News of the Weird

World Beard Championship

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ANCHORAGE, Alaska - The world's fanciest whiskers are coming to Alaska so their owners can strut their manly stuff in a land that has long appreciated furry faces.

On Friday, the 2009 World Beard and Moustache Championships will come to Anchorage, where more than 200 competitors from 12 countries will brandish facial hair ranging from delicate Salvador Dali-style mustaches to bushy full beards.

Seasoned competitors say Germans have the facial hair to beat.

"They take it very seriously. It is an age-old tradition there to have beards," said Bob Gengler, a 44-year-old physical therapist in Anchorage who sports a big bushy beard.

The Germans' 20-person contigent this year will not include Elmar Weisser, who is renowned for his ingenuity in the freestyle full beard category. In 2005 in Berlin, he styled his beard into the shape of the Brandenburg Gate. Two years later in Brighton, England, his beard formed London's Tower Bridge.

You need to get out more you know.

To which I respond:

Man charged in penis 'puppet' incident

FEDERAL WAY, Wash., May 21 -- Police in Washington state said a suspect used his genitals as a puppet while standing over an air conditioner intake at an apartment complex.

The police report of the incident said Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, of Auburn, Wash., was arrested after residents of the Arcadia Apartment Complex in Federal Way called police at about 10:30 a.m. May 13 and reported a man standing over an air conditioner intake wearing only an unbuttoned flannel shirt and "was apparently manipulating" his penis with a string "like a puppet," Seattlepi.com reported Thursday.

Police said Martin was arrested at the scene and still had the string attached to his penis.

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Originally Posted by Lemur

FEDERAL WAY, Wash., May 21 -- Police in Washington state said a suspect used his genitals as a puppet while standing over an air conditioner intake at an apartment complex.

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If there is a God, then one day, one day, we'll have a headline in this thread that reads something like: 'Police in Washington state said a suspect used his genitals as a puppet while standing over an air conditioner intake while apparantly browsing a cult website named 'totalwar.org'...

That would be sooo awesome!

Edit: hang on...there's a certain Rabbit who lives in Washington State. Hmmm...I wonder. :sweatdrop:

Quite. However you wouldn't want to tie the string too tight because we all know where that may lead. :shame:

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Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat

If there is a God, then one day, one day, we'll have a headline in this thread that reads something like: 'Police in Washington state said a suspect used his genitals as a puppet while standing over an air conditioner intake while apparantly browsing a cult website named 'totalwar.org'...

That would be sooo awesome!

Edit: hang on...there's a certain Rabbit who lives in Washington State. Hmmm...I wonder. :sweatdrop:

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:shifty:

More Washington news: Stupid Eco-Vandals

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Vandals who egged a car dealership near Pullman left a note at the scene condemning "the ignorant use of fossil fuels."

Unfortunately for the vandals, the note was written on the back of a grocery store receipt for five dozen eggs. Investigators reviewed store video and identified four suspects buying eggs, says the Whitman County sheriff's office.

The sheriff's office says the four -- all 20 or 21 years old -- admitted Wednesday's egging and agreed to pay cleanup costs and write letters of apology to the dealership.

They also may be charged with trespassing and malicious mischief, says The Spokesman Review.

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CR

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Originally Posted by InsaneApache

Quite. However you wouldn't want to tie the string too tight because we all know where that may lead. :shame:

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Being well hung? :hanged:

Speaking of that...
http://www.wellhungmeat.com/

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Originally Posted by web site

You'll never know until you try it! If you're one of those people who like the idea of having a home delivery of proper well hung meat, then this is for you!

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CR

Yet another strange sex story from Crazed Rabbit's neck of the woods.

Mary Kay Letourneau hosts 'Hot for Teacher' night at bar

SEATTLE — A teacher who became notorious in the 1990s for having an affair with a sixth-grader is hosting a "Hot for Teacher" night at a Seattle bar — along with the former student, now her husband. Bar owner Mike Morris said Mary Kay Letourneau has served her sentence and it's OK for the couple to have some fun.

The 47-year-old Letourneau served seven years in prison after pleading guilty in 1997 to raping Vili Fualaau, now 26. They met when Fualaau was in second grade and began their affair when he was 12 and she was a 34-year-old married mother of four. They were married in 2005 and have two daughters together.

Morris said Saturday's event at Fuel Sports Eats & Beats will be their third "Hot for Teacher" night. She greets people and he DJs.

