Ultimate Fighting Jesus?

It's true that in almost any church, there are more women than men. And in my church, there are way too many old people. But that's beside the point. Apparently some leaders are blaming this on the image of Jesus as a wimp:

According to Driscoll, "real men" avoid the church because it projects a "Richard Simmons, hippie, queer Christ" that "is no one to live for [and] is no one to die for." Driscoll explains, "Jesus was not a long-haired … effeminate-looking dude"; rather, he had "callused hands and big biceps." This is the sort of Christ men are drawn to—what Driscoll calls "Ultimate Fighting Jesus."

I dunno, that makes me picture something like this:

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v...eroidjesus.jpg

Jesus was a pretty contradictory guy, and his teaching includes some pretty radical stuff. Does he need a self-conscious butching-up? I am suspicious ... where do you go with this?

These authors see the church's fixation on morality as part and parcel of the church's feminization, and they suggest that the solution is to inject the church with a heavy dose of testosterone. In other words, allowing women to create Jesus in their image has emasculated him; thus, regaining a biblical image of Christ is as simple as re-masculating him.

Hmmm ...

Im uncomfortably promptly reminded of the pugnacious naked musclemen - "narcissistic projections" as they've been summed up - of Nazi art...

What the hell? I thought you were talking about the action figure.

:afro:

My saviour can kick your saviour's :daisy: .

I guess some people need to reread the parts about the meek inheriting the earth and turning the other cheek. The main reason real men don't join the church is that it's boring, preachy, and it interferes with the pregame show.

Old women are the main group at church because it gets them out and they can have tea and biscuits afterwards.

They could get Silvestre Stilone playing Jesus and it still wouldn't make a bit of difference. If men suddenly started going to church just to see a big beefed up man on a cross I think I'd start to wonder about them anyway.:rolleyes:

Care if I don't give a crap? All organized religion is a freak show when you look close enough: holy black stones, crying Maria's, flying monks, holy cows, sacred elephants, prayer bells and rotten incense.

I know it's unreasonable and I won't follow through on it, but every once in a while I dream of just locking up the whole zoo and and losing the key.

I promise that tomorow I'll be my nice, tolerant self again and discuss your steroid Jesus as if it wasn't just another pathetic circus act cooked up by a benighted imbecile.

Wow, good to get it off my chest once in a while. :balloon2:

I like the way that it is balanced now. Maybe the author was talking about protestants, because Catholicism still has a pretty good balance. We have action hero saints and Jesus was no baby. I think ending up will nails hammered into you, shredded flesh and a gaping gash across your side while asphyxiating in the heat is a pretty manly way to go - especially if you could get out of it if you wanted to.

Catholicism any manlier would be Islam. Again, I think the balance is pretty good.

Oh, yes, the manliness of Catholicism in several meanings of the term is certainly well enough attested to... :shifty:

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

Care if I don't give a crap? All organized religion is a freak show when you look close enough: holy black stones, crying Maria's, flying monks, holy cows, sacred elephants, prayer bells and rotten incense.

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Have you seen Father Ted?

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Originally Posted by Pannonian

Have you seen Father Ted?

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Afraid I haven't! Bummer. It sounds great.

As the series continued, though, the doubts both Father Ted and Father Dougal have about religion are raised more frequently. A good example of this is Father Dougal stating the only problem he has with Christianity was accepting this whole idea with someone looking down from heaven, the crucifixion, and resurrection.

:laugh4:

https://img236.imageshack.us/img236/...3219xj7.th.jpg
Might I recommend a soundtrack for the Christ's image-fixing project ?

They need to puch the OT more, David, Sampson, Solomom. Moses was pretty hard-core as well.

Jesus is all about moderation but if you take him away from the scripture he refers to he does go a bit soggy.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is always firm...well to the teeth. :clown:

You know, I was wrong.

It's a new morning, the sun is shining, birds are singing outside my window and I still think your steroid Jesus stinks. Put some meth in his pocket and a rope around his penis, he'll go down a riot in San Francisco.

This Backroom is starting to smell of incense. I'm gonna go out and have a great old cappuccino on my favourite terrace.

