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i do that too. it makes the stories better indeed. that is how i wrote my contest story. stayed up till 4 oclock in the morning with my nose in 3 dictionaries.Quote:
Originally Posted by edyzmedieval
are you participating in the contest? i hope so :D why dont you talk to me on msn?
I had to come sooner to the meadhall. Love your story edyz!
About translating from your native language to English, well tough I almost never write long texts and normaly never do them in English, I find writing in English from the sart not only the easiest but it gives me also the best results. You just need to think in English. That gives the best result if you ask me. Thinking in English and ofcourse taking your time.
Yeah, the next chapter is finished. ~:)
I'll post it this weekend.
Great Story!!
:2thumbsup: :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup:
Crusades and intrigues - Chapter XI
Work in Progress. :bow:
Thank you for your understanding. :book:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...&postcount=179
A huge progress, edyz! I like the fact you include some love intrigue and the fate of Kostas who belongs to the plebs. I like it. And by the way I was surprised by the facts about Bayazid and prince Mehmed... But I would give you an advise- you should improve the palace speech- the Byzantines are known to have a great ceremonial and never to speak frank ( esp. in the palace; of course they were not so formal in their private talks). But good story! :2thumbsup:
P.S. I want more big chapters!
The year is 1443, so things are starting to shape up. I am now adding the secondary characters, which are going to be part of the proper siege. ~:)
Oh by the way, thanks for seeing the mistake. ~D
Khalil was older than 50 years...
Come on, no more feedback? ~:(
Its still awsome, I cant wait for the next chapter!!
You are aware that story is getting a lot of feedback by Mead Hall standards? Just keep posting chapters, and the feedback will come.Quote:
Originally Posted by edyzmedieval
Yeah, I kinda do Ludens. ~D
First 2 chapters rewritten and revised. ~:)
Is it coming?
Next chapter in the making. :book:
Ok Thanks!
Guys, I am for the moment in vacation, plus I have a lack of inspiration momentarily. So the next chapter would come out later than expected. Sorry.
:shame:
Inspiration has come back, and the pen is flowing. Progress is going well with the new chapter. :book: :2thumbsup:
Its a very interesting story but i dont know how historically correct!it is true that the byzantines called them selves Romans or Greeks and the empire Roman.the term byzantine empire came much after.but 1 have 1 question.who is Basileos Manuel?maybe the name is not correct.Basileos is the title or a name?if is the title King,in greek is Basileus not Basileos.And the last emperor's name was Konstantinos Paleologos because the name Konstantine is english.also the name manuel is english.in greek is Emanuil Paleologos.i cant say that you made a very good effort but your knowledge in the greek language is little and cant justify some mistakes you made.when you call 1 person(like the king)you dont say<<Basileus it is my duty to...>>because in that form the right 1 is Basileu without the s.but you will say whats the problem for some little mistakes and 1 s.the problem is that if you want to use the language and writte a novel in it you have to be capable of doing it.sorry for my long post and thank you very much
Why don't you do the same and start learn how to write English. The point with stories is that they are not documentaries, they don't have to be historical correct. Besides that everybody makes mistakes as your post proves. If you just kindly pointed him at his "mistakes" your post would have been a whole lot nicer. I can't say you made much effort of your post and also I personally think the story is great.
Add to that, that the story is written in english. Helen of Troy is indeed Helena, but everybody in England and probably most people around the globe knows who is meant. So if you write a story in English you can alter some of those historical names to the English version.
BTW, your post actually doesnt makes much sense.
Sorry for my long post and thank you very much.
The Stranger, I think Basilios II Voulgaroktonos just wanted to help. English may not be his first language, so he may not have realized how aggresive his post sounded.
Otherwise, I agree. If the story is written in English, then why shouldn't English forms be used?
Well, if his post wasn't meant offensive, I apologize.
Agreed. It written in English.. It has to be anyhow, since every here speaks English, no matter where you live at.
Has this story been abandoned? I would like to know how it is going to end.
