Why I hate the Liberal Democrats

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4349088.stm

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Every Olympic city stamps its own identity on the opening ceremony, displaying its culture to an audience of billions.

The Barcelona games got under way to the site of massed flamenco dancers, while Athens had running Greek statues and gyrating "goddesses" holding snakes.

A Liberal Democrat peer is calling for London to follow suit in 2012 with the nearest English equivalent: Morris dancing.

Groups of people jumping around with sticks or handkerchiefs in hand are laughable to some, but Lord Redesdale thinks they could be a great advert for UK tourism

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Oh yes, this is what we need when the eyes of the world are on us. Its not enough that the Americans all think we are all yellow toothed homosexuals :toff: , the French think we are all two faced cheats :devil:, and the whole world thinks our food is inedible,:sick2: no, we need everyone to see a bunch of middle aged blokes with beards and bells on their ankles poncing about with hankies :mad: :hat2: :freak:

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Originally Posted by English assassin

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4349088.stm



Oh yes, this is what we need when the eyes of the world are on us. Its not enough that the Americans all think we are all yellow toothed homosexuals :toff: , the French think we are all two faced cheats :devil:, and the whole world thinks our food is inedible,:sick2: no, we need everyone to see a bunch of middle aged blokes with beards and bells on their ankles poncing about with hankies :mad: :hat2: :freak:

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Well, I have never thought of the English as yellow-toothed.

Moreover, having contributed Bass Ale, the Gin & Tonic, and James Bond to world culture you folks are not without SOME redeeming value.

Sorry 'bout the food thing.:embarassed:

It sounds bad.:embarassed:

I don't think it is LibDem policy.

And he is a Lord.

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Moreover, having contributed Bass Ale, the Gin & Tonic, and James Bond to world culture you folks are not without SOME redeeming value.

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You forgot football. Oh wait, you are American. Fair enough, bass, G and T and 007 it is.

Sounds good. Everyone thinks we're weird and eccentric, so could pay off.

If not, the Morris dancers can beat everyone up until they are paid to go away. Ah tradition.

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Originally Posted by Seamus Fermanagh

Well, I have never thought of the English as yellow-toothed.

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But as homosexuals you have?~D

Maybe we'll get some (female) highland dancers in short skirts like at the Tattoo...

Perhaps we will get some nice military parades from the Household Division...

LOL, the Brits are starting to make the French look masculine.~D

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Originally Posted by Viking

But as homosexuals you have?~D

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Well, I didn't precisely SAY that.......

EA:

~:) Wide of the mark with your dig at US Football. I'll take in a game now and again, but for me the sport to watch is baseball. And I'll stand you folks a round of thanks for rounders and cricket -- gave us some decent raw materials to develop a truly challenging game.~D

But speaking of US football, wouldn't this Morris Dancing thing feature a batch of middle-aged blokes cavorting around sort of like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? Wasn't the Full Monty enough?~:confused:

Hey man, I never think anything bad about the English. I have many friends who live there. I don't think this is anything to get worked up about. I mean, America is facing issues about other countries looking down upon us way more. We're completely hated almost...

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You forgot football. Oh wait, you are American. Fair enough, bass, G and T and 007 it is.

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Football...soccer...same thing. Plus our chicks are world class. ~:cheers:

Wasn't Ian Fleming American?

Oh, and I think The Simpsons got it right on the state of your fairer sex.

Crazed Rabbit

Ian was a Brit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Fleming

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Originally Posted by Crazed Rabbit

Wasn't Ian Fleming American?

Oh, and I think The Simpsons got it right on the state of your fairer sex.

Crazed Rabbit

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Originally Posted by BDC

Sounds good. Everyone thinks we're weird and eccentric, so could pay off.

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I not.~:cheers: But I do think that the great majority are tendent to be more "cold hearted" (what we call here "pecho frío"). And maybe "cold blooded" too, if the nick "English Assasin" makes some reference to the idea.~;)

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Originally Posted by Gelatinous Cube

What the heck is Morris Dancing? Couldn't you guys just have some kind of military parade decked out in full old-school British Imperial regalia? That'd be more of an attraction.

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There you go...

http://www.morrisdancing.org/

I agree......... oh please God no!!!!

Can't someone get Charles Kennedy drunk (again) and then get him to sack this pillock?

Mind you with us English being ruled by this Scottish hedgemony (Bliar, Brown etc) I can see a situation where no 'Englishness' will be tolerated.

And another thing....it's in London. London is not England, just a tiny portion of it. Still a pearly king or queen Morris dancing, now there's an idea.

