Very hazardous poison: women, a woman's cruelty, love. Once it enters your system, it is difficult to remove. It aches and aches, and there seems to be no cure, except more poison. And this external poison to battle the internal poison is still dangerous, as it might enter your system too/instead.
It is the time when I see no reason to exist. I have been -- almost an extreme -- follower -- more or less -- of Stoicism, and I have managed to control emotions, passions, desires, at will like a switch, and to be moral and logical. It takes much blood, sweat and toil to achieve these abilities. But when you take down your guard and allow these primitive things to take you, it is hell you'll get if you're not cautious and make mistakes, or even when you don't make mistakes.
When a woman leaves, it is like she's part of you and she takes it away. It makes functioning extremely difficult. At this moment I see no reason to exist, and in any case I'd see no reason to exist, but this.... this is plain cruelty. This is poison. This is pain. This is a woman's cruelty.
At this moment I am not worthy of the title Stoic, but I sense it is returning to me as I type. I see no other option or solution than to control those primitive conflicting aspects because when you control it, it does not control you. And when it does not control you, you will not be hindered by its negative effects. The downside is you will also -- most likely -- not be affected by potential positive effects, but this is a choice that is to be taken. Hopefully my Stoic nature will return to me and I will once more be the logical person unhindered by the negativity of emotion, passions, and desires.