You know GameStop has a bad rep when even bees hate the place

"When I got here, there was already like a thousand bees in there ... then they came out ... there were more ... they were like—in a pack," said bee watcher Jay Lorenzo.

Thousands of bees—in a hive—in a building between 4th Avenue and Irving Place—and it was no joke to the employees here at GameStop. They were trapped inside their store. The sign in the window said, "temporarily closed, due to bee infestation."

"There's a hive ... inside the walls ... leading upward ... they say somebody's on the way, but they're taking a long time to get here," bee watcher Herman Leath said.

Resistance is futile.

whoa.... ive been in that Gamestop before....

What has seven legs, two spines, and lives for ten minutes?

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STEAMBOAT SPRINGS, Colo. - It's an unlucky No. 7 for a calf born with a few extra legs in Colorado.

The Steamboat Pilot & Today of Steamboat Springs reports that a veterinary hospital helped deliver a seven-legged calf Thursday.

The staff at the Steamboat Veterinary Hospital said the Black Angus calf, which was delivered by cesarean section, had two spines but one head. One leg also had two hooves.

The calf lived for only about 10 minutes.

Veterinarian Lee Meyring says the birth was an incomplete splitting of the embryo into twins.

He says he had previously seen a calf with a fifth leg, but the seven-legged calf was the most bizarre he has seen.

Still being able to breakdance when you are 84?

way to go!

In the meantime cashing a disability-check?

olol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JbF...layer_embedded

Hard Luck Montana Town seeks Gitmo Prisoners

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BILLINGS, Mont. - President Barack Obama has 240 terrorism suspects he has said will be moved out of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, within a year. The city of Hardin has a brand-new empty jail.

A match made in heaven? Hardin officials think so; Montana's congressional delegation thinks not.

The development authority in Hardin, a city of 3,400 people bordering the Crow Indian Reservation, built the $27 million, 460-bed jail two years ago and has been looking for tenants ever since. Its construction loans are in default.

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Man uses live swan to beat victim

A man grabbed a live swan by the neck and used it as a weapon to attack his opponent during an altercation by the bank of a river in Munich. Thankfully, the swan escaped unhurt. [...] The swan survived the attack unhurt and flew off afterwards. The assailant, named only as Sebastian P., was drunk at the time and was given a two-year suspended sentence.

US School chooses openly gay male as Prom 'Queen'

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An openly gay teen has been voted prom queen at his Los Angeles high school in a campaign that began as a stunt but ended up spurring discussion on the campus about gender roles and popularity.

Sergio Garcia said he felt "invincible" when he was crowned queen of the Fairfax High School dance at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Saturday.

Prom is a formal spring dance that is a tradition for American high schools.

Days before the dance, Garcia told fellow students that he was "not your typical prom queen candidate. There's more to me than meets the eye."

He also promised that he would be wearing a suit on prom night, but "don't be fooled: Deep down, I am a queen."

And he made good of that promise on Saturday, wearing a grey tuxedo topped off with the prized tiara.

Garcia, 18, said he saw flyers advertising the prom and the election but they didn't specify that the queen must be female.

He thought the role would suit him better than prom king.

"I don't wish to be a girl," he told the Los Angeles Times. "I just wish to be myself."

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Gangster shoots himself in crotch when gun goes off half 'cocked'.

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Would-be gangster shoots off own manhood

A would-be gangster shot himself in the crutch when his gun went off half cocked in his pocket.

Lukas Neuhardt, 27, had forgotten to put the safety catch on when he stuffed the gun into his trouser pocket to impress pals in Saarbruecken, Germany.

He told paramedics that a masked mugger had blasted him in the crutch in a bungled robbery.

But police found a hole in his statement when they saw that the gunshot had miraculously left his trousers intact.

"Instead there was a charred hole in his pocket so either it was the shot of the century or he did it himself," said a police source.

Now - after surgeons stitched his manhood back together - he's facing up to three years in jail for breaching Germany's tough new anti gun laws.

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He wasn't just happy to see his pals that day.

"When I asked for a quick bang, that's not quite what I meant..."

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Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost

"When I asked for a quick bang, that's not quite what I meant..."

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The cliche of fireworks going off as an innuendo for sex in the old movies and TV shows will never be the same...

