You ask your girlfriend to address you as mein Kaiser.
You schedule an appointment at a fertility clinic because your wife lacks "charm".
You wait for a general's speech before walking in to work.
Add to the list... :laugh4:
Printable View
You ask your girlfriend to address you as mein Kaiser.
You schedule an appointment at a fertility clinic because your wife lacks "charm".
You wait for a general's speech before walking in to work.
Add to the list... :laugh4:
You've spent most of the past week rebalancing unit stats and not doing much else.
You dream in M2TW graphics.
You get a vague urge to yell "Charge!" as two lines of people march across the street to each other at a busy downtown zebra crossing.
Meeting new people will always have you demanding to swap map information and they will accept or you will attack.
You know that next time the doorbell rings it may very well be the pizzaboy or the MONGOLIAN HORDE!!
Does having a dream about being a knight returning from a crusade to find that inquisitorial troops have killed one of your friends and his entire family, and exacting brutal choppy vengeance on them count?
When you answer the door after being interupted in the middle of your campaign mumbling,"Knife, poison, or strangulation? It's a tough decision. Would you like him to suffer my Lord?":whip:
when you spend your working day looking at forums about a game and not even playing it??
threating to assassinate the local mormans for trying to convert people on your land?
When you THINK in M2TW graphics while being conscious and awake! :dizzy2: (the shadows of the leaves of a tree outside made me think of the graphic shadows of troop movement when zoomed in through the grass, looked like it exactly).Quote:
Originally Posted by Grimmy
When you see a piece of land outside with lots of grass and nature objects, you're thinking of possible battle situations, battle tactics to use.
When you see a mouse or rat in a building you think the place is infected with the plague.
When you imagine a green marked field around you, thinking that's the only places you can get to within 2 years (or 1 or half a year depending on your time scale :P).
When you imagine a yellow marked field around somebody else.
When you imagine to see your environment from an overview where you see the trees swinging like heck.
When you are considering taking horse-riding lessons.
When you are taking a spear/sword and armor with you to said horse-riding lessons.
When somebody tells you that you have no more time to finish a project, you suggest using MedManager to change the time scale of your savegame.
When you're starting to think there are only two seasons a year: summer and winter.
When you think you age half a year for every two years that passes ¬_¬
When you hope for an Inquisitor to come to work - just to fry your boss..
When driving your car you find yourself yelling: "Fly like the wind!"
When a tourist asks map information from you, you demand ceasefire and trade rights in exchange.
I do this all the time! I used to think I was the only one who did this too...Quote:
Originally Posted by Bijo
...if while watching a history documentary or history movie with your girlfriend you tend to yell "The flanks, watch the flanks!!!"
...if you are afraid that the girl you date will give you the "wife is a wretch" trait and you'll lose popularity.
...if you can't look at map of Europe without wondering about those strange borders.
...if you are mad at your girlfriend (Scottish) because her ancestors broke their alliance with you.
LOL, I am doing that NOW!!! Love being a gubbmint employee!! :barrel:Quote:
Originally Posted by Beren Son Of Barahi
...you think about asking one of your friends to go to Rome and give the Pope your map informations.
...yousend a letter to the Vatican and ask the Pope to call a crusade on Tunis.
...you send your 16 year old daughter to your neighbour with the proposal of marriage and an alliance.
...you ask your local priest on sunday what his piety-rating is.
My priests rating was 6, but that darn choir boy caused it to drop.Quote:
...you ask your local priest on sunday what his piety-rating is.
... when you look at game screenshots you try to close the scrolls by clicking the bottom corner button or hover your mouse over the units to see their status.
(this one's for real, it happens to me and from what I've read on some threads, to others too)
...when you watch a battle scene in a historical movie you leave in disgust after 5 minutes mumbling things like "I would've done better" or "stupid AI".
...when you watch a battle scene in a historical movie for more than 5 minutes, everyone else leaves annoyed by your constant mumbling.
