Chapter IV fully edited. Enjoy. ~:)
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Chapter IV fully edited. Enjoy. ~:)
A new chapter will come soon along with the complete editing of the chapter 5 (re-read that when it's going to be out, it's a blockbuster!) and chapter 6. ~:cheers:
Here's the latest chapter of the book. I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome! ~:cheers:
Chapter XVII – Court gossip
As the sun started to rise over the big city of Constantinople, the hustle and bustle of the city soon resumed in the large markets, as citizens and sellers were actively bargaining over the prices of the produce offered at the coquette stalls. It turned out to be another normal day in the capital, as everyone took on with their usual business and regular affairs, intentionally forgetting the woes and problems of the Empire. Prosperity was long gone but this didn't stop the citizens to the beggars from roaming the streets, asking the noblemen for coins and searching for scraps of food in the filthy dumps beside the large markets. The town guard covering the Constantine district of the capital was hand in hand with the ringleaders of the beggars, and the business turned out to be profitable for both parties. When problems aroused due to the discontent and general resent towards the beggars, the police quickly dispersed them and relocated them in other areas of the city. It was a never ending cycle which plagued some and provided large profits for others.
Not all of the citizens were working however, exception to the rule being the upper class nobility, enjoying the privileges offered by their vast wealth, passed on from generation to generation. Winding down a narrow road, leading from the Forum of Constantine, was a impressive marble and carved rock villa constructed in the times of Justinian, housing the wealthy and influential Cantacuzenos family. Outside the rock walls which sheltered the lush gardens from the busy road were two German mercenaries equipped with wicked axes and chain mail, acting as guards of the villa owned by Senator Cantacuzenos. Descending from a noble family with huge estates in Anatolia and true to his vast wealth which still remained largely intact even to this day, the villa was decorated with Doric style colonnades and colorful frescoes on the frontispiece, adding to its simple beauty offered by the bright colour of the limestone which it has been constructed from. The basreliefs on the sides were intricately made with Greek and Roman mythological themes. Most viewers would characterize it as overloaded and opulent, but it was deliberately created like that to represent the wealth of its owner. Although the fiscal body of the Empire practiced massive taxes on the noblemen, his position enabled him to relieve some of those taxes, leaving him to enjoy his life.
Theodora Cantacuzenos, Senator Cantacuzenos' daughter, woke up from her sleep, brushing aside puffy pillows as she stood up to look around the room. In tone with the rest of the villa, her room was overloaded with items that hampered her movement on every occasion, but she enjoyed being materialistic. She could never understand the sombre and modest priests who were living with just a straw bed and a bread a day. In comparison, her large bed was adorned with exquisitely decorated purple silk sheets and soft, puffy pillows which comforted her every sleep. Her personal chamber was on the first floor on the villa, her balcony directly overlooking the beautiful Marmara Sea, shining brightly every morning as the sun's rays were touching her delicate, angelic face. Ships were often entering and leaving the three ports of the capital, but today a large trireme attracted her attention and after looking closely she could see the banners of the Pavlios family going against the strong wind. They were one of the most influential families in Constantinople, and by far the richest, but what interested her the most was their youngest son, Alexios. Theodora was a young and beautiful girl, part of a noble family which clearly made her a very attractive proposition in the social life of Constantinople, and offers for marriage were freely flowing. This strong position offered her however the chance of being picky regarding her possible husband, and for the moment she chose to give her heart to Alexios, who ironically wasn't interested in her at all. Time and time again she tried to get into his heart, but he would never budge. For a short period of time her setbacks even became the subject of numerous jokes within the social high life of the Byzantine capital.
Theodora heard a small pounding on her door, waking her from her reverie, and as she looked towards the other side of her chamber, her servant, Anastasia, entered the room.
“My lady, your mother requests you dress up as she wishes you attend the meal together downstairs. Do you wish me to help you?”
“No, but thank you Anastasia. Tell my mother I shall come down in earnest.”
She knew all too well what meal time meant and it wasn't to her liking. As she heard when the door was open, all of her mother's friends, which obviously were the wives of other important dignitaries and noblemen, came each day to discuss the latest gossip and social events in the city. She personally hated it as every time the women would ask when she would get married and with who, an obviously useless and sterile question but nonetheless courteous. On the other hand, it was useful for her to know if other girls were attending at Alexios' hand. Not willing to waste any more time as she had plans for that specific day, Theodora chose a simple white linen dress which made her look twice her size, but she did not care as long as she was comfortable in it. Leaving her room quietly, she tip toed to the edge of the massive stairs to overhear what her mother and her guests were talking about, as she knew that the most important information was omitted or forgotten when she was present. Her maid was one of her best friends, and she supplied her with valuable information every time something relevant came up in the discussions. Sneaking up from behind, her maid whispered in Theodora's ear, visibly startling her.
“There is an upcoming ball in Constantinople, which will be hosted in our house, and Alexios will be present. It is one of the most important events of the year in place, and I suggest you start looking for a dress as soon as possible. If you do not have any other plans, go to Kir Dimitraki today. I have arranged a meeting for you in any case.”
