A Stratege on the Rise- a "short" story

**Gebeleisis** · 03-06-2008, 21:39

why not make one?

**Hooahguy** · 03-06-2008, 21:44

then would i get an official Guild award?

**Reverend Joe** · 03-06-2008, 22:36

Overall, I like the story, but:

1. It goes waaaaaaay too fast for its own good. The amount of ground covered in this story would be appropriate for a novel, not a short story; as it is, it feels like the outline of a really good book. There is no room for any real character development; I honestly can't make myself care about any of the characters as they stand.

2. I hate Karenos. Not in the sense of "he's a bad person, I hate him;" he is just far too stereotypical. He does everything I would expect the antagonist of a story to do. Without any variation or points of interest, he feels like a cardboard-cutout bad guy, and when he is killed at the end... well, I felt like, "who cares?" And why is he Demetrios's sworn enemy? Why sis he not show any examples of cowardice beforehand? Character development was already a problem in this story, so it's a real double-whammy with Karenos.

But, like I said, the story itself is quite compelling.

**Hooahguy** · 03-06-2008, 23:05

ya, i guess ur right, but i did write this the night before it was due..... lets just hope my teacher doesnt view it like you do......

**zooeyglass** · 03-07-2008, 14:48

Originally Posted by hooahguy

ya, i guess ur right, but i did write this the night before it was due..... lets just hope my teacher doesnt view it like you do......

the character development point is a good one:
we get information of demetrios training, of his relationship with his father and best friend, but he does not appear to learn or develop from these instances. the only instance that has a positive effect is when he beats karenos for the second time.

on stratege: correct me if i'm wrong, but the nominative form of this greek word is strategos. only stratege if the general is being addressed (vocative). so he would be hailed "stratege", though titled "strategos".

but also, the movement is quick in this: worth dropping the incident about running away, the new school, the early stuff, just to move straight to war games and war?