I say, if she felt pain from that, she oughtn't be outside of a padded room.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Principal files complaint over missed high-five

EL PASO, Texas — What do you call a high-five that misses? Many would just call it awkward, but an El Paso school principal calls it assault. The misfire came last week when schools superintendent Lorenzo Garcia was giving principals high-fives while celebrating state test scores. When Garcia came to Barron Elementary School principal Mary Helen Lechuga and she didn't raise her hand, he tapped her on the head instead.

But Lechuga — a former district administrator who was recently demoted — filed a police complaint saying she felt pain and feared what he might do next.

Garcia said she's a disgruntled employee and her complaint is petty.

The El Paso Times reported Thursday that school district police are investigating.

CR

I, for one, welcome our Belgian mutant cow overlords

Originating in 19th century Belgium by crossing local cattle with British cattle, the Belgian Blue cattle are gigantic bovine wonders. Their enormous size and muscle mass, sometimes called "double muscling," is a naturally occurring mutation of the gene for myostatin, a protein that regulates muscle growth. This mutation results in accelerated lean muscle growth.

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That's some derriere

Big beef! :chef:

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Originally Posted by Marshal Murat

That's some derriere

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Um, on the cow or the model?

Police in Sandusky arrest a man for mowing the unkempt grass at a city park and charge him with a crime.

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John Hamilton plans to fight the charges against him.

Authorities arrested Hamilton at 8:30 a.m. Thursday as the 48-year-old mowed the foot-high grass at Central Park. Police charged the Sunset Drive resident with obstructing official business and persistent disorderly conduct.

He pleaded not guilty at his Sandusky Municipal Court arraignment this morning. His next hearing is scheduled for August.

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:dizzy2:

The Virginia DMV bans smiling:

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Few places in Virginia are as draining to the soul and as numbing to the buttocks as the branch offices of the Department of Motor Vehicles. And yet, until recently, smiling was still permitted there.

No more. As part of the DMV's effort to develop super-secure driver's licenses and foolproof identification cards, the agency has issued a smile ban, directing customers to adopt a "neutral expression" in their portraits, thereby extinguishing whatever happiness comes with finally hearing one's number called.

The driver's license photo, it seems, is destined to look like a mug shot.

DMV officials say the smile ban is for a good cause. The agency would like to develop a facial recognition system that could compare customers' photographs over time to prevent fraud and identity theft. "The technology works best when the images are similar," said DMV spokeswoman Pam Goheen. "To prepare for the possibility of future security enhancements, we're asking customers to maintain a neutral expression."

At a Manassas DMV branch yesterday, that translated to a simple directive: "Don't smile."

That's exactly what a DMV attendant told Manassas resident Maria Quispe when she sat down against the white backdrop and attempted to look happy for the photo she would be carrying around for much of the next eight years.

"Say cheese," said her stepdaughter, Alexandra Lopez.

"No cheese today," the DMV attendant said.

The shutter clicked, and the attendant consulted a computer monitor, then shook her head disapprovingly.

Quispe's teeth had been visible. Strike one. "Your mouth was open," the attendant said.

Quispe's second attempt turned out sufficiently dull. "It's going to be so ugly," Quispe said afterward. "This is like being in the Army!"
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"It makes everyone look like criminals," said Arthur Freeman, 18, who needed no prompting to appear unhappy after waiting two hours for a motorcycle license. "I don't usually smile for these pictures anyway."

Nearby, 19-year-old Robert Nuckols, also of Manassas, returned to the waiting area after posing for his learner's permit photo. "We're at the DMV," he said. "Why would we smile?"

Nuckols said that when he took off his hat and sat down in front of the camera for his photo, the attendant directed him to look at a specific spot on the lens, between a pair of stickers. The stickers were smiley faces.

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:dizzy2:

CR

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Originally Posted by Crazed Rabbit

The Virginia DMV bans smiling:


:dizzy2:

CR

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That one needs to be taken to the Supreme court if necessary. I can see it now- "And in the case of Virginia vs Smiling..."

Giant mutant pig shot for 'eating a cow'

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The Sunday Times has confirmed that the pig was shot on a Pilbara cattle station near Newman, 1200km northeast of Perth.

Sources close to the family of the man in the photo have confirmed he is Pilbara pastoralist John Anick and the picture was taken on his property three years ago.

The family refused to talk about the giant boar earlier, for fear that illegal pig hunters would flock to the area.

The source said the 220kg beast was eating a cow when it was first seen by workers mustering cattle in a helicopter.

Mr Anick saw it again on a trip to check windmills on the property and shot it.

I wonder if the sausage tasted like beef?