“Thank you, Anastasia. Now leave at once, I do not want my mother to see us together right now, or she will be suspicious because you're not down there helping her.“
Inhaling deeply, Theodora started to descend the marble stairs slowly and silently, holding on the side rail like it was her life line while carefully scanning the large living room where her mother and her friends were enjoying lunch. Remarkably, by the time she fully descended the stairs nobody seemed to take notice of her. Stepping softly on the Persian rug and getting closer to her table, she was observed by her mother who was too distraught by the bubbly conversation to realise the implications of her daughter's presence at that very moment in the living room of the villa.
“... Alexios is rich as we all know, and somebody special told me Antipatra Botaneiates, you know, the descendant of Nikephoros' general, is going to be his wife. She's young and devastatingly beautiful and will be introduced at the ball. And she's only 16, perfect to be wed. What more could he ask for?” said Basilia Comnen.
“Who told you that?” replied Theodora's mother,Destasia.
“Senator Loukan, who else. He knows the important gossip around and I take his word for granted. Alexios will be wed at this upcoming ball.” replied Nonna, one of her neighbours.
“Oh, will he?” interrupted Theodora
By the time she was beside the large mahogany table, she overheard most of the freely flowing conversation which suddenly stopped when everyone realised her presence. Startled by the sudden realisation, her mother quickly stepped in to calm down the akward situation.
“Theodora, my dear, do sit down with us.”
“I am fine mother. I will not be staying long with you, I have to attend the mass at the Church of the Holy Apostles. Father Anastasiou is waiting for me.”
Theodora stopped to look at the women gathered at the table, every one of them looking at her intensely, some with remorse and contempt towards her beauty and youthfulness.
“But before that, what is this ball you are speaking of?” said Theodora in a soft tone.
Visibly uncomfortable at the question, her mother tried to come up with a cover up answer but her efforts were thwarted when Theodora looked at her, raising her eyebrow slightly.
“My dear daughter, in a couple of weeks time, a grand ball will be hosted in your estemeed family's house, and this will be a golden ocassion for all beautiful women like you to find suitable husbands. All dignitaries and their sons will be present, so make sure to be prepared for it. We tried to make it a surprise for you but it looks like you found out before term.” answered dryly Basilia Comnen.
“I am sure you will like it my daughter.” replied Theodora's mother immediately.
“I am sure I will. Mother, if you allow me, I shall retreat and attend the mass. Good day to you all.” concluded Theodora gracefully, leaving the women alone to resume their gossip.
Theodora immediately left her home, contemplating about her direction once on the busy street. Instead of heading towards the church, she decided to walk towards Kir Dimitraki's shop of fine textiles, with a clear mission in her head. She thanked Anastasia for her inspiration. Once she would get there, she would arrange the details of her dress for the upcoming ball, which in her mind was vital to secure her marriage with Alexios Pavlios, if possible. She was walking alone, opting to leave her maid behind with her mother and her friends, taking in the breeze of the midday while managing through the intense traffic of merchants and their fully loaded caravans which were travelling through the narrow streets from her house towards the Forum of Theodosius. Town guards and merchants alike were whistling after her but nobody dared to touch her as they knew very well who she is, or more appropriately, who are her parents.
She soon arrived at Dimitraki's textile shop, finding him downtrodden and staring blankly at the ceiling, noticing in the meantime the dampness in the shop which was irritating her nostrils. Surprised at her sudden presence, he immediately woke up from his reverie and smiled brightly towards his esteemed customer. Dimitraki admired her beauty like no other man could, and she used it to her advantage as he would always get the best fabrics and the softest silk for the garments he so skillfully created for her.
“Kalimera, Kiria Theodora! What makes you grace my eyes with your lovely presence?”
“You are in your usual spirits, I see. My dear Dimitraki, as you might have heard, and I am sure you have, there is a very important social event coming up soon, and it is crucial for me to have the best dress possible. I want the best fabrics you can offer me, and I do not care about the price.” said Theodora huskily, stressing the social event part heavily in order for Dimitraki to understand.
“My lovely Theodora, I have heard about the event that will soon take place, and do not worry one moment, Alexios is coming. I am sure this time he will not refuse you, said Dimitraki smiling at her uneasiness. And as for your other concern, I got exactly what you need. Please have a look around as I return.” replied Dimitraki.
The textile merchant left the counter and opened a door which led to the storage room located in the cool basement of his small shop. Theodora was left all alone in the shop, looking through the fine textiles neatly laid out on the wooden tables. She was always impressed with the quality of the fabrics Dimitraki obtained and sometimes she was wondering where did he actually get them. The state manufacture was in a crisis of materials, so he must have some other channels of obtaining his special cloth. The shopkeeper returned immediately with a stunning white silk cloth, incredibly smooth and eye catching. What was remarkable was the painstaking gold embroidery which created a distinct pattern along the line of the dress, coming in as a perfect complement for the young woman's fit body. Theodora was stunned and Dimitraki knew all too well that he was in for another feast back at home.
“I shall return tomorrow so you can take my measurements and create my ceremonial dress. I am expecting it later this week because the ball is this weekend. My dear merchant, right now I must go but I shall return as promised. Have a good day.”
“Enjoy your day my dear girl.“ said Dimitraki, bowing slightly as the young woman left his coquette shop, leaving him happy in her wake.
