The Grand Wager - Glorious Achievements Diplomacy Thread

After being gone for several days visiting his king, Salvador returns to the court, followed in toe by a young Spanish woman. With the burden of lost sleep lying heavy upon his face, Salvador addresses the court with a heavy heart,

“Despite all the warnings, mercies, and second chances my Lord has offered to the Frenchmen, they have continued to ignore Spain’s rightful claims. Furthermore they have never even attempted diplomatic solutions to what they apparently consider disputed lands.”

“Since the French force has remained in Iberia for a second season without the consent of Spanish authority they have been declared enemies of the state and shall be hunted down as such. In light of these developments, King Alfonso has come to the conclusion that the French King signed our offer of alliance under false pretenses, and has thus declared the alliance between our two people null and void. Moreover, he has declared France an enemy of Spain until such time that they withdraw all interest in Iberia and Spanish claims.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must rest for there has been little time for sleep as of late. In my absence, my younger sister, Lady Rivera, shall hold my spot in this court. She can answer questions and speak of Spain’s interest, but she will have to run official matters such as treaties by me first.”

Salvador, guides his sister to his usual seat, then departs the court for his quarters.

The Turkish ambassador turns to Lady Rivera.

Pomegranate?

Ooow, I love pomegranates

Lady Rivera picks one up, thanking the Turkish dignitary. Sitting back in her seat she eagerly eats away at the pomegranate while sipping a glass of wine.

Later that evening, a letter arrives from Spain. Accepting the letter in her brother’s stead, Lady Rivera opens and reads it,

“Oh my..............dear me.........how horrific.............I can’t imagine.......is that even legal to say...”

Finishing the letter and putting it down, Lady Rivera addresses the court,

“I have received important news from Spain, however it is presented in such gruesome imagery and foul language that I cannot relay it to you directly, so I shall endeavor to convey it in a more civilized and noble manner: The glorious general Vaasco of Spain has led the good and honorable people under his command into a heated dispute with the dastardly and barbaric-I mean the not so nice and a little dim people of France, under the leadership of the untrustworthy and not very noble Prince Louis. Upon the soft green Iberian fields the two congregations met at which point the cowardly heathens ran for their pathetic lives and were unceremoniously slaughtered-oops, I mean the French forces consented they were wrong and left this world to face judgment from their maker, IN HELL-or heaven.”

Faced reddened by here slip-ups, Lady Rivera takes a long gulp of water to hide her embarrassment, then continues,

“The letter goes on to say that King Alfonso was so pleased with the General’s negotiative prowess, that he adopted him into his own family. This is great news, everyone should be merry and drink...except for me...I’ve had enough... Oh, it also goes on to say that Spain does not hold interest in French lands and we need not pursue this transgression further, but should the French not sit down and formally negotiate, we may have little choice.”

A small man with a very young face, wearing an over sized fur coat and wearing an abnormal amount of jewelry runs into the room, out of breath, he pauses and weezes for a moment before straitening and looking around at the assembled court. He looks quite intimidated by the raucous conversion going on, but steps forward and begins to speak in a high, darting voice.
Bonsoir mes Amis!
I 'ope I find thee all well?
He pauses for a moment, but when there is no reply he goes on.
Je'mappelle 'ustice Francoise IIIX, I come bearing important words from France. Mon Roi, er, my former Roi has been discovered to be a fake.
He pauses for dramatic effect
It seems that the Roi has a twin brother 'ou had taken over the kingdom while the King went for a, shall we say, raucous vacation in the Paris' slums. This twin has ruled the French nation very badly indeed, even going so far as to start 'ostilities with our good friends the Spanish.
Well, with the true Roi in power once again, this all changes! France will now rise to be the greatest of all kingdoms, for as I'm sure we all know, God Loves France best! You are to ignore all actions taken by the French court over the last 9 years, and to please come with your offers and respects to the new French court, or to me I suppose...
After this anti climactic finish, Justice speaks up loudly at last for his final words
That is all!
He then quickly finds a seat and looks absolutely terrified by the stares of the many men around him, and even more so by the stares of the ladies.

