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I don't really need advice just sympathy.
My girlfriend of about a year broke up with me on saturday night because she says she needs space and wants to be single for awhile. I obviously didn't want to break up. I am having trouble dealing with this and have been pretty done in the dumps.
One of (actually I guess alot of people wouldn't see it as a negative) is that she wants to keep having sex, as a friends with benefits kind of thing.
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
If she's that kind of girl, she's not worth the time and effort of a long term relationship anyway. I'm not saying you shouldn't take her up on the offer, but marriage+kids+family material she is not.
One of (actually I guess alot of people wouldn't see it as a negative) is that she wants to keep having sex, as a friends with benefits kind of thing.
Hope that helps. Sorry about the bad news. :no:
Sorry to hear it. Time is the only thing that helps much, until one day you will probably realize it was just as well.
That. Freaking. Blows. Man.
It sounds all well and good to accept the sex part-- but, I mean seriously. If she can't accept all the you, is it really worth it in the end? Sounds like a lot more hurt a'coming if you ask me. You're young, and from what I can ascertain a very intelligent, good-looking guy... duration of the relationship apart; You've got a lot more good times ahead of you if you take the punch and move on.
Just my point of view, certainly- but you need to draw the line somewhere on how much respect you have for yourself.
I'm sorry about that man. I wouldn't accept the sex because:
A. Seems pathetic from a personal stand point to have her reject you as a person but continue letting her have you as a body to get off on.
B. Sex without any sort of connection just seems pointless to me.
I would consider breaking up with someone but still wanting to have sex when the other person wants to continue the relationship to be using that person. If I were you, I would tell her hell no, if you want to have sex with me then you have to be in a relationship with me.
I'm sorry that she broke up with you dude.
One of the inevitabilities that I've found with a friends-with-benefits situation is that, at some point, one of you will develop feelings for the other and it just leads to awkwardness; the whole point of it is the casual, no-strings aspect. In this situation, the feelings are already established and even if she can turn them off and just see you as a sex object, you cannot do that yourself... she means more to you than that, I'm sure.
Yeah, you can carry this on and get your rocks off at the same time, but you'll feel worse for it. My advice would be to steer clear, because she needs to take you back on your own merits or move on, not use you as a means for getting off.
If she doesn't want you as a whole, she doesn't deserve to have you at all. :3
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
I don't really need advice just sympathy.
My girlfriend of about a year broke up with me on saturday night because she says she needs space and wants to be single for awhile. I obviously didn't want to break up. I am having trouble dealing with this and have been pretty done in the dumps.
One of (actually I guess alot of people wouldn't see it as a negative) is that she wants to keep having sex, as a friends with benefits kind of thing.
On the last part; OH HELL YEAH BROTHER!
Sucks man. Have a Guy's Night this weekend, when you get with your buddies and do all the things your girlfriend wouldn't let you do and/or disapprove of. Don't let her use you as she's suggesting - you're worth more than that, despite comments to the contrary.
Tell her you're up for the friends with benefits thing, then every time she calls tell her you are busy, or that you have another girl round.
Sorry for the situation, but I'll second/third/whatever the advice of turning down the "free" sex. You still feel for her, but she no longer is committed to you and might just be playing the field. Much pain and suffering on your part if she's using you for booty calls in between others. And I don't know how you handled birth control during your relationship, but if for some reason you do take her up on the FWB sex, wrap it. Regardless of what she says.
Originally Posted by johnhughthom:
:laugh4:
Tell her you're up for the friends with benefits thing, then every time she calls tell her you are busy, or that you have another girl round.
Originally Posted by johnhughthom:
And get around with as many girls as you can. Let her know (indirectly) that if she wants to use you like that it's on your terms and you have other options. That will make her more grateful an compliant when the time comes...no pun intended.
Tell her you're up for the friends with benefits thing, then every time she calls tell her you are busy, or that you have another girl round.
Show her how fun having Cashews and Milk can be and if and when you come across Mr.Peanut, don't be shy!
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
"Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option."
Anytime I've tried a FWB situation it always is more frustration than its worth. Breaking up sucks bro but the only advice I can give is don't be hateful, petty or desperate. Let her live her life and you live yours. When you get that 2 am call or text message, ignore it or simple state that fact. A FWB situation will hamstring you from meeting someone new.
Originally Posted by Secura:
This. Apart from the fact that I'm against premarital sex anyway :tongue: but in this case I'd advise against it, even if leaving all morality issues aside, simply because you will only get hurt even more. Sorry to hear about your "loss". You'll get better mate :yes:
One of the inevitabilities that I've found with a friends-with-benefits situation is that, at some point, one of you will develop feelings for the other and it just leads to awkwardness; the whole point of it is the casual, no-strings aspect. In this situation, the feelings are already established and even if she can turn them off and just see you as a sex object, you cannot do that yourself... she means more to you than that, I'm sure.
?
you may want to introspect yourself, are when you're in relationship with her, you intruding in her life too much?
too much jealously maybe?
or too much questioning of her?
...
sounds like if she want "spend some time alone", but still want to stay with you... well, looks like you have problem with trust and or jealosly
==========================
while it may seem trivial, a simple matter of saying "where are you last night / yesterday / what are you doing with *insert guy name* ; when you said to her quite regularly, it can be very very irritating
You know cute wolf you are more right than I feel comfortable with you being. I was definetly far too jealous and untrustworthy towards her and it bit me in the ass. I think the real reason for the breakup is that she needed time to herself.