...you don't go shopping for new clothes, you go for upgrading your armour - and become disoriented when you can't find the master armourer.
...when you ask for a few days off from work, your boss asks "What's up, the patch is out ?". You also might plan your holidays around the release dates.
...you can't play any other strategy game anymore except for TW
(this one's not funny, it's just the truth)
...whenever you need to take a boat trip, you become worried about pirates
...you had a bad fight/argument with your father, and just miss the M1TW ability to assasinate your own faction leader to force succesion.
When you annoy your wife by telling her that the computer animations of battle on the history channel are from your total war game evry time it happens.:beam:
1-Drinking loads and bragging to your mates that you have a +10% drinking trait.
2-Work out a route to the exit of the Bar, with an imaginary Very wavey Green Line, using multiple variations.
3-After, when leaving the bar, slur to a passing woman that you think she is an ugly princess.
4-Next, after refusal to a club, you charge at the club bouncer and try to flip him in a final finishing move.
5-When, after being beaten up by said bouncer, shake a stick at a Police Horse (can't attack it as a Dismounted Knight) and start shouting you are 'Man of the Hour!!' to the Police who are now wrestling you into the van.
6-En-route to the Police station, demand to be Released or at best, Ransomed, instead of Execution so that you can go to the nearest Coaching House. (Fnarrr Fnarrr!)
7-When being interned for a police cell (Reminding yourself that the Policeman is NOT an Inquisitor), explain that you are a faction heir and have a piety rating of +6. Command a Great Army and am a student of the assassins' guild (LEAVE OUT THE DRINKING TRAIT) and live in the Castle at Nottingham.
8-On release, Shout that because of this you have waisted 2 years to the policeman and now aged 1 year. Repeat part 7.
9-On release, Go back to Nottingham Castle (Semi detached house in Purfleet)
10-Plan next offensive (or night out)
You go to your dad and demand that he passes on his retinue/ancillaries to you before he dies...
Your friends start to refer to you as "that Total War guy"...
You try to marry your sister to your friends to increase their loyalty...
When walking down the street with friends and you shout charge but the damn horn doesn't sound and you know the guys behind you will be standing around looking defensive ...
When your praying for a 'Adulterer' Ancilery ... and hoping she doesn't turn out to be a Princess with a father who has a Master Smith!
When your waiting to debunk the Pagan Magician or invite him to a kids party ...
When you talk about how you would have done better than the 'Coalition of the Willing' in your crusade to Bagdad ...
When just because your English you hate the Scottish and the French ... OK this ones not specific to a TW fan.
When on your cousin's 16th birthday you tell him he has come of age.
You even propose to install him in a city as a governor.
When you are checking forums everyday as many times as possible to see if the patch is already out.
When you are using the TW language style in everyday conversations and quoting generals' speeches when fitting.
When seeing a computer mouse you think the place is infected with the plague.
To tell your worst enemy after pulling off a nasty move that your relations are abysmal.
When your girlfriend tells you you're going on vacation to a far country across the sea you reply saying it'll take too long by boat thinking planes don't exist.
When you hear somebody mention a country not in M2TW you ask what kind of faction it is. "Is it unlockable?"
...You start moving around the office a few steps at a time, stopping in between to make sure you're not about to get tangled up in someone else's Zone of Control.
...When your son turns 16, you give him a horse and tell him to spend the next two years patrolling the back yard for bandits and to build a watchtower out by the juniper bushes.
...You by a pet rat and train him to sleep under your bed as a distraction for poisonous snakes.
When you deny that anywhere out of the M2TW map radius exists.
When you insist upon magical green arrows that let you travel from Spain to Africa by foot.
When a salesman comes to your door you mumble 'Oh no. It's that Inquisitor again. I will just use my +10 dread and piety ratin to shrug him off!'
O.K. I'll take the cheap one:
When you're confused and trying to figure out why hovering your mouse over unit cards isn't revealing any unit info and then realize its because you're looking at a screen shot.
You fail a world history exam because you confused in game events with historical occurences.
