The cold Church floor siphoned all willpower of him. Grit was lodged in the skin of his forehead, but he ignored it and continued to press his head into the stones. If only he could plunge his head clear through, perhaps he would break out on the other side into a paradise, an Eden, where the sins of men could not penetrate.
“Oh, what great evil and enmity this is!”
He had never seen Hildegard like this before. He had known her, loved her, for her shining example of Christian morality and forgiveness. She had saved his soul through compassion and patience. Yet now Mandorf was afraid to raise his head from the floor in front of the altar, fearing that he would see a great and terrible Angel seeking vengeance with a fiery sword.
“That a person is unwilling to live an upright life, either for God's sake or mankind's, but, rather, seeks honor without work and eternal rewards without abstinence! Such a one, in his supposed sanctity, vainly longs to cry out, as the devil does, I am good and holy. But this is not true!”
Mandorf focused his thoughts and attempted to calm his rising panic. I am the Chancellor of the Reich and the Steward, no… the Count of Nuremburg. I must face my failures like a nobleman.
“You are worn out by seeking after your own transitory reputation in the world, so that, at one moment, you are knights, the next slaves, the next mere jesting minstrels, so that in the perfunctory performance of your duties you sometimes manage to brush off the flies in the summer.”
He took a deep breath and raised his head, his eyes angled upwards, to meet her gaze at the first possible instant. Her robes came into view, a dark mass of fabric, punctuated by the pale white form of an outstretched hand pointed directly at his soul.
“You ought to be the day, but you are the night! For you will be either the day or the night. Choose, therefore, where you wish to take your stand!”
The Chancellor stood and looked Hildegard in the eye. “I am a man of God. I am his servant on Earth and will give my life in service to him.”
The nun’s head tilted, and her eyes bore in on him. “You lead an Empire that is at war with the Vicar of Christ, God’s representative on Earth. The very legislation you proposed now requires you to supply those responsible for this atrocity with armies to slaughter the Pope himself. If he dies, the blood of Christ will be on your hands!”
He wanted to bow his head in shame, to hide his soul from her gaze. The stone and dirt beneath his feet was a bastion of safety for the damned. Yet he did not move. “If I am damned, I shall pay for my crimes in the afterlife. When the time comes, my responsibilities for this war will be weighed in the Heavens. If I am found wanting, I will accept the consequences. But I still draw breath and I have duties to this Empire, its peoples, and its laws.”
Hildegard scowled. “You choose the night!”
“NO!” Blood rushed to his face. “I choose justice and law! I am a servant of the Reich and a servant of the Lord, and I will fulfill my obligations to both! It was not my schemes, my machinations, which started this war. The Kaiser rules us all and the Duke of Bavaria is no longer my vassal. I have no power to refuse them or to invalidate their actions, but I do have power to protect the good Christians of the Reich. The Kaiser has been excommunicated, but there are vast numbers of the Faithful within our borders. Tell me, would I serve God or the Devil if I resigned my post and left them to the wolves simply because I feared for my own soul?”
The anger subsided from her face, but the fires still burned deep in her eyes. “You will send armed men to Duke von Kassel. You will give him the means to destroy Pope Gregory.”
The Chancellor shook his head. “They are not mine to give or take away. The law requires that I maintain the Household Armies and it gives the Duke free reign to use them as he sees fit within his own borders. I could no more refuse to continue to assemble the Bavarian Household Army than I could hold back the winds with my bare hands. The army is his, it matters not whether I wish him to have it or not.”
Mandorf took a deep breath, feeling the confidence grow inside him. “Laws are not evil simply because some men may use them in evil ways. A good law cannot be abandoned because one man abuses it. I will not deny Duke von Kassel the men he is entitled to by law, but I also shall not aid him further beyond the minimum of what is required of me. He has chosen his own fate and I will have no hand in it beyond what is mandated.”
Hildegard considered him for a moment, then her stare finally broke and she look up at the cross on the altar. “Go then. Protect the good Christians and fight whatever evil you perceive. Your actions will be weighed in the end.” She turned back and looked at him. “Just remember that an immense weight will be pulling down on you always. Your virtues will have to be great indeed to break that chain.”
The Chancellor of the Reich bowed. “You will forgive my departure then, for there is much to do.” The nun did not move as he turned and strode out of the Church.
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Note: Hildegard's first four quotes are a section from a sermon she gave in Cologne in 1163.
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