Are You Rapture-Ready?

Okay, so maybe you've got your rapture insurance and your rapture e-mails set to go. But are you really rapture-ready? The Lemur found a wonderful place to discuss the issues with like-minded patrons -- the Rapture Ready Message Board.

I think we've all got something to learn about preparation for the rapture. They do have some ground rules, though:

Why don't you allow date setting and pin-the-tail-on-the-AC threads?

The quick answer is that we are concerned about the witness of the site, and these two activities we feel are detrimental to that.

Date setting is seen by some as a positive thing: it gives people something to look forward to, and if it turns out to be untrue (as EVERY prediction to date has), then they just scrap the prediction and look for the next one. To others, it is a real detriment. It can be a huge letdown and can challenge a person's faith to see "iron clad" scriptural "proof" about a date, and then to watch it come and go with no activity. We had a horrible experience with this in September of 2000 and made the decision at that time to err on the side of caution and disallow that practice. While we don't fault people for being energized by this practice, we just ask that they recognize that it can do more harm than good and thay they accept the fact that these discussions are not welcome here!

Pin-the-tail-on-the-antichrist (PTTOTA) is another popular game that folks like to speculate about. It is our position that rather than entertaining onesself by spinning the wheel to see which public figure can be named satan incarnate, that we should be praying for these people, that they find salvation and thus take themselves out of the running. To clarify further, this is a pre-trib board, which means that it is our scriptural interpretation that the church will not be here when the AC is revealed.

Yeah, that's all very well Lemur, but what I really need here is a guide to what to pack. :inquisitive:

I mean, I'm sure not getting to go first class, but when my Rapture email comes through, how long do I get to pack stuff? Should I have a ready-bag in the closet? Are thongs allowed in heaven? ~:confused:

(And don't get me started on what the well-dressed Rapture abductee should be seen wearing...Where's GQ magazine's rules on that?) ~:cool:


:laugh4: :laugh4:

Lemur, I thought you and your hordes of fellow lemurs were staying behind to take over? :army: :army: :army: :army: :army: :army: :army: :army: :army: :whip:

Vladimir, are you playing a forbidden game of Pin the Tail on the Anti-Christ?

I think the end is near and the rapture will be in the next 50 years....I am not joking.

I once had a rupture and had to take six weeks off work.

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Originally Posted by ceasar010

I think the end is near and the rapture will be in the next 50 years....I am not joking.

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But you're funny none the less :2thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by ceasar010

I think the end is near and the rapture will be in the next 50 years....I am not joking.

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Well, do you mean within the next fifty years, or in exactly fifty years? World of difference, pun intended.

Fifty years is a long way out. Would you bother to get the rapture insurance, or sign up for the rapture letters? Or can you sort of let it slide, knowing you've got half a century to get your exit in order?

I'll have the last laugh:2thumbsup:

Can't wait for all these self-righteous blowhards and killjoys to be taken from us. The world will be a much better place. It's going to be one hell of a 7 year party, that's for sure! :2thumbsup:

Rapture is in the redneck dictionary.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

The door was fallin off my car, so I just rapture up in some duct tape and she was good to go.

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Originally Posted by Lemur

Well, do you mean within the next fifty years, or in exactly fifty years? World of difference, pun intended.

Fifty years is a long way out. Would you bother to get the rapture insurance, or sign up for the rapture letters? Or can you sort of let it slide, knowing you've got half a century to get your exit in order?

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Within 50 years .


It could happen sooner though; All the technology you'd need to carry out the end of the world as the bible predicted is there already.


IE mark of the beast would be an RFID chip.(they are planning to make them in credit cards.....spooky isn't it)

PTTOTA? I've got to go with Barack Obama.:laugh4:

Hey, I did one of they searches with an internet, and I'll tell you what's spooky - these here Raptures:

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v...rae/raptor.jpg

:eeeek: And you can get insurance against these critters?