...You freeze when you see a ladder.
...a mysterious bloke turns up on your doorstep mumbling about Thor and Odin and absolutely will not leave your side.
...you suddenly realise that the toothpick you're using is a splinter of the True Cross.
...you ever find yourself becoming Exhausted because of all the late nights.
you know too much about M2TW
you post too little on the forums (as time is better spent playing)
you start trying out those new combat animations in the privacy of your room
you start shouting charge when you force yourself to run faster
you wonder what traits you and others would have
you actually have to force yourself to abstain or fail college due to not getting any work done
...you start hating the Danes in real life because they keep breaking alliances and backstabbing you in your campaigns!!!:thumbsdown:
You never ever ride a horse under a bridge again.
You always enter a room, slamming the door open so hard it bounces against the wall.
You never walk by barrels without having a look at them first.
Heh, I actually do that with doors due to the assassin movie :)
... when you wonder where the radiactive green arrow under your feet has gone
... if you wake up from a dream envisioning an alternative strategy for the last battle you played last night
... if you don't notice that bush moving a few feet at a time next to you
When you wake up and the first thing you do is read the posts and boot up M2TW and then realise that you actually slept only an hour or so.
When you feel so hungry you wonder when the last time was that you ate, then you realise you have'nt eaten since last night and it's now 07:00 (AM doh).
When your cleaning lady knocks on the door and you yell "NOT NOW INFEEEDEEL !!!"
When you reschedule your appointments around when your next campaign goal will be reached (e.g Jerusalem etc).
When people call you to ask if you got their messages and you accidentally pick up the phone by habit... you say "Hello, This is my answering machine, Sorry I'm not in right now but if you..... "
When the only shopping you do is at the nightshops, because you've been sleeping all day.
You don't care if your wife is shopping because whilst she is gone you can play!:ballchain:
you feel an awkward paranoid compulsion to make a financial donation to the Vatican.
you worry that the local vicar might organize an heresy trial at the church hall.
When you actually believe that in real warfare, the best way to get through the enemy lines is to retreat...
I am already infected with the above. please save me!Quote:
Originally Posted by Bijo
additional points:
* You keep looking for mercenaries to hire.
* And you get angry when the confused foreigners refused to dress in funny clothes and be hired (those darn Scots/German Knights/Swiss Pikes/Sami Axes/Turkopoles/<insert your favourite mercenaries>)
* You keep wishing that you can get rid of someone by forcing them to walk across the straits like you did with your unwanted diplomats, princesses and agents.
* You keep thinking that any problems can be solve by the fury of your sword/longbows/crossbows/guns/catapults/balistas/spears/<insert one favoured weapon of your choice>
* When you are mounted (on horse/bike/anything), the first thing you thought of was charging, the second thing was charging, the third thing was charging, the fourth was....
* You got so inspired by the siege battles that you open up the "Kingdom of Heaven" so that you can watch (young) Balin battling Saladin for Jerusalem at least 5 times, everytime.
* You have thoughts about trying and burning your younger brothers/sisters as heretics for disobeying you.
* (Probably redundant) You keeping thinking about tithing to church will inproves your relationship with the Pope/Church/God.
* You have problem using normal words to insult people and have to keep using the M2TW pre-battle speech.
* You think of home-improvement as upgrading your castle and wanting to see more exotic units.
* You start thinking of people in terms of anciallaries and traits.
* And if they don't match up you start creating it for them
* like me
* Ideal philosopher? Niccolo Machiavelli Favoured Quote? Niccolo Machiavelli Current reading? The Prince.
* (Married Men) - You have problem with "the horn", and the only way that your wife can get you "the horn" is by doing pre-foreplay preparation of marching pikemen, charging knights and archers shooting.
* You have no interestin life anymore, only in the total destruction of Spanish/French/English/Turkish/<insert your hated fraction>
* You standard response to foreign wars was "Why don't we massacre everyone so that we can get high fear factor? "
* You inspire yourself to do sport by pretending that you are one of your favourite unit.
