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Ya, the word limit didn't help. But thanks for your feedback, I'm glad the flashback worked. I think I might revise a bit, add a few words in the beginning giving a better picture of the VNC as a massive solar empire, spice up the ending a bit (which was crammed in under the word limit), and then post it again. I think that would help with setting the scene.
CR
A bit late with this for Crazed Rabbit...
I thought The Heretic Ship was hilarious. It's very funny on two levels: one is sort-of the slapstick, can't-miss-this-joke way. The second is the cultural aspect of vegan vs. omnivore, which I think you did a good job exploiting with phrases like "there will be no attempt to realign their attitudes" and "Hurray for lax security practices" (the last one made me nearly spew a drink ~:) ). I'd be interested to read the longer version to see if you played with that any more.
I didn't have the same confusion problems as Stephen Asen with the VNC -- probably because I'm just fine with reading things I don't understand which clear themselves up later. I can see where that might a possible place to get stuck as a reader, but on the other hand, making it clear at the beginning would ruin the "punchline" halfway through. Maybe a middle road would be to leave the VNC name out of it in the beginning and gradually introduce it later. Though in 1500 words, space is an issue.
It's hard to critique the characters in this short of a piece, but one thing I'd suggest is giving the pilot, Robert, a bit more character before the end. The gleam in his eye caught me off guard -- I had thought of him as a fairly level-headed fellow who gives factual responses to everything.
edit: oh, and I've relayed your liking for Tuesday to the writer (who is not actually a member of the boards). Thanks for letting me know ~:)
Why thank you, Tamur.
I do think keeping the VNC mysterious is good; if I were to clear up anything, it would only be something to the effect that VNC is a generic solar system wide empire, with the name only being explained later.
Thanks also for your suggestion on the pilot.
CR
Just a note: I wrote about a Catholic Inquisition because it was something that actually happened and to this day is still relevant history. I thought about writing something original and creative, but what really intrigued me is how close to home my story could have been. There have been some dark periods in the history of the Church. Imagine if one such period never came to an end.
The Church is a Human organizatin and therefore never perfect. I wasn't criticizing the Church or defaming it, I just coouldn't get over how possible such a thing could be.
That is all.
Peace, One Love,
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