Holy cow, that message board has 10k+ members, with almost 1300 visiting a day, and almost 2400 posts a day.

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Date setting is seen by some as a positive thing: it gives people something to look forward to, and if it turns out to be untrue (as EVERY prediction to date has

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What? I thought that one date back in 1980 somethin' had something happen.

I better get some robot insurance too...just in case.

Crazed Rabbit

I've never understood those Bumper stickers that read:

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Warning! In case of Rapture, this vehicle will become driverless!

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To me, that's the height of hubris, and more importantly, specifically warned about and forbidden by Christ, St. Paul and all the other early Church writers. But what did they know...

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Originally Posted by Don Corleone

I've never understood those Bumper stickers that read:



To me, that's the height of hubris, and more importantly, specifically warned about and forbidden by Christ, St. Paul and all the other early Church writers. But what did they know...

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Well, SCOTUS has all too often decided that the FF clearly had no clue about that silly document they drafted in Philadelphia one hot summmer. Surely its not all that surprising that some current pargons of their churches are willing to think Saul never quite got it right after that trouble en route to Damascus -- I mean he had some good ideas and a great travel itinerary, but its not like he understands modern Christianity after all.....


:laugh4:

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Originally Posted by article

It brings up an important issue that many Christian-Americans are blithely ignoring. According to evangelical scholars, the end times are fast approaching, even faster than they were fifty years ago, and that means that a roadway filled with hundreds of driverless cars careening across lanes of traffic at 70 miles per hour could soon be a very bloody [and costly] reality.

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Hmm. Time is speeding up. The rapture is approaching faster than it was 50 years ago. I wonder if it will be appraoching even faster in another 50 years.


OH NO!!! LOOK OUT ITS THE RAPTURE!!!!!!

https://img84.imageshack.us/img84/1778/rapture2aq0.jpg


Seriously. Is it just me, or is Christinaity and Islam as ridiculous as the loons who followed Marshal Applewhite with their souls to the UFO hiding behind the moon?

https://img101.imageshack.us/img101/...teakadolv6.jpg

Any organized religion, by itself, is pretty darn absurd. You should be skeptical anytime someone demands that you believe in what somebody else wrote just because the writing says you should. No matter what the level of fluff surrounding the writing.

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Originally Posted by Eclectic

Any organized religion, by itself, is pretty darn absurd. You should be skeptical anytime someone demands that you believe in what somebody else wrote just because the writing says you should. No matter what the level of fluff surrounding the writing.

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Something else on which we are in complete agreement; although I'd probably have left off the "organized" part. :grin:

The revealed religions (those in which someone comes down from the mountain or goes up the mountain or gets a bit wet or has a dream or a vision and then shows up one day and announces that the supreme whatever has revealed all to him or her or them) start out ideological and always end up dogmatic. I'd be the guy in the back yelling out, "Hey, Are you sure it isn't just a bit of gas caused by something you ate?" when the word comes down from on high via the standard issue prophet/wise man/saint/leader/alien/whatever. I see very little difference between Moses or Mohammed or Jesus or Joseph Smith, Jr or Marshall Applewhite or Buddha or Zoroaster or the French guy who leads the Raelians. :wink:

People who are against "organized" religion really puzzel me. Are you for disorganized religion? If so, what the hell is that? Really, what isn't organized at some level?

Thus my saying that I would not have included the word organized when using the same statement as Eclectic did. :wink:

I don't have a problem with "religion" per say, although I find the term antiquated. I should say I don't have a problem with existential perspective, since every person has some kind of existential perspective but not everyone would call it a religion. Atheism, for example, is an existential perspective of evolution and existence lacking a self-aware God. It certainly isn't a "religion", but it is the definitive equal to religion in terms of outlook.

So, I guess "religion" was the wrong word, not "organized".

Organized existential perspective is somewhat unnerving to me for its arrogance. Certainty is for God and fools.

