The "I got dumped" thread.

Because I just did. :sweatdrop:

2,5 years, love of my life, etc etc.

Got the message at 14:24. I'm dumped. She no longer wants to live with me. I thought things were clearing up. She left this morning, to go home to her mother. She said it was to get away a little. I thought it was primarily the stress from exams and such she had to get away from, and that she would come back. But she won't.

Now I never get to hold her hand again. Never ever cuddle up beside her again. I'm scared. Of the future, of living without her.

She was everything to me. She is everything to me.

That's sad news HoreTore ~:(

A relationship of 2,5 years and apparently allready in the stadium of living together... I feel for you.

Is there still a chance that things will work out or is the break-up permanent?

Anyway, if you need an ear or a hug, we're here for you ~:pat:

That sucks. The only thing I can think of is this.

Moved in with her desember 2006. Got together with her in oktober 2005. Heh, I got together with her the day after my footie team won the league.

Yesterday, they lost 2-1....

She says she's no longer ready for a relationship... She says things may be different in a year or two. But I doubt that will ever happen.

Right now, I feel like the worlds biggest dick. Because I thought things were going ok. Sure, the last months haven't been anything like the first months with her. But I thought it was just a phase. That we'd sort it out. But instead of doing that, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out...

Sorry to hear that hope it works out for you. Love is the sweetest way to die.

It's been 3,5 hours now, and I'm torn... One part of me wants to hurt her and make her feel as bad as I do, the other part knows that she already does and wants to make her happy again.

We're communicating by sms. I could call her, but I know I wouldn't be able to say a word...

I feel very abandoned and alone now... I have done that for a while, actually, but I haven't been able to make her understand that... Instead, I have closed myself almost completely... Which has led to frustration, and I've taken it out on her... No wonder her feelings for me have disappeared.

Man, that's bad.

I'm sorry for you, don't know what to say but I hope you'll be fine however it works out.

When I got out of a relationship, I did nothing for a week but listen to sad dreary songs and mope around the house. But after the week, I realised that I was young and I had long to live and I could not cry away the rest of my days for someone who did not wish to be with me, when the right time comes, she'll come back, till then I just have to wait patiently, for we can all afford to wait.

My case wasn't like your's we hadn't been that long into the relation, but I loved her, and always will.

But she wanted a break, she said she didn't want anything from me any longer, it rent my heart, but i have faith, she'll come back, someday, she will.
Take heart, be strong.

How did you manage to not do something extremily stupid since 2005 that would make 3 1/2 hour seem long???

Damn. Im sorry to hear that m8.:shame: It will leave a scar, but eventually you will heal and when you are there, there will be other roses in the garden for you. Right now there surely isnt anything that makes you feel completely alright, but my advice is to spoil yourself rotten, do anything you like to do or buy something which you have wanted for long time. It wont remedy the situation, but will hopefully distract you a bit from this bad turn of events.~:)

Heh. Someone call the doctors, wenting your feelings to total strangers on a gaming forum actually does make you feel a bit better...

Though, still a trainwreck... At least the spontaneous crying has stopped for a while...

Two Words: Road Trip. You need to get away from it for awhile, get your head settled, listen to angry but upbeat music (Punk) Usually suffices. Get outdoors, just do anything to get away from the somber environment of a place where you had your heart broken. It'll take awhile mate, you will cry, be angry, be remorseful, and then one day you'll wake up and it won't matter as much anymore, and then next day and thereafter it will matter less and less. And then one day you will realize that you forgot about all the good things you had together, and that will make you sad, but it will give you resolve that you deserve somebody, or something out of life that deserves you.

Well, fortunately, I'll be forced to move back to mommy, who lives a good hour away from here and on the other side of a fjord(an ugly one, not one of those you've heard about)...

If you have friends, visit them. If you are very confident, tell them your problem. They will understand you.

Feelings are for the weak!

Just play some TW, or watch a good film, nothing beats being brain-dead in front of a screen when you're feeling crap.