* You pickup a weapon or make shift weapon and start hanging around in bad neighbourhood, looking around for some rebel to bash so that you can get experience point.
* M2TW terms starts to replace your own language. For examples "What fraction are you from?"
You've played MTW2 too much if you start making references in a real history discussion. For example:
Teacher: "Medieval times were quite rough on the commoner..".
Me: "Yes, it must have been annoying taking so many years just to travel from France to Denmark..."
Teacher: "What?"
Me: "What was really interesting, was when the Pope got killed by an Assassin and got replaced with a Spanish Cardinal, causing tension between the church and the Danes."
Teacher: "Wait, what are you talking about..."
Me: "Actually, what i wanted to ask you about, was when Denmark had taken Jerusalem back from the Mongols, how did they manage to maintain a siege there for so many years without any supply lines?"
Teacher: "........Get out of my classroom."
:laugh4:
I get the winning first trait after i was picking on the weaks.
When you start wearing a purple shirt and a Greek cross to work.
When I put six books on Byzantine history in the fall book order for a High School library
When I can actually pronounce the names of those Byzantine units.
... you are out on the town and arrange your buddies into a schiltrom when you see a mounted policeman.
... you are hunting and plant sharpened stakes around your tree stand
... you inform your mother-in-law that your relations just went from terrible to abysmal
... you wonder which NFL teams have combat bonus in snow
... you tell your sister there is only a 37% chance she will remain a part of your family after marrying her boyfriend
... you ask the doctor if your new baby is inbred
... you are about to enter a building or someone's house, and instead of knocking, you ram the doors. :laugh4:
... you tell your friend that a wall you are passing has good graphics
... you have a strange dream combining M2TW with Red Alert 2, and you imagine Yuri mind-controlling a Medieval army and shooting paradroping GI's with their longbows
schiltron *snigger* that would be very funny if you all present a wall of pens to the mounted policeman.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReiseReise
how about :
You got booted out of cricket team because you tried to arrange all the cricket stumps as a row of protective stakes for your batman.
Instead of doing the romantic (secret) climb to your GF's window, you tried to assault her window with a siege ladder.
When told that your $$$ is getting low, your response is "don't worry, i will sack some <city name> soon"
Your car is falling apart but you don't even care - but you keep playing just to get that late-era general coz they looks cool.
ditto for your house.
your dog nearly get impaled/brained from your attempt at reenactment of Agincourt.
Your excuse to your ex when you brokeup was "You can't give me wife-is-useful traits"
When you keep muttering......"Where's da Fight?" in your best Scottish accent.....:laugh4:
Ha ha you laugh but I actually find myself do that a lot recently! Uncanny... Now, where's da fight?Quote:
Originally Posted by Fookison
.... when your family & friends arrange an "intervention" to try to get you to quit your M2TW habit.
.... when on the forklift at work, you charge through a thin defensive line of mechanical fitters with the forks raised, using them as a lance, all in the mean time screaming "FOR GLORY!". I have never been asked to move anything for anybody ever since.
LOL. Seriously? isnt that against workplace safety (law) in AUS?Quote:
Originally Posted by Galain_Ironhide
I think you better stick to infantry in M2TW from now on.... :gathering:
Absolutely true!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Ars Moriendi
when you start to consider marrying somone on the basis of political benefits or outcomes.
When you start making references to 'flanking manoevers', 'under-powered cavalry charges' and 'finishing moves' in you history classes when learning about the suffragettes:oops: (true story, and i got some pretty funny looks after that beleive me)
When you type toggle_fow instead of using a Tom Tom (navigation computer)
When your bank manager asks you kindly tot stop typing add_money 40000 during on line banking
...you always ally with the Pope every game
...send Merchants to Timbuktu every game
...Jihad or Crusade spam for the Chivalry points to then get the population growth bonus every game
...conqouer the British Isles for the economic "base" every game
...prepare for the Mongols from turn one everygame
I'm not saying these aren't sound strategies, or that I don't do them myself (I don't think I've played the Moors without having over 5000+ coming from Merchant trade by turn 30), but I find I no longer see the game as a game anymore, but as numbers and figures punctuated by real-time battles.
