Ancient Humor

[Spartan198]

What do you get when you combine the island of Lesbos with civil revolt...?

Lesbian rebels.
(No offense,ladies,just a little wordplay humor)

What do you guys have?

[Marshal Murat]

So a Persian, a Greek, and a Spartan walk into a bar, and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"

[Martok]

So a Persian, a Greek, and a Spartan walk into a bar, and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"

Ah, meta-humor. Gotta love it.

[Vladimir]

So a Persian, a Greek, and a Spartan walk into a bar, and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"

Huh, Spartans aren't Greek?

[Mouzafphaerre]

.
I believe by Greek he meant Attic, that is Athenan.
.

[Vladimir]

So Spartans are basement Greeks (or closet...y' know)

[CountArach]

So a Persian, a Greek, and a Spartan walk into a bar, and the bartender says "What is this, some kinda joke?"

Hilarious!

[Flavius Clemens]

Plato, Aristotle, Socrates and Pythagoras met up in Athens and got into debate about knowledge, and whether with their necessarily finite experience they could validly reach any conclusions about anything. Eventually they decided to broaden their experience, each spend a year exploring the world and meet up again in Rhodes.

Plato set off to the north, wandering around more or less at random as he sought new information and experiences. Aristotle headed east, again travelling fairly aimlessly but always open to new things. Socrates went south, bouncing around from place to place without any destination in mind and Pythagoras west in much the same style.

Eventually a full year later they made their rendezvous in Rhodes and resumed their debate, comparing notes and arguing long into the night. Eventually they realised what they had learned from their random wandering, all roams lead to Rhodes...

[Spartan198]

...all roams lead to Rhodes...

[Martok]

all roams lead to Rhodes...

[groan] That was Gregoshi-esque.

[Big_John]

how was the roman empire cut into two?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

with a pair of ceasers.

[Mouzafphaerre]

.

.

[Spartan198]

[PersianFire]

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colliseum.
"Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."
The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some rubbish eh? He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conqured France and addresses the crowd in the Colliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".
The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".
Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his nonsense, I'm off to France to check this out."
So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"
The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colliseum then across at Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing.........

Away Gauls count double in Europe."

[PersianFire]

"One more, a bit rubbish, but it bring a smile...."

Two Roman legionaries are on guard perimeter duty in a fort. "God, all this pacing backwards and forwards is killing me. I feel like i've been here for hours now. What time is it?" The other sentry looks at the setting sun and and replies wearily "We've got anothr hour to go, it's only XX past VIII."

[Vladimir]

nvm

[rajpoot]

Didn't get the last two.......

[Andres]

Away Gauls count double in Europe."

Argh! Awful, awful

[CountArach]

Didn't get the last two.......

"away gauls" = Away goals

[Spartan198]

"away gauls" = Away goals

Now I get that one!

[Caius]

What did a Roman legionary said to other?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I don't know, I don't speak latin.

[Martok]

[groan]


Caius, hold still for a moment....

[Spartan198]

What did a Roman legionary said to other?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I don't know, I don't speak latin.

LMAO

[Caius]

"away gauls" = Away goals

Still don't get it.

[Flavius Clemens]

Still don't get it.

It's a pun on the rules for European knock out football competitions. Team A and B play two games, the one at A's home ground, the other at B's and the total score for both matches decides who procedes to the next round. If the total score is equal, goals scored away from home are counted as double. (If that still leaves the score equal they play extra time.) So away goals / gauls count double in Europe.

[Dutch_guy]

.
Away Gauls count double in Europe."

[Adrian II]

Found this on teh Interwebs:

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
Zeus: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
Zeus: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
Zeus: Wait a second...

[Mouzafphaerre]

.

.

[rajpoot]

Read the last one a long time back in Reader's Digest. Nice.

[edyzmedieval]

Found this on teh Interwebs:

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
Zeus: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
Zeus: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
Zeus: Wait a second...

Brilliant!