The intensity of the gossip and information surrounding the ball increased inversely proportional with the number of days left. The night before the ball was a real hysteria between the daughters and the sons, as they all were intensely preparing their dresses and their ornate caftans for the ball that was about to commence in a couple of hours. In the guests' house, Theodora was preparing her grand entry with the help of her maid, upstairs in her private chamber. She donned an intricate hair design which symbolised her powerful social status and at the same time perfectly complemented her white silk dress, made to measure by Dimitraki in his small shop. Although she thought it wouldn't give her the beauty she hoped for, on the contrary as she would soon observe herself, the dress gave her an aura of femininity and attraction that no other woman could match in the ballroom. To complete her intricate outfit she placed a delicate diamond diadem on her head. The intricate embroidery helped serve her interests, adding a touch of sophistication and grace which Dimitraki knew exactly how to arrange on the dress in order to suit the young woman. Senator Cantacuzenos'daughter strikingly resembled a Greek goddess, which impressed everyone around her.
The ballroom was soon ready to receive its guests, the interior decorated with candles strewn along the tables and beside the pillars supporting the massive room in golden candlesticks, somehow making it resemble a religious ceremony. Although the light shone by the candles was slightly dim and orientated towards the corners of the room, it created a mysterious atmosphere which the guests, particularly the young ladies, would enjoy to the fullest. As the esteemed host and as the protocol imposed, Senator Cantacuzenos was dressed in a light blue caftan with obvious Turkish influence, embroidered by Dimitraki as well, using specially created patterns, complemented by a large diamond encrusted hat, similar to the Emperor's crown, covering his massive head. His large belly was simply forcing the seams of his garment, leaving a rather wide opening along the lines of the golden embroidery showing his black undergarments. His wife, shocked by his unkempt appearance, ushered him back to his room despite his loud protests and sent her personal maid as well to aid him in his arrangements with a clear mission. She quickly returned back to the dining room to arrange the final details and decorations but decided to visit Theodora in her private chamber. Slowly opening the door, she could see Theodora hunched over the side of her balcony.
“Theodora my dear, what's wrong?” said her mother.
“Nothing mother, I just felt ill and I bent over to relieve my sickness. Have the guests arrived?”
“Not yet. I shall send Anastasia to you when everyone will be there so you can make your entry. And please, do not feel overly excited about this, it is a simple social ceremony which will benefit us all. It is not as a compulsory ceremony before our beloved Emperor, God bless him!”
“Yes mother, I understand very well. By the time our guests arrive, I shall be ready to greet them all and engage in wise conversations with them. Do you think this dress made by Kir suits me well?”
“Theodora, you are young and beautiful, and this dress is wonderful. Our faith in Dimitraki is well founded. Do not worry, everything will be all right. Just be ready and calm. I shall leave now and I will see you downstairs.”
Her mother left the chamber leaving her all alone on her soft bed. She started sobbing quietly, without knowing why exactly, but she thought it was because of her chances of marriage. Anastasia, upon seeing her, decided to close the door and usher the rest of the peeking servants to the ballroom.
As the guests started to arrive at Cantacuzenos' villa, the guards posted at the gate, dressed up in bright red ceremonial uniform, with silver-headed spears and golden shields lowered their weapons in a ceremonial tradition. The small road from the gate to the villa door was lined up with the guards, who oddly resembled Praetorians, slightly lowering their spears every time a guest passed, offering a special detail before the start of the ball. In the end, they were forced to keep them lowered at all times due to the impressive flow of people walking down the garden road towards the entrance of the villa where Senator Cantacuzenos, suitably dressed this time, his wife and their servants were awaiting the guests with cups of French wine from the coastal province of Aquitaine, coming out of the underground cellars of the villa. Once inside, the guests discovered a long mahogany table in the middle of the room filled with culinary delights and easy Mediterranean style dishes, along with an endless number of bottles of wine strewn along the length of the table, making it easily accessible for the guests. Theodora didn't wait for long until she was called up by Anastasia to come down to the ball. Most of the guests decided to sit on the comfortable divans, obviously enjoying the fashion spectacle.
Once at the top of the spiral marble stairs, all eyes drifted towards her as she slowly descended them with the grace of a gazelle, smiling towards her guests. She quickly headed for her assigned place , along with other young women, ready for the start of the ball. Her show was short but heavily impacted all of the guests.
Once almost all of the guests were gathered together, the entertainment started, provided by the rhythms of two Greek troubadours playing traditional folklore using their bouzouki, the typical Greek guitar. The young noblemen didn't waste much time and invited the beautiful girls to the dance, most of them accepting the invitation. Some refused however, awaiting a more handsome and more suitable proposition. Seated in the middle on a Lebanese cedar chair was Theodora flanked by the rest of the girls which refused, looking with superiority towards the dancing crowd. Out of nowhere, Alexios gracefully came up and invited her to dance with him. Visibly flattered and impressed, she could barely utter a “yes” until she rose and followed Alexios in the midst of the dancers, under the envious eyes of her companions.
It didn't take much time for her to be impressed by his handsomeness and his remarkable dancing skills, flowing easily and seamlessly on the polished floor with Theodora at his hand. Alexios looked her straight in the eye with every occasion he had, showing visible signs of interest which delighted the young woman. Alexios gathered enough courage to start speaking to her whilst enjoying a slow dance.
“I know about your interest in me. Everyone in the city knows it.” said Alexios
“If everyone knows it, then they should stop looking at us as if we were some sort of freaks.” replied Theodora quietly
“They will never accept this fact. They all know you're beautiful, and we both know us Greeks are one of the most jealous people.”