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Originally Posted by King Malcolm

Maybe we'll get some (female) highland dancers in short skirts like at the Tattoo...

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They were female ~:confused:

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But speaking of US football, wouldn't this Morris Dancing thing feature a batch of middle-aged blokes cavorting around sort of like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? Wasn't the Full Monty enough

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You SEE what's going to happen???? Americans are going to think Morris dancing is what we have instead of cheerleaders. Its NOT a good image.

I think his majesty could be onto something with highland lassies in short tartan skirts myself. Admittedly, not very "London" but then I don't think we really need the world to see a load of overweight single mums in shiny track suits shouting "Bovvered? Me? Look at my face? Do I look bovvered?"

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But I do think that the great majority are tendent to be more "cold hearted" (what we call here "pecho frío"). And maybe "cold blooded" too, if the nick "English Assasin" makes some reference to the idea.

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A bit "reserved", maybe, rather than pecho frio. Though IMHO its more a weakness for understatment and irony that can make us seem so. At the end of the film "Ridicule" (which is essentially about French wit, and ends with the French revolution) the escaped French aristocrats are walking on cliffs in England, when the wind blows on of their hats off. "My hat, I lost my hat" he shouts. His friend says "Well, at least you've still got your head" the first reflects, "Ah, English humour". You see, that sort of thing is (meant to be) funny, rather than cold hearted.

Incidentally I'm not called assassin because I actually kill people, its a reference to a fictional character I like, Jerry Cornelius. He's not cold blooed either.

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Originally Posted by English assassin

I think his majesty could be onto something with highland lassies in short tartan skirts myself. Admittedly, not very "London" but then I don't think we really need the world to see a load of overweight single mums in shiny track suits shouting "Bovvered? Me? Look at my face? Do I look bovvered?"

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LMAO ~D

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Originally Posted by English Assassin

Incidentally I'm not called assassin because I actually kill people, its a reference to a fictional character I like, Jerry Cornelius. He's not cold blooed either.

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Oh well, that shoots your credibility down. Pity.


~;)

I have got to say that Morris dancing is a horrible idea but on the bright side, no one will remember it after a few months because they will all be back to thinking that you are all a bunch of two faced yellow tooth homos with bad food.~;)

Realistically I would rather see a cool British band play a compilation set or something with that sort of theme.~:cool: Something positive from “today” would be better than anything that would be considered culturally significant from a small group in the past. Also considering that the Olympics are a competition I would consider the opening ceremony one too, and Morris dancing sure wont beat… well, anything.~:cheers:

Even the Americans think our food is bad? Bloody hell, we need to start a PR campaign.

If we have to have dancers, I'd prefer we just hired some delectable ladies from one of the many Soho gentleman's clubs to prance around.

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Originally Posted by Devastatin Dave

LOL, the Brits are starting to make the French look masculine.~D

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Please, never, EVER say that to an englishman....not to our faces anyway, you are likely to wind up in a gutter somewhere in Soho ~:cheers:

Seriously though, Morris Dancing? why not (as Malcolm said) celebrate our historic tradition by marching the household guards across London, add Brian May playing "Rule Brittania" on guitar mixed with some good ol fashion fireworks and a pinch of everyone waving union jacks.
Recipie for an awesome opening night

I say: "why not?". Surely giving the world a taste of Britain's traditional cultures is a good thing, it'd certainly help to buck the trend of us only celebrating immigrant cultures and not our own...

Red-coat military parades, Morris Dancers, Highland Dancers, Welsh Choirs, Cornish Wrestling, the Queen, plus stacks of stuff from our island's vast and fascinating history and mythology...it would be simply splendid.

Morris Dancing would certainly prove that we have an excellent sense of humour.

Personally I'd like to see the Elgin Marbles given back to Greece in a surprise grand presentation.

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Originally Posted by English assassin

Oh yes, this is what we need when the eyes of the world are on us. Its not enough that the Americans all think we are all yellow toothed homosexuals :toff: , the French think we are all two faced cheats :devil:, and the whole world thinks our food is inedible,:sick2: no, we need everyone to see a bunch of middle aged blokes with beards and bells on their ankles poncing about with hankies :mad: :hat2: :freak:

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Hahahahaha! Poor Brits. Aaahahahahaaaaa!! http://matousmileys.free.fr/rofl2.gif

http://www.legendofterris.co.uk/gotw/morris%20004.jpg
http://www.mustrad.org.uk/graphics/bamp6.jpghttp://www.indigogroup.co.uk/foamycustard/morris2.jpg

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it'd certainly help to buck the trend of us only celebrating immigrant cultures and not our own...

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This happens becuase of morris dancing.

Jesus was a morris dancer, so the Romans killed him.
The Russia Tsar took it up and the people had to overthrow him or suffer the shame of a morris dancing tsar.
It is why terriorists are after us.
It is why Hilter and Napoleon tried to invade us.
It is why the Americans formed their own country.

Morris dancing is the source of all evil.

You Brits gave football to the world, right?

So how about this. Start with a staid, stolid, completely "cucumber sandwich" opening ceremonies and then -- about 40 minutes in -- have all of the Manchester United hooligan-style fans break into the stadium and bust up the whole thing. Maybe even have the Morris Dancing but THEN let the MU fans go at 'em.

Make for good TV at least.

~;)

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Maybe even have the Morris Dancing but THEN let the MU fans go at 'em.

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Bad idea, the Morris Dancers will infect the MU fans. Then we end with Morris Dancing MU fans.

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add Brian May playing "Rule Brittania"

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My dear sir, Master Brian May is a practitioner of onanism,par excellence :toff:

well Manchester United and wankers in the same sentence...now your talking.....

I await my pm from Mr. Mod ~D

('twas worth it ~:cheers: )

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Originally Posted by InsaneApache

My dear sir, Master Brian May is a practitioner of onanism,par excellence :toff:

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~:cheers:

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well Manchester United and [rude word deleted] in the same sentence...now your talking.....

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~:cheers: ~:cheers:

C'mon Spurs!!

We ended up in some kind of morrisdancing convention on holiday in England. It wasn't a pretty sight. Now the Queen and the Archbishop of Canterbury in a mudwrestling match, that I'd like to see!

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Originally Posted by Geoffrey S

We ended up in some kind of morrisdancing convention on holiday in England. It wasn't a pretty sight. Now the Queen and the Archbishop of Canterbury in a mudwrestling match, that I'd like to see!

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What rules? Graeco-Roman he'd have her on upper body strength, but standard wrestling or WWE she'd have some cool advantages -- and nobody can knock her perseverance.

What would the odds run?~:)

Hmm, hard one to call. On divine intervention, Liz probably just has the edge as supreme head of the Church of England, whereas the Archbish is merely the first prelate. She'd also have some pretty awesome blocks and deflection moves built up with all those years of waving.

On the other hand for long range work the Rt Rev Williams' bishop's crozier would give him a big advantage, easily outranging Liz's handbag. Close in I reckon its more even, his beard could be formidable in a clinch but if she is allowed to wear a crown her Maj would pack a formidable Glasgow kiss. And with Phil the Greek to train her she will be well versed in all sorts of dirty moves when the referee is distracted.

I reckon its Liz, by a knockout, in about the 6th round.

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Originally Posted by English assassin

Hmm, hard one to call. On divine intervention, Liz probably just has the edge as supreme head of the Church of England, whereas the Archbish is merely the first prelate. She'd also have some pretty awesome blocks and deflection moves built up with all those years of waving.

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That's it. Because of your thorough lack of respect for traditional British institutions and the values they represent, English Assassin, you are officially no longer a Conservative. I hereby pronounce you to be a classic liberal in the Mill/Hobhouse/Lloyd George tradition. Appeals may be lodged in writing (threefold) with the yet to be established committee for Backroom political vetting, a.k.a. the AdrianII-cabal.
:bow:

Hey, EA did say Liz would win!

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Originally Posted by Geoffrey S

Hey, EA did say Liz would win!

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Whoever proposes a 'Liz v Archbish' wrestling match looses any credibility as a British Conservative. English Assassin's remarks in the other thread about the lack of credible contenders for the Tory leadership point in the same direction.

One has to draw the line somewhere, Geoffrey S. :stare:

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Who will rid me of this meddlesome priest? ~;)

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Liz wins, easy money!

I wonder if the Queen morris dances.

No. But Phil the Greek does a nifty trick in pom-pom slippers and a baggy pleated skirt......yassus :bow:

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Originally Posted by InsaneApache

No. But Phil the Greek does a nifty trick in pom-pom slippers and a baggy pleated skirt......yassus :bow:

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LOL. ~D

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Because of your thorough lack of respect for traditional British institutions and the values they represent, English Assassin, you are officially no longer a Conservative. I hereby pronounce you to be a classic liberal in the Mill/Hobhouse/Lloyd George tradition.

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Busted. I'm keeping my membership card for the pleasure of having a ballot paper to spoil in the leadership election though.