And on a related note, I told mine that I'm going to leave her if she doesn't improve her attitude to me quickly, because for the last month or so it's been pretty bad.

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Originally Posted by Evil_Maniac From Mars

And on a related note, I told mine that I'm going to leave her if she doesn't improve her attitude to me quickly, because for the last month or so it's been pretty bad.

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Is there some reason for that?

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Originally Posted by Caius

Is there some reason for that?

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None that I've seen - nothing changed in that time, really.

A woman can mold a man to her liking, a man must accept his woman for who she is.

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Originally Posted by Evil_Maniac From Mars

And on a related note, I told mine that I'm going to leave her if she doesn't improve her attitude to me quickly, because for the last month or so it's been pretty bad.

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I don't think that will end well. :undecided:

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Originally Posted by Wakizashi

A woman can mold a man to her liking, a man must accept his woman for who she is.

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For the win.

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Originally Posted by Craterus

I don't think that will end well. :undecided:

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I don't like it also, I have the feeling that wont change.

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Originally Posted by Craterus

I don't think that will end well. :undecided:

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I'm having doubts too, or I wouldn't have told her what I told her. I'm hoping there was something bad that happened that she didn't tell me about or something, but I doubt it.

God damn this thread is depressing.

My best wishes to you, Horetore. Getting dumped, especially by surprise, is such a terrible thing. I've gone through exactly what you are going through right now. Listen to most of the posters, this will pass and get less painful with time, although you will probably always have a spot for her. Good luck man.

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Originally Posted by Wakizashi

A woman can mold a man to her liking, a man must accept his woman for who she is.

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I disagree. Gf and I have changed each other quite a bit. She no longer goes out partying and drinking.

Best way to get over female problems IMO:

We're sitting in Ventrilo, playing some dota.
We're pushing and we're owning, with the opponents we're toying.
We're sitting in Ventrilo, playing some dota.
Running around creeping, the opponents we're sleeping.

Works for me.

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

We're sitting in Ventrilo, playing some dota.
We're pushing and we're owning, with the opponents we're toying.
We're sitting in Ventrilo, playing some dota.
Running around creeping, the opponents we're sleeping.

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:laugh4:

One of those guilty pleasures of life.

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

I disagree. Gf and I have changed each other quite a bit. She no longer goes out partying and drinking.

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:wall:

::cocks pistol::

HoreTore,

My man, you're going to have to suffer like all of us have. It's a part of life and utterly unavoidable. Drink beer, talk to your friends, visit your mom, read a book, watch a movie, do anything that will rescue your mood if only for a moment. Those moments add up. You'll live through this, you might not want to, but you will.

Besides, in a few weeks/months/(preferably not) years, you'll be rounding third base with that honey from the coffee shop.

You're only 21, the highs and lows of your love live have barely begun.

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Originally Posted by Ice

:wall:

::cocks pistol::

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I hope you've got a permit for that weapon :grin2:

We are both under 18, so while its not illegal for her to drink, I am strongly against anyone under 18 drinking.

Queensland has some screwed up laws.

Now :focus:

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Originally Posted by Caledonian Rhyfelwyr

Feelings are for the weak!

Just play some TW, or watch a good film, nothing beats being brain-dead in front of a screen when you're feeling crap.

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Lol!!!! That's exactly what I was thinking he should do. Honestly, what better way to cheer yourself up than conquering the world?

As long as you are sitting down and in Ventrilo, I guess its ok.

Whats better? Conquering the world and exterminating every single city, castle and executing every last prisoner.

Almost makes me want to finish a campaign...almost.

I see....

Wait a minute, aren't we supposed to be giving advise to this heartbroken guy and not teasing our diabolical compulsions?

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Originally Posted by Beirut

HoreTore,

My man, you're going to have to suffer like all of us have. It's a part of life and utterly unavoidable. Drink beer, talk to your friends, visit your mom, read a book, watch a movie, do anything that will rescue your mood if only for a moment. Those moments add up. You'll live through this, you might not want to, but you will.

Besides, in a few weeks/months/(preferably not) years, you'll be rounding third base with that honey from the coffee shop.