“They should know better. How come other beautiful girls, like Anna Loukan and Helena Paleologos, don't get suitable husbands? They should start worrying about their own problems rather than others.” said Theodora dryly.
“Make them understand and I will throw a party in your honour, my lady. Take my word for it..”
“I am. But what happened to Antipatra Botaneiates? Rumour is you're going to marry her.”
“I am supposed to, but I'm not too sure. I thank you for the dance. Don't worry, I am sure your mother or your close friends will have something to tell you after this ball is over.” said Alexios as the Greek troubadour stopped.
During their short dialogue, other couples as well were impressing the seemingly important audience providing a very delightful show for men and women alike. Alexios and Theodora knew he would be the center of attention, but he loved it and tried to continue and delight as much as possible. The troubadour continued playing his instrument, engaging the crowd and the main participants alike well into the night, until the servants arrived with the specialty – roasted game – hunted personally by Cantacuzenos and his high ranked friends, a couple of days before the ball in the personal grounds of the Emperor near the Diplokonion port, a couple of hours away from Constantinople. The guests greatly enjoyed their fine meal complemented by even more bottles of wine and started offering their thanks and cheers towards the staff and to the hosts. Surprisingly for Theodora, Alexios ignored her completely after the dance and drifted towards the corner of the room to join his friends and his parents, leaving her startled with other single girls.
As the ball was reaching its end and guests started to leave, the ones who were still actively participating where gathered in small groups discussing their own business and interests. In the corner which was overlooking the table, Senator Loukan was sitting all by himself enjoying a cup of wine and looking with interest at the young girls dancing by the rhythms of the Turkish troubadour, who took over from the Greeks.
“Loukan, I see you are enjoying the ball...” said Senator Cantacuzenos.
“Who wouldn't? Look at all these beautiful girls, and also, the wine you have offered us is excellent. Remind me to visit your wine merchant after this party is over.” replied Senator Loukan.
“With pleasure. I am sure he will be more than delighted to have a knowledgeable customer with deep pockets to share with him.”
Sighing audibly, Cantacuzenos resumed the conversation in a sharp and precise tone, which gave food for thought for Loukan more than the words he heard.
“Loukan, I have received an offer for a considerable sum of money and significant privileges if I decide to help the Ottomans and provide valuable subterfuge information whilst they prepare for another attack on Constantinople.”
Senator Loukan immediately switched his vulture-like gaze from the girls who were swinging their curvy hips and shoulders to Cantacuzenos' small, gray eyes and round, plump face covered by his snow white beard. He downed the remaining sip of liquor in one shot and placed the crystal cup on the floor, shoving it slowly and stealthily under the nearest table. Loukan looked Cantacuzenos straight in the eye, who was visibly puzzled by his uncommon action. He let a couple of moments pass until he replied to the host.
“I am only saying this – it is yours and no others choice Cantacuzenos. They offered me the same thing but I refused them from the moment they started proposing me to secretly change sides. I cannot think of betraying my nation and above all, my Emperor. Without a doubt, the sum they offered is outrageous and can switch anyone's mind, and the privileges they offer after they conquer are enticing, but promises are made to be broken. How do you not know they will renegate their promises after they conquer our city? It might happen in the future, mind you. The sorry state in which we are should prepare us for everything possible and impossible. Once again, I leave it in your hands and do not worry, this conversation remains secret between us two. But choose wisely my dearest friend. It can mean life or death. Life or death of the entire family, not just yourself. And as a last piece of information, you are not the only one apart from me and you to be offered advantageous terms by the Ottomans in exchange for information. ”
After offering this cold and pragmatic speech Loukan left Cantacuzenos alone, heading for the group of politicians being entertained by Turkish dancers in the far corner of the ballroom. Reflecting on the conversation, Cantacuzenos thought how long before the unshakable loyalty will crumble before everyone's view...
Returning to the ballroom, Cantacuzenos found the ballroom almost empty. Dawn was approaching and the majority of the guests left to their houses, ending the spectacular night. Deciding not to stay any longer, Cantacuzenos bid goodbye to Theodora and her parents and left the house heading by foot with his servant into the mist of the night.
Chapter V fully edited. Here's the link so you don't have to go back to the page. :book:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...6&postcount=20
Just as a teaser, it's now 22 pages long, up from 5 which was before. The action has been completely reworked, and I hope you will enjoy it. :balloon2:
FEEDBACK ALWAYS WELCOME!!
Chapters 1-4 are in the edit as well and I hope that by next week or in two weeks they will be up as well.
Another chapter coming soon too. :book:
Check out the latest rework - https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showpo...6&postcount=20
Feedback welcome! ~:cheers:
Very good Edyz, i like it. :thumbsup:
Be careful of getting too wordy on your reading, always ask yourself if the reader should be told or shown something, and then ask yourself how best to do that. And then when editing always ask "Is this the right length to explain what I'm trying to show"? You don't want to overload them with details.
I've said this dozens of times but it's worth repeating. My own experience in writing and editing tons of papers has led me to believe that writing is about balance, there's no right and wrong way (aside from gammar rules) only the way that works for you. But like riding a bike, just because you found the balance doesn't mean you can make it that first twenty feet without a fall!
Keep refining your style Edyz. I look forward to more.
