Swede declines oral sex, ends up on the menu
By Lester Haines → More by this author
Published Friday 16th November 2007 12:17 GMT
NSFW A 22-year-old Swedish woman has been found guilty of "assault and sexual harassment" for tucking into a stranger's penis after he declined her offer of a swift BJ, The Local reports
The incident took place in March at a fast food outlet in Falköping. The unnamed assailant "approached the man and asked him several times if he would like her to perform oral sex on him". He turned down her kind offer, then "kept trying to reason with her as he turned his body away from her advances".
Evidently desperate for some fast food, she quickly "pulled his trousers down and sank her teeth into one side of his penis" and "scratched him in the face" for good measure.
The woman admitted to Skaraborg District Court she'd been "very much under the influence of alcohol and did not remember having set foot in the fast food restaurant". The court said the credibility of the victim's story was supported by the fact it was so unusual the judges "did not believe he had made it up". He also had a witness, snaps of the wounded member and a doctor's note confirming the injuries.
The assailant was slapped with a suspended sentence, fined 80 days' wages and ordered to pay her attempted lunch 11,600 kronor (£895) in damages.
11-25-2007, 14:06
TB666
Sv: Re: News of the Weird
I have always said that Swedish fast food is dangerous.
11-25-2007, 14:40
Fragony
Re: News of the Weird
Well she must have been really fast even when drunk, I call bull for several reasons.
11-25-2007, 15:52
InsaneApache
Re: News of the Weird
Do they still sell meat balls in Ikea? :inquisitive: :laugh4:
:jawdrop: Wow, CR, that is one REALLLLLLLLY lucky person. Not only surviving the intitial trauma, but not dying on the way to the hospital in a rickshaw, of all things.
11-27-2007, 07:24
Crazed Rabbit
Re: News of the Weird
And apparently he stayed conscious the whole way.
:dizzy2:
CR
11-27-2007, 08:05
seireikhaan
Re: News of the Weird
~:eek:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! And here I thought he'd been unconcious for most of that trip. That would've been more merciful.
11-27-2007, 10:33
English assassin
Re: News of the Weird
Only in France
Quote:
'Cultural guerrillas' cleared of lawbreaking over secret workshop in Pantheon
For a year from September 2005, under the nose of the Panthéon's unsuspecting security officials, a group of intrepid "illegal restorers" set up a secret workshop and lounge in a cavity under the building's famous dome. Under the supervision of group member Jean-Baptiste Viot, a professional clockmaker, they pieced apart and repaired the antique clock that had been left to rust in the building since the 1960s. Only when their clandestine revamp of the elaborate timepiece had been completed did they reveal themselves.
Any time the Untergunther http://www.ugwk.eu/ want to bid to take over the EU, they get my vote.
I also found a picture that fits your post very well here. :hide:
But Untergunther is a really cool name, yes. :2thumbsup:
11-27-2007, 15:05
English assassin
Re: News of the Weird
[QUOTE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Husar
I also found a picture that fits your post very well here. :hide:
Now I am supposed to check TWO news of the weird threads? :inquisitive:
11-27-2007, 15:33
Husar
Re: News of the Weird
Quote:
Originally Posted by English assassin
Now I am supposed to check TWO news of the weird threads? :inquisitive:
Nono, one is New of the Wyrd.
Apparently it serves the purpose of posting minor news that aren't weird enough to be posted here. You should still check both though. ~;)
Maybe we should merge both and call it News of the Wyrd and Weird?
11-27-2007, 16:24
English assassin
Re: News of the Weird
Quote:
Apparently it serves the purpose of posting minor news that aren't weird enough to be posted here.
That would be news of the whimsey.
This is never going to work. Weirdness is too personal. One man's weird is another man's quotidian.
I was thinking of posting this as a serious story stating that it was the latest Abu Greb. It would be nice to see how many left wing .orgasms would follow. Apparently the stubble and height gave him away.
11-27-2007, 16:33
Louis VI the Fat
Re : News of the Weird
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hussy
Maybe we should merge both and call it News of the Wyrd and Weird?
Nah, no merger. The News of the Weird thread should stay as is. If the Wyrd News thread cathes on, it catches on. If it doesn't, it doesn't and will die a silent death.