~;)
Ooops, I forgooot. ~D
I'll try to post a new chapter this weekend. ~D
@Basilios II
Well, Manuel. Think of it. Who is Manuel Palaiologos... Duuh, it's at the start, before the death of Konstantinos Palaiologos.
Second, I know it's Basileus very well, but I wanted Basileos to sound more special.
Sorry for the overhaul. I PROMISE I will post something this week.
I'm working on another novel too, and that's why.
Chapter XIII - Besieged
Work in progress. :book:
Thank you for your understanding. :bow:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...&postcount=179
~:thumb:
Glad to see you are not abandoning this.
Hehe. :grin:
Working on the next one, and on another novel.
Any comments or feedback on my latest chapter?
Sweet!!Quote:
Originally Posted by edyzmedieval
It's a bit too short to make any substantial comments.Quote:
Originally Posted by edyzmedieval
(I seem to be saying this a lot, lately :dizzy2: )
I see some progress. However edyz you have much to improve in your story in order to make it really good one. But I think it's the details that are the main problem. Your story should be extended. Write! :whip: :2thumbsup:
I am writing. :grin:
No nominations though... ~:mecry:
My fans, I have not abandoned the novel. ~:)
I just wanted to announce you this.
Good to know. It's a rather nice novel.
Thanks. I had other stuff to attend to, so I couldn't do too much. Anyhow, the next chapter is half finished. I have vacation this week, so basically 2 chapters should be in store hopefully.
Chapter XIV - World
Work in progress. :book:
Thank you for your understanding. :bow:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...&postcount=179
No, I liked it. Very well. Go on!Quote:
Originally Posted by edyzmedieval
Just a quick update and a small announcement.
The new chapters (2) will come up shortly, hopefully this weekend. :yes:
And also, I have prepared a 5 chapter galore to be published on the 29th of May, as a comemoration of the 554th year since Constantinople fell to the turks. :bow:
:2thumbsup:
Chapter XV
Work in progress. :book:
Thank you for your understanding. :bow:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...&postcount=179
Nice. The scenes are now a lot less bare, which is a good thing. It may have gone a bit too far to the other side though: you need not give a very detailed description of the surrounding, just enough to set the scene, but that's just my opinion. Also, the introductory paragraphs for both the despot and the duke interrupt the flow. It's better to spread this information a bit, and better still to show this through their actions rather than explicitly telling it to the audience. The latter is very hard to do well, though.
BTW, I get the impression that you haven't proofread the text as there are a number of minor errors of lay-out and grammar. Also, you can use either "Pope Eugenio III" or "Pope Eugenio the Third", but not "Pope Eugenio the III rd".
I hope you find time to finish this story, and good luck with writing.
Yes, the IIIrd thing I used it deliberately, but since I got feedback, I won't use it any more. Thanks Ludens. :2thumbsup:
Well, I was really impressed. The Chapter is excellent and definately the best in the whole novel! Congratulations, edyz!
As always I will not comment your English since I am not very good in this part too. But it seems it has improved .
Well, I think edyz tried to depict the magnificent court of Athens and its ruler by describing the surrounding, Ludens. My personal opinion is that in such a cases there sould be made some exceptions.
But ... ( I know you hate this word) you are just at the very beginning. There are many things to be improved like making your characters more close to the reader. There are many not very connected to each other scenes (btw, I have a common problem). But I see progress so in the process of writing you will overcome it. So go on. :yes: :whip:
And please avoid phrases like admiring the monuments of the Akropolis for the 100th time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I have to agree, that phrase was a bit off. :grin:
Thank you Stephen for the comments. :bow:
I am continuing to write, especially because it's vacation time. :yes:
sup guys im new so probably you dont know me nice book man its missing details im a turk so i know a lot about turkish history and warfare also it would be beter if when the armies are fighting if you could include war cries if you need some examples i can give you some
Thank you for the offer. I aim to make a combination between Historical Accuracy and pleasurable reading, so many of the things arent quite historical. ~:)
My fellow readers, another chapter is almost finished. So, expect some new action soon. ~:)
The fellow readers are waiting! :p
good going my romanian comrade :)
clujul acia :D:2thumbsup: :laugh4:
My friends, this is the last chapter for a quite long period of time. Some might know why, I won't go into details. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and when I will have time, I will continue writing.
