Blood and Iron

Something I've been writing for a while. It takes place in a fictional world although unlike most fictional worlds their is no magic. Critique as a 5 please.




Charles gazed down from the balcony at the crowd milling around the plaza in front of the consul’s palace. Noble’s were seated in a impromptu row of chairs in the front leaving the rest standing behind them in a massive unruly mob.

Looking down from the balcony at the crowd he was about to address, Charles reflected on the past fifteen years; and long years they were, full of ambition, sweat and bribes. But finally he stood Consol of Tiben. Even thou the title was little more then a ceremonial position. If Charles had his choice that would change, under his leadership Tiben would emerge from obscurity and it’ place as a victim to a place of prestige and power, even if it had to be won by blood and iron.

As the crowd begin to settle down Charles raised his hands and began to speak.

“My country men, honorable nobles” He said in firm tones. “Tiben has never been a world power. Nor have we tasted anything resembling victory, wealth or power.”

“But my friends, we have been at the receiving end of other nations trumpets. Their victories have been turned into our defeat. Their wealth has been turned into our poverty. We have borne the burden of large taxes imposed by Manteen on our trade. Our armies have suffered countless defeats. Shall we allow this to continue? No!, We can not shall not and will not allow it to go on”, He thundered as he reached the end of the gradually building crescendo.

Ripples of shock spread through the crowd. The consol was traditionally a puppet of the nobles not someone who advocated war against one of the supper powers of the east. Let them mutter, Charles thought. By the time things are done the country will see greater changes. Below the crowd bargain to settle down and Charles continued to speak.

“The source of this trouble is Manteen. They have strangled our trade through heavy tariffs and blocked us of the gold resting in the islands to the east.

“Some of this, I will admit has been brought upon ourselves by our constant bickering. Many of these arguments being over things that have not mattered in the larger sense of the world. Dose a nation care if this noble or that noble is richer then another. Is no one wiling to sacrifice a little short term profit just so we can have a standing army to defend our god given rights?

“That said by electing me you have at least regained some common sense. In fact it is not me that you have elected but the idea that Tiben dose deserve to be great. Deserve to stand eye to eye among nations. We’re we can take pride in our rich and wealthy people. I see a vision of Tiben were everyone from the lowest peasant to the highest noble will not need to worry about working to feed their family or about living in the same run down shack from day into to day out. Today we stand weak, poor and divided but my friends tomorrow we will stand strong together as a wealthy and powerful nation. Good luck in this shared task and may God bless Tiben.”

With these last words the crowd burst into cheers. Charles smiled. The first road block passed, he had support of the people. People he hoped by the end of his reign would be better off then at the start. With all of this starting with a war with Tiben.

Still smiling Charles strolled off the balcony following a crisp military style salute to the people he had just won the affections of. He still had much work to do and it would all start with a war with Tiben.

Good start. The plot sounds interesting and the setting is promising. However, I thought the speech to brief and simple. It does a decent job of briefly setting the scene, but more information on the world this takes place in would be appreciated. As it is, we don't even know whether the war will be fought with tanks, guns, swords or clubs.

Also, it seems unrealistic to me that a brief speech would be enough to get the crowd of a small state ready for war with a great foe. Perhaps you should look up a few of the speeches of famous Classical rhetors like Cicero and Demosthenes. This will give you an idea of how these things were done (you asked for CC5, after all).

But, although the speech itself was a bit of a missed chance, you've got my interest, and I would like to read more ~:thumb: .