I already regret giving it that ridiculous name. Couldn't resist showing off my knowledge of old pagan concepts. I should've called it the 'Minor News' thread. A dumping ground for serious stories that don't warrant an entire thread.
Ein inhaftierter Frauenmörder empfängt in der sogenannten Liebeszelle Besucherinnen, die Sex mit ihm haben wollen. Fünf waren bereits bei ihm in dem belgischen Gefängnis. Trotz der Horror-Taten gefalle den Frauen sein Aussehen eines Sonnyboys, so eine Zeitung.
Ein vierfacher Frauenmörder hat in der sogenannten Liebeszelle eines belgischen Gefängnisses bereits fünf Besucherinnen empfangen. "Trotz des Horrors seiner begangenen Taten gefällt sein Aussehen eines Sonnyboys", schrieb die Zeitung "La Capitale" aus Brüssel. Die Tatsache, ihn "intim" im Gefängnis zu treffen, scheine die Fantasie von mehr als einer Frau anzuregen.
Der Mörder hatte im Juli 1997 eine Mutter und deren drei Töchter umgebracht, von denen er zwei zuvor vergewaltigt hatte. Die Frauenbesuche im Gefängnis wurden öffentlich, als die Zeitung von einer entsprechenden E-Mail der Gefängnisdirektorin an einen Wärter erfuhr. Aufseher bestätigten den Fall und erzählten Details.
Im Gefängnis von Andenne empfing der Häftling demnach mehrfach Frauen in einer Zelle ohne Aufseher. Das sei erlaubt, wenn die Besucherinnen ihn zuvor sechs Monate lang regelmäßig in den normalen Besuchszellen getroffen hätten, sagte Direktorin Véronique Dumonceau der Zeitung. "Das ist die Regelung, und ich führe nicht Buch über seine verschiedenen Partnerinnen", erklärte Dumonceau.
Los Angeles - Despite critical acclaim and massive promotional budgets, a wave of anti-Santa holiday pictures floundered at the box office over the Thanksgiving opening weekend, leading some entertainment industry analysts to question whether Hollywood had overestimated the American public's loathing for the Claus administration and a seemingly endless shopping season.
"I'm not sure what went wrong," said Jeff Bell of the MPAA after the release of the weekend Nielsen/EDI movie box office figures. "With all the griping you hear about the holidays, it stood to reason that people would flock to theaters for a chance to vent their hatred at that fat red fascist bastard. I blame illegal downloaders."
Whatever the reason, the financial results were grim.
"Kringle's List," starring George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Julia Roberts in a cautionary tale of rogue elf agents inside the North Pole's illegal Naughty and Nice wiretapping operation, led the pack of anti-Claus releases with weekend receipts of $68,500, for a $26 per-screen average. The film's take was only good for a #34 showing overall, just behind the limited arthouse re-release of the 1965 Don Knotts classic "The Incredible Mr. Limpet," but studio spokesman Rob Foulet said the film could eventually recoup its $180 million production budget through strong word-of-mouth and a new advertising campaign that downplays the film's elfin geopolitical psychodrama in favor of Miss Roberts' breasts.
"We're not saying she has a nude scene in the film, but we're not saying she doesn't," said Foulet. "That's up to the ticket buyers to find out."
A similar fate befell "In the Valley of Elves," TriStar's $80 million claymation remake of the 1964 Rankin-Bass classic "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." With an all-star cast including Tommy Lee Jones as Dasher, a reindeer father haunted when his naive red-nosed son Rudolph (Ryan Phillipe) volunteers for a dangerous rooftop mission only to be killed by Santa (Javier Bardem) in a friendly fireplace incident, the film's strong Oscar buzz was expected to carry it to a big opening weekend. Instead, the fog-of-Christmas-Eve drama could only muster $24,813 from 2,505 screens. One Tri-Star executive blamed the disappointing receipts in part on the the film's R rating and controversial interspecies gay love scene between Rudolph and Herbie (Jake Gyllenhaal), a young elf who undergoes a sexual and dentistry awakening.
