
"Shut up" Loefwine said, gazing darkly ahead.

"Eleni Cantacuzenus."
"Yes sir."
"Anninos Macrembolitissa."
"Yes sir."
"Aiakos Dalassena."
"Yes sir."
The newest additions to General Vasileios Rhigas Vardakastanis' Varangian Guard detachment watched as he paced along, staring at them, then the roster sheet he had in his hands.
'Not as tall as he's rumoured to be.' Eleni thought. Rumoured to be somewhere around eight feet tall, Vardakastanis was in truth a few inches under six feet tall. He kept his hair moderately short and his facial hair trimmed as his colleagues, but Vardakastanis' facial hair was kept around his mouth and chin, and was not a full grown beard. He glanced back at the parchment.
"Gondikas Calaphates."
"Yes sir."
"Varazes Ioannou."
"Yes sir."
Vasileios studied the nineteen year old a moment. "You aren't Greek." He said simply.
Varazes nodded. "I'm Iberian, sir. Not too sure whether I'm Spanish or Aragonese."
Vasileios smirked. He understood the rest of the story all too well, as it had happened to him as well. Slavery was hell under the Muslim scum. After another moment of study, he asked: "Is this your first assignment?"
Varazes shook his head. "I was in the Kiev Garrison, with Ianaurios."
Vasileios nodded. "Hm. Good. Tzannas Bessarion."
"Yes sir."
"Aiolos Saraphis."
"Yes sir."

To the newcomers (excluding Varazes and Ianaurios) Kharilaos Markoulides was older than time itself. A veteran of the three invasions of Lesser Armenia by the Saracens of Egypt, he was twenty-four. A large man of Anatolian peasant stock, he was a towering six feet three inches tall, with chestnut brown hair to his shoulders, and little facial hair. His brown eyes only reinforced his already serious demeanor.
"We sleep in tents around the three squares, and during the day we drill, drill, and then we patrol. After that, we drill some more. Got it?" He led them through the maze of tents and men, mostly foreign northerners, who were nonetheless orthodox, nominally, to say the most. "Make sure to get to know you fellow soldiers. They all know passable Greek, so it shouldn't be too hard." Markoulides turned to face Varazes and Ianaurios, who were already pitching their tents. Having a good time of it, too, it seemed. He sat down right outside their tent flap, and waited until they were finished putting it up. "Are the stories about Kiev true?" He asked.
Ianaurios raised one eyebrow. "Tell us the stories, and we'll tell ya if we know or not." Kharilaos laughed, somberely.

Loefwine leaned back as some young Greek tended the fire. He stared up at the sky, noting the differences between the sky of his homeland and this sky. He listened as the Greek softly hummed a tune. 'Boy has a good voice.' He thought.
(Inset hymn)
"What's that called?" He asked, fumbling with his Greek. Aelfgar was the speaker of group.
"Hymn to the Archangels. Eleni taught me."
"Sing it again. Sounds good."
Anninos smiled. "Sure."

Sorry, forgot to insert the hymn:

Tonuranion stratighon Archistratighi,
Dhysopumen ymas imis ianaxii,
Ina testimon dheisesi ti chisite imas,
skepiton pteryghon,
tis ay Iuymon dhoxis,
fruruntes imas prospiptontas,
ektenos ke voontas;
ekton kindhynon itrosasthe imas,
os taxiarcheton ano dhymaneoon.

Guess not.

I'm going to try to comment on your story. I don't normally but Ludens hasn't yet and he's the real commenter here :book:

first off, it's not a bad story but there's a few things that were off when i read through. For instance; Vasileios comes off as worried about reports received, but you never actually say what the reports are of. Perhaps you intend to elaborate on it later; however the scene seems unfinished in some way. Vasileios is worried about something but then starts reviewing the troops and telling them how life is going to be.

At the start you refer to the general by his forename Vasileios, but in the middle switch to his surname Vardakastanis. that tricked me up a bit as when it started talking about Vardakastanis, i had to go up a few lines and double check that he was the same guy. A few lines later you switch back to Vasileios, this can trick up someone who is scanning through the paragraph and force them to double back. Usually it's best to use one name for characters, or his title that is clearly known to the reader.

You introduce a lot of characters, i am going to guess that in the next part we find out what happens to them? Not that it's a bad thing having a lot of characters but sometimes when you're writing a few can get lost in your head (speaking from experience) and left out.

Overall though, for your first in the hall it's not at all bad. Like everyone there's things you can improve on. I've found writing is something that if you do enough you'll keep getting better and better so don't hesitate to keep posting these stories. Before posting try reading through the entire thing to yourself and asking out loud "what can i do about this to make it better?". that's what i do ~D

Definitely continue the story. As Monk said, practice always leads to improvement. I'm not an experienced writer myslef, but from the little I do know, I would say that you need to set the scene better. You open with fairly lengthy dialogue but dont really set it in context. i've read it twice now and still dont really know whats going on. Would definitely benefit from a quick re-write of some parts, as you clearly have writing skills.

Thanks a lot. I plan on making stuff a lot clearer in the next bit.

Also, since I'm making a story about this battle in particular, as a separate entity, I'm writing without much context. I will add some in a rewrite, but first I'll finish this "edition".

I'm back! Here's the next bit. Hope you enjoy.

