How wrong is it to fall in love with a girl who has a boyfriend...

So we just had dinner but it was not much of a date. The firtst time I saw her I thought she was really really beautiful (if you guys wanna remmember just read the beginning of the post). The second time I saw her I thought okay she is beautiful but not that much. Now the third time I saw her I thought okay she is cute but nothing special. This is a big help.

I wanted to tell her that I felt I am being used and will not do her job if she continues to give me the cold treatment. I was going to say if she wanted me to help her that she should prove me that she is my friend and I really mean this without anything else in my mind, honestly. But I did not say it for I thought she wouldn't understand anyway...

The thing is she said let's continue to see each other this way. I said I am feeling kinda bad for I think I pushed her little bit too much trying to help her. Actually I wanted to say that I might not choose to call her but I could not say it. I wish I said that.

However I know right now that if she continues to avoid me until she needs me I will tell her where to go...:whip:

And every time I say that I might go to Adana or to England for graduate school or phd she says are you going to really go? And this time she said that I really did not have to go to England for a Masters degree and that I could instead stay here and do it online.

She kinda needs me and knows that in order to get the job done and it kinda freaks her out thinking I might go away. BUt does she really see me as a future prospect for you know.... I wish I could read minds.

Maybe it's time this thread ended, I dont know what should I do...
Dear Guild Members Advice Please

Why do you think she's using you just for the job?

If you're meeting up for non-work related things, I think that's a good sign.

The plot thickens!

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Originally Posted by Craterus

Why do you think she's using you just for the job?

If you're meeting up for non-work related things, I think that's a good sign.

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maybe because she knows unless she maintains some kinda relationship my motivation to help her will decrease significantly?

whatever I got a job interview in 3 hours, I have to consantrate.

patience young jedi:knight:

Nothing feels worse than failing, nothing feels better than to watch others fail, but thats me, im cruel, id leave her to her dumbness, being used, pfftt id have left ages ago...

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Originally Posted by Mete Han

maybe because she knows unless she maintains some kinda relationship my motivation to help her will decrease significantly?

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I think you may have already answered your own question there, mate.

It now seems pretty clear that she's simply taking you for a ride, and will cheerfully manipulate you to the best of her abilities so that you'll continue to assist her with her work. Don't fall into her trap, man. :no:

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Originally Posted by Mete Han

maybe because she knows unless she maintains some kinda relationship my motivation to help her will decrease significantly?

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Hmm, I really feel for you...

To confirm it, you could do the following: Get (a bit) angry and turn your back on her. Tell her what you're thinking she is doing. That would lead to some possible reactions:

1) She will start crying, confessing her feelings toward you. That'd be very positive but not very realistic.

2) She will eagerly deny your suspicion and carry on. That would be the final evidence for your theory that she uses you for work.

3) She will get angry and hurt about your suspicions. This way at least you will have the (relative) certainty that she was not using you. Now you can confess yourself if you like or do whatever you want.

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Originally Posted by Centurio Nixalsverdrus

Hmm, I really feel for you...

To confirm it, you could do the following: Get (a bit) angry and turn your back on her. Tell her what you're thinking she is doing. That would lead to some possible reactions:

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do u think that's a good idea cause I've been thinking to do the same thing, being honest with a girl who probably is dishonest.

Another question is should I wait for her to call me back or should I be the first to call? I think I should wait for her to call and if she does not call until she needs something then that means she is using me. If she calls for talking or doing something then it still might mean she is using me with a plan or maybe she is indeed interested in me.

maybe it is time to abandon ship.

Being used is the sweetest way to die, if she's using you why not make the best out of it and walk out like a winner, game, set, match. Seems like the affection is kinda gone, when your gutt tells you something listen we are social creatures.

Man, that really sounds like she's using you, best to jump ship before there's nothing left to float on.

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Originally Posted by Frag

Being used is the sweetest way to die, if she's using you why not make the best out of it and walk out like a winner, game, set, match.

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Ah, I see where you going with this. :smoking:

Alright. I see multiple ways out of this, but then again, I am a sleazy /b/tard.

Step 1. Continue to pretend to be used
Step 2. Turn it all back on her in public, embarrasing her so much she never tries to work with you again
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit

Thats if you want to turn it back on her, if you actually want to have a relationship with her, then either stop her using you, to establish equal footing, or continue being used, but slowly stop it, so she thinks she still has control and maybe she might eventually love you.

That is all in the frame of mind that she doesnt like you, if she does, potential score?

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

Alright. I see multiple ways out of this, but then again, I am a sleazy /b/tard.

