Jokes

[Marshal Murat]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will
make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze forst plas

I like the proposal.

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon
an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of
the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The
Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the
squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.


The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw
each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. "I yelled
to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag, and he
yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing
liberal drunk." "So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a
frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well,
so does Hillary Clinton!" "And, there we were, in the middle of the
road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us".

All in good humor for those who support either Kennedy or Clinton.
Beirut, edit at your leisure.