You're only 21, the highs and lows of your love live have barely begun.

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Yeah, well...

It's 8 in the morning now, got back from work. Nobody home... Can't describe how that feeling was...

Trying to pick up the guts to pack a few things and drive away... I was stable a few hours at work, got my mind on other things(though most of the time spent wandering round like a zombie), but now I'm crushed again. Packing my stuff will no doubt be the hardest time so far in my life.

I still love her as much as I've always done. No doubt about that. I did send her a few messages with a rather sharp tone yesterday, I regret that more than anything. I have apologized for it, and I think she understands. The last thing I want is for her to hate me. I could never deal with that. Not now anyway.

Going back to mommy after I've packed. I'm not going to stay here, the only reason I lived here was because of her. She needs to live here more than I do. Not sure how long I'll be living with my family, but it'll probably be the better part of the summer, at least... Have to figure out my future again from scratch.

I may see her again tomorrow. Not sure if I should. Or what I should do if I do. Ah well, first things first...

Hey, I'm not saying it's easy or fun or something that can be lightly dismissed. All I'm saying is that you've got no choice and you're going to have to muddle through as best you can.

If I could survive mine, you can survive yours. And though I never met another I loved as much, I did meet others I loved in different ways.

You're a man and this is part of it. To prove you're a man you've got to act like a man. Your heart may belong to her (for now) but your dignity is your own.

Beer, friends, family, sports & travelling...everything that keeps ya head above the water & grabs your attention. Well, drink beer only with friends/family...NOT alone. It is more of a means to help talk about things you usally do not talk about.

Especially sports are good. I love to / have to swim, in case of a bigger emotional problems. Swimming helps your head to focus on the whats and whys me thinks. In case of very hard times...don`t swim in the sea/lakes/rivers, but in pools m8.

Good luck to you; Sub has been there once or twice, sometimes the ladies give us freakin`hard times...

What Beirut said :yes:

It's probably one of the hardest lessons you'll ever learn in life. It's part of growing up and becoming mature. You will be suffering for at least a few weeks, most likely a month or two, three. But that's ok, it's human.

But rest assured and remember this, while you are crawling through this awful period: there is light at the end of the tunnel. Plenty of it. And you will get there :sunny:

:knuddel:

HoreTore man, this really sucks. I don't know what to say to you that will make it better, except that you will always have your buddies on this forum here to back you up whatever you do. Just remember that.

Sorry to hear, HoreTore.
It's reasons like this that being immune to human emotions is an advantage for me.

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Originally Posted by Spartan198

Sorry to hear, HoreTore.
It's reasons like this that being immune to human emotions is an advantage for me.

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:inquisitive:
That's what everyone thinks, until it happens. :balloon3:

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sometimes the ladies give us freakin`hard times...

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Thats wrong. Never called your lady five times with no luck?

I would rather die than not live passionately. And when you live like that, it means all the good times are great, and all the bad times are terrible and push you to your limits.

Good Advice All Around from these people. And the whole friends thing, doesn't work. Tried it before, and figured out I'd rather be hated than not know where I stand with them.

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Originally Posted by Spartan198

Sorry to hear, HoreTore.
It's reasons like this that being immune to human emotions is an advantage for me.

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If you are immune to human emotions, then how can you feel sorry?

:yes:

::Strokes Beard::

You will survive.

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Originally Posted by Caius

You will survive.

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Indeed.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Don't know why I had to post this, maybe it will cheer you up mate. ~D

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Originally Posted by Caius

You will survive.

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For posting that, you might not.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Kidding, of course. ~:)

Ah well. It's wednesday already, I'm feeling a bit better.

She says she still has a tiny hope. Right now, that's all I could ask for. I'm driving back tonight. Not sure how long I'll stay, but not longer than tomorrow.

The reasons for the break-up, what has happened over the last 6 months or so, are getting clearer to me. I have treated her like dirt. It hurts to say that, but it's true. I have been frustrated at my life, and I've taken it out on her. I haven't given her the attention she deserves, I've closed myself completely from her. And not being able to treat her the way I want to has made me even more frustrated... I don't think there was a way out of that evil circle besides this.