Yep. :help:Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn
I've got another one:
"You see a riot on television, and wonder why the Governor hasn't built a new brothel to raise public order":2thumbsup:
...You can't drive past a stone building wondering how best to position your men for a siege.
...Can't help thinking when looking at a car how much weapons and armor you could make from it.
...Can't walk past a jewelry store without thinking about pillaging it to pay for your mens wages.
...You try to convince your college debate team that the opposing party is just a bunch of rebels and that they "richly deserve the gallows".
...Demand tribute after a winning an argument against your best friend.
...You are torn between sacking or occupying the empty house across the street.
You've played it at all.
...you start changing the form of insults in the pre-battle speeches (for example, sausage eating beer swilling imperial pudding heads to cheese eating wine drinking .... you get the point) to fit the faction of your choice [No offense meant to anyone btw]
...you think that Moscow actually is to the east of Novgorod.
...you think that there's no way to get to the red sea from the meditterranean.
...you think that during lunch hour at 12:10 the Horde will appear.
...and only if you make a mathematical model that goes like O(t)=[ax/t^2-g(e^x)+(1-g)(m^by)]/<5t-6,3x,y>*|z^c| for predicting when your campaign will be over.
...you start recognizing BTW as 'Barbarian: Total War' or some other TW variation of some sort.
...you've banned yourself from playing any TW games at all because you need all your spare time to study for an exam, so instead you spend all your time at work reading and posting at the Org in order to get your fix
You've removed it from your hard drive and reinstalled MTW/VI with the XL mod. :idea2:
... your little brother wants to have a play swordfight with you, but it has to be RTW style so you can't block attacks and he always wins because he goes a Berserker with 2HP and I'm always a Hastati:shrug:
I suppose that was my little brother playing RTW too much more than me actually being addicted, but I got him hooked.
... whenever you make a sandwich you always think of how the bread is flanking the ham:embarassed:
... Everytime someone calls my name and I'm annoyed, I feel like shouting "Ya Allah, my Sultan wishes you dead!!!"
:laugh4:
When asked for your suggestions on what the new baby should be called, you say: "Why name it? Let the Game generate the name, what faction do they belong to?"....
just grab the bin top and tell him that it is scutum shield, use that to block or parry his 2hd attack.Quote:
Originally Posted by Caledonian Rhyfelwyr
or else grab a few friends with brooms and tell them to make a spearwall against your brother's Zwaihander's attack.
although you will need a shortstick/baton and switch to it when your brother survive the broom-wall to represent 2hander bug...
::Looks at a globe:: Well whudayahknow, its SSEQuote:
Originally Posted by Seyfullah
The connotations of that are indeed disturbing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Caledonian Rhyfelwyr
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
When you fear excommunication if you get into a fight with another Christian.
:laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by TWConqueror
"Hey man, i've noticed you've been eying my woman, you lookin for trouble?"
"What can I say, she's got a nice http://aycu11.webshots.com/image/368...6991921_rs.jpg.
"You wanna take this outside punk?"
"Lets go, http://aycu35.webshots.com/image/375...5018534_rs.jpg. Wait, you wouldn't happen to be Catholic.... I don't want to get..... you know, the Pope and everything......"
not if you have been praying hard and got on well with your local preacher! you would only get a warning.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReiseReise
When you refuse to be friends with your neighbours, because you want to have room for future expansions (and fear the rep-loss of breaking an alliance).
You wish your boss had a lower dread rating and a higher chivalric one
You get tired of the foolish AI that constantly does things that are not logical. So you stop playing and move onto another title.
You refer to everything as "the enemy". Neighbours are "the enemy", at a football game the opposition are "the enemy", other schools are "the enemy" etc etc...