Personally I'm always concerned when people (Especially Europeans, Especially Scandinavians *wow*) rally against religion. Belief in the divine is a fundamental part of human existence and provides a necessary foundation for our lives. That is why I just shake my head at all those who use their emotions to determine right from wrong; they make judgments based on whatever’s fashionable. Anyone interested in bell-bottom morality? If you compare the major religions you'll find, like in the languages we speak, many similarities. The problem arises when they become dogmatic and repressive.

Of course, it's always fun to knock down the self-righteous a notch or two. From my time in Tennessee I remember Christianity was something like a competitive sport. Quite literally the holier than thou attitude was present in many of the locals. Probably just a cultural quirk though. Anyone here the joke about the Southern Baptists in heaven?

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Originally Posted by Vladimir

Personally I'm always concerned when people (Especially Europeans, Especially Scandinavians *wow*) rally against religion. Belief in the divine is a fundamental part of human existence and provides a necessary foundation for our lives. That is why I just shake my head at all those who use their emotions to determine right from wrong; they make judgments based on whatever’s fashionable. Anyone interested in bell-bottom morality? If you compare the major religions you'll find, like in the languages we speak, many similarities. The problem arises when they become dogmatic and repressive.

Of course, it's always fun to knock down the self-righteous a notch or two. From my time in Tennessee I remember Christianity was something like a competitive sport. Quite literally the holier than thou attitude was present in many of the locals. Probably just a cultural quirk though. Anyone here the joke about the Southern Baptists in heaven?

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I agree completely. Their is nothing worng with holding a viewpoint or sharing it with others. However, when your viewpoint becomes another's burden, we have problems. Sadly, Christinaity and Islam have become a burden on many.

So the same people who tell everyone in other threads that Muslims can not all be judged by the actions of a few and making long posts about how one should not generalize, come here and make fun of all Chrisitans...

Thank you very much.

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Originally Posted by Husar

So the same people who tell everyone in other threads that Muslims can not all be judged by the actions of a few and making long posts about how one should not generalize, come here and make fun of all Chrisitans...

Thank you very much.

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Nobody is doing this. You must be misunderstanding what is going on.


Have a sense of humor. I, personally, am an equal opportunity offender. Islam and Christianity share the same lack of rational thought as any other cult in my opinion. This is my opinion and I am not forcing anybody else to believe it by the point of an AK-47 or over threats of flaming eternal damnation.

I find it especially ironic how both Christianty and Islam teach tolerance, humility, and patience. Yet these are some of the most intolerant, arrogant, and impatient folks to walk the earth. Mind you, this does not apply to all and there are certainly heathen infidels who are just as nasty. But if the shoe fits...

the rapture wont be in this century. or millenium.

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Originally Posted by Vladimir

Anyone here the joke about the Southern Baptists in heaven?

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I wonder if that's similar to the one we have about Presbyterians?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

St Peter is showing a group of new arrivals the wonders of heaven. After a while, they approach a walled garden, and St Peter sternly warns everyone to be very quiet as they walk past.

Once they're a safe distance away, he explains: 'That's the Presbyterians - they think they're the only ones here."

:wink:

:laugh4: That's it!

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Originally Posted by Vladimir

Personally I'm always concerned when people (Especially Europeans, Especially Scandinavians *wow*) rally against religion.

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Huh? The rally against religion here is pretty much dead nowadays. But by some reason is anything that happens on this front in Sweden world news...
(Well, can you find anything outside a priest that had a speech in invited media that among other things mention that gays is a cancer in society and that some people complained that the schools breaking-up were always done in churches were they was living, decided (rightly so) to be a communal issue, not even big news in Sweden).

Devout christians that mention God all the time is considered quite odd though and a Bush speech when he's starting mentioning God wouldn't recvive much support. But none cares if you goes to church every day.

So to summarise: Christianity got a much more secularised position in Sweden, the only places were it doesn't have it, is remnants of when the state and church were merged. But the rallies against Christianity is from what I've seen, much worse in the US. Here people simply don't care, in average.