Justice then leaps to his feet again
Oh yes, I forgot.
The pretender is slated for the guillotine this Sunday during mass, he will pay for disgracing France.
Having blurted these words out as quickly as he can Justice retakes his seat, scarlet faced.

Upon hearing Justice’s words, Lady Rivera jumps up and hurries out of the court and down the hall leading to the quarters. A few moments later Salvador appears with Rivera following close behind. Spotting the Frenchman, Salvador races across the room and lifting Justice out of his seat, embraces him in a hug,

“Sí, sí, hermano! Esta es una gran noticia y glorioso. ¡Salve plan divino de Dios!”

Releasing Justice, Salvador regains his composer and straightens his jacket which appeared to have been thrown on in quite haste. Meanwhile, Lady Rivera comes over and kisses Justice on both cheeks,

“I believe this is how you greet friends in France, yes?”

Before Justice can respond, Salvador speaks up,

“This is very great news. My Lord will be most pleased to hear that the former French Lord was an imposter. He was most distressed to think that a true French King could be as untrustworthy and foul as the imposter turned out to be. I shall, of course, send for a delegation with a formal alliance as soon as possible, but it will be a few seasons as it currently is in Italy.”

Before Salvador turn to go take his seat, he whispers to Justice,

“Make sure to save a good seat at Sunday’s mass for my Lord, I’m sure King Alfonso wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Shaking Justice’s hand one last time, Salvador turns and takes his sister to their seats.

Justice stands for a moment, looking stunned and with a dark red blush covering his face. His eyes follow Lady Rivera for a moment before he snaps out of it and begins to speak.
Ah, eh, yes, we will of course save a seat for the King... And something about an alliance... Ah yes, we would of course love to make an alliance with the good people of Spain. Our Kings can settle the agreement over the 'ead of the impostor, then 'ave it formalized when the delegation arrivé.
Justice sits again, with a smile creeping over his face, it is clear he is unused to such forward and kind treatment.

(Whoops!)
Alternate universe alter!

OCC

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Did I miss something Triforce, or is your post in the wrong thread? :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Thanatos Eclipse

OCC

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Did I miss something Triforce, or is your post in the wrong thread? :)

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Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Yeah my bad... please ignore last post

After being away from the court awhile—reportedly off touring Italy with his sister and some friends from back home—Salvador returns to the court most overjoyed;

“I have great news from Spain. For a few seasons now Iberia has been rejoicing under the unified and glorious rule of King Alfonso. On top of that, we have driven the Moorish fiends back to Africa to cower in their last remaining hovel. My Lord hopes with the final destruction of the Moors he can finally focus on these Glorious Achievements we all originally were called here for.”

Pope Gregory emerges into the Council!
and speaks!
"I heardby Excommunicate the Emperor and the Holy Roman Empire"!!|

Then the Emperor enters immediately after!
and speaks!
"I hearby Excommunicate Pope Gregory"

The Pope gasps!
And then in all his divine splendor strikes his staff upon the ground and says!
"With the power of Jesus Christ, let the Emperor be struck down where he stands!!!"
silent comes over the court...

The Emperor chuckles
and then mockingly strikes his sword upon the groun and says!
"With all the power of the Empire, let the Pope be struck down where he stands!!!"
with this command, 5 soldiers enter the council and ungracefully escort the Pope outside where he receives and unwelcomed fate"

The Emperor than addresses the council
"There is a new Holy Roman Pope", and bows extravagantly with a smear on his face and leaves with his soldiers.

I am glad you have had such triumphs, but I must ask, eh, my lord demands it, so don't yell at me, but, why this war against sicily? They seem to have done you no harm at all.

The old Turk rises to his feet.

Indeed, the German army seems to think it its right to strike at its neighbours with impunity. My Sultan strongly disapproves of such adventurism - cannot the Germans be satisfied with their current domain?

We express our support for the Normans and their fight for freedom and offer them refuge in our lands should they be forced to flee.

The old Turk dusts himself off and rises to his feet once more, causing a pair of pomegranates to roll off the table in front of him and fall onto the flagstone floor, splitting and spattering their blood-red juice on the stone.

