Divorce

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Originally Posted by Husar

What's also interesting is that marriage seems to exist almost everywhere, there are marriage rituals in african tribes, hawaiian marriage rituals etc. I'm not an expert and may be wrong, but doesn't that indicate that marriage is not a cultural thing but rather something ingrained in human nature?

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:dizzy2:
No.

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Originally Posted by God's Grace

waking up to a woman is good enough for me. im sure most husbands would find their wives very attractive; the hottest woman ever. you should imo. i agree with you totally right there, and of course no one is perfect.

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Okay, I didn't want to attack you or anything, but I know quite a few people who have set the bar for a partner way too high in the past and are lonely twenty somethings with little to no experience with relationships, that's not a good start for a new one either.

I know you're still young, don't fall into the same trap. Also, as the older Orgah's have pointed out, the sex and hotness is not the most important thing, at least not after the initial buzz fades. Personality matters in the long run.

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Originally Posted by J Massey

My Father-in-law, a man I have come to admire as much as my own father, passed this on to me: "After awhile, you'll come around to the thinkin' that Sex is the most highly over-rated thing in the world, while the most under-rated is a good healthy dump"-J. Massey.

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I feel like I'm way to young to agree with that, but, he has a good point.

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Originally Posted by Watchman

:dizzy2:
No.

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After thinking about it again, I have to say you're right.

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Originally Posted by Husar

After thinking about it again, I have to say you're right.

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That's kinda what I'm leaning towards as well. Promiscuity is a natural tendency in most of our nearest cousins in the ape species.

Promiscuity is fun. Period.

I remember the 1970's arguments between 'hairy-legged feminists' and 'male chauvenist pigs', each side asserting that marriage and divorce were un-natural atrocities perpetrated by one gender upon the other, sanctioned by a government and religious community that was terribly backward-thinking (so they said, in the US).

If matrimony and divorce are un-natural, there yet seems to be strong evidence that semi-long man-woman relationships are nevertheless desired by many humans, as witness the proliferation of such agreements (as Husar pointed out) among all people of the 1st, 2nd & 3rd worlds.

It looks like we strongly desire (if not instinctively desire) to connect, and to stay connected, for at least months, if not years or decades.

The issue seems to be how involved we want society, at learge, to be involved.

We are pack animals after all. Humans tend to start going screwy in isolation.

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Originally Posted by Lemur

I suspect that many marriages are ended out of ignorance, laziness, weakness and/or selfishness.

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I suspect that too many marriages are made because of these traits!

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Originally Posted by Husar

What's also interesting is that marriage seems to exist almost everywhere, there are marriage rituals in african tribes, hawaiian marriage rituals etc. I'm not an expert and may be wrong, but doesn't that indicate that marriage is not a cultural thing but rather something ingrained in human nature?

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Yes. There's a biological basis for long term relationships.

I can't believe that this thread has engendered such a deep and rewarding discussion here in the backroom. I have'nt been able to keep tabs on it post to post, but have enjoyed browsing along every few days. I am glad to see so many seem to be rather more infavor of the institution than not. IMHO, marriage is the most natural and reasonably successful way to raise a family; althogh many couples remain happily married who have never had children. It is not for the timid and too many enter into it lightly, and then are surprised when it fails.

Speaking of timidity, my wife informed me some years ago (probably during an argument), that the reason more women file for divorce proceedings, is that the majority of men are, well rather cowardly to be the one to initiate the break-up. Wether it is fear of the consequences, or not wanting to be the one to "let go" remains to be decided, but let's face it fellas, the ladies do have quite a hold on us. Speaking for myself, there were many times when one of these two reasons kept me from making what would probably been a big mistake. It does take courage to leave, and that's the rub.

There was a study done some years ago (late 90's is when I saw it published) which elaborated on earlier differences in the sexes and how they, across all cultures surveyed, address relationships. The analogy of the pie versus the building blocks Psychologically a relationship (talking committed relationships, attaining commitment is another study) to a woman is a piece of the pie while for a man it is the foundation upon which he builds. A woman can more easily interchange pie pieces to make her whole emotionally while a man generally must go through a collapse cycle. One of the results of this is women being more opportunistic materially when assessing relationships. In a society like the U.S. which embraces divorce we see the result.

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Originally Posted by ShadeHonestus

...to a woman is a piece of the pie while for a man it is the foundation upon which he builds. A woman can more easily interchange pie pieces to make her whole emotionally while a man generally must go through a collapse cycle...

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Having gone through a couple of those 'collapse cycles' while my ex-mates subsequently mixed-and-matched their next partners, I can attest anecdotally to the feasibility of this theory.

I'd be interested in reviewing that material, should you ever come across it again, S.Honestus. :bow:

Well, when you really really look into it the concept of marriage does change very much with time.

It was quite a social tool back in the day. Obviously the more rigidly social the whole deal is the less likely things like divorce would happen. Nowadays marriage for love is, I [hope?], far more common than marriage to improve your social status/money/with Paris Hilton or whatever. Mr. Darcy no longer needs to be a filthy rich billionaire to make Ms. Lizzy Bennet's decision "proper."

That and the trend that Love more and more supersedes matrimony as the thing that sustains marriage and things are less on...firm grounds.

Considering Love's notoriously well-acknowledged quality of being ridiculously frivolous, the divorce rate is not altogether surprising.

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But really, why aren't anyone blaming American Girls tm and the stereotype of Miss I-Have-OCD-ADD-And-Psychological-Problems-Addendum yet? After all aren't girls the ones who indirectly press the men to give that marriage proposal half the time at least? :beam:

Divorce is the decision of the two parties involved and absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

This is one of the areas that people should stop trying to interfere with others lives, it's nothing to do with you so just move along.