May 15
Vasileios stood in front of the ordered ranks of Varangian Guards, a mix of the peoples of Europe. Much his personal unit was Greek, due to the Emporer trying to nationalize the Guards, and cut down on need of foreignors to fill his armies' ranks. He did send out word throughout Europe that the Guards were wanted, and many, who wished for the esteemed high-paid mantle, flocked to Constantinople.

Behind him, and in front of the ranks stood a crowd of women and children. Vasileios surveyed the ranks again for a moments, and nodded. He turned to the crowd behind him, and nodded, speaking only a few unheard words. He then walked back to his makeshift headquarters.

"What's going on?" Eleni asked.

Kalinikos drained his water flask, wiping off his mouth with his arm. "Wives who followed are leaving. No one's staying in the town, kid. That would be suicide." They stood and watched tearful goodbyes for at least twenty minutes, all the while Kalinikos pointing out men.

"There is Valdemar Skaaning." He pointed toward a large northman who was hugging a much smaller woman. "He married that girl well nigh two years ago. One kid so far." The grizzled cheek of the man was caressed by his wife one last time, before she joined the exodus.

"That is Urian Katsantonis, grandson of the Urian for whom this town is named."

"Katsantonis? The same one--"

"Yep. Won the Attrition of Naples way back when. Naples was almost lost after he got shuffled over here, to the East, fighting the Medes, and the early Turks. Our Urian had a command in Edessa, but lost it, and so is being punished. He's Vasileios' lieutenant." Kalinikos looked through the crowd. "Those two are Makarios Kyriazes and Theodore Koumoundouros. Up until Ioannou and Mikhalapoulos arrived, they were the only Greek veterans who had fought under another command. They married sisters, each has about four living kids."

Eleni whistled. "Busy."

Kalinikos smirked. "Very. Neither of 'em are over thirty. He," Kalinikos now pointed to a tallish man with a rather large, bushy moustache with plenty of grey in it. "He is Traianos Paphlagonian. A mix, Greek and Thracian. Claims to be a distant relative of Belisarius." Eleni laughed a bit.

"There is Aktaion Varvaressos, fourth in command. Urian, Traianos, Aktaion, and...that guy, Soterios Prvovencani, make up the officers of our company, and are our grand leader's bodyguard."

"And what are you doing, Kalinikos?" Both Kalinikos and Eleni turned to see who spoke behind them. Kalinikos immediately recognized the man, a large man, who looked robust even though he wasn't very young.

"Showing our new friend Eleni Cantacuzenus some of those he will be fighting side by side with." Kalinikos said. "Eleni, this is Andrei Buiakov, an orthodox brother from our slavic friends up north."

"God be with you." Eleni said. Buiakov smiled, a wide toothy smile, one that wrinkled his bearded face, and made his grey eyes even narrower.


"Mother Mary help us."

Savas gulped. "There's almost eighty ships. The reports underestimated by nearly one half."

Volusian crawled backwards, away from the shore. They were hidden behind a stand of trees, but the Muslims were mobilizing, and would soon fall upon their position. "Let's go."

May 20

Vasileios closed his eyes. "Eighty ships. Forty more than expected. Despite the quality of our troops the sheer numbers of their soldiers would over come us. And that's only the Egyptians and Almohads."

Soterios looked down at the map. "Our Novgorod allies have arrived. nearly two thousand, and not a peasant among them. Our spies tell us that the Muslims have huge numbers of peasants in their ranks."

"That would only be useful in an open field, where we could punch a gaping hole intheir lines, but we are defending, and defending a city moreover. They'll use the peasants to tire us, and then attack with fresh soldiers." Urian countered.

Traianos pointed to a ridge outside the city. "What if we were to leave the city? Wait until they march in, and begin fighting a rear guard. There'll be no cohesion to their lines, and when night falls, march in, and surprise them."

Vasileios thought a moment, silencing Urian's counter. "There's a counter strategy for everything, Urian. We've got to choose which one they'll least be able to find one for. This is very risky. Very risky. If they have ready lines we'll suffer, but if they don't..."

Soterios sighed. "I don't like it. We've never taken this big of a risk before."

Traianos nodded. "If we manage to, it'll wipe them out."

"If it doesn't, we'll be wiped out. Most likely we'll be wiped out anyway." Aktaion frowned. "But, I don't think they'll believe we're doing it. It's too crazy." Vasileios nodded.

"Now, Our Belisarius, go, and make sure we get up there. It'll take the Muslims nearly three more days to join with the Turks in Edessa. We have to be up there before any scouts come."

Whoa, you certainly have a good writing skill.

I'm confused with the men, though. But, considering they're not the focus of the story, but the plot, I'd say it's fun nontheless.

Keep up the good work! You're way better than me ~D

Thanks. That's great to hear. I hope this second bit clarifies things a bit, for everyone.

Your second installment seems much better than the first. At times it is a bit hard to keep up with all the characters but that's not much of an issue with me; overall it's quite enjoyable ~D

Thank you. I plan on introducing the whole 60 man company, if only because some you'll never see again.

Oh. My. God.

I half expected to see this piece of garbage (imo, at least) long gone. I didn't even expect to have my old account. Wow.

I guess I'll keep this up, I mean, I still have the record for the battle and all, and I don't like having unfinished stuff up. I don't know how much I'll be able to do quickly, as I have exams (today, actually; I hate insomnia and procrastination :wall: . I don't even know what time I'm supposed to be there...:sweatdrop: :no: ).

Wow. I'm shocked, still. Jeez.

By all means, continue.