Cheers everyone. ~:cheers:
===================================================================
A young man stepped carefully in the big chamber. He was helping the many painters Pope Eugene IV employed for decorating the ceiling of one of his newly built court rooms. The Pope was an admirer of beauty and he wanted the Vatican to be known around the world for its culture. Paradoxally, the Pope was an austere and modest man, trying to help the poor whenever he could, earning him lots of respect from the Catholic world for his actions. He closely inspected the court room every few hours, carefully supervising the decoration process, as it moved on quickly, because of the large and skilled team of workers. His Holiness was increasingly satisfied of the work being done, as he felt that this truly represented the grandeur of the city on the 7 hills.
The painters worked frantically to complete the decoration in time for the upcoming festivities. Even they were enthusiastic about their own work, and they were promised even substantial bonuses so they could finish it faster. Unobserved, The Pope let a tear drop on the floor. The doctors who recently consulted him didn’t give him too many chances to live on for long. He was very ill, and he could barely walk without help, or even talk, and the fact that he could not see this masterpiece complete overwhelmed him with sorrow. Slowly, he turned rounded and exited the court building and went slowly to the Basilica San Pietro, with a specific purpose in his mind. Outside, a clear blue sky with a glowing sun cheered the Pope, as he always loved to be in touch with Mother Nature. The bright rays bounced off the cupola of the cathedral right into the eyes of the prelate, but it did not bother him too much, as he was about to enter the old building.
He went down a spiral staircase, into the cold underground burial chambers. Eugene glanced at the door of the Vatican archives but decided it was not the case and cast aside a big door which led to a dark and humid chamber. The Burial Chamber. The place where all of his predecessors on the Papal Throne were buried. He looked closely at every tomb, paying homage to those he considered they deserved respect. When he reached the tomb of Eugenio the Third, he kneeled but was interrupted by an aide who sneaked inside without a sound.
“Excuse me your Highness, but Messer Filarete told me to come to you. He has something urgent to show you.”
“Very well. I shall come.”
He let out a short prayer in the memory of Eugenio the Third and slowly left the chamber with the aid. Once back in the cathedral, the former cardinal was greeted by a tall and skinny man with a bushy moustache, dressed in typical Italian mercantile clothes.
“You wished to see me, Messer?”
“Your Holiness, the carved bronze doors you have ordered for the place of God are finally finished. They are outside waiting for your final approval.”
Gabriele Condulmer (The Pope), flanked by the artist, exited the Basilica and went over to a small group of people who were manning the huge pieces of bronze. The design was absolutely breathtaking and deeply impressed the Pope, who let another tear drop to his feet. Finely carved bronze shined in front of those present, and without further ado, the prelate smiled and said:
“They get my full approval, Messer. A splendid job by you and your workers.”
Filarete was extremely happy. Another satisfied customer meant more money. Time is money to him, so he ordered the workers to move on and install the doors.
After this event, Pope Eugenio the Fourth slowly but surely started to lose life. He tried to do a few more projects but Death caught up with him. Gabriele died shortly after the treaty of Konstanz, and after 2 days of voting, the Council of Cardinals voted on his successor: Pope Niccolo the Fifth. Under his reign, the New Rome fell under the attacks of the Ottoman Turks…
*** - Islamic Rising, 1444
The Janissary uprising grew in its importance quite fast enough to get out of control. Things started to degenerate, especially when not only the soldiers revolted. A large portion of the Muslim population in Brussa became restless when information about Mehmed’s sexual orientation is not a normal one. Ironically, Bayazid, great grandfather of Mehmed and even Mehmed’s grandfather had the same tastes, even if Murad, Mehmed’s father, totally banned these sodomic practices, as he called them. These things had an impact of the morality of the population, who now felt the ruler of the empire is an unworthy one.
To add to the unrest, the Janissaries created serious problems themselves. They started to pillage the buildings near the Barracks, and this clearly infuriated the Sultan, and even Khalil, the Grand Vizier, who had not expected such rash attacks, especially in this moment, when Albania, led by a former Ottoman general, Skanderbeg Kastrioti, declared independence and killed the entire Ottoman garrison, along with the capture of the Kruje castle, a very powerful stronghold. Mehmed immediately summoned the High Council, and this included Kurci Doghan, the Aga of the Janissaries. Once everyone was seated, Khalil shouted:
“Explain this situation, Aga Kurci!”
“What is there that should be explained, Khalil? The Janissaries want more money. That’s all they want.”
“And why could they not ask for it?” replied Sehab-ed-Din, the Great Chamberlain
“Who should they believe actually? The Sultan of course. But who? Murad or Mehmed?”
“It does not matter who should they believe. It matters that they caused total chaos in the city!” shouted Khalil.
“Calm down Khalil, we have come here to find a solution. What do you propose Aga Kurci?” replied calmly Sehab.
“Raising the pay for the soldiers. If not, they will cause havoc within the capital.”
“Perhaps we should arrest and kill you right now, Aga Kurci. How do we know you are not behind this uprising, trying to seize power with the help of the Janissaries, like the Praetorian Guard in the old Rome?” said Sehab.
“Then suffer the consequences of a total pillaging of Brussa!”
“Very well. You propose a pay rise. What does the Minister of Finance say about this?”
“The treasury cannot suffer a serious alteration or we will have another crisis on our hands.”
“But there has to be a solution to get out of this. The Janissary army in Brussa has about 7000 soldiers. Rising the pay would not have a serious impact on our treasury, and it will have, if we rise the pay for all of the Janissary corps.” said Khalil.
“And bow down to their demands? Are you afraid Khalil? said Sehab.
“I would want to die happily Sehab, not in a Janissary pike.”
“What about the rest of us? We might all die if this is a scam.” said Zaganos Pasha.
“And you want the troops to surely revolt if we kill Aga Kurci?” intervened Orkhan Pasa.
“You have a point, but I still believe it is a trick.”
“Believe want you want Sehab.” said Khalil bitterly.
Most of the high-ranked officials agreed with the result of the discussion, except Zaganos Pasha and Sehab-ed-Din. They could not do anything about it, except to watch Khalil a message to Mehmed about the result of this meeting.
“Zaganos, make sure you keep a watch on Aga Kurci, we don’t quite know what is he up to.” whispered Sehab.
“That is exactly what I intend to do…”
================================================================
Thank you for reading. :bow:
A good read, as always.
Oh, and enjoy yourself where you're going. It's gonna be different, not having you 'round here...
Guys, I'm giving you a heads up. Since I finish the work when I have "Study Hall" a lot earlier than the hall finishes, I have time to work on the novel. So, expect a new one soon. ~:)
A very short one before I will release something really nice soon. I've compiled every chapter in just one document, and now I am editing and adding to the previous chapters and I will release the updated stuff.
Have fun on this one. :balloon2:
========================================================
Lezhe, Albania, March 1444
Everyone was gathered in the hall. Every noble family of the surroundings was in this confined space. The Gojcins, Dukagjin, Arianitis, Muzakas… It did not matter who was more powerful right now, because they were all equal under the command of a single man. Dominating everyone was Gjergj Kastrioti, otherwise known as Skanderbeg or Iskander Bey. Most of the people present were dressed in armour and with heavy guarding with them, since this was a clandestine and very secret meeting. Nobody had to know about it, except them. They were all gathered for a very special meeting, and it all depended on them to get it to the end, and to do it properly too. Most nobles refused to meet, but Skanderbeg’s influence and power convinced them to come and do this thing. Now nobody could back up. They started it, they had to finish it, and so far, nobody did want to back up. Fight to the end, that was the general spirit.
Skanderbeg ordered silence and everyone seated at the table and looked to this imposing man. He was fairly tall, bearded and always wore his trusty sword encrusted with his personal motto - “It wasn’t me who brought you freedom, I found it here, among you”. His military brilliance was recognized even by the Ottoman Turks, who compared him with the great Alexander, conqueror of the entire known world. His imposing figure coupled with legendary chivalry, to die for his country and with his skill and prowess in battle made him a very popular figure even between the ranks of his enemies. But this popularity had it’s fair share of unwanted things too. Skanderbeg became one of the Ottoman Empire’s most hated enemies, and they were sending thousands and thousands of troops onto him, but he managed to repel them every time. As all things have a start and an end, it was about time Skanderbeg needed help. His troops were highly skilled, but their numbers declined rapidly, and they were hungry and tired. He needed a lot of help, and by uniting the noble families of Albania and the surroundings, he could finally get much needed help to continue the Late Crusade against the Turks, and this was the specific purpose of the League of Lezhe.
Once everyone was gathered, they were invited to sit down. Skanderbeg looked at everyone present and examined them carefully. Some of them were clear supporters of him, some were neutral and some were supporting the Ottoman Turks. It did not matter right now. They were all here, and with a specific purpose. History remained history. At least now they understood the danger these barbarians meant, Skanderbeg thought.
The gathering was about to begin, but still the representative on the noble Gojcin family, Stefanica. This had no importance to Skanderbeg, as he was very eager to begin and to end it very fast, as he needed action, not words.
“My friends! The time has come! The time to rebel against those Turkish infidels! When I assumed leadership of the resistance, I did it with passion, honour and dearest love for my country, the place where I was born, and now I swear to defend it with my life. They cannot take it from us, and I am asking you, my dear nobles, to fight yourselves with the same passion that I have and with the greatest pride that you can have. Defend your land! Defend and protect what is yours! Women, your dear children, your land, your homeland…Defend it. But we must do it together. United we stand, united we win, united we will succeed in this war! Are you with me?”
A great cheer and uproar came from the entire room. Skanderbeg was a great military leader, but he proved that he had some Cicero blood in him too. The next thing, they put down the technical details. Every greater noble was to supply with at least 5000 men the resistance, while the mountain tribes were required just 500 men to aid the Lezhe cause. Apart from the supplying the league with men, all noble houses and tribes were required to pay taxes in order to help the league even further, not just by aiding it with men. Without any doubt, Skanderbeg was voted leader, and everyone bowed to him. Even if they were under his command, every house and tribe kept its total sovereignty, the League of Lezhe clearly stating these rules, which was a major factor in the forming of this united group. The Sicilian Kingdom of Naples, The Kingdom of Hungary and the former enemy, the Serenissima Republica of Venezia provided the financial backbone and was the major support for the league.
Once the gathering was disbanded, everyone returned to their fiefs, and starting preparing for the upcoming fierce battles against the Ottoman rule. Now it was all up to Skanderbeg and his army to win or die fighting…
=====================================================================
Guys, just a heads up, in the past month I have been working seriously on my book. I extended it from about 15000 words to 20000, and I am just on the chapter after the siege in 1422!
So, be excited guys, you shall have a really superb read! :thumbsup:
Yay! I will be waiting eagerly for the next installment. One question; is your book going to be a hardcover or a paperback?
Lol. I dont know, its up to my editor. He will decide. Talk to him and tell me.
0800-IAMEDITOR
Guys a quick update. Holidays are approaching and I hope that immediately after Christmas I can give you the full revamping of my book.
~:)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Inhumanity!!!
WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Next Chapter will never come and it leaves me with one choice...SUICIDE!!!
My avatar will now slit his wrists and die.
*DISCLAIMER*
https://i225.photobucket.com/albums/...akeitcount.jpg
Don't worry Draco, it will come, even if it will take a LOT of time.
This weekend you will have the first five chapters fully edited. I had no choice but to restart the editing, and hopefully everyone will enjoy it. ~:)
As I have promised, here are the first 5 chapters of my book. ~:)
Fully edited.
Old version had 6 pages and about 3300 words, new version has 12 pages and around 5300 words. ~:cheers:
Download links below.
http://rapidshare.de/files/38665125/...pters.pdf.html
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XADM1UO9
Please comment on my book, I wish feedback in order to improve it.
Feedback on the first chapters anyone?
My apologies for taking so long to respond. I'd printed out your story and put it on my to-read stack, but it got buried under a heap of other things (I am in the final weeks of my graduation project, and there is so much that has yet to be added :help: ).
Anyway, it's very well written. There is a couple of style issues, but on the whole your English is very good. The dialogue has improved too, however my main critique is that the story itself is bare. It seems like you are trying to give a brief overview of events leading up to the fall of Constantinople. It doesn't have to be as complex as Stephen Asen's story, but at it is, it's too simple and too short. I for one imagine there was far more intrigue going on in the Byzantine camp. I also think there is rather little attention for the characters: we only see them as rulers, not as humans. Perhaps you could show a bit more of their characters and personal lives.
Good luck writing the next chapters!
Much appreciated Ludens. :bow:
Holiday came, so plenty of time for writing. :yes:
Hello edyzmedieval. ~D How are you?
I'm downloading your first five chapters now and will give them a read over the next day or so. Looking forward to them!
Hm. How goes edyzmedieval? I've not seen you around since I posted my last comment, hope all is well.
Anyway I got a chance to read over your first five chapters and I'd say I am in agreement with Ludens. The story, while having a good flow to it, seems bare. I don't have much more to add to that except to inquire as to whether you still plan to continue?
If so good luck writing them, I'm sure it will only improve. :yes:
Monkeeey!!! Monkey monkey monkey! :jump:
I'm around here, except that I went back to school so I had to arrange everything. BOOORING. It's fine, i'm someway around the half of the next 5.
I know that it is bare in the beginning, because it's a sort of long prologue, giving information to the reader before everything starts.
Good to know you're still around then! And yes, i'm back as you noticed :2thumbsup:
Look forward to further chapters. It's good that you have recognized the first chapters are a little bare, hope you get the chance to further flesh out events in the coming installments. Remember: Details, details and more details! :yes:
It is exactly what I am trying to focus more. I'm trying to flesh out the characters and the scenery around them so it gives a more realistic, compelling and immersive feeling to the entire experience of reading the book. ~:)
Hey everyone, I wanted to post up a note about the progress. I've started working on it again and ill hope that I can give a few chapters soon. ~:)
Its going pretty slow unfortunately, but I want it to be much better than it was.
Good writing is not to be rushed Edyz so don't worry about taking your time. Good to hear you're back at work. :2thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by edyzmedieval
Salut
Si mie mi-a placut Vintila Corbul
Traducerea a fost foarte buna
Multa bafta
Bumped from the depths by a mysterious poster.
Any word on thoughts of continuation edyz?
Yeap still workin on it Monk. ~:)
Don't worry, everything is going well. If everything does as planned, in the future, you might see it on the shelves of bookstores. :yes:
Guys, my first new chapter after a loong period. Please enjoy, and do not refrain from commenting!
Chapter XVI - The young man
Chances were bleak for the young boy, nothing seemed to go his way. Sitting on the bank of the Black Sea in southern Thrace, he was at the border between the Ottoman Empire and the Byzantine Empire. He hated the Turks. He hated them like no other can. He considered himself fully Greek, although he was of Vlach and Armenian descent, but that did not matter to him right now. Having fought out of an Ottoman prison, he was forced to hide in the forests and stay away from major roads and cities because of the fear of being caught and sent to prison again. Getting caught now would mean sudden death for him, so the bank of the Black Sea provided excellent cover but also relief for the fugitive.
He was young, but at 20 years he has seen many things. Way too many things. Tall and well built, scars were present all over his body, making him a mutilated but still attractive man. Born in a noble Greek family, the family lands were quickly absorbed by the ever expanding Ottoman Empire, causing him to lose everything and flee along with his family from the burning flames which torched his mansion. His parents were caught afterwards by the Ottoman militias, and subsequently executed, leaving him without any family or money to help him from now on. He was completely on his own now. But he managed to survive by foraging and with the help of the local villagers. There was no time to weep or to think.
A slight hush came to his ears. It slowly grew in intensity until he realised that it was the sound made by a group of ships which were heading towards the direction they were heading south of his position. Turning around as he watched the ships go by, a tiny speck at the horizon which he hasn't seen before told to him that those were the old walls around Constatinople, the long abandoned walls of Constantine. With eager spirits, he packed up his belongings, and quickly set foot for the city. He would look for his fortunes there. He was a skilled warrior, and the local gossip indicated that the Turks have set their sights on the city itself, so why shouldn't he fight for a living?
It didn't take much time for him to walk until his senses were fully alert. He followed the side roads, passed through forests, bushes and unused roads, careful to avoid the overcrowded and guarded passageways to Constantinople. However, the side roads were full of bandits and dubious people, and it not before long he encountered an entire group. The young man started to walk slowly, without making too much noise as he tried to approach the camp so he could take a peek at what the seven men were doing. To his amazement, they were not bandits looking for targets, they were soldiers in Ottoman uniforms, standing over a campfire, sharpening their swords and their hilt daggers. As he got closer, he took a good look at the small camp and its surroundings; in the middle there was a big camp fire and around it, sitting with their legs folded, were the soldiers burning fresh game on the fire. They were relaxed, making jokes and looked lively and undisturbed, without the slightest hint of suspecting any intruders in their camp. The Greek was no stranger to military uniforms and insignia, quickly identifying the camp members as part of the regular Ottoman army made my Murad, the Azebs. There was something very peculiar about their appearance, as they did not fit the typical picture of mustached Turks with turbans on their head, curved swords at the hilt and light armor. All of them had European facial characteristics and bright blonde hair, along with sharp steel swords of high quality.
“Germans, my dear friend Leandros” said a voice behind the young man.
Startled to hear the voice behind him, Leandros jumped up like a spring and quickly took out his fighting dagger in order to defend himself from the enemy. He was shocked however to see a good friend in front of his eyes. Before he could reply, his friend continued:
“ I managed to escape in the end from the mansion. I did not get caught by the Ottoman militias, and everywhere you went I followed you. I guess it paid results this time.”
Before Leandros could utter a reply, he continued:
“I know you are on your way to Constantinople. Watching those ships so attentively clearly showed me what you were about to do. But you found out by mistake what is going on in these lands. Turks are all over, pillaging and raiding towns, cities, our lands and we cannot do anything about it. And it is not only themselves, foreign mercenaries as you can see are helping them as well. I suggest leaving the place as fast as possible, until one of them hears our whispers. Come this way, I found a separate pathway which we could use to ”
The young man followed his friend without any complaints, leading him around the forest, full with weeds and brushwood, hurting his bare feet and legs. He could do little about it than just continue walking behind his friend, and not before long the two ended up again on a small beach on the shore of the Black Sea. The walls of Constantinople were getting closer and closer, but there was still a long and perilous way to go. Sensing danger, Leandros and his friend dug a small cave in the sand where they could hide and rest for the night, continuing their journey tomorrow morning. As the two men dug their temporary home, they could hear lots of marching footsteps from the nearby road, realising that the movement of troops inside Ottoman and Byzantine territory was heavy, and that war was imminent, unless diplomacy could avoid it. Still scared because of his friend, Leandros jumped at every close sound, preventing him from having a good night's sleep along with his friend.
The next morning found the two men sleeping soundly on the beach as troops continued to pass by unhindered. There was no Byzantine reply, there couldn't be any reply, as the last troops were fiercely guarding Mistra and Constantinople, the last two Byzantine posessions. It did not take long before Leandros' friend, Ioannos, woke up and started scouting the area for potential enemies, before waking his friend up. Seeing no peril around, apart from a couple of ships which were heading for Constantinople, he slowly approached his sleeping friend, careful as not to disturb him and provoke a rude awakening.
“Leandros, are you awake? Wake up my friend, it is time to leave...”
Leandros opened his eyes, sensing Ioannos near him but also something else. He woke up slowly, packed his belongings without saying a word to Ioannos, who was standing expectatively near him, and started looking around. It didn't take much time before even Ioannos realised what was going – a large contingent of troops was heading towards Constantinople, and they were all Turks.
“It is time to get out of here, my friend. We cannot stay here. Let us go now!” said Leandros.