:bow:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...72&postcount=1
First chapter fully edited. It offers a very different perspective and will surely give more clues about how things will go forwards. Chapter II is almost finished regarding reworking, and will be posted probably this weekend. ~:)
@ Monk
Thank you very much for the feedback. Much appreciated. :bow:
Ah, I am glad you have not wasted your time and the chapter is indeed remade and improved. I liked it. Well, since I have to do some constructive criticism it will be this... :bow:
Ah, and this is just the beginning, right? :yes:
P.S. One of my rare comments.
Yes, it is just the beginning my dear Stephen. :yes:
Chapters II, III and IV are on their way, and at latest, this Monday, they will be up for reading. :grin:
Chapter II fully edited. :book:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...54&postcount=8
Feedback welcome!
Chapter III fully edited. :book:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...0&postcount=11
Feedback welcome!
Really like your revisions of your early chapters, Edyz, it certainly adds depth to your writing!~:thumb:
@King Henry V
Thank you for your feedback. :bow:
Chapter IV fully revised. :book:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...3&postcount=17
Feedback welcome!
First post now contains links to the reworked chapters as well as the latest one, and will be updated constantly as more chapters will be posted up for reading. Thank you. :bow:
:book:
First five chapters and the latest chapter, chapter 17, have been compiled together and are ready for download! Both are in PDF versions, ready to be printed. :balloon2:
First five chapters - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=VRM9LYN6
Latest chapter - chapter 17 - http://www.megaupload.com/?d=JFEG75I3
Enjoy reading! :book:
A new chapter is in the making and hopefully it will be released soon so you can all read and enjoy. ~:)
Chapter 18 - Honour for hire :book:
Nice work, man. I like it. Who knows how things would be different if Constantinople survived, but it was probably inevitable. I like the mixture of romance among all the politics. I remember I wrote something like this from the perspective of a Crusader passing through the city for a school project. Anyway keep it up. And good to see another fellow Romanian on the boards
@Andros Antonius
Thank you. :bow:
Feedback much appreciated!
In the process of editing the chapters I'm looking for feedback in order to improve even more. If you have any comments regarding the book, don't hesitate to post them! :yes:
Thank you very much! :book:
A prologue is also in the making in order to provide a sort of "allegory" regarding the eventual fall that will be at a turning point in the Empire's history. ~:)
Please comment! Feedback always welcome!
In order to avoid the confusion later on, all chapters from 6 to 15 have been cut out as the plot is completely different and much more interesting after the complete rework.
Thank you for your understanding. :bow:
It seems you are working on a certain plot but I will wait for it to develop. Just like you, the dialogue is part of my weak points but as an inexperinced reader I can give you some tips. Whilst reading for the dance between Alexius and Theodora, I wondered what kind of dance was it. Folk dance (less likely), Byzantine court dance or one of the fashionable Western dances that entered in the Empire through the Italian merchants. Maybe some research on the topic can make the dialogue and the whole scene really intriguing.
To those who have read my story so far...
I apologise for the delay, school has started and I am in my last year, and it is taking it's toll. Please bear with me. :book:
Thank you. :bow:
P.S: Feedback much appreciated! Please comment!!
Very interesting story, dude
Ladies and gentlemen,
I do have some news for you regarding Fall of Constantinople.
I shall be posting a part of the Prologue soon so you will have an idea of what will be going on later in the book, but this will be the FINAL UPDATE for Fall of Constantinople.
Reason? I plan on publishing the book in 2010 and the more I post on the internet, the less chances I have with the traditional publishing due to the rukes if the book markets (posting the book on an online forum counts as self-publishing).
If it does get accepted by a publisher, you will be the first to know about it. :yes:
Thank you very much, and I hope you will see the book in print by the end of 2010. :bow:
Thank you once again to my readers, and the 17000 views I got so far. They mean a lot to me. :bow:
Dear readers,
The Prologue has been posted, it is on the first page of this thread just before the first chapter begins. I hope you will enjoy reading it, but remember it is not the full prologue, is it just an excerpt, for reasons detailed above this post.
Ocasionally I will be posting notes regarding the overall progress of my book.
Thank you once more,
Edyzmedieval
:bow:
Dear readers,
A quick note of my progress.
It's all going well, and so far it's clocking at around 52000 words and going. This amounts to a little over 200 pages of a normal-sized novel.
I set myself a goal that this year I will finish it. And hopefully it will be on the shelves.
Thank you. :bow:
I just started to read story and it is very good.If i new to write like this, i will write just like you
Thank you Dijenek. :bow:
A quick update for anyone interested - I am currently reworking the whole plot, characters have been added and now I am focusing on actually creating compelling and complex characters with strong personalities, so that the reader himself will identify with one or more characters.
:bow:
Best of luck. Getting published would be an impressive feat. :thumbsup:
Thank you Psychonaut. :bow:
I have almost finished another novel based on the Templar Knights which I also intend to publish by the end of the year.
I'll keep you posted. :yes:
Another quick update.
My Templar Knights novel has been finished and stands at around 95000 words, which means that the work on Fall of Constantinople has restarted.
:bow:
Nice to see you back, sir. :bow:
Congratulations ~:thumb: .Quote:
Originally Posted by edyzmedieval
Thank you very much Ludens. :bow:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludens
I hope you will enjoy the spectacular developments in the book if I ever get to publish it. If traditional publishing fails, I will post it online for everyone to read.