So what's next? I need to fix my life. I need to get rid of my frustration. I'll be staying in my hometown, and I think I'll be living here for some years, even if we should get back together eventually. Here, I have all my friends. Here, I'm popular. Where I lived with her, I knew noone. Well, I knew some people, but I didn't have any real friends there. I had colleagues, my gf's friends and so on. Here, I know everyone.


Oh, and thanks for supporting and listening to my rant everyone...:yes:

Hope it works out, don't get me wrong I want you to suffer, but only in the backroom.

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Originally Posted by Fragony

Hope it works out, don't get me wrong I want you to suffer, but only in the backroom.

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Haha, that did cheer me up :smash:

Sorry, HoreTore :bow:

Looks like you're working your way through the "stages of grief"
Denial:
Anger:
Bargaining:
Depression
Acceptance:

It doesn't seem like it now, but you'll be a better man for having gone through this. I promise. Beirut speaks truth. The only way "out" is "through"; no shortcuts or work-arounds.

I'm 57, and been dumped, I guess, a dozen times, or more. It's never easy or fun. But I've learned something more about me (and about humans) every time. So it's never been a total loss.

Best of luck, man. You'll be fine, in time.

Sorry to hear your hurting.

I won't insult you by saying I know what your going through because I don't. But I have been hurt. I got dumped by someone I was with for 2 and a half years and it devastated me for a while. But what I found was that instead of trying to replace what I lost, I had to try to remove the need to fill that void in the first place. You have to love yourself. Only then will someone love you for you. Instead of making someone your whole life, you should find a partner to share your life with. And that means knowing yourself. Sounds like your on the right track and your getting good support and advice from people on here.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Fragony

Hope it works out, don't get me wrong I want you to suffer, but only in the backroom.

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I wonder how Frag reacts when he is dumped by his girlfriend.
The Ulysses Grant of Holland? ~;)

Me being dumped ha

a few hours ago I would have thought the exact same thing.

Notch pever up for the first real "dump" he's had.

Man that sucks pever.

lol. I guess.

It was odd...She never really said it...but...aaggh.

We didnt let go of each other until the end. I thought up until a few minutes ago she still liked me but I have nothing in the way of messages.

She said it wasnt me, it was her family. They do have major stuff going on. Even so.

Sigh, 1 am. Dont think I will sleep much. Maybe I should have had dinner. Maybe I should...an hero.

lol

anyway </hijack>

sorry to interupt. dont waste sympathy on me. Horetore lost the love of his life after 2 and a half years. I lost someone after half a year.

I'm glad you take it from the funny side. Getting dumped it is not a funny thing.
Now, relax man. Try to get some sleep. Life still is going on for everyone.

There are still chances in life. Maybe, some day, she will return. I really hope that.

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Originally Posted by Ice

If you are immune to human emotions, then how can you feel sorry?

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What I meant is, I myself am immune to caring that strongly about someone. I know what that kind of rejection feels like because I've experienced it before.
I proposed to my best friend because I cared so strongly for her, and she laughed at me.
That's when I decided I would never allow myself to care for anyone like that again.

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Originally Posted by Spartan198

I proposed to my best friend because I cared so strongly for her, and she laughed at me.
That's when I decided I would never allow myself to care for anyone like that again.

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Maybe she thought you were joking?

I know i would if one of my female friends asked me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Spartan198

What I meant is, I myself am immune to caring that strongly about someone. I know what that kind of rejection feels like because I've experienced it before.
I proposed to my best friend because I cared so strongly for her, and she laughed at me.
That's when I decided I would never allow myself to care for anyone like that again.

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Maybe you are suffering from Schizoid Personality Disorder?

Just thought I'd sound clever since I saw it in the thread here.

I agree with you anyway, though I was just born like that.

