Leaner Meaner Bible without the Poetry

Slim Bible dumps the begats

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The 100-minute Bible, aimed at the "hurried and harried" generation, was launched at Canterbury Cathedral on Wednesday by its author, the Reverend Michael Hinton.

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The Bishop of Jarrow, the Reverend John Pritchard, who acted as a consultant and wrote the introduction, added: "This is an attempt to say, 'Look, there's a great story here - let's get into it and let's not get put off by the things that are going to be the sub-plot. Let's give you the big plot'

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No sub plot... well it should be easier to sell to modern day Hollywood. ~:cool:

For the lazy christian...

This should sell well...

The 100-minute Bible,
Cut it down even shorter than that .
"A bloke named Jesus said be nice to each other so they killed him , but he came back from the dead and said ""honestly I mean it"" , so be nice to each other " .
Sorted ~:cheers:

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. The fact that Canterbury feels free to condense the bible shows that they at least do not hold that the bible is divinely inspired. Very sad. While I may not agree that all of the lineages need to be included, who am I to delete a single word?

Also, if you're too busy to read the word of God, why bother at all? I know the argument, better a little than none at all, but in fact, if you cannot make that little commitment with your time (such as reading 1/2 hour a day) what kind of relationship with Christ can you possibly hope to achieve?

Very, very sad. :no:

That was one of the titles to the thread I toyed with...

The fact that Canterbury feels free to condense the bible shows that they at least do not hold that the bible is divinely inspired.
I would be a little more upset if it wasn't for the fact that it has already been condensed , edited and mistranslated so many times .
Which version do you use ?
So many divinely inspired versions to choose from .

I read the New International Version. It was translated by 100 scholars of English, ancient Greek and Aramaic, as well as philosophy, theology and dogma. The intent was to balance the transliteration of words with the intended context, to attempt to provide the best contextual and at the same time literal translation.

In affect, they attempted to skip the whole timeline of Greek to Latin to vernacular, through modernization of vernacular to today's language. Instead, they took the time to attempt to fathom the intent of the authors in their original language and bring it to life in today's language.

There have been many reasons for translating the bible over the years, some I can agree with (allowing the populus to read and decide for themselves) and some I do not (attempting to beautify the language). As far as I know, this is the first translation performed simply because people are too lazy to read the whole thing.

This is why I don't put much credence into your words, Tribesman. Sure, there have been bad translations. And in time, they have been laid aside. Scoff if you wish, but it seems that book has a way of taking care of itself. I'm sure it will here, with the "Bible for those of you too lazy to wipe your own ass" version.

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Originally Posted by Gelatinous Cube

It does seem a little silly to judge this. Why do you think there are so many versions of christianity out there? Every priest is given the authority to judge the bible's message, and given the authority to tell you, the ever-devout christian, what it means. If this branch of the religion has decided that it means exactly what is in this condensed version, then there is no problem. Just like catholics saying that contraception is wrong is "no problem".

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You're not a Christian, are you GC? It shows, because you're mixing dogma. Either you believe in a heirarchacal church structure (RC, Orthodox) and you take your orders from the pope/arch-patriarch of Constantinople, who take their orders from history and tradition. Or you don't, and you assume the mantle of 'priesthood of all believers' Martin Luther discussed. Either way, nobody just makes up the rules as they go. Not by design anyway. Sure, there are people that do that, just as there are the fools that allow them to and follow them. But they are not doing as Christ commanded them to.

Think of it as Cliff Notes, Bible for Dummies, Primer for The Prime, Idiots Guide to Religion etc

At least they didn't call it the "eXtreme!" edition.

Now you too can read the bible... to the MAX!:dizzy2:

The Bible is a sacred and holy text...

I feel that this is more of a mochery then help...


Our world slowly loses its Morals... :bigcry:

You're right GC. They do. But that's not what you said in your first post. More importantly, that's not what believers of Christ should be doing (blithely and blindly following the commands of another). These were the false Christs they warned of!

