The art of conquering a woman

The art of conquering a woman, by Sun Tzu
...an alternative interpretation of "The art of war" ~D

PART I - LAYING PLANS ~:cheers:
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The art of conquering a woman is of vital importance to the Man. It is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected. The art of conquering a woman, then, is governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one's deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions obtaining in the field. These are: (1) The Moral Law; (2) Heaven; (3) Earth; (4) The Commander; (5) Method and discipline.

1 - The Moral Law causes the woman to be in complete accord with her ruler, so that she will follow him regardless of her live, undismayed by any danger.

2 - Heaven signifies night and day, cold and heat, times and seasons.

3 - Earth comprises distances, great and small; danger and security; open ground and narrow passes; the chances of life and death.

4 - The Commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerely, benevolence, courage and strictness.

5 - By method and discipline are to be understood the marshaling of the army in its proper subdivisions, the graduations of rank among the officers, the maintenance of roads by which supplies may reach the army, and the control of military expenditure.

These five heads should be familiar to every man: he who knows them will be victorious; he who knows them not will fail.

Therefore, in your deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions, let them be made the basis of a comparison, in this wise:

(1) Which of the two is imbued with the Moral law?
(2) Which of the two has most ability?
(3) With whom lie the advantages derived from Heaven and Earth?
(4) On which side is discipline most rigorously enforced?
(5) Which one of you is stronger?
(6) Which side is more highly trained?
(7) On which side is there greater constancy both in reward and punishment?

By means of these seven considerations I can forecast victory or defeat.

The man that hearkens to my counsel and acts upon it, will conquer: let such a one be retained in command! The man that hearkens not to my counsel nor acts upon it, will suffer defeat:--let such a one be dismissed!

While heading the profit of my counsel, avail yourself also of any helpful circumstances over and beyond the ordinary rules.

According as circumstances are favorable, one should modify one's plans.

All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to propose, we must seem unable; when using our charm, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make her believe we are far away; when far away, we must make her believe we are near.

Hold out baits to entice the woman. Feign disorder, and conquer her. If she is secure at all points, be prepared for her. If she is in superior strength, evade her. If she is of choleric temper, seek to irritate her. Pretend to be weak, that she may grow arrogant.

If she is taking her ease, give her no rest. If her forces are united, separate them.

Attack her where she is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.

These devices, leading to victory, must not be divulged beforehand.

Now the man who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple ere the battle is fought. The man who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all! It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose.

PART II - WAGING WAR :duel:
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II. WAGING WAR

When you engage in actual fighting, if victory is long in coming, then your weapons will grow dull and their ardor will be damped. If you lay siege to a woman, you will exhaust your strength. Now, when your weapons are dulled, your ardor damped, your strength exhausted and your treasure spent, other men will spring up to take advantage of your extremity. Then no man, however wise, will be able to avert the consequences that must ensue.

Thus, though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays. There is no instance of a man having benefited from prolonged warfare. It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of love that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on. The skillful man does not raise a second levy, neither are his supply-wagons loaded more than twice.

In conquering a woman, then, let your great object be victory, not lengthy campaigns. The rule is, not to besiege walled cities if it can possibly be avoided. The preparation of mantlets, movable shelters, and various implements of conquest of woman, will take up three whole months; and the piling up of mounds over against the walls will take three months more.

PART III - ATTACK BY STRATAGEM :book:
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The man, unable to control his irritation, will launch an assault unorganized like swarming ants, with the result that one-third of his strength is slain, while the woman still remains untaken. Such are the disastrous effects of a siege. Therefore the skillful man subdues the woman's defenses without any fighting; he captures her cities without laying siege to them; he overthrows her resistance without lengthy operations in the field. With his force intact he will dispute the mastery of the Woman, and thus, without losing anything, his triumph will be complete. This is the method of attacking by stratagem.

Thus the highest form of generalship is to balk the woman's plans; the next best is to prevent the junction of her forces; the next in order is to attack her in the field; and the worst policy of all is to besiege walled cities.

There are two ways in which a man can bring misfortune upon himself:
(1) By commanding himself to advance or to retreat, being ignorant of the fact that his limbs and voice cannot obey. This is called hobbling.
(2) By attempting to govern himself in the same way as he administers a kingdom, being ignorant of the conditions which obtain in a man. This causes restlessness in his mind.

Hence the saying: If you know the woman and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred confrontations. If you know yourself but not the woman, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the woman nor yourself, you will succumb in every confrontation.