20000 views!
Thank you very much for your support :bow:
Made some edits to Chapter I, if you wish to take a look, please do read.
Feedback appreciated!
I got to read this someday...
I will be making further edits to the posted chapters and the subsequent ones I have published to add to the enjoyment of reading the piece.
Thank you. :bow:
Any news on getting published? because I'd love a copy :D
Thank you BK for the kind wishes. :bow:
I completed a first novel which is in the edits stage. Hopefully that will end up in print.
I am also working on two other novels, one of them which is the totally revamped Fall of Constantinople and which I hope to see them in print as well.
Soon to be out will be my blog, which will include excerpts of the new FoC but also the revamped chapters of the existing one.
Watch this space.
:bow:
congratulations !
Carte este titlul si autorul cartii originale dupa care ai facut traducerea?
I can't write in Romanian because it's an English board so I'll just reply in English.Quote:
Originally Posted by [ady]
It's not a translation, it is an original work of mine.
And thank you for the comments. ~:)
A good and intersting reading Edyz.I have just finished reading the first five revised chapters and I am waiting to read the upcoming chapters.I have to agree though with Basileios II that if you choose to use the hellenic term Basileus you have to do it right.You wouldnt write Kingos or Emperoros so why you have to write Basileos?You have to be accurate i believe with at least titles.No one would like to read for example King Murad instead of Sultan.I would like to read Basileus Manuel as much as King Manuel.it is not about the hellenic or the english term,it is about accuracy.It is about the essence of the story.I am saying this with the desire to help and not to offend.And one last thing.I am trying to understand if you want to be historical accurate or not.A reply directly from you would be helpfull to understand better the point of your story.Anyone else to comment is welcome though.Keep up the good work!
Naviriel, thank you first of all for reading. Greatly appreciated. :bow:Quote:
Originally Posted by Naviriel
When I wrote this I strived to make it as accurately as possible without sacrificing some of the enjoyment in order to make it less straining to read. This is why I chose Basileos instead of Basileus. From a literary point of view it makes the writing sound easier but in the latter edits I did change it back to Basileus because there was no problem to include the original term. :book:
Anyhow, I just want to inform all of those who still come by around here that I've started from scratch with Fall of Constantinople and now it's a full historical novel that I will attempt to publish. Similar to what I've posted but much much better. :bow:
Chapter VI, re edited and reworked, posted here and at the original slot. :book:
I hope you enjoy!
Andronicus Cantacuzinos awaited for a signal, his anxiety somewhat overwhelming his frail senses. He stood calm and composed in the splendidly decorated antechamber of the Royal Palace in Warszaw, resting his aching back against the comfortable wooden bench. The road took a considerable toll and he would have no more of the horrible conditions he endured during the winding paths leading to the Polish capital. He pushed aside the memories of the downtrodden road and returned with his gaze inside the magnificent royal building. Andronicus gazed at the expensive decorations on the walls that did not detract from the elegant simplicity of the chamber which more often than not reminded him of the understated splendour inside the Byzantine palaces, ruined as they were. He took his eyes off from the decorated walls and the exquisite carpets and closed them for a split second, focusing on the difficult task ahead he had to complete. But even from the start, he dreaded it, he feared the result. His hands were shaking lightly, gripped on the sharp edges of the bench. His assigned mission to King Wladyslaw Jagiello of the Poles made him uneasy, despite the clear instructions he received from Constantinople. Inside his expensive caftan stood a letter requesting military or financial aid, so desperately needed by the ailing and moribund Byzantine Empire about to be engulfed alive by the Ottomans. He opened his eyes with fear at the image.
Andronicus was an able diplomat, and Chancellor Sphrantzes knew exactly who to send. Descendant from the old, noble family of the Cantacuzinos, he guessed his time was around 36 years old and no more and no less. Despite that he had a youthful figure as constant exercise and no vices kept him constantly in rude health, striking the envy of those around him who wished not only his position but his own lifestyle too. His brown eyes and chiselled features of his face made him a man with much success to women, even if he was not a womanizer, an oddity when it came to the depraved Byzantine court. He preferred a simple but noble life, and this made him a close advisor to Emperor Manuel himself much as he wished. His joyous expression denoted understated intelligence, a much appreciated trait of him, which opened the doors to the delicate task of dealing with such an important man in the western Catholic world. As much as he hated to admit when it came to politics, the western world was now vital for the Byzantines to survive and he vowed to make as much of it as possible.
He patted a hand at his chest to feel the reassuring shape of the letter folded in a tight place underneath the heavy cloth. Gaining the support of even the Polish kingdom was invaluable against the Ottoman Empire, which was gaining more power day by day. Andronicus at times felt cornered into the walls of his own city. He switched from his thoughts back into the square antechamber were he found himself in with the main door to the king's private cabinet right in front of his eyes.
But it was impossible not to think of the situation. He was wondering whether any of the diplomatic missions would have any success, especially after the disaster in 1396 at Nicopolis. Apart from the Hungarians and Wallachians, who were desperately fighting to keep control of their territories, no one showed public interest in another fruitless Crusade to help the Byzantine Empire. Everyone was interested in profits. Andronicus was awoken a second later by a strange clicking sound that resounded oddly pleasurable in his ear. The door to the cabinet opened widely and a small, strong servant exited, dressed in the fashion of the era, curtly inviting the Byzantine diplomat inside.