As for the FWB...... we are going through with it. Though what changes it a bit in my eyes is that we made a pact we would not hook up with anyone else for the duration.
I really think its a distance thing, she really treasures her privacy while I have very few barriers between my public and private life in comparison.
You see this is the problem with women. You let her tell you what she wants, you let her tell you she needs more space, you let her have some input, and pretty soon she goes unhinged and thinks she can leave the kitchen and put on clothes whenever she wants. Then she stops listening to your other wives, and it's all down hill from there.
Do I really have to be the one that tells you you are having a great deal there
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
In other words, she didn't break up with you but she wants more 'alone' time.
You know cute wolf you are more right than I feel comfortable with you being. I was definetly far too jealous and untrustworthy towards her and it bit me in the ass. I think the real reason for the breakup is that she needed time to herself.
As for the FWB...... we are going through with it. Though what changes it a bit in my eyes is that we made a pact we would not hook up with anyone else for the duration.
I really think its a distance thing, she really treasures her privacy while I have very few barriers between my public and private life in comparison.
it sucks that she had to resort to such measures but if you think she's worth it you should hang in there.
Did you guys argue about her wanting more time to herself or was this something out of he blue?
Originally Posted by Fragony:
I wasn't going to say anything, but +1
Do I really have to be the one that tells you you are having a great deal there
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
well, then you should offer very sincere apology to her, and... hmm... some romantic surprises may work, just make sure you start to respect her privacy and private life first :thumbsup: good luck :wink:
You know cute wolf you are more right than I feel comfortable with you being. I was definetly far too jealous and untrustworthy towards her and it bit me in the ass. I think the real reason for the breakup is that she needed time to herself.
As for the FWB...... we are going through with it. Though what changes it a bit in my eyes is that we made a pact we would not hook up with anyone else for the duration.
I really think its a distance thing, she really treasures her privacy while I have very few barriers between my public and private life in comparison.
at least you know you're the wrong one in this position, just swallow your pride a bit and offer sincere apology, there is nothing better than heart to heart discussion in this matter.
Originally Posted by Fragony:
See if you can get her friends in on the deal too.
Do I really have to be the one that tells you you are having a great deal there
Originally Posted by Secura:
Absolutely true, and you know she's right because she's a woman, and women actually understand women.
One of the inevitabilities that I've found with a friends-with-benefits situation is that, at some point, one of you will develop feelings for the other and it just leads to awkwardness; the whole point of it is the casual, no-strings aspect. In this situation, the feelings are already established and even if she can turn them off and just see you as a sex object, you cannot do that yourself... she means more to you than that, I'm sure.
Yeah, you can carry this on and get your rocks off at the same time, but you'll feel worse for it. My advice would be to steer clear, because she needs to take you back on your own merits or move on, not use you as a means for getting off.
If she doesn't want you as a whole, she doesn't deserve to have you at all. :3
However....
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
Sounds like you haven't broken up, but you are drifting apart emotionally.
You know cute wolf you are more right than I feel comfortable with you being. I was definetly far too jealous and untrustworthy towards her and it bit me in the ass. I think the real reason for the breakup is that she needed time to herself.
As for the FWB...... we are going through with it. Though what changes it a bit in my eyes is that we made a pact we would not hook up with anyone else for the duration.
I really think its a distance thing, she really treasures her privacy while I have very few barriers between my public and private life in comparison.
So my advice is this, tell her you will give her the space she needs, because you love her, not because you want space. Admit to being a screw up, and for Pete's sake, say it all calmly. This is the reality, obviously, so there's no need to get upset about it or exicted, it's just how it is.
If she loves you too she'll eventually tell you she didn't want to break up, but she felt claustraphobic, which she should admit not too long after you give her space, real space, not fake space where you don't see her but facebook stalk her and post "interesting" stories hoping for a reply just to have an excuse to interact with her.
Also, go running more often, it helps.
i think i go running pretty often but thanks......
Is "go running" some kind of euphemism I don't get?
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
Hence "more often" If that means so often you nacker your knees, so be it!
i think i go running pretty often but thanks......
No, not really.
Originally Posted by Oh! TheLastDays!:
Nope.
Is "go running" some kind of euphemism I don't get?
i run an average of about 20 miles a week not counting PT....... i don't think i should run anymore unless i want to crush my legs down
(i'm not a natural runner)
You sure she didn't get jealous because you were spending more time with your Prophesy of Pendor wife than with her?
Originally Posted by johnhughthom:
You sure she didn't get jealous because you wereor s spending more time with your Prophesy of Pendor wife than with her?
or spending more time with pinkie pie? :clown:
Cent,
I think he was just advising something else that spurs endorphins. There are also cold showers.
Anyway, it is likely that the crux was hit upon by CW earlier on. You mean something to her.
Some people just need more space than others and trust and respect are very important in any relationship.
Jealousy and control do not further human understanding.
With a bit of space, time, and understand chances are you guys may be back together in a little while.
i know you guys could care less but........
closure.
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
What do you mean?
i know you guys could care less but........
closure.
Originally Posted by Veho Nex:
+1! Love this! :laugh4::laugh4:
See if you can get her friends in on the deal too.
Originally Posted by Centurion1:
We could care a lot less, I expect most of use care a great deal.
i know you guys could care less but........
closure.