Mr. Brenner left her high and dry...and probably on porpoise. But the 70's were a nicer time. If he left her today, he'd probably Flipper off.
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Mr. Brenner left her high and dry...and probably on porpoise. But the 70's were a nicer time. If he left her today, he'd probably Flipper off.
This gives the term 'blowhole' a brand new meaning :creep:
Yay! The igNobels are being awarded! It's Christmas in October!
Prognosticators who predicted the end of the world and got it wrong, scientists who built a wasabi fire alarm, and researchers who studied how the urge to urinate affects decision-making were among the winners of spoof Ig Nobel prizes on Thursday. [...] g Nobels also went to researchers who found that the male buprestid beetle likes to copulate with Australian beer bottles called stubbies, and researchers who showed why discus throwers become dizzy and hammer throwers do not. [...]
A personal favorite of Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals and architect of the Ig Nobels, is this year's winner for the Public Safety Prize, which went to John Senders of the University of Toronto, Canada.
Senders and colleagues conducted experiments to see how distractions -- in this case a helmet with a visor that repeatedly flaps over a person's face -- affects attention during highway driving.
"They put this on someone while this visor is flapping and blinding them," Abrahams said.
Remarkably, the driver fared quite well, Abrahams said.
Peter Snyder, a professor of Neurology at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island, was part of two research teams who won the Medicine Prize for studying how the urge to urinate affects decision-making.
Snyder's team set up an experiment in which volunteers did computer tests and then periodically drank 250 ml (about 8 ounces) of water as the scientists measured the effects of the volunteers' gradually swelling bladders on attention and working memory. The aim was to see who could last the longest before bolting for the toilet.
The study found that attention and working memory suffer when you are so focused on having to pee.
"When you gotta go, you gotta go," Snyder said.
Yep, there was also a Belgian professor involved in the pee-experiment. his response: "science shouldn't be boring".
He's right, we at least got a good laugh out of it.
Brazilian Woman Wins The Right To Masturbate And Watch Porn At Work
Ana Catarian Bezerra is a 36-year-old Brazilian woman who suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality. Ana, an accountant by day, began to have problems at work because the only way to relieve said anxiety is by masturbating. A lot. Now, after winning a court battle and seeking professional medical help, Ana is allowed to masturbate and watch porn — using her work's computer, no less — legally.
Ana wasn't always like this, she was worse:
"I got so bad I would to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day. That's when I asked for help, I knew it wasn't normal."
Carlos Howert, Ana's doctor, prescribes Ana with a "cocktail" (read: an entire medicine cabinet's worth) of tranquillizers. We're not sure how that "cocktail" doesn't knock Ana out (half a Claritin feels like an elephant tranquillizer to us), but thanks to Dr. Howert's concoction, Ana only has to masturbate around eighteen-times a day.
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Florida's Dwarf Tossing Law Could Be Repealed to Ease Dwarf Unemployment
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Rep. Ritch Workman, R-Melbourne, is tired of Florida's Big Brother government standing in the way of people getting jobs. Jobs that include being tossed around by drunk dudes specifically, so he's on a mission to repeal the state's two-decade-old ban on dwarf tossing.
"I'm on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people," Workman told The Palm Beach Post. "This is an example of Big Brother government."
"All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get," he added. "In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?"
So Workman has filed a bill to repeal a 1989 law that bans dwarf tossing in the state.
Dward tossing, originally made popular in Australia, involves little people suiting up in Velcro-clad suits, usually at bars. Then patrons compete to see who can through the person farthest up a Velcro surface. The Little People of America lobbied to have the practice outlawed in Florida.
"Aside from the physical dangers, dwarf-tossing is a demoralizing activity that treats the person with dwarfism as a mere object," said an LPA official at the time.
Women Invent Chemical Warfare in Wal-mart Fight
A woman poured bleach and Pine-Sol on a Walmart customer in southern Baltimore County, police said, in an incident that closed down the store for several hours Saturday and sent 19 to area hospitals.
The suspect, a woman whom police have not identified, followed another woman into the store and assaulted her, county police spokesman Shawn Vinson said in an email. She later turned herself in and was arrested.
The two women knew each other and were involved in a continuing dispute, Vinson said. [...]
The store at the Lansdowne Station shopping center was evacuated and closed. The store reopened at 2 p.m. after employees cleaned up and ventilated the area, said Walmart spokeswoman Dianna Gee. Three employees suffered minor respiratory problems, she said.
"This is obviously not the type of behavior that we would expect from people at our stores," Gee said. "And we want to apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused other customers."
Baltimore County officials said ammonia had been thrown as well. Mixing ammonia and bleach can create a toxic gas that could lead to choking or other breathing problems.
Mixing ammonia and bleach can lead to a little more than “choking or other breathing problems”...
