Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Oh the joy of being a Law student. Check these out:
Q. What is your date of Birth
A. July Fifteenth
Q. What year?
A. Every year.
Q. What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A. Gucci Sweats and Reeboks
Q. This illness, does it affect your memory at all?
A. Yes
Q. How?
A. I forget things.
Q. Well then can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
Q. How old is your son, the one living with you?
A. Thirty eight or thirty five, I forgot.
Q. How long has he lived with you?
A. Forty five years.
Q. What was the first thing your husband said to you when you woke that morning?
A. He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q. And why did that upset you?
A. My name is Susan.
Q. Where was the location of the accident?
A. Exit 36
Q. And where is exit 36?
A. Probably between exit 35 and 37.
Q. Sir, what is your IQ?
A. Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q. Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A. We both do
Q. Voodoo?
A. We do.
Q. You do?
A. Yes voodoo
Q. Constable, when you stopped the defendent [prosecuted for drink driving], were your blue lights flashing?
A. Yes
Q. Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A. Yes sir
Q. What did she say?
A. What disco am I at?
Q. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in their sleep, they don't know until the next morning?
Q. The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
Q. Were you present at the moment your picture was taken?
Q. Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
A. My younger brother, of course?
Q. Did he kill you?
Q. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q. You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q. How many times have you commited suicide?
Q. So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A. Yes
Q. And what were you doing at the time?
Q. She had three children, is that correct?
A. Yes
Q. How many were boys?
A. none
Q. Were there any girls?
Q. Mr Slattery, you went on an expensive honeymoon, didn't you?
A. Well, I went to Paris.
Q. And you took your wife?
Q. How was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death
Q. Whos death was it?
Q. Describe the individual
A. He was medium height and had a beard.
Q. Was this a male or a female?
Q. Doctor, how many post mortems have you performed on dead people?
A. All my post mortems are done on dead people.
Q. All your responses must be oral. What school did you go to?
A. Oral
Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A. The post mortem was at around 8:30
Q And was Mr Dennington dead at the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing a post mortem.
Q. Doctor, before you performed the post mortem, did you check the pulse?
A. No
Q. Did you check the breathing?
A. No
Q. Did you check the blood pressure?
A. No
Q. Then might it be possible that the patient was still alive?
A. No
Q. How can you be sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q. But could he have been alive nevertheless?
A. It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q. You were shot in the fracas?
A. No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Some of these seem doubtful but still funny as hell.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by diablodelmar
Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A. The post mortem was at around 8:30
Q And was Mr Dennington dead at the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing a post mortem.
Q. Doctor, before you performed the post mortem, did you check the pulse?
A. No
Q. Did you check the breathing?
A. No
Q. Did you check the blood pressure?
A. No
Q. Then might it be possible that the patient was still alive?
A. No
Q. How can you be sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q. But could he have been alive nevertheless?
A. It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
Ha the cheek, you cant make this up can you I love it
edit: sorry i just realised i quoted the whole of it
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Quote:
Q. Doctor, before you performed the post mortem, did you check the pulse?
A. No
Q. Did you check the breathing?
A. No
Q. Did you check the blood pressure?
A. No
Q. Then might it be possible that the patient was still alive?
A. No
Q. How can you be sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q. But could he have been alive nevertheless?
A. It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
This one is priceless...
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Yeah its a funny old thing, the English Legal System. I actually find it so full of humour.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
hahaha, some are real funny.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A. The post mortem was at around 8:30
Q And was Mr Dennington dead at the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing a post mortem.
I loved this one.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Quote:
Q. Doctor, before you performed the post mortem, did you check the pulse?
A. No
Q. Did you check the breathing?
A. No
Q. Did you check the blood pressure?
A. No
Q. Then might it be possible that the patient was still alive?
A. No
Q. How can you be sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q. But could he have been alive nevertheless?
A. It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
This is my favorite. A couple of the others actually do make sense.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
I loved almost all :P
ROFLMAO :laugh4:
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by diablodelmar
Q. Mr Slattery, you went on an expensive honeymoon, didn't you?
A. Well, I went to Paris.
Q. And you took your wife?
My favourite.
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
'Q. Where was the location of the accident?
A. Exit 36
Q. And where is exit 36?
A. Probably between exit 35 and 37.'
Priceless :D
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
The third from last one is superb. :laugh4:
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Q. How many times have you commited suicide?
lol
Re: Silly things actually said in the English Courts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by diablodelmar
Q. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in their sleep, they don't know until the next morning?
Q. Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
A. My younger brother, of course?
Q. Did he kill you?
Q. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q. You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q. How many times have you commited suicide?
Q. How was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death
Q. Whos death was it?
Q. All your responses must be oral. What school did you go to?
A. Oral
:laugh4: :smash:
