Tandem Story

*this is a joke i received in the email....it has some political overtones so i decided to post it in the backroom*

it reminded me of this board a bit ~:)
It's long but it's totally worth it. ~D

it contains slight profanity that I **** over.


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Teacher: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.

The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph
of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the
paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:



Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

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STORY:

(First paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile.
But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His
possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her
asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

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(Second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
"Why must one lose ones innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the
first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of
the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they
swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table.
"We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of
the sky!"

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

(Rebecca)

JERK.

(Gary)

B****.

(Rebecca)

WANKER.

(Gary)

S***.

(Rebecca)

Get f*****.

(Gary)

Eat s***.

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - b****.

(Teacher)

A+ - I really liked this one.

~;p

So what happened to the Anu'udrian mothership?~;)


Excellent illustration of the differences between boys and girls. My guess is they are both dating now.~D

looks great, we need to try osmething like this, but with more people~D

Oldie but a goodie.

I was enthralled.~:cheers:

Interesting that you didn't censor the word "wanker", which is probably ruder over here in the UK than "bitch" which you did censor.

These words reproduced in full to help clarity - however if you are offended by the word "censor", I can will edit my post; just PM me.

Thanks for sharing that! Really made my day worthwhile.~:joker:

Ooh.

I'm gonna tell that to my English teacher! ~:joker:

Might distract her for a period or two from the pointless debates seeking the point of life she'd been pushing us through every period since the year started, as if she thought all her World Literature Honors students are young philosophers in Plato's Academy.

If I ever succeed, it's going to be a lot of fun! ~D

Thanks!

[And I think, since this joke is, according to Papewaio, rather old, the two people probably are married by now, with three children.]