The Daring Escape of Taranto Giovinazzo
THE ROMAN IMPERIAL SENATE, 1122 AD
Makedonios, Senator of the Roman Empire, rises in the Imperial senate to argue for the impeachment of the Roman Caesar.
Well, the complete lack of building in Order and Asteri settlements is unsettling. The lack of priests in this area of the world to spread the Word. The lack of merchants to make money. The lack of a stable navy in these parts. The lack of roads. The lack of watchtowers on our borders. The sinking of our resources into one corner of the Empire and a shiny new army for the Caesar while the rest rots from neglect.
So no, the criminal neglect of our armies is not my only concern. It is my most dire concern however since without proper armies, we can not defend the Empire or even our subjects in the Levant.
I will say that the Order served exactly the purpose I promised it would back in 1081. We were the flank of the flank. We met the Fatimid Jihad and kept them from the great city of Constantinople. While House Asteri generously offered to help us, we were able to do without it which freed them up to retake the settlement of Caesarea.
Unfortunately the wily Fatimids showed us that they can sail across the sea and strike at our heartlands. Comes Savvas was able to defeat the Fatimid Prince but he had to do so without a proper army. He had to scrape together various militias and units from other settlements.
My point is, we've all had to make due with what little we have while the Caesar makes his House fat and rich. And while we have been successful, that is not a strategy for governing an Empire. That is basically rolling the dice. The Caesar gambled that he could pursue his personal agenda and that the rest of the Empire could basically just "hold on."
Our subjects deserve better...
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The previously nameless senator from Durazzo, Taranto Giovinazzo, simply rolls his eyes at the one known as Makedonios. Finally, he speaks.
"Such partisan grandstanding flows easily from one who does not bear the weight of leadership, and stands only to gain from undermining a leader, purely for his own political career."
Makedonios eyes the "senator" from Durrazzo curiously.
"Who are you?
As far as I know, the Senator from Durrazo is Efstratios. But he had a tirade over the Crusade and left.
I have no idea who you are but your sitting in his seat. Now, if your his aid, that is one thing. But your basically trying to be a Senator yourself. Sorry, but I do not recognize your authority and therefore will not be answering your questions. I talk to Senators and the aids and guests who know their place."
Looking at the Emperor.
"I ask that Taranto Giovinazzo be removed from the premises. He is not a legal Senator of the Magnaura. Efstratios or his representative belong in that seat, not some random peasant who feels like pretending he is a Senator."
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Narrator-
"Taranto Giovinazzo, the impostor Senator, spy of the Kingdom of Sicily, is exposed by Makedonios for the fraud that he is, and the guards close in on him.
Just as they are about to capture him, Taranto Giovinazzo reaches inside his cloak and produces a grappling hook attached to a very long and sturdy rope. He whips the hook as hard as he can and it catches on one of the beams that run across the grand structure. With a jolly "ho ho!" the Sicilian spy swings over the palace guards and flips a full seventeen times in the air before landing on his feet.
The incredibly over-the-top and entirely unrealistic manner of his heroic escape has left him horribly, horribly dizzy and nauseated. Instead of rushing out of the senate to his inevitable freedom, he trips over his suspiciously large shoes and smacks his head against the stone floor. As blood pours from his forehead, Taranto attempts to regain his footing, but he is seeing stars, and lurches forward to vomit profusely.
Slipping in a puddle of his own abdominal spillage, he once again slips, this time landing on the back of his head. Blood pouring over his eyes, he struggles to turn over onto his stomach, but the slick stone floor prevents him from making any progress. He winces and cries out from the pain, and once again tries to get up. After several concussions and much blood loss, and twelve attempts to stand, Taranto finally rises to his feet and staggers towards an open window to escape.
Along the way, Taranto's mind begins to clear, and all the secrets of existence seem to be revealed to him. The severe brain damage he sustained against the floor somehow made the world seem simple and easy to understand. The meaning of existence, after centuries of discussion, is revealed simply to be the the logical, mathematically defined exception to all of the long odds against it's own being. For however unlikely is the birth of time and space and matter into existence, from nothingness, the mere fact that it is possible means that it is a mathematical certainty, given the infinite nature of nonexistence, that existence is possible. As for the meaning of life, it seems clear now that the purpose of human existence is to examine and document, as well as experience, the incredible and entirely unlikely possibility of the universe itself; to gain understanding over the nature of reality, metaphysics, mathematics, and harmony, and to take the lessons learned from that and apply it to one's personal code of ethics and philosophy, that one might bring reason, understanding, peace, harmony, and even life itself to other sentient beings, to help civilization discover more about this fantastic exception to the rule which is our very existence. The miracle of truth allowing the distinction between real and imaginary to generate the very fabric of our being, to allow for the concept of the laws of physics, of logic, of universal constants and the motion of time and space and energy, all while providing this existence with a form of justice.
As Taranto pondered whether or not a divine entity caused this great exception to nonbeing, and all the other metaphysical questions that have caused mankind to theorize and debate, and just as he was about to reveal to everyone in the Roman Imperial Senate the very truth of their existence, Taranto suffered a fatal burst of flatulence which caused him to explode, and the oil-fuelled lighting fixtures which provided light for the Senate chambers caused that gas to ignite into a massive fireball.
And so all that remained of Taranto Giovinazzo was a large spill of blood and vomit on the senate floor, and a large floppy clown shoe.
And a decidedly unpleasant odor."
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