Ancient Humor

[Big_John]

how was the roman empire cut into two?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

with a pair of ceasers.

[Mouzafphaerre]

.

.

[Spartan198]

[PersianFire]

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colliseum.
"Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."
The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some rubbish eh? He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conqured France and addresses the crowd in the Colliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".
The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".
Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his nonsense, I'm off to France to check this out."
So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"
The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colliseum then across at Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing.........

Away Gauls count double in Europe."

[PersianFire]

"One more, a bit rubbish, but it bring a smile...."

Two Roman legionaries are on guard perimeter duty in a fort. "God, all this pacing backwards and forwards is killing me. I feel like i've been here for hours now. What time is it?" The other sentry looks at the setting sun and and replies wearily "We've got anothr hour to go, it's only XX past VIII."

[Vladimir]

nvm

[rajpoot]

Didn't get the last two.......

[CountArach]

Didn't get the last two.......

"away gauls" = Away goals

[Andres]

Away Gauls count double in Europe."

Argh! Awful, awful

[Dutch_guy]

.
Away Gauls count double in Europe."

[Adrian II]

Found this on teh Interwebs:

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
Zeus: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
Zeus: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
Zeus: Wait a second...

[Mouzafphaerre]

.

.

[edyzmedieval]

Found this on teh Interwebs:

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
Zeus: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
Zeus: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
Zeus: Wait a second...

Brilliant!

[AlexTheGood]

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colliseum.
"Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."
The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some rubbish eh? He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conqured France and addresses the crowd in the Colliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".
The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".
Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his nonsense, I'm off to France to check this out."
So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"
The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colliseum then across at Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing.........

Away Gauls count double in Europe."

Nice Joke... I liked it...
Now I get annoying but, I thing that:
1) Colloseum was build by Vespasian in Later Roman Times (about 70 AD)... when they have built up the empire. There were the Gauls Conquered... and Britons too I thing. And Julius was Long dead...
2) In the Battle Romans (Julius Ceasar) vs Gauls, there was killed a lot more than 25,000 and 50,000... only at the battle of alesia were killed about 200,000 gauls... or am I wrong?

[Tamur]

And AlexTheGood, I'm sure you're correct but I'm not going to look it up because football jokes, by law, need no verification.

[AlexTheGood]

And AlexTheGood, I'm sure you're correct but I'm not going to look it up because football jokes, by law, need no verification.

I know... this is for sure... But I was just saing. Testing my brain...

[Boyar Son]

how was the roman empire cut into two?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

with a pair of ceasers.

lol