I bring grave tidings this day - the Sultan Jalal of Rum has grown impatient with the German oppression of Italy and has formed a Triple Alliance with Egypt and Hungary to bring an end to the Holy Roman Tyranny.

Although there do not appear to be any Germans present to hear this, I formally declare war on the German nation and to this end the city of Naples has been placed under siege by the armies of Islam.

Inshallah we will free the Italians from their oppression and cast out the German menace before it devours the world.

Donne... Donne... arrapate Donne... in ogni luego... come si possa trattenere no dal fotterele... come si no possa... no lo posso... no lo posso...

Pulling up his pants quickly waving fotto you later to the court mistresses the Hungarian diplomat is entering the throne room.

Yes my friends... the Hungarian delegation had been absent for a while but no one else but the Italian delights are to blame for holding me back.

And yes my fellow friends from all around the world. It is true. The incredible alliance of the Magnificent Three has struck against the Imperial Forces of the north. In a preemptive strike brave men disembarked and took the castle of Ragusa in a coup de main. Hungarian forces are now besieging the city of Venice. If things are going well the city likely is falling next round. All the brave men of the Hungarian forces are desperately waiting to cut loose in Italian wine and women. Just like me...

Whoever is wondering or hating against the great alliance of Catholics and Muslim be told that the wise Hungarian king is looking past what divides. Muslim or Christian, brothers in the depth of their faith are standing united to stop the Imperial aggressor.

And even though neither trying the women nor the wine is allowed for my fellow Muslim emissary friends they are true brothers. Im making up for your lost in wine and women my Muslim friends. CIN CIN!

How... barbaric. I guess those stories my mum used to tell about the wild men of the East really are true.

Nasser stands up, grins broadly at the German diplomat.

"New blood, eh? Well, you're in for a surprise!"

He winks at the German, and begans to divide Italy up on the map into respective areas of the Alliance.

A mail clad man of about thirty years walks in the room, smelling of sweat and horse. He has the black eagle on a yellow field painted across his tabard and his stature is that of a giant, with tree trunks for arms and a great yellow beard adorning his face.

"The new Kaiser sends his regards and regrets his inability to be here, but war requires his presence elsewhere. Ein messenger has been dispatched to each of your sovereigns."

He seems more like a soldier than a diplomat, and he sits stiffly after his initial tirade. He nods slightly to the Iberian, English and French ambassadors and throws an evil eye towards the obscene Hungarian.

The old Turk scowls at the German.

You seem to have a poor grasp of recent history. This war is a result of the Kaiser's unprovoked aggression towards his neighours, including the people of Italy and his own spiritual leader the Pope. Aggression which we note he continues to display in his recent attacks on the armies and navy of poor Sicily, even as he demands that we parlay.

Until the Kaiser is willing to cease his oppression of Italy and withdraw across the alps our Triple Alliance will continue to wage war to achieve that objective. I urge his allies and those who have his ear to persuade him of the merits of this course of action.

The Germanic warrior stares at the Turk for a while, before speaking. "The previous Kaiser has abdicated due to health reasons and mein new prince has the word on this. He has found himself besieged by Hungary, Egypt and Turkey and the Sicilian navy had sailed North up to Genoa. Poor Sicilly should have considered guarding it's ports instead of attempting to ambush our merchants and the Imperial Armada!"

"As for returning North past the alps, Northern Italy is populated by loyal subjects of the Reich, and has been so for hundreds of years. And tell me, Turk, if we retreat who will then govern Italy? You present yourselves as liberators but yet here you are with swords and torches, ready to take Catholic land from Catholic hands. We shall not retreat North and abandon the good souls who live on this peninsula to be butchered and forced into abandoning the faith of Christ!"

The German knight raises his voice as he speaks and dangerous glares spark in his eyes.

"As for Hungary, I am told they are still considering their options. Perhaps they will see the error of their way and abandon their appetites for German land coated with Italian wealth"

We have no interest in governing Italy. Should we succeed inshallah it will be returned to its rightful owners the Italians themselves.

"And who are they? The Milanese and Venetians are long subdued, their Dodges exiled or executed trough the deeds of my predecessor. Their cities are now firmly rooted in our Empire. So Sicily shall then inherit all of Italy? And what is to stop them from continuing to push North into German lands once they get the richest cities in Europe for free? If a Sicillian-Germanic war breaks out, what will happen? Will you once again come with your veiled warriors and camel riders to "liberate" German lands? If we once again break Sicilly in two will you come as the dutiful watchmen to mend them and give them a third chance at playing war? What right have you, Muslim, to even walk the soil of Europe with sword in hand, acting as both judge and executioner?"

Yes it is unfortunate that the Kaiser decided to slaughter the Royal families of Milan and Venice such that they have no descendents left to reclaim their stolen lands. My Sultan would be happy to see the Sicilians in control of Italy, or indeed the Pope.

As to our right to interfere, we are here in response to a plea for assistance from the Sicilian King who feared that his line would be exterminated in the manner of the Milanese, Venetians and Danes before him. A plea which, sadly, was utterly ignored by the Catholic Kings of Europe.

I state again - we Turks have no desire to rule over Italy, we simply see a moral imperative in assisting the weak against the strong and aggressive.

The German knight seems annoyed. He takes off his reinforced gauntlets and scratches his neck, looking at the dirt beneath his nails with a solemn expression for a moment.

"Ja, it is most unfortunate. I have been part of both wars - they were like any other war. And the Venetian and Milanese Dodges were like any other rulers. You Turks hold Constantinople and have crippled the Eastern Romans. Should we perhaps raise our banners to "liberate and assist" their oppressed peoples? Orthodox Christians have lived there for twelve centuries!"

It becomes apparent why this knight, who appears first as a lacking diplomat, was chosen by the Kaiser. He lacks formal etiquette and eloquence but his mind is sharp.

"Und this business with answering please - Denmark did what they did, but now their lands are in French hands, ja? Why have you not sailed to liberate Scandinavia? Is it because It's not as profitable as liberating and sacking Italian cities? Und your liberation efforts, are they equal for all? If Sicily marches across Europe and knocks on the doors of Hamburg will you in turn aid us and punish them for taking too much land? Your arguments are lacking mein enemy."

I see no need to bring up the French occupation of scandinavia. Those people lived under a lawless despot who brutally attacked French trade lines and blockaded our ports. The people of Denmark now prosper under us.

"Ja, this is true. Und I suppose the Scottish monarch was also vanquished by the mighty England under similar circumstances. Ze question is, what determines who gets attacked by foreign armies for carrying out war in a civilized manner? Muslim armies liberating Italy make make as much sense as them "liberating" Denmark or Scotland or the former Moorish territories in Iberia."

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Myth

"As for Hungary, I am told they are still considering their options. Perhaps they will see the error of their way and abandon their appetites for German land coated with Italian wealth"

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alright man listen i guess u are getting fun out of this whole role playing thing which is cool with me but making up STUFF (im editing the bad :daisy: word out of it. now that u are a mod Phonics im otherwise getting u into the situation of sanctioning me. huh... how about that...) like that is a no go no matter whether its just meant as some role playing element. im considering making up STUFF like that as a personal offence. so stop it. i know u didnt mean it like that but still. im always sticking to my alliances and im rather going down before betraying or backstabbing anyone. so stop making up STUFF like that. by no means im considering anything. im sticking to my brothers in arms. thats whats up

once again i know u didnt mean it like that but pls refrain urselve from coming up with stuff like that. thx

OOC

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I'm sure no one means to cause offense by making things up, and I believe it is a crucial part of any diplomacy thread. Everything here is in character and should be read as such. Banning lying in this context just doesn't make sense to me. Of course, you should feel free to call out and berate them about any lying their diplomat has done from the viewpoint of your own diplomat.
And I don't think he was making that up, I got that impression from your recent post as well

Neither the Danes nor the Scots explicitly requested our assistance in the way that Sicily has done.

And you are incorrect about us - we do not hold Constantinople and have never been at war with the Eastern Roman Empire. We have simply, up to this point, stayed within our own borders and wished to live peacefully with all men on earth.

It is sad that the Germans cannot admit their aggression which so endangers their neighbours.