Hanving had a 'kick' from chorine gas I can asure you there is no little more than choking.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tellos Athenaios
A mish-mash of stories:
Amish men arrested for not putting orange triangles on buggies
Nine Amish were sentenced to jail in Kentucky for breaking a state law that requires them to put orange signs on their horse-drawn buggies.
The triangular signs are required as a safety warning to indiciate slow-moving vehicles. But the men refused to comply with the law because their religious beliefs forbid them from wearing bright colors, The Courier-Journal reported.
Beard cutting feud in Amish Communities Erupts
Sheriffs in eastern Ohio are investigating a bizarre rash of home invasions in which Amish farmers are getting their beards cut off.
Members of a dissident Amish group called the Bergholz Gang are suspected of bursting into the homes of mainstream Amish and cutting - or attempting to cut - the facial hair of their targets.
The intruders then returned to their leader, hair in hand, to prove that his orders were being obeyed to the letter, the local Intelligencer and Wheeling News-Register newspaper reported.
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One of four Amish men arrested over the attacks has been released as a result of mistaken identity but at least two of the others are expected to be charged, the paper said.
It said the assaults - which have also targeted the long tresses of Amish womenfolk - were motivated "for some reason" relating to faith.
... And did that kick involve dousing yourself with hyperchlorate acid first? ~;)Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneApache
Thieves Steal An Entire Metal Bridge in Pennsylvania
Police in a small western Pennsylvania town are searching for a missing steel bridge. [...]
The 40-ton bridge, tucked away on an access road at an industrial park in the sparsely populated area near the Ohio border, isn't very heavily trafficked. But its disappearance is obvious, not least because it's worth an estimated $100,000.
The most likely scenario is that the thieves used a blowtorch to cut apart the bridge and haul it away. New Castle Development, who owns the property, remembers the bridge being there on Sept. 27. But sometime in the past 10 days, it disappeared. New Castle Development spokesman Gary Bruce told WFMJ, "I thought that with the rain it got washed away."
Nope. It was a chlorine gas cylinder whose lead washer had failed. Felt like getting kicked in the chest by a horse. Didn't do it again. Got the respirator out the next time. :idea2:Quote:
Originally Posted by Tellos Athenaios
They'll get caught. They won't be able to take a bridge too far.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemur
One day they'll wish they didn't steal all bridges behind them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemur
If they had parked their van on the wrong side of the river, would it have been...Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemur
Irony?
Heavy irony.
A double cross.
Zombies vs. Medics
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Sixteen actors dressed as zombies were injured Tuesday when they fell from a platform during filming of a new movie in the "Resident Evil" series, officials said, and rescue workers at first were startled at the seemingly catastrophic scene.
"I could see the look on the first paramedic, saying ‘Oh my God,’" Toronto emergency medical services Commander David Ralph said with a laugh.
The victims’ zombie costumes made it difficult at first for crews to assess the severity of their injuries, Toronto emergency medical spokesman Peter Macintyre said. Officials said none of the injuries were considered life-threatening.
Paramedics responded to the call from Cinespace Film Studios around 8:30 a.m., and Toronto Police Sgt. Andrew Gibson said responders quickly figured out which zombies were injured and which were just in character.
that's a message from the universe...stop making crappy movies!Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemur
If they try to make a 6th one, I´m betting on a fire and brimstone kinda thing happening.
Zombie triage:
Severe head wounds - Expectant
Light head wounds - Immediate
All else - Minor
Family Lost in Corn Maze Calls 911
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oblQonO0Qw
Guaranteed way to solve any solvable maze: (1) choose left or right hand, (2) trace your path through the maze with your left/right hand. This means you always “keep contact” with the maze wall/hedge/corn surface with the chosen hand (and therefore never cross pathways). The result is you will end up tracing the outline of the maze path with your hand and always find an exit (or your way back to the entrance).
It's corn! Pick a direction and walk!
Massholes.
Oh oh
Octosquid/shark war
Good. They're turning on each other now.
Is that an unexploded bomb or are you just happy to see me?
The Royal Navy has unearthed a staggering 61 bombs after a two days sweep of a nudist beach on the Isle of Sheppey in Kent.
Bomb disposal was called in after 26 bombs - including two submarine depth charges and six 10lb mortar bombs - were washed up last month. Now, 61 more brings the total to 87.
North Kent coastguard manager Colin Ingram told the Telegraph: "It is quite a find. A lot of shooting and plane exercises happened around Leysdown. Sometimes the shells wouldn't go off when dropped from a plane, or shot from a rifle, but be cushioned by the mud and not explode."
Bridge Steelers CaughtQuote:
Originally Posted by Lemur
They should have scrapped their plan, not the bridge.
Reminds me of the story of people scouring the wastelands of Detroit, or rather, the wasteland of Detroit, for scrap metal.
The wonders of celery.
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