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What great advice have you heard (on any subject)? This could be funny or serious.
Mine is when a friend of mine was being bullied.
The guy asked another mate of mine "What should I do?"
And he said "Two words mate, Whup ***, it comes in cans, open one of the son of a *****"
and he did.
right ~D
what? you think i'm lying?
My friend lost the fight, bloody nose and all that, but still it was good advice
no...i just dont understand anything-BKS of what yur saying
thats because some of the letters were replaced with *s to represent rude words no allowed on this forums.
My basic idea was for patrons to post their good pieces of advice they've collected over the years, for whatever purpose
A duck's quack doesn't echo
"What the hell are you doing?! Don't eat that!"
Never eat yellow snow..
don't play in the road
From my own experince:
-Don't pick up a penny that is near a fire and is changing colours.
-Don't cut half way though a branch of a tree and they stand on it to see if it will break.
Don't soothe enraged lobsters with hot wax.
please elaborate?~:confused: ~:cheers:Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaiser of Arabia
It was once said, and I quote, 'Do not use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters'. Well, seeing that I lack the needed intelligence to fathom the literal message of this, I seem to be in a bit of a situation here. I'll get back you when they get these things off and treat the massive blood loss.Quote:
Originally Posted by ian_of_smeg16
my aim away message ~D
Hmm, advice
If the wife starts to get ready half an hour before you are due to go out then you are going to be late.
When the wife says that you don't need to buy her anything for her birthday she doesn't mean it.
When your wife asks if she looks fat in her new dress there is no correct answer.
When the bouncer tells you you're not getting in then calling him a....very bad name won't change his mind.
Men wearing lycra is never a good idea.
edit: A very important one, never trust anyone else to turn off the electricity when you're going to work on electrical items.
never had the opportunity to turn this advice into practice myself, but it sounds like good advice to me:
"the gun is always loaded."
@Gelatinous Cube: Nice, added it to my signature!
"Always say yes to your wife, but always do what you want."
~:cheers:
Quote:
Originally Posted by UglyandHasty
It could be said that lying to your wife isn't really lying, it's self preservation.
lol ~DQuote:
Originally Posted by Ja'chyra
If you ever travel back in time dont step on any thing, because even the smallest thing can alter the future in ways you cant imagine.
Lol, just got some more advice of a guy i know...
"If you get married my friend, there are only two words you need to remember... Yes Dear"
Work hard and pass your exams.
Hey, it may not be cool or funny, but it IS good advice.
Heres a story my grandad told me before he died Several years ago,
"there was a bird on top of a roof, And it had chicks,
One of the chicks was mischevious And decided to venture out of the nest,
It fell from the roof and in to a pile of dog Waste/mess
The chick started flaping its wings and chirping for help, This Just draged it futher in to the dog mess Filling its mouth as it went,"
Now theres a morral to this story.
And its,
When your up to your neck in Sh*t Its best to keeep your mouth shut.
ShambleS
:bow:
Heres a nother pearl of wisodm.
"Its better to have loved and lost .... Than to spend your whole Bloody life with her"
if youre running from your fears, youll be running for ever
Don’t piss into the wind. ~:cheers:
The whole Chris Rock song 'No sex (in the champagne room)' is filled with good advice !
Stay in school, kids.
Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle.
Violence isn't the answer.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if thrown in the right direction.
Don't make walls of siran rap in the middle of the street.
(That came from a very funny story..~:cool: )
Never steal something you can´t carry.
.....unless you have a truck.
.
Advice is good but proverbs are better; Chinese proverbs are the best:
- "When your compass says one thing and your map another, either your compass is broken or your map is wrong."
- "When the bear breathes deep, the rabbit gets cold."
- "Small feet never use big gloves."
- "A high tower is a low hill."
- "A leaf in the stream is like a dead fish in your kettle."
- "If your map says thay you're on the mountain over there, then you're lost."
- "Raise a wall and your trees will shine under the sun."
- "Your home isn't your pit."
- "A duck is a duck, but the fowl doesn't know."
- "Rain on your hat is like stones on the mountain."
- "If you walk West, nobody in the North will tell."
- "Over there always means up there."
- "Sing like a bird, sleep like a tiger, eat like a bear."
- "Man who gets laid in strawberry patch has ass in jam."
- "Man who get laid on hillside is not on level."
- "Man who is able to read this is able to read."
- "It should not be forgotten that being healthy is essentially better than being unhealthy."
- "He who looks at the sun in the day will have his eyes dazzled; he who looks at the sun at night is having an illusion."
- "In a conflict, it's better to be the winner than the loser."
- "A dead wolf is not afraid of a donkey."
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
~D
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What? Small feet don't use any gloves!
I always liked "He who stands on the highest pyramid of skulls sees farthest".
The best defense is a good offence.:charge:
Think before you speak. (I usually get this one mixed around~;) )
I sat on the table part of my aunt’s picnic table once and she smacked me in the back of my head so hard I thought I saw Jesus, then told me that “Tables are for glasses, not asses.” :dizzy2:
I'm not very good at keeping my own advice: avoid offering unsolicited advice. Furthermore, be especially careful if you choose to offer advice to a friend who asks for it.
I get good advice frequently from TogakureOJonin ~:)
One of the best I remember was: 'Have fun!'. That was before my first match in a stw mp tournament.
Never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear.
Never use a girls' iron defeciency as a basis for conversation, no matter how much you want to carry on talking...
:hide:
if you smell bacon, run to it or else it will dissapear, especcially if you have a family.
the farther you wade into the river of blood the closer you come to god-said by some crusader.
If you cant stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.~:snowman:
All humans are potential enemies.
Don't trust anyone. :argue: :boxing:
Run for the hills!!!! ~;)
.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kääpäkorven Konsuli
All enemies are potential humans.
Reminds something Big John once had in his sig: "Mother is the necessity of invention."
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He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
-Nietzsche
Beware of dissipating your powers; strive constantly to concentrate them. Genius thinks it can do whatever it sees others doing, but is sure to repent of every ill-judged outlay.
-Goethe
Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
-Voltaire
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Never listen to, Everything I do, I do it for you by Bryan Adams when you are having girl trouble. Not a good idea, speaking from experience. Listen to She hates me by Puddle of Mudd instead ~;)
"I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself."
-Oscar Wilde
.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludens
:2thumbsup:
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unless she asks "does this make me look fat?" :hide:Quote:
Originally Posted by UglyandHasty
never use hatchet to remove fly from friends forehead