"Illustrissime, the king is ready to greet you in his personal quarters."
He quickly thanked the servant with a respectful bow and slowly entered the sober cabinet of King Wladyslaw Jagiello. The room was of a pentagonal shape, with an oak desk in the middle and two large windows providing the light in the back of the room. Andronicus found the king sitting at the window in the far corner of the chamber, his back turned towards him, a golden goblet brimming with red wine in his hands. The sound of Andronicus' leather shoes turned him around, smiling broadly to the Byzantine diplomat who shook his hand a moment later.
"Welcome, and please, sit down."
Andronicus took his place, without taking his eyes from the man in front of him who returned to his original position. Despite the lack of tact, Andronicus could only swallow nervously and attempt to open the conversation, awkward as it may be. He opened the leather portfolio from his hand and took a sheaf of papers from inside, the formal requests of aid bearing the seal of Emperor Manuel. Andronicus cleared his throat and spoke, with enough waver in his voice to make himself shudder.
"Your majesty, Andronicus Cantacuzenos comes from his Highness Emperor Manuel of the Rhomaioi bearing news at hand. Instructed by my leader I have came here today to humbly ask your majesty for help against the ever expanding Ottoman Empire that has been attacking our borders for the past one hundred years, which we have been unable to stop or contain and today, this growing plague that has spread far and wide is now threatening our very own existence. Today, under the guidance of his Holiness The Pope I have came here to seek help. The expansive kingdom you command, Illustrissime, is one of the most powerful in Europe and you have enough backing and influence to shift the tide in the favour of the Christian armies."
The Polish king still looked on the window untroubled by the carefully crafted words he had just heard. He turned on his heels on the soft carpet, facing his guest for the first time, revealing an ugly battlefield scar which spread like a line on his entire face. He drew closer to the desk and smiled thinly.
“Your Excellence, I thank you for your visit, first and foremost. But forgive me for speaking plainly, and perhaps rudely, but before I listen any further and give you a reply, join me in the royal gardens for a quiet walk where we shall be undisturbed and we shall be able to discuss this delicate issue in great depth.”
Andronicus gazed at him in ominous surprise but nodded in acceptance. He had no other choice but to conform with the king's wishes. King Wladyslaw walked around the wooden desk and opened the door for his guest who exited back into the antechamber and then into the expansive palace courtyard. After a quick walk between the guard posts and palace defences composed of palisades and low lying stone walls the two reached a lush open area surrounded by a dense forest that Andronicus rightly presumed as the royal gardens.
It was a cool summer day, perfect for walks between the trees and vegetation and slightly acceptive of hushed diplomatic talks, far away from any prying ears. A faint gust of wind brushed overhead but it did not manage to allay Andronicus' terrible fears which gripped him from the moment he arrived in the Polish capital. He looked back at the king who walked beside him in silence, his head drawn towards the ground and his breath regulated to an almost imperceptible activity. Andronicus' met Jagiello's gaze a second later, trying his best to judge the king's thoughts. His own brown eyes were met by a pair of sparkling blue eyes radiating dignity and determination, enough for the diplomat to turn his head away. Jagiello cleared his throat and pointed towards a secluded gap between the first trees of the forest to which Andronicus nodded.
“I understand you have came to us for help, is it so?”
Andronicus nodded. "My lord, first of all, let me present you the finest congratulations of my Emperor for defeating the Teutonic Knights. It was indeed long time ago, but we did not have strong diplomatic ties with any nation for a prolonged period of time so even after this time we feel that it is right to offer our warmest congratulations to those who defend the name of Christ."
Jagiello smiled, pleasantly surprised to be reminded and congratulated about the victory he orchestrated against the Teutonic Knights. “Thank you. Please continue with your demands.”
“Yes, my liege. As you might know, the Ottoman Empire is readying the armies for the final assault on the battered walls of Constantinople. Our army is far too weak to do react to these incursions so all we can do is wait under the protection of our walls and hope for the best. My emperor, God bless him, has instructed all peasants and produce to be brought within the protection of the walls but in the case of a prolonged attack they will not last much. We only have a handful of troops spread along the section of the walls but nothing more to defend our worldly possessions.”
Jagiello looked with a worried expression towards Cantacuzinos but said nothing. He kept his slow, steady pace, his expression turned into a slight frown, presumably from the thought of forming a reply. Desperate, Andronicus pressed on the issue. “Whatever you can help with my lord, we would greatly appreciate it.”
“I believe you still have some lands in the Peloponessus, do you not?”
“Yes my liege, but they are not much of use to us since they are isolated from Constantinople.”
Jagiello nodded with a frown. “Have you tried at other kings in Europe?”
“The Pope was kind enough to grant us some small authority to better impose our point throughout Europe. As we speak there are other diplomats hoping for an audience with the other kings, in particular the Holy Roman Emperor. But otherwise, no.”
Jagiello frowned even more. “I see...”
Andronicus swallowed nervously. He read about Jagiello being praised in folk tales and numerous legends of his victory of Tannenberg but he had never expected him to be so indecisive on this issue. A pause, perhaps a negative answer would follow? He looked up from Jagiello and scanned the surroundings, forgetting the moment of the mission and absorbing the delicate scents of red, pink and violet flowers surrounding the paved pathway that sliced the garden in the middle. They both reached the edge of the forest without Jagiello uttering a single word of reply much to the diplomat's frustration. Andronicus saw two guards posted around the entrance in the forest itself but paid no attention to them as they switched their places to allow the king to pass through the gap.