Not waiting to be told a second time, Ioannos packed his own belongings and the two headed towards the city in order to escape from possible capture, and subsequently, torture at the hands of the Ottoman soldiers. The two walked carefully through the bushy forests, scraping their faces, hands and legs against the branches of the trees, until they got to an unused side road which lead to a nearby village. The two Greeks approached the village hidden, not wanting to be discovered, especially with Ottoman troops around, and to their amazement, they found it deserted and lifeless. Scanning around, both Ioannos and Leandros couldn't find any Ottoman troops, but the village didn't present any signs of looting.
Suddenly 3 arrows jolted in the wooden plank beside them, as the small contigent of soldiers the two friends have seen days ago was rushing towards them with their axes and swords at large, shouting battle cries and charging towards the two Greeks. Taken by surprise, but quickly recovering, Ioannos and Leandros started running towards the closest building which was an old blacksmith's house. In ruins, the forge was still in fairly good shape and the two found a couple of rusty swords and bent spears, good enough to put up a fight against the Ottoman soldiers. The forge was fairly large, with the big oven in the middle, so the two split up, one in each corner of the room, hidden from view as no light was coming in the room. Seeing that the fugitives entered the forge, the seven soldiers split up, 3 taking each side of the room whilst the captain entered from the front. Using torches, the soldiers scanned around but did not manage to find any trace of the fugitives. In the meantime, seeing the soldiers getting closer and closer to their hidden places, the two had their spears ready, two each, whilst grabbing the hilt of their swords, preparing for retaliation. Leandros suddenly leapt forward towards the captain from the right corner of the room, throwing his first spear which ended up cutting his throat and ricocheting into another's hip. Startled by the ambush prepared, the remaining five soldiers charged towards Leandros, only to be hit in the back by two well sent spears from Ioannos. Confused, the remaining soldiers split up and two of them went for Leandros whilst the last one charged towards Ioannos. However they were no match against the skill and prowess in swordsmanship of Leandros, being easily cut down, the first one with a strike at the ribs whilst the other had his head severed by the massive blow delivered. The last soldier, in despair, surrendered to the two Greeks, begging for mercy and forgiveness. The two friends quickly tied him and asked him a couple of questions about the whereabouts of the Ottoman army, without any satisfactory results. The soldiers were indeed German mercenaries, or Allamanoi as the Romans call them, fighting for the Ottoman army, but since their leader had been killed by one of the Ottoman generals for disobedience, they were left alone and thus they ended up as brigands raiding the unguarded parties which were going on the side roads. Satisfied with his answer, the two left him in the forge, still tied up and unable to move, and continued their journey towards the city. Leandros however was unable to cope with the pressure any more, and his friend's efforts to calm him down were futile.
“That's it! I'm rushing to the capital now to join the army! I cannot stand those Turkish scumbags to pillage the land of my nation and get away with it! Are you with me, Ioannos?” screamed an angry Leandros.
“My friend there is no need for further violence. I was a soldier myself, a very good one, but I always wanted peace, I wanted the nations to coexist. “
“Until one of the nations dies, there can not be peace. One cannot live while the other lives. So, are you ready to join me?”
“I waver, but since you are so determined my friend, I shall join you.” replied Ioannos calmly.
“Very well. It is time we move on, I do not wish to have any similar experiences soon, or at least until we get to the city.”
Night was approaching fast but it did not bother the two friends as their forced march continued without a stop. They were both hardened, professional warriors, and realised the importance to get protection as soon as possible before something could happen to them.
First two chapters have been overhauled completely. Please enjoy. ~:)
Feedback most welcome! :yes:
Good work Edyz. :bow:
I think, however, that you at times try to rush through your details. You describe a lot, but you paint with a very broad brush and are telling rather than showing. It's something I constantly struggled with and is a hard habbit to break. :yes:
Thank you Monk for the feedback. Much appreciated. :bow:
An update is forecasted for this week. :yes:
One last feedback needed before the next update, is the story gripping, does it make you read more and more, or is it somewhat dull, rather boring?
Chapter III fully edited. ~:)
I trust you will find it very compelling and enjoyable to read...
You can find it on the first page.