An Article I Wrote...

I just finished writing an article for my college newspaper. I would like to hear your reactions.

Edit: almost forgot-
1. This is not the final version; there are still a few changes to be made.
2. This is an editorial, not an objective piece.

Quote:

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Is an Iraqi Civil War Imminent?

On Wednesday, February 22, 2006, the Golden Mosque in Samarra exploded. This was the result of a gigantic bomb placed inside the mosque by, presumably, Sunni terrorists, as the mosque was one of the holiest sites of the Shia Muslims in the world. This attack sparked a level of rage as yet unseen in Iraq since the end of the official war. Attacks all over Iraq escalated very soon afterwards, particularly reprisals against Sunni holy sites. Soon, this violence had reached such intensity that people began to question whether civil war in Iraq was imminent and unavoidable. Since the violence does not yet appeared to have slackened in any great degree, the question of civil war has proven not to be a passing one.

Those who argue that civil war is unavoidable commonly point to the recent past as well as the present. The greatest argument that can be derived from the past is the fact that attacks and casualties in Iraq have been rising steadily since 2003. Though many point to the dips and lulls in these attacks as being signs that the insurgency is finally ending, these lulls have so far proven to be temporary, and action by the insurgents soon returns to its previous rate of increase. No nation in the world can sustain such a steadily increasing level of violence and terrorism, and Iraq is not even a true nation yet. Even without the sharp increase in violence in the past few weeks, the ever climbing numbers of attacks and casualties would eventually break Iraq.

On the other hand, many have pointed out that, according to some polls, most Iraqis do not want civil war. They want a country where they can live in peace, where they do not have to fear warring factions who are tearing the country apart. Of course, this is quite natural for any populace; there are very few people who wish to live in endless violence and bloodshed. The critics of civil war also point to the fact that much of Iraq’s leadership, both political and religious, is calling for an end to the violence, especially the sectarian violence which is so sharply on the rise after the Golden Mosque bombing. They are asking people to keep calm, and to lay down their arms so that the Iraqi people may live in peace.

On February 28, it appeared that civil war might just have been avoided; Zalmay Khalilzdad, the US ambassador to Iraq, said that although the country had come to the brink of civil war, the crisis had been averted. He pointed to a sharp decline in sectarian violence as proof of this. Yet even as this news was printed in the papers, the violence had increased once again; the “sharp decline” was just a lull, much like the lulls in the fighting that had been previously pointed to as sure-fire evidence that the insurgency was dying out. As of March 1, one week after the mosque bombing, 379 people had been killed and 458 injured, and the violence showed no further signs of stopping.

The bottom line is that, like it or not, the question of civil war is unavoidable. Even if most of the people and the leadership do not want civil war, it does not take very many people to make such a thing happen. All they have to do is to whip the crowds into a religious and ethnic frenzy at the right time, and the country will collapse into turmoil as the Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds vie desperately to kill the other factions off, or at least establish their own country amidst the chaos.

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Tear it up!

Very well written, Zorba. It covers both sides of the argument while showing your opinion. A+. Keep up the good work.

jesus zorba you wrote that stuff ?
Where would you like to start ?
[Bbut fair play to ya][/B]
you do aproach certain l;evels that others won't eveen consider .

I think Tribesman is drunk. :inquisitive:

The article:
Needs to be longer, try to elaborate on certain things.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Byzantine Prince

I think Tribesman is drunk. :inquisitive:

The article:
Needs to be longer, try to elaborate on certain things.

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Good point, but it has to fit within certain restrictions. This isn't a real city newspaper, just a college imitation.

Good article man :2thumbsup:

Zorba is a journalist-college level, I'm high school level, but man can you write way better than me...I just like to design the pages and front cover...:yes:

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Originally Posted by Reenk Roink

Good article man :2thumbsup:

Zorba is a journalist-college level, I'm high school level, but man can you write way better than me...I just like to design the pages and front cover...:yes:

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Bah, writing! I like to burn newspapers :skull:

In all seriousness, I prefer math/science, over writing.

I think Tribesman is drunk
#Bollox , does it show that much/?

Zorba ...Where would you like to start ?
......inebriated or not , one or two things ....
This was the result of a gigantic bomb placed inside the mosque by, presumably, Sunni terrorists, as the mosque was one of the holiest sites of the Shia Muslims in the world.....not a gigantic bomb , drop the presumably and replace it with "those thatwish to cause a Sunni/Shia war" ....


Those who argue that civil war is unavoidable commonly point to the recent past as well as the present.
Recent ? how recent? The past few years (now that gets rwlly compliated to start with) , the free years proceeding the last few ?
( no don't go tere it is emnbarressing)
How about before that ...(no no no)
Which years and which freedom?

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Originally Posted by ghost908

Bah, writing! I like to burn newspapers :skull:

In all seriousness, I prefer math/science, over writing.

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I enjoy the soccer period of my studies...

Good stuff.

I like it, but (if I may) I would suggest an initial change. The opening statement is ambiguous. It takes getting into the second sentence to get clarification of the first. Also, you don't need to say it was a gigantic bomb. That the mosque was destroyed tells the reader what he needs to know about the size of the bomb. Odds are it wasn't gigantic. "Powerful" might be a better word.

Be assertive in that opening remark.

On Wednesday, February 22, 2006, a powerful bomb destroyed the Golden Mosque in Samarra, Iraq. The mosque was one of the holiest sites of the Shia Muslims and sparked a level of rage in Iraq not seen since the end of the official war.

I think this grabs your reader more quickly and more forcefully. After that, you can toy with him.

You need to get the primary thesis as close to the beginning as possible, not state it in the second paragraph. Shorten the recap of the bombing, it can still be descriptive when it is short.

Also, if you like to get stabbed, use phrases like "Shiites think they are the bomb" and "Sunnis caN be cut throat at times" and "When kurd mobs gather its a real gas."

Quote:

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Even without the sharp increase in violence in the past few weeks, the ever climbing numbers of attacks and casualties would eventually break Iraq.

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Just a very minor point, I think it would be better to change it to ever-climbing. I think it is also a minor technicality to pair adverbs and adjectives in a compound modifier with a hyphen, when the adverb does not end in -ly. Plus I think it puts emphasis on the fact that the numbers are always getting higher, which as you mentioned is a strong indicator of a trend. (It would be educating to see the casualties graphed in relation to time.)