How about that thing that's kinda like one should not make images of God?
Wait, the catholic church never bought into that as it's even less spectacular and so they can change their religion to whatever is hip at the moment because the god who never changes would do that....yeah...
I know they keep confronting popular opinion now and then but that's only to feel special, when it was hip to go and kill the Muselmann, they were right at the front and now that it's hip to to preach peace, they do that as well. :dizzy2:
Of course the interpretation of the word of God that we had before is always the wrong one and the new and hip one is always better. :dizzy2:

Disclaimer: I don't necessarily buy into what I'm about to say....

However, have these people considered the opposite view - that maybe the problem lies with the men they're not attracting to church rather than the image of Christ they are portraying? After all, I was under the general impression that Christ was about this whole "YOU have to change in order to come to ME" sort of ethic....

How much do you think Jesus could bench. I always felt bad while looking at paintings of Jesus and not thinking about the torment and pain he went through, but saying to myself, "Damn, Jesus has some nice abs.".

:laugh4: I'm having a flashback to my religion class sophomore year at St. Bernard's. Our teacher asked us to envision Jesus as though He were a living, breathing, person right here, right now. Then the teacher (a Benedictine nun) asked us to share our vision... in your mind's eye, what would Jesus be doing right now...

Well, a good friend of mine raised his hand. Mind you, this was 1986, when they were THE team to beat. He answers with "He'd be playing point guard for the Celtics. He'd have the first 100% 3-point average in NBA history". :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:

He got the both handed, wind up and over the head samurai warrior style yardstick smack for that one, but God was it worth it. I still burst out laughing thinking about it, and I bet Jesus does too.

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

You know, I was wrong.

It's a new morning, the sun is shining, birds are singing outside my window and I still think your steroid Jesus stinks. Put some meth in his pocket and a rope around his penis, he'll go down a riot in San Francisco.

This Backroom is starting to smell of incense. I'm gonna go out and have a great old cappuccino on my favourite terrace.

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Blow it out of your steam pipe, you degenerate. (disclaimer - I think you are a decent guy - I am using the word degenerate like I would use sodomite, heretic or blasphemer. I hope that you don't mind)

Jesus rules. Whoever says he wasn't a man isn't a man.

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Originally Posted by Don Corleone

:laugh4: I'm having a flashback to my religion class sophomore year at St. Bernard's. Our teacher asked us to envision Jesus as though He were a living, breathing, person right here, right now. Then the teacher (a Benedictine nun) asked us to share our vision... in your mind's eye, what would Jesus be doing right now...

Well, a good friend of mine raised his hand. Mind you, this was 1986, when they were THE team to beat. He answers with "He'd be playing point guard for the Celtics. He'd have the first 100% 3-point average in NBA history". :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:

He got the both handed, wind up and over the head samurai warrior style yardstick smack for that one, but God was it worth it. I still burst out laughing thinking about it, and I bet Jesus does too.

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The Celtics already had the Basketball Jesus, they didn't need the real one as well. :rolleyes:

It is well known that Jesus packs a .44 Magnum, double action, nickel finish. Come Judgement Day, only the right people get shot.

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Originally Posted by Devastatin Dave

How much do you think Jesus could bench. I always felt bad while looking at paintings of Jesus and not thinking about the torment and pain he went through, but saying to myself, "Damn, Jesus has some nice abs.".

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he worked out with the Pilate(s) method :laugh4:

There's a fine line between good humoured teasing of religious peculiarities and outright religion bashing. I would counsel that posters reflect on their words carefully before posting so that their jests fall on the right side and respect other members' sincerely held beliefs.

There is a much clearer line between that respect for others and gratuitous insults. Further crossing of that line will result in the usual penance.

:bow:

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Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost

There's a fine line between good humoured teasing of religious peculiarities and outright religion bashing. I would counsel that posters reflect on their words carefully before posting so that their jests fall on the right side and respect other members' sincerely held beliefs.

There is a much clearer line between that respect for others and gratuitous insults. Further crossing of that line will result in the usual penance.

:bow:

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But what if its funny?:laugh4:

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Originally Posted by drone

My saviour can kick your saviour's :daisy: .

I guess some people need to reread the parts about the meek inheriting the earth and turning the other cheek. The main reason real men don't join the church is that it's boring, preachy, and it interferes with the pregame show.

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And those damn church pants are itchy:laugh4:

I grew out of that religion thing at age 12...