Star power was also unable to save Sundance Films' "Dialog On 34th Street," Writer/ Producer/ Director/ Star/ Costume Designer/ Makeup Artist Robert Redford's take on the Christmas quagmire. Just last month the film had a triumphant debut for Redford at Redford's prestigious Sundance Film Festival, where it brought home Best Picture and earned Redford the Golden Redford for his portrayal of a young, gauzily-lit rugged dissident intellectual cowboy filmmaker who exposes the lies told by a department store Santa Claus (Tom Cruise) to a cynical 7-year old girl (Meryl Streep). During its national weekend opening, however, it was only able to generate $7,425 in tickets sales, a figure which some industry analyst said would not cover the film's advertising budget, let alone the CGI and spackle cost for Mr. Redford's closeup scenes. The film may have also suffered from lukewarm reviews that faulted its overly cerebral tone, and 68-minute laptop dialog between Cruise and Streep.
Faring even worse was "The Midnight Polar Express," Searchlight's $250 million computer animation tale starring Reese Witherspoon as a mother whose children are falsely accused of naughtiness, abducted to the North Pole on a magical rendition train, and taken to Chrismo Island where they are iceboarded by a sadistic Santa's Helper (Sean Penn). Its five-day weekend take was an anemic $3216, or $1.47 per screen. While clearly disappointed in the results, Searchlight studio spokeswoman Renee Sachs said that the film would make up some of the shortfall through merchandising tie-ins, like the new MPE torture toy Happy Meal at McDonalds.
"Collect all six!" said Sachs.
The most controversial of the new releases, Brian De Palma's "Red on Green," also proved to be the weekend's biggest financial disappointment. The film's documentary-style depiction of brutal gang rapes, genital torture, and candy cane stabbings by North Pole workers earned critical raves and a Palm d'Or award for De Palma when it debuted at the Cannes Film Festival earlier in the year, but the positive advanced notices were not enough to fill theater seats. According to Nielsen/EDI the film generated only $18.00 in box office receipts -- apparently two tickets sold to DePalma and producer Mark Cuban -- and was later revised downward to $9.00 after Cuban asked for a refund.
De Palma defended the film's weak opening box office, noting that it was based on only 15 screens in New York, Los Angeles, and Pyongyang.
"I think it'll really break out when we open in Dallas," said De Palma. "We're giving away free Dirk Nowitzki posters to the first 500,000 ticket buyers!"
"I have a Palm d'Or award," added De Palma.
Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger Ebert, who gave glowing, 5-star reviews to each of the films, said he was not surprised by their poor financial performance.
"It's sad, but hopefully these wonderful films will do much better in the overseas market," said Ebert. "No matter how much down inside they know how Christmas is wrong, and Santa is wrong, it's hard for Americans to see their elves portrayed in a balanced, realistic way, as tragically haunted sadistic pederasts. By contrast European filmgoers are much more sophisticated and educated, so they eat that shit right up."
New York Times film critic A.O. Scott, another enthusiastic review of the films, agreed.
"These new films are complex and challenge our cherished assumptions about Christmas," said Scott. "But American audiences can't deal with anything that isn't mindless escapism. Americans want their movies simple, with fart jokes and boobies. Face it, west of the Hudson this country is a vast group home of 300 million drooling retards. No matter how many times you pile them in the shortbus, drive them to the mall, and herd them into the cineplex to watch a daring, groundbreaking film that fearlessly points out just what a bunch of violent, soulless retards they really are, before you can collect their ticket money they've escaped and gone wandering off to spend it all at Hot Topic and Sports Authority."
Despite the disappointing weekend showing, MPAA spokesman Bell said that industry still has high hopes for 17 more anti-Santa films that will open nationwide this weekend, including "The Reindeer Hunter," "Shop Loss," and Quentin Tarantino's much anticipated "Workshop of Blood."
"Chances are, one of them will be a hit," said Bell. "There's got to be a pony in there somewhere."
"I would like to bring him to the US to run tests on where his immune condition has come from, but I would need funding and to get him a visa as well as someone to cover the costs of the tests," he said.
He's got no chance. How the hell are they going to fingerprint him? :inquisitive: :sweatdrop:
11-28-2007, 20:35
Gregoshi
Re: News of the Weird
True. And they wouldn't want someone like that putting down any roots here - especially in Oaklahoma. Though maybe Bush or some other sap in the Executive Branch could give him permission.