PART IV - TACTICAL DISPOSITIONS ~:cool:
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In the practical art of conquering a woman, the best thing of all is to take the woman's body whole and intact; to shatter and destroy it is not so good. So, too, it is better to recapture an army entire than to destroy it, to capture a regiment, a detachment or a company entire than to destroy them.

PART V - ENERGY :charge:
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In all conquering of women, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory.

Indirect tactics, efficiently applied, are inexhaustible as Heaven and Earth, unending as the flow of rivers and streams; like the sun and moon, they end but to begin anew; like the four seasons, they pass away to return once more. There are not more than five musical notes, yet the combinations of these five give rise to more melodies than can ever be heard. There are not more than five primary colors, yet in combination they produce more hues than can ever been seen. There are not more than five cardinal tastes, yet combinations of them yield more flavors than can ever be tasted.

PART VI - WEAK POINTS AND STRONG ~:eek:
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Whoever is first in the field and awaits the coming of the woman, will be fresh for the fight; whoever is second in the field and has to hasten to battle will arrive exhausted.

Therefore the clever man imposes his will on the woman, but does not allow the woman's will to be imposed on him.

The spot where we intend to fight must not be made known; for then the woman will have to prepare against a possible attack at several different points; and her forces being thus distributed in many directions, the strength we shall have to face at any given point will be proportionately small. For should the woman strengthen her van, she will weaken her rear; should she strengthen her rear, she will weaken her van; should she strengthen her left, she will weaken her right; should she strengthen her right, she will weaken her left. If she sends reinforcements everywhere, she will everywhere be weak. Numerical weakness comes from having to prepare against possible attacks; numerical strength, from compelling our adversary to make these preparations against us.

Do not repeat the tactics which have gained you one victory, but let your methods be regulated by the infinite variety of circumstances.

Do not swallow bait offered by the woman. Do not interfere with a woman that is returning home.

PART VIII - VARIATION IN TACTICS ~:confused:
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The art of conquering a woman teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of her not coming, but on our own readiness to receive her; not on the chance of her not attacking.

There are five dangerous faults which may affect a man trying to conquer a woman:
(1) Recklessness, which leads to destruction;
(2) cowardice, which leads to defeat
(3) a hasty temper, which can be provoked by insults;
(4) a delicacy of honor which is sensitive to shame;
(5) over-solicitude for himself, which exposes him to worry and trouble.
These are the five besetting sins of a man, ruinous to the conduct of woman conquest.

PART IX - THE ARMY ON THE MARCH
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If her place of encampment is easy of access, she is tendering a bait.

Peace proposals unaccompanied by a sworn covenant indicate a plot.

PART X - TERRAIN
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We may distinguish five kinds of women, to wit: (1) Accessible ground; (2) entangling ground; (3) temporizing ground; (4) narrow passes; (5) precipitous heights

XI - THE NINE SITUATIONS
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The art of conquering a woman recognizes nine varieties of ground: (1) Dispersive ground; (2) facile ground; (3) contentious ground; (4) open ground; (5) serious ground; (6) hemmed-in ground; (7) desperate ground.

When a man is fighting in his own territory, it is dispersive ground.

When he has penetrated into woman territory, but to no great distance, it is facile ground.

Ground the possession of which imports great advantage to either side, is contentious ground.

Ground on which each side has liberty of movement is open ground.

When an army has penetrated into the heart of a woman, leaving a number of fortified cities in its rear, it is serious ground.

Ground which is reached through narrow gorges, and from which we can only retire by tortuous paths, so that a small strength of the woman would suffice to crush a large part of our body: this is hemmed in ground.

Ground on which we can only be saved from destruction by fighting without delay, is desperate ground.
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If the woman leaves a door open, you must rush in.

PART XII - THE ATTACK BY FIRE
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In attacking with ardent feelings, one should be prepared to meet five possible developments:

(1) When fire breaks out inside to woman's heart, respond at once with an attack from without.

(2) If there is an outbreak of fire, but the woman remains quiet, bide your time and do not attack.

(3) When the force of the flames has reached its height, follow it up with an attack, if that is practicable; if not, stay where you are.

(4) If it is possible to make an assault with fire from without, do not wait for it to break out within, but deliver your attack at a favorable moment.

(5) When you start a fire, be to windward of it. Do not attack from the leeward.

A wind that rises in the daytime lasts long, but a night breeze soon falls.

PART XIII - THE USE OF SPIES
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Knowledge of the woman's dispositions can only be obtained from other men. Hence the use of spies, of whom there are five classes: (1) Local spies; (2) inward spies; (3) converted spies; (4) doomed spies; (5) surviving spies.

Hope you enjoyed this guide ~:cheers: