the greatest defeat, part II

Its the year 230 Bc. I am Clavius Julli,the oldest son of Flavius Julii its, been four years since my father's passing.
Apperently there are much doubt in Rome, as to how my father could have or not have been slain by peasents, well here is the story from my side, about what happened, and what happends.In the year 234 Bc i was stationed with my two sons next to Rome, in an attempt to force more senate positions to our family.One morning as i was performing my daily combat training, a distressed rider come's up to my side and almost as i he was in chock he stumples the worst words i ever had heard,you you father is fallen. i could not belive my own ears, i'd never thought that my father would fall in combat,becouse of his old age,i took my morning bath not quite sure what had happent,then i ordered my son to stay positioned at rome,and took my own personal bodyquards,and rode of to the small village of Nabo.
after 3.month we arrived in the Nabo forrest and made camp,our scouts had been working,inside the town for alongtime now.And it was a certanty that i i was to wage an attack the gates there would be open for me.
One night close to fulmoon our camp was aproached by riders with dimmed torches, roughfly about 4 legions of heavy cavalry,carrying the blood red banners of the house of julii.Then i knew that this was the rest of my fathers last command,they joined my forces and that night a sad up late speaking with the captain, about what had passes that day my father died.they started out in normal attack possition and quickly gained accses to the town where they stayed my father was hunting down randomly peasents close to the forrest where the gauls had there reinforcements and was cought there alone with only 8 of his personal bodyguard to help him but he failed and was put to rest by the stinking gauls,the rest of the army succeded in fleeing the batllefield to remain here and wait for my arrival........
..............TO BE CONTINUED

Ah, that's better, easier to read:2thumbsup: .......... keep 'em coming.

Indeed, much easier to read. For future reference, though, you may want to keep all of your story-related posts in one thread ~;)

Keep up the good work; I'll be watching this ~:)

EDIT: w00t! I can edit posts now! w00t!

hi i will be writting more of this story later and i will do so in this thread so it dont spam the forum any note critic or anything particuly just write in this thread and i will see it
~:cheers: kind regards

Nice one Max, enjoying this...