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To all of my readers:
I would like to apologize for the lack of updates recently, but RL has become a lot less free for me. That and the fact that another idea burned its way out of my head at last. If anyone wants to read that story here a link to it.
http://www.alternatehistory.com/disc...d.php?t=123793
Again, sorry and ill try to update this story tonight.
((plz tell me what you think of the other story btw:beam::beam::beam::beam::beam:))
Ok so maybe it wasnt tomorrow but here we go.
Chapter Sixteen: Watching the World Burn
(From the Runic book:)
Late Autumn 617AD
We're doomed. Quite simply my incompetence as a commander has doomed my entire army to slaughter. Looking back, I guess that my victories over the undead and slave soldiers had made me overconfident going up against the main horde of the Khazar filth.
Ten days ago i lead what was left of our combined forces towards the forests, hoping to find help and maybe even aid. However, what we found was the tail end of the main Khazar horde. Many of the few remaining sub leaders of my band begged me to have us retreat, begged for us to just go and hide so that they would pass on. I should have listened.
But i decided that since this was just a vanguard, it would be safe to attack them before the main body could come for us. We formed up quickly but somehow they spotted us before we were ready. They slammed into our unprepared line with such vigor and rage that many men were simply vaporized by the sheer power of both their black magics and their swords.
https://i477.photobucket.com/albums/...1-53-46-10.jpg
https://i477.photobucket.com/albums/...1-54-15-81.jpg
After five minutes i ordered my men to flee, i knew that we were doomed.
https://i477.photobucket.com/albums/...1-54-25-25.jpg
If the attack was brutal, the rout was inhuman. We were slaughtered left, right, and out the middle.
https://i477.photobucket.com/albums/...1-56-06-83.jpg
In the end nearly all of my main force was slaughtered. Barley 3000 made it out alive. The Poles fared little better, with 4500 of their men escaping the killing fields. Out of 55000 warriors, barely 7500 lived to tell the tale. We have retreated to Biskipun to make our final stand. Thankfully we managed to rebuild the town into some semblance of order after the Khazars destroyed it. We have sealed off the only landward entrance, in anticipation of the Khazars arrival. As i look out the window, i see the world around this lake burning, in spite of the fact that this land has already been ravaged to the point of desolation, these bastards still manage to find stuff to burn. What scouting reports we have received tell us that its mostly undead attacking us, but it seems that the same vanguard that beat us to the ground is also here. I dont have much time left, but i do have one more thing to say before i go. To whomever finds this codex, please pass it onto my family. If they live, they are of the High House Swielexae. Im sorry but i have no more time.
Sorry for the long *** wait but school has been insane over the past two months and it doesnt look like its getting any better any quicker. Dont expect daily updates anymore.
...still going? Keep it up! Wish I could, but I think EB II and AtB are more important.
I want my readers to answer something for me.
Is my writing bad? Do i have horrible pacing/timing of events?
Would someone plz comment and tell me if i should stop or something?
Keep it up as long as you are enjoying writing it, it has been going too long to give up because you think people aren't reading it. The majority of AAR readers are lurkers, personally I only post at the beginning of AARs to let people know I'll be reading, as I hate to clutter AARs up with irrelevant posts (and I know others feel the same). I thought this was dead and was glad to see it back, it's a different read from the rest of the AARs on the forum.
If you like it then keep on going if it becomes a too great strain then stop or take a break - you decide. I myself also believed this was dead and am Happy to see it return. I agree with johnhughthom about most readers being lurkers.
Chapter Sixteen: Passion and Sparks
(From the Runic book:)
(However we see that this entry is not in runic but in a proto-slavic script)
Winter 617AD
My name is Alicja ru Elesa. I probably shouldn't have taken this tome from it intended author but after four months of being laid up like this im bored out of my skull. But reading through this, i find it to be entertaining to say the least. The owner of this tome, Jurzalez, has been one of the few people that i have been able to depend upon since my grandfather was killed by those bastard Khazars at the start of this horrible war. The entries that he has written within his tome have proven that he has worked himself near enough to death. Killing so many different undead, horde slaves and even Khazars themselves, im amazed that he hasn't broken under the strain, what with him being a simple emissary and all.
But the most surprising thing ive read in this journal are his professions of love....for me. Its actually kind of a nice feeling to have someone actually admire you rather than fear you. Most of the men that i have been proposed to by over the seasons usually fled screaming after only a few days. This is probably the first time ive ever actually had a man stay by my side for so long and actually have these feelings for me. Its a nice feeling really. But ill just have to wait and see how this develops.
To all of the readers here:
I have decided to transfer this story onto the TWC site as well. Here is the link.
http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showt...96#post5724396
Well, to be honest, your writing is a bit unpolished and repetetive, and sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between characters.
I only read a bit of that alternate timeline story you linked to, but I was honestly surprised by how much cleaner everything was.
Well this was my very first AAR so yeah thats no surprise.Quote:
Originally Posted by Azathoth
Well, ive been going back over this for about two weeks now. And ive realized something. The format and writing style of this AAR is heavily flawed. The dairy style past view, while it has taught me a LOT, this being my very first AAR and all, has for me, simply reached its limit and i cant express this story the way i want to anymore. Azathoth has pointed out some MAJOR flaws to me and i thank him for it. These flaws are:
1. My AAR has very poor characterization and descriptions.
2. It has made me do forced time-skips all over the place due to its book-like format, something i originally did not want to do.
3. I have been forced to go with a repeating story line and i have also been unable to adequately describe, in story, the skipped periods.
So for these reasons and a few more, i am ending this AAR. Do not worry, if you enjoyed it, i fully intend to write another, much more professional one in the future.