Step 1. Continue to pretend to be used
Step 2. Turn it all back on her in public, embarrasing her so much she never tries to work with you again
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit

Thats if you want to turn it back on her, if you actually want to have a relationship with her, then either stop her using you, to establish equal footing, or continue being used, but slowly stop it, so she thinks she still has control and maybe she might eventually love you.

That is all in the frame of mind that she doesnt like you, if she does, potential score?

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I think she kinda likes me (as a future opportunity, maybe) but the problem is she has a boyfriend. She may not be able cope with dating another guy and feel like a slut. So I have to make her choose me over her boyfriend in her sub-conscious mind. But I don't have the chance to see her like everyday. And if I call her she will run away. If I wait for her to call there will be too much time in between and I will not have the impact I need in her sub-conscious mind.

pity she was sweet

Alright, I take it that you want to go after her?

There is no problem man, I did this exact thing with my girlfriend, and we've been going out for nigh half a year now.

Keep in contact any way you can, I had to use MSN. I saw her once, for 20 minutes before I started going out with her (the next time we met up, I posted in another thread about it...i might go read it again, was funny)

Organise the meetings around the work, over time, just prove to her that she doesnt really get anything from her current boyfriend, that someone else (you) offers a lot better things for her. You already care about her etc. I had some help, she only saw him once a week. Find the critical weakness in the relationship and exploit it. Bring him into shame any way you can.

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

Alright, I take it that you want to go after her?

There is no problem man, I did this exact thing with my girlfriend, and we've been going out for nigh half a year now.

Keep in contact any way you can, I had to use MSN. I saw her once, for 20 minutes before I started going out with her (the next time we met up, I posted in another thread about it...i might go read it again, was funny)

Organise the meetings around the work, over time, just prove to her that she doesnt really get anything from her current boyfriend, that someone else (you) offers a lot better things for her. You already care about her etc. I had some help, she only saw him once a week. Find the critical weakness in the relationship and exploit it. Bring him into shame any way you can.

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the thing is the first part of her project is over and the next due time is in september and there is no way I can see her for work now... But I don't know what to do. She really needs me for the rest of it but if I don't see her for that long I will stop liking her and I really thought it would be great going out with her. and the worst thing is even if I do go out with another girl when she calls I will start wanting her again unless of course I really like the other girl.

So she has the strings because she knows I like her...
But if did not tell her I liked her then maybe she wouldn't be interested in meeting me outside of the work thing.

At this point does she know you like her? Those last two lines confused me a bit.

Take her out as a friend, in groups if you have to. The problem with advice from the .org is the culture barrier. Something acceptle in Australia, would not be in Sweden etc.

I suggest talking it over with a close friend, if nothing else, you share the load.

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

At this point does she know you like her? Those last two lines confused me a bit.

Take her out as a friend, in groups if you have to. The problem with advice from the .org is the culture barrier. Something acceptle in Australia, would not be in Sweden etc.

I suggest talking it over with a close friend, if nothing else, you share the load.

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I told her she has a very lucky boy friend the second time we met when she came over to my place to work. But I told her while taking her back to her home for she was in big stress at my place. After that she started to avoid me until we met on friday.

My friends have contradicting opinions naturally.
I must be patient I guess....

Do you know the boyfriend personally?

If you do, back off.

But if you dont, either go for her, or wait it out, your choice. Waiting it out will probably cause you to stop liking her enough to think about it, but if you really like her now, give it a while, even before you start with anyone else.

Just my advice. :bow:

Im off to bed now, 4am and all.

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

Do you know the boyfriend personally?

If you do, back off.

But if you dont, either go for her, or wait it out, your choice. Waiting it out will probably cause you to stop liking her enough to think about it, but if you really like her now, give it a while, even before you start with anyone else.

Just my advice. :bow:

Im off to bed now, 4am and all.

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no i dont know him...

i should give it a while unless she makes a move.

If she has a boyfriend and she's seeing you like that, I don't know about how you do things in Turkey, but here, that would be practically cheating - some other male seeing my girlfriend like that. Does her boyfriend know?

I really don't think she's worth your time. :shrug:

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine


I guess that's it... she is running away too badly and I can't seem to have the power to run after her. I guess I am too sensitive for such a selfish girl.

Well I guess it's a tradition in Turkey that breakups/failures need to be crowned with that famous part of Pearl Jam's Black. I had got the same thing.

Quick recovery, mate.

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Originally Posted by LeftEyeNine

Well I guess it's a tradition in Turkey that breakups/failures need to be crowned with that famous part of Pearl Jam's Black. I had got the same thing.

Quick recovery, mate.

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but it's a great song...

what the hell I will make her be the sun in my sky I just have to be more patient... I guess...