Personally, I'm in line with Soren Kierkagaard... God speaks to all of us, and wants a personal relationship with each of us. As I am not you, he is not saying the same things to me as he is to you. There you have it, the end of dogma.

We are all the children of God and God has no grandchildren.

OT:

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Originally Posted by Don Corleone

Personally, I'm in line with Soren Kierkagaard... God speaks to all of us, and wants a personal relationship with each of us. As I am not you, he is not saying the same things to me as he is to you. There you have it, the end of dogma.

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Now I follow the "God speaks to all of us, and wants a personal relationship with each of us" part fine enough. But this - "As I am not you, he is not saying the same things to me as he is to you." - leads me to question this Kierkagaard a bit. Is he implying that we can each follow our own whatevers to salvation? IE there is no one way to God, as opposed to what Jesus said? I'm curious. :book:

But there is always hope. ~:)

i have a feeling that the new bible will leave out quite a bit of the condemnation held in the real versions

Meh, considering how well versed in the Bible most Christians are anyways, I can't see how this is lowering any standards for them.

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Originally Posted by Tribesman

"A bloke named Jesus said be nice to each other so they killed him , but he came back from the dead and said ""honestly I mean it"" , so be nice to each other " .

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I wish some people would listen to him more.

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Originally Posted by Tribesman

"A bloke named Jesus said be nice to each other so they killed him , but he came back from the dead and said ""honestly I mean it"" , so be nice to each other "

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Wow, that's worth a sig. Let it be my sig, then. ~D

I am going to vomit :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3:

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Originally Posted by Alexander the Pretty Good

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Now I follow the "God speaks to all of us, and wants a personal relationship with each of us" part fine enough. But this - "As I am not you, he is not saying the same things to me as he is to you." - leads me to question this Kierkagaard a bit. Is he implying that we can each follow our own whatevers to salvation? IE there is no one way to God, as opposed to what Jesus said? I'm curious. :book:

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How many wars have been fought over whether the Pope is the only man on Earth capable of deciperhing God's will? How many men have died over the decision to translate the bible out of Latin? How much of this is even remotely in keeping with the teachings of Christ? When you read the Gospel of John and actually take a moment to view Jesus as a lawyer, debating the pharisees, you see His concept of what the true Law is. It is not blindly following the orders of another human. It is striving to know and love God with all one's heart, and doing all one can to coexist and, shoot, if it doesn't kill you, maybe help them out every once in a while. Not a particularly hard message to understand.

What's more, I'd say Kierkagaard's teachings are in line with Christ's and Paul's teachings: "For all fall short of the glory and are unworthy, but through faith"; "remove the plank from your own eye before attempting to remove the plank from your brother's"; "Rember, just as your heavenly father has chosen to forgive you and give you the gift of His grace through Christ Jesus, so too you must strive to forgive the wicked and the mundane".

Yes, there are universal commandments. No, we should not be torturing each other over the interpretation of them. We should be striving to see how we disappoint God and work to fix that. It's not rocket science, Christ spoke in a way that was accessible to all.

Which makes the fact that they have to write a 100 minute version of the entire bible all the more sickening.

After I've thought this thoroughly, I've decided that, from the literary point of view, this is blasphemy!

So the point of the book is because people don't want to (don't have time, blah blah blah, old excuses) read the bible because it's too long, (How do I get this soccer moms picture in my mind?) then they're not appreciating the book's literary value. The authors of this version are downgrading it. They're not making a summary/synopsis, but another version of the book (two different things completely) and dumbing down the bible's literary details in favour of the "speedy" modern life. Though the practice could hardly spread, it still is a hurtful punch into any writer's face that his/her work has to be dumbed down to "make it faster." Though almost impossible to happen, imagine major literary works being "rephrased" like this: shortening Dante/Homer because their poetry are too long is bad.

Two kids from warring families liked to get it on. They weren't too bright and frequently thought the other had died off. In the end, their stupidity got the better of them and they both wound up that way. The End.

Romeo and Juliet, as told by Don Corleone

Nice GC. You're right, we're all bigots and stupid. Too bad we're so obvious about it.

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Originally Posted by Gelatinous Cube

Jews are evil. Being gay gets you sent to hell. Vote Republican.

The Bible as told by Gelatinous Cube.

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well 0 outta 3 aint bad

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Originally Posted by Gelatinous Cube

Jews are evil. Being gay gets you sent to hell. Vote Republican.

The Bible as told by Gelatinous Cube.

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Hmm, I think that's tough to square with the OT... but whatever.

Well, it's not like they're getting rid of the old bible, are they? It doesn't seem too too bad. Use the cliff notes version to get the basic message out to people who aren't gonna read 300 pages of begat or ancient jewish animal sacrifice rites, and once their hooked give em the big official one.

What makes this little controversy among Christians exquisitely funny is that they refuse to acknowledge that their Bible has been compiled, reshuffled, censored and recomposed countless times, and always on dogmatic, non-historical grounds.

The first Christian version of the Scripture, composed in 140 a.D. in Rome by Marcion, consisted of no more then an abbreviated version of Luke plus ten Pauline letters.

You know what they say, in jest of course, about the way the Bible books were selected: all the available Gospels were dumped onto a table and only the ones that did not fall off made it into the final version. The story is rooted in historic fact though, because the 'Bahble' that is being thumped by Christians today was first composed by Eusebius in 330 a.D. on an assignment from the Emperor. It was the imperial version, Eusebius' particular selection from the hundreds of available books at the time. Jerome made a new compilation incorporating some of bishop Augustine's personal choices. Revision upon reviosion followed through the ages.

So why shouldn't Canterbury recompose it once more into a hiphop version? They could have been more creative though and added some Gospels of their own preference...

Countless myths, legends, bizarre tales and fantastic stories from the pagan religions of the time were incorporated in the hundreds of available Gospels, such as the virgin birth (myth of Tammuz), the miracles, the betrayal and the crucifixion. They were projected onto a man called 'Jezus' whose historicity must be discarded. The best reference we have to a historical figure, albeit it remote, was a second century b.C. Essene named Yeishu ha Notzri who is mentioned in the Dead Sea Scrolls. There are some first century Christian references to Yeishu ha Notzri's miracles, but these have been scrapped from Christian 'memory' for obvious reasons.

Ah, politics...

N.B. Seriously: in my eyes, none of these facts about the 'genesis' of the Bible detract from the fact that it is a brilliant testament to human genius, creativity and wisdom.

EDIT
As I have said before in this forum, I do not want to give the impression that I believe the Bible is 'just' a myth, i.e. a nonsensical text. In my view the Bible is, in both senses of the word, a fantastic compilation of myths and legends that contain more than a few seeds of wisdom that modern Atheists should take to heart.

come on guys....you know this is only one stepping stone in the plan.....first a reduced version.....then the screenplay...

i´m telling you the soap opera version is comming ~D

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Originally Posted by Don Corleone

Two kids from warring families liked to get it on. They weren't too bright and frequently thought the other had died off. In the end, their stupidity got the better of them and they both wound up that way. The End.

Romeo and Juliet, as told by Don Corleone

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Shakespeare as it should be.

Concerning the bible, I don't see the problem, the thing has been reworked so many times already that I'd be very suprised if it bears much relation to the original.

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Originally Posted by AdrianII

So why shouldn't Canterbury recompose it once more into a hiphop version?

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~D

Da Nu Teztament

Aight, Aight...Yo, yo..
Back in the time when baby Jezuz wuz born in da crib (aight, aight).
Back in the dayz when baby Jezuz wuz born in da crib (uh-uh)
....

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Originally Posted by AdrianII

N.B. Seriously: in my eyes, none of these facts about the 'genesis' of the Bible detract from the fact that it is a brilliant testament to human genius, creativity and wisdom.

EDIT
As I have said before in this forum, I do not want to give the impression that I believe the Bible is 'just' a myth, i.e. a nonsensical text. In my view the Bible is, in both senses of the word, a fantastic compilation of myths and legends that contain more than a few seeds of wisdom that modern Atheists should take to heart.