So, it's now 01:00 saturday night. It's been... 130 hours since the breakup. Don't really care if you're still interested in this thread though, but writing stuff clears my head. Speaking of which, I found myself a notebook on friday, and started writing down everything: why I like her, what I'm planning to do with her, my thoughts at the moment, back up plans if things still won't work out(trying to get back together, I'll explain later), reasons for the breakup, and so on and so on. It has been a great help, I recommend it to anyone else who has to go through this.

So, I'm living at my childhood home again. I'm unemployed, homeless, alone and now I've got fever too. Jolly good.

I saw her on wednesday night, and stayed until thursday morning. Took a walk with her, and talked a lot. I brought her flowers that day. For the first time in well over a year. Boy have I been a complete retard. I'm actually surprised that she doesn't hate my guts, it's what I deserve. Instead, she says she still cares for me, it's just that the feeling of love has disappeared. She wants us to stay friends. And honestly, if I can't be her boyfriend anymore, I need her friendship in order to stay sane. But I refuse to accept the current situation. I need to give it one last try. I need to woo her, and woo her good. I mean, she still cares for me after everything I've done, I can't see why it has to be impossible to rediscover our love. Let it take time, I don't care about that. It's worth a shot, and better than doing nothing anyway. If it doesn't work, oh well, at least i tried.

But there will be changes no matter what. I'm not going to move in with her again if we get back together. Then it'll be the same story all over again. I wasn't happy living at that place. I was removed from all my friends, everything I liked. I couldn't think on a wednesday night "hey, I'm bored, I think I'll head over to Benny's place and see if he's doing anything". Everything involving my old friends had to be planned days ahead, and I had 2,5 hours of driving back and forth to factor in. Couple that with a job, and the result is me not seeing my friends very often.

That changed me. I was unhappy and got depressed. And then add in the fact that I'm not a great communicator when it comes to things like this(I'm afraid of something, I haven't figured out just what yet, possibly abandonment). The result was that I became bitter and lonely, unable to seek comfort in my girlfriend. I felt that she was the only person that could fix me, but I was unable to make her understand my situation. Instead of getting comfort, I started working a lot. And when I wasn't working on my job, I was fixing my car or some other stuff. If I wasn't doing any of those things, I was usually hiding in my room, and either playing or debating here. Why did I hide? That's where that fear comes in again. I needed comforting, but I was unable to get it, and I became too afraid to do anything...

So finally; plans for the future. I'm going to change my life. Rediscover my love of life. Be happy again. Then, I'm going to try win her back.

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Originally Posted by HT

... I'm going to change my life. Rediscover my love of life. Be happy again. Then, I'm going to try win her back.

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That's the spirit, pal! Want a friend? First: be a friend. Want a lover? First be a lover. Want a mate? First: be a mate.

Then, even if the "win her back" strategy doesn't work, you've moved up to being a person you can love, and take care of, and nurture... desireous of, but not dependent on, the approval/love of another. A good place to be indeed, IMO.

@pever: bummer, man. Sorry :bow: Gonna be OK?

I think so, last night I couldnt even play Total War or dota...

Thats bad...Im going to give it another try.

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

I think so, last night I couldnt even play Total War or dota...

Thats bad...Im going to give it another try.

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Even brain-killers doesn't work at all with love. A big dose could do it...

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

I think so, last night I couldnt even play Total War or dota...

Thats bad...Im going to give it another try.

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I seriously recommend grabbing a notebook and writing down everything. Gives you a lot more clarity.

I dont write. Hand cramps, plus i have no skill.

On top of that I cant express myself.

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Originally Posted by pevergreen

I dont write. Hand cramps, plus i have no skill.

On top of that I cant express myself.

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It's not a story we're talking about. Just a book where you can write down things you've thought about. Like for example, I'm planning a trip in early june, wrote that down, as well as a list of what I need to remember to bring with me. It's simply a tool to organize my thoughts, in a rather chaotic time... And I'm assuming the hand cramps doesn't affect writing on a pc? Well then, write in in notepad or whatever...

Assuming, of course, that you are in a chaotic state of mind like I am... If you're not, you wouldn't have much use for writing stuff down...