"Tom Cruise is the Anti-Christ!"

Emasculation of Hey-soos?

I think the Word gives a pretty good account of him. Anyone who wants to know about Jesus should read the Bible rather than rely on someone else to feed you a perception.

Unless you're Catholic, in which case I guess you just do what your told or something.

Quiet, yous!

Seriously :rolleyes:

As to the OP, it's a stupid, foolish idea.

CR

I personally prefer Buddy Christ.


https://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e...ddychrist1.jpg

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He got the both handed, wind up and over the head samurai warrior style yardstick smack for that one

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:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: the good old brides of christ , always so understanding always so fond of scriptue , especially the few words out of the line that go "suffer little children" .
Not of course suggesting that all sisters (or brothers for that matter) were sadistic bastards , it just that you really remember the crazy ones .

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Originally Posted by Tribesman

:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: the good old brides of christ , always so understanding always so fond of scriptue , especially the few words out of the line that go "suffer little children" .
Not of course suggesting that all sisters (or brothers for that matter) were sadistic bastards , it just that you really remember the crazy ones .

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I went to Catholics school for 12 years. Not once was I hit - and I deserved it.

Cursed at once (a lay teacher) and had a book thrown at the lighting fixture which happened to land on my head. It was a small book.

That practice has really changed.

Those who feel the need of more bad arse Gods, should revert back to old ways. Im sure for example Thor or Odin would be bad ass enough for them.:clown:

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Originally Posted by Kagemusha

Those who feel the need of more bad arse Gods, should revert back to old ways. Im sure for example Thor or Odin would be bad ass enough for them.:clown:

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Exactly my thought.
Who is more badass than Thor? :smash:

Excellent point. I figured something was extremely wrong with these guys when I read that they felt the current Church shows an "excessive focus on morality." Well, by all means then, gents, worship the Norse gods and stop having all of that morality shoved down your throats.

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Originally Posted by TuffStuffMcGruff

I went to Catholics school for 12 years. Not once was I hit - and I deserved it.

Cursed at once (a lay teacher) and had a book thrown at the lighting fixture which happened to land on my head. It was a small book.

That practice has really changed.

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Like I said, they change with the times, just like God does, right? Oh wait, he doesn't... :sweatdrop:

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Originally Posted by Sigurd Fafnesbane

Who is more badass than Thor? :smash:

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Kali Bhairava.

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Originally Posted by Sigurd Fafnesbane

Who is more badass than Thor? :smash:

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Nobody!

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Originally Posted by Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

Thor was the God of Thunder and, frankly, acted like it.

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:grin2:

Guys, christians should only pray to God and try using their common sense in their day-to-day lives.
The Bible and theological Jesus ware never for the masses, be them (we)men or not. Jesus isn't a figure for the masses, He is a figure for each and every one of us.
If you want a perfect male figure to beat Chuck Norris to the pulp than you can go for Samson. At least he had dreadlocks and knew how to fight, not like that gay David who sligshot Goliath.
Joke:

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An athesit metalhead and a corrupt preacher stand before Jesus Christ at Judgement Day.
After a brief silance Jesus says:
"You've both sinned, your guilt is equal but I'm letting the metalhead into the Kingdom of Heaven."
Outraged, the preacher asks "Why?".
"Because he has the same cool dreadlocks I have"

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Originally Posted by Sigurd Fafnesbane

Exactly my thought.
Who is more badass than Thor? :smash:

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Odin ??
You can't mess with the All-father.
Of course crushing giant skulls with a hammer moves him extremely high up on the badass list.

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Originally Posted by TB666

Odin ??
You can't mess with the All-father.

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Kali Bhaivara did.

That's why we hear no more from Odin nowadays. :coffeenews:

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

Kali Bhaivara did.

That's why we hear no more from Odin nowadays. :coffeenews:

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I'll see your multi-armed death goddess and raise by a trinity - The Morrigan.

:eeeek:

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The Morrigan

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:book: Good suggestion, but I think when it comes down to all-round smiting and gratuitous extermination of populations in a manner utterly redolent of "collective punishment" we shall end up back at Yahweh's door :bow:

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Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost

I'll see your multi-armed death goddess and raise by a trinity - The Morrigan.

:eeeek:

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Dude, we're talking world series here.

Your Morrigan has long been suspended in the cellar of eternal darkness - upside down, for good measure.

Kali swallowed time and space, then danced on Shiva's powerless body and crushed his twelve organs of recognition.

Now that's what I call heavy duty deity.

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

Your Morrigan has long been suspended in the cellar of eternal darkness - upside down, for good measure.

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Nonsense. Have you noticed how many crows are lurking about? Not to mention the increasing prevalence of hags in the street, importuning hapless would-be warriors? And most of south-east Asia has been tricked into eating dog.

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

Kali swallowed time and space, then danced on Shiva's powerless body and crushed his twelve organs of recognition.

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Mind you, I might have to concede on the organ-crushing thing. :shocked2:

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

Dude, we're talking world series here.

Your Morrigan has long been suspended in the cellar of eternal darkness - upside down, for good measure.

Kali swallowed time and space, then danced on Shiva's powerless body and crushed his twelve organs of recognition.

Now that's what I call heavy duty deity.

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:laugh4: Kali ftw :smash:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

https://i297.photobucket.com/albums/...kalimother.jpg

I always thought jesus's hippiness was the most attractive thing about christrianity to me. Especially since it was at a much more violent time period.

Someone should show the "manly men" the norse religions, they might like Valhalla.

Blah, you forgot Samson.
Now there's the man who could tombstone Undertaker, Edge and Mysterio without blinking.
And his story has a nice moral end for the guys too.Samson has sex with Dalila and gets a haircut on top of that. Powerless, he is quickly overpowered by the Philistines and becomes a slave at their palace.
Dudes, never let your spouse trimm your braids, never!

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Originally Posted by Adrian II

Kali Bhaivara did.

That's why we hear no more from Odin nowadays. :coffeenews:

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Oh yeah? Dude, Odin has his own (not remotely ridiculous) band: http://www.odinmetal.com/ And he's got a new single out.

If Jesus is looking for some ideas to get men into his church, I think he could learn a lesson right here.

Oh, and two more suggestions in case the Pope is reading this: Beer. And strippers. :yes:

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Originally Posted by English assassin

Oh yeah? Dude, Odin has his own (not remotely ridiculous) band: http://www.odinmetal.com/ And he's got a new single out.

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Alright, I'll grant you those girls aren't totally ridiculous.

Still they're a far cry - and not a very gruesome one - from She Who Can Flip A Thousand Pancakes In One Go.

It's a good theory that Jesus was a very masculine and buffed man. Leaders of men are usually in very good physical shape so as to pander to the superficial nature of mankind.

Plus, Jesus went through the temple and overturned tables and things like that. If he was not a strong man, chances are he would have had not been the one to do that.

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Originally Posted by Navaros

It's a good theory that Jesus was a very masculine and buffed man. Leaders of men are usually in very good physical shape so as to pander to the superficial nature of mankind.

Plus, Jesus went through the temple and overturned tables and things like that. If he was not a strong man, chances are he would have had not been the one to do that.

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I can overturn tables, it's not hard, in any case making Jesus look like a Blacksmith is hardly a clever idea and I'm not convinced the Son of God would "pander" to anyone, after all to do so would be to incite unto sin.

It's not the overturning tables that's the hard bit, is getting out of the temple alive afterwards. Have you SEEN the size of those money changers? Built like brick outhouses.

Mind you, Jesus could have been a five foot weakling, no way I would have messed with him. His Dad's a nutter, just have a look in the OT.

OK OK what about the 'Hundred Handed Ones'. they hurled rocks the size of planets at the Titans and then some. They make Kali look like a real wuss. Jahweh schmaweh, he's just a jealous god, the old timers were much more robust and subtle. :sweatdrop:

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Originally Posted by InsaneApache

OK OK what about the 'Hundred Handed Ones'. they hurled rocks the size of planets at the Titans and then some. They make Kali look like a real wuss. Jahweh schmaweh, he's just a jealous god, the old timers were much more robust and subtle. :sweatdrop:

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Child some Gaia and Uranus. That must have been a painful birth. :sweatdrop:

Quite obviously Yog-Sothoth pwns all these other gods.

NB, do NOT google Yog-Sothoth. Who knows what may attract his attention. You DO NOT WANT to attaract his attention.