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They should replace the characters with animals IMO, instead of people. ~:)

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Originally Posted by Quietus

They should replace the characters with animals IMO, instead of people. ~:)

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Oh, but there are already animals in it..

http://www.world-of-smilies.com/html...iere/snake.gif

Well, I'm actually not all that upset about the bible as in the book itself. The Dead Sea Scrolls, uncovered in the 50's, showed people didn't play as footloose and fancy free with the wording as some would have you believe. Sadly, the only part of the New Testament that was found there was a small fragment of the gospel of Mark. In any case, the Old Testament and other non-biblical texts from that time that were found accompanying it seemed to have withered the translations through the centuries rather well. What's more, nobody's taking my NIV anytime soon.

That wasn't my point at all. I'm much more discouraged with the decision to do this. What's that you say? It's too tough to read a book? It's not fair that you have to actually spend some time reading it? Okay, we'll give you the dumbed-down version. A dumded-down bible for a dumbed-down people. I'm afraid it's things like this that really make me question my faith..... in my fellow man that is.

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Originally Posted by Don Corleone

That wasn't my point at all. I'm much more discouraged with the decision to do this. What's that you say? It's too tough to read a book?

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You will not be surprised that I totally agree with you. I have not seen the new Canterbury Lite Bible, but if it is a dumbed-down version as it appears to be, then most of the intellectual wealth of the Vulgate, which is in the details, will be lost. Indeed, what is the use? Might as well condense Beethoven's Fifth into three minutes of synthesizer .. oh wait, that's been done already...

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Originally Posted by Tribesman

"A bloke named Jesus said be nice to each other so they killed him , but he came back from the dead and said ""honestly I mean it"" , so be nice to each other "

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All joking aside, that is pure genius.

If being a Christian meant subscribing only to the above belief, I would sign up in a nano-second.

Gah! I don't know about this bible apart from reading about it in the metro. It seems to have jumped the shark a little though, I mean if you're going that far why not do Tribesman's version? It seems to work better

As for the accuracy argument, any text that old and still in use is no doubt constantly revised and changed. However, taking the bible as it is now and then shortening it seems to miss the important stuff in the use of a bible in some situations...minuitiae

Well, ah_dut conventional wisdom says that the bible has been tinkered with for millenia, to make it say what the Pope wanted it to say. There's two problems with this theory...

Even though the Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church have differed significantly in theology and dogma for 1000 years, their bibles are essentially congruous.

And, in the 1950s, an archeologic dig found a number of scrolls preserved in a cave, the famous Dead Sea Scrolls. While there was only a fragment of Mark's Gospel to reprsent the New Testament, the Old Testament was surprisingly similar to modern translations. What's more, the differences could most easily be attributed to stylistic differences (in other words, modern people didn't get the subtleties of ancient Aramaic. Imagine that!?)

I agree with Tribesman and others though. If the Bible itself is too difficult a text to get through, the 100 minute version isn't going to be any better. It needs to be the 2 minute version... just long enough to be read during a commerical break on American televsion. Give me a freakin break.

I'm not saying that it's tinkered to anybody's tastes per se but think of it like a game of chinese whispers where things you'd never think existed turn up at the end.

Hey, Tribesman's version of the 1 minute bible isn't bad Don

I'm not sure I get the subtleties of many modern languages let alone 4,000 year old ones

You've got a good point Ah_Dut, but you're overlooking one thing. When you play Chinese whispers, you don't think you'll be damned to eternal torment if you don't do your utmost to get every last word correct to the best of your ability.

But yeah, while we're on this subject, some other great works in history that could deal with some revision to fit into our busy schedules...

The U.S. Constitution: We're in charge, you're not. Get over it.

A Tale of Two Cities: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. (That's all).

War And Peace: There was some war. Then a little peace. Then of course, some more war.

Grey's Anatomy: Whoop, there it is!

" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Isn´t that already a summary of all?

Amen brother.

Yep, sounds good to me.

Somebody gimme hallelujah!