Alternate Harry Potter

"Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book.

Let's see the results...


"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything


"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "


Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls


"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"


The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.


He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.


"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?


Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang


Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.


'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang."

--JonJonB

In bed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sasaki Kojiro

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "


The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

---

:gring:

Laughed myself to tears! Thanks for that Sasaki!~:cheers:

Seem that before, but it's always funny.

haha well first time I've read this,funny story thanks for posting it ~:)


:balloon2:

Right. OK. Thanks for the images. (How do I explain the coffee stains on my papers?)

Not that's funny

Really funny

Thanks SK

ichi:bow:

That was...um...strange.

but funny~D

Very funny when silvery white things flew out of his 'wang'...and why did he stick his 'wang' up a trolls nose? Not very sanitary...~;)

I really wish I hadn't read that. It was funny, though. Kept reminding me of the "Ladies' Man" sketch on Saturday Night Live.

Coffee coloured stains? I think you had better get your prostate checked out. ~:joker:

Brilliant! ~D

That was really disturbing.

As well as humorous.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Papewaio

Coffee coloured stains? I think you had better get your prostate checked out. ~:joker:

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Ouch. You got me.
(But I almost did spew my coffee all over my desk.Almost.)~:)

~:joker:

Good one!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sasaki Kojiro

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang


Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

---

:hide:

Evil....