Jagiello stopped in his steps. A pause and then an answer, as the diplomat had expected. Jagiello glared back at him, eyeing Andronicus' worried expression.
"Excellence, let me assure you of my finest sympathies and I pray to God that your desire will prevail against our common enemies. Without a doubt, we must prevail, we have to!” said Jagiello, his head held high and a thin smile spread on his wrinkled figure. Andronicus wondered where his words would go. “Despite my sincere sympathies, I am afraid there is not much I could do for your noble cause.”
The Byzantine diplomat felt his stomach churn at the words, the fear encroaching around his thoughts even more than he wanted. He bowed slightly to Jagiello. “Sire, I wo...”
Jagiello held his hand high. “No, there is nothing you could do to persuade me.” Jagiello sighed. “My kingdom has been battled by constant wars and my people are hungry. My resources are simply committed to the welfare of my own kingdom, for I wish them to prosper and take back the lands that are owed to us by the Holy Roman Emperor.”
Andronicus shuddered slightly. He noticed the frown when he mentioned the German emperor but he thought nothing of it. Now he understood the implications of the war between the kingdoms of Europe and with that went all hopes of any help. He bowed his head respectfully, to which Jagiello raised his hand once again.
“If, by any chance, our territories will be given back, an ambassador will be sent to Constantinople with the first opportunity to discuss our help.”
The Byzantine diplomat smiled and offered the leather portfolio to the Polish king who accepted it gratefully, alongside the letter of request that was hidden before in the diplomat's caftan. Andronicus bowed again as a mark of respect.
“My liege, I thank you for your audience. I hope your struggles will soon be over, and I hope ours as well. May God be with you, my lord.”
“May He bless us all.”
With shaky hands and even wavering spirit Andronicus left the royal gardens and motioned to his own retinue, departing the royal palace of Warszaw in the upcoming hour. Atop his own grey palfrey the diplomat felt bitter, ignoring the beautiful countryside landscape spanning in front of their own eyes as they advanced through the muddy paths left from last night's storm. Although his defeats were now mostly routine, the recent encounter left him spent and devoid of any excitement over possible future alliances. The servants did manage to see his bad mood, despite Andronicus' desperate efforts to keep a straight expression.
“Is there something troubling you, Messer?”
He glared at the man and then nodded bitterly. “We lost again, there will be no help for us. Alas, not even friends count these days.”
The servant said nothing more, reining the horse and planting his chin in his chest as a gesture of defeat. Andronicus looked at him and thought over his action, noticing the symbolism of the whole situation. Defeat. And yet he smiled. A devious plan sprung up in his mind, which he hoped Manuel would gladly approve and carry on with. Emboldened by the idea he spurred his horse onwards and forced the men serving him to follow suit despite their initial bewilderment, bridging the gap between Warszaw and Constantinople with every stride.
Good work! Well, the only thing I did not like is that the ambassador lacks any vices... There are no perfect people. If he is a main character, you can slowly reveal his v&v and depending on your intentions make him sympathetic, repulsive or something in the middle. Of course, this is my opinion because I tend to bury deep inside my character's mind and background. If he is not, then I want to see how you build your main characters. Of course, you should follow your own style and your own vision. Waiting for further updates!
And yes, I liked the part about the Holy Roman Empire and Poland. It was such a stupid mistake.
He's not a main character, that as much I will tell you. He is one in the team of many ambassadors working for Basileus Manuel. The main characters will evolve over time, and you shall see which ones are the main ones and which are part of the supporting cast. :yes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince Cobra
Chapter VII and VIII will follow soon, and after that a major and complete revamp for the first 5.
:bow:
Just a quick update. I'll post up Chapter VII soon, updated and reworked. :book:
And a bit more important - I plan to re-release the first five chapters, heavily updated, edited and reworked on the 29th of May, on the comemoration of the 558th year since the Fall of Constantinople. If I manage to do them, they should be available for download and enjoyable as a printed edition to get an idea of what's going to come later on.
:bow:
Just a quick update - the first two chapters will definitely be available on the 29th of May, heavily reworked and edited. Should make a very enjoyable experience to read a couple of pages just to unwind.
:bow:
again,its the same praise for you
A seriosuly epic tale,Pacy read totally convinicing.The Sheer might of your storytelling is so damned hard to resist!
I loved it,This brings back history to life
Overall a great story,aggressively good,but a geuinely thriiling one,top drawer story,heart pacing read,one of the most exciting stories I've read in a long time,another real sorcher
A briliant read
Thank you Takeda for your kind words. :bow:
No problemo.
A bit disappointed because I have promised something to the community to have the first five reworked for the comemoration on the 29th of May, but unfortunately I didn't manage since I was quite busy.
Nevertheless, I will try and rework the chapters and deliver them as soon as possible into a large 8 chapter Prologue that will shed light on the idea behind it.
Thank you. :bow:
With the new idea in place and work in progress, I have updated the first chapter and cleaned out the thread. I do hope you enjoy the completely reworked chapter and as always feedback is appreciated.
:bow: