EB Jokes

[Ibrahim]

that's right, EB jokes; I'm not writing them, you are the one who gets to make jokes about it-it's not serious, or meant to criticize EB's team-they're awesome and so their mod. but that shouldn't stop anyone from reporting funny and disturbing stories from an EB campaign/battle...


I'm playing as romani, and I had to lay siege to Segesta, a celtic town; there I met the dreaded Gaesatae; now in EB's website they have underwear, the shield, helm, and torques. figured: poorly armored, on drugs-easy. on installing it on release date, they asked for a modesty patch to be installed, at which I said no, note reading the fine print under it...

..hehe came to assult the town, and to my horror I discovered a shocking fact, a fact about them that sucked so hard it scarred me for life...they were naked-butt naked (seriously I didn't know) even the bits showed. Now I know what the modesty patch was for...when I saw those demons I let out a cry of horror and suffered my fearst heart attck aged 17. my men were running away in a matter of seconds-since they were scary and weren't dying... I felt...I don't know...naked?! exposed? terrified to pi-ing point perhaps(I didn't do that luckily)?! and helpless...spent a week afterwards sucking my thumb the first time I got terrified at a unit-later experiments proved the shockiness of the Gaesatae effective on 13 yr olds from up to 50yrds+......39yr olds up to 100yrds+

p.s I still captured segesta, losin 1/3 of my men, most from those naked F#@*ers


my situation now:

now to rate jokes do so from 0-10 laughing smilies-I rate mine 1, since this was a demo.

[General Appo]

Was it a joke? Really, I don´t see how this is going to work, EB jokes are more spontaneous than really thought-out. Unless someone start making EB versions of famous jokes.

[Ibrahim]

I don't know-I didn't intend (or say) this is to be funny-just the replies, I leave method up to you. and no this was not reaaly thought out; I came up with it the moment I wrote it. it's meant for people to share jokes with one another.

[Hax]

Why did the Pezhetairos cross the road?

==========

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ele

Ele who?

Elephantes Indikoi!

[Ibrahim]

well why did he do it?

[Mouzafphaerre]

.
A Kart-Hadasti, a Lusotannan and a Makedonikos walk into a bar. The barman says: "What's this? Some kind of joke?"


.

[Jolt]

Why did the Pezhetairos cross the road?

==========

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ele

Ele who?

Elephantes Indikoi!

ROFLMAO! The ebst one for me so far!

[Ayce]

Why do Thracians wield big swords?

To compensate for their manhood

(That's just mean of me )

[Parallel Pain]

You know you've played too much EB when you...

Are a Sab'yn general bodyguard. The Ptolemy catapharct is charging at you.
The ground shakes beneath you. The screeching enemy horses sound like demons from hell. The sand and sweat sticks to your body. But you take no notice to any of that. You are experienced.

You brace for impact...BANG the cataphract slam into you hard.
You smiled, for you had faced cataphract before and know how to brace yourself against them. You were able to easily keep on your feet.

You saw a hole in the hosemen's defences and sharply thrust your sword up at the him. Your sword flys forward quick as lightning.

At that moment, the second rank of those Helenic cataphract rams into your lines. You see the flash of a spearhead shooting forward at you from your forward left. You raise your shield desperately to block the blow.

You felt the pike head slide on your shield. Moments later you feel a blow to your head. The pike had glanced off your shield and bounced upwards. Your helmet has protect you from direct injury, but the force of the pike was too much.

All goes grey...then black. You can feel your legs giving away. You are falling to once side, to your right. You are abandoning your friends. They are going to have to fight on without you. You feel helpless. Soon your arm would hit the sand. You will likely be trampled upon. You will likely not rise again...

THUMP
What? What?
You opened your eyes. You have just fallen off your bed onto the wooden floor. Oh yeah and it would seem you have thrown your sheets off during sleep. I wonder when you did that.

[keravnos]

The shortest joke in the world

FYROM

and the notion that it had ANYTHING to do with Megas Alexandros and Makedonia of Hellenistic times

[Ibrahim]

FYROM?

[keravnos]

FYROM?

Also known in present times as Makedo-ninja

[pezhetairoi]

Uh, so whyyyy did I cross the road? Because it asked for a blessing? XD

[Jurdagat]

Remember Bartix?

[Subotan]

The shortest joke in the world

FYROM

and the notion that it had ANYTHING to do with Megas Alexandros and Makedonia of Hellenistic times

[The Wicked]

Originally Posted by keravnos
The shortest joke in the world

FYROM


and the notion that it had ANYTHING to do with Megas Alexandros and Makedonia of Hellenistic times

[Subotan]

Tbh, I can't understand why both the Greeks and the Macedonians make a big deal about it. If they want to call themselves Macedonians, let them, it's not like Megas Alexandros ever considered himself a Greek anyway.

[Maeran]

It's nationalism and therefore not required to be sensible.

All in all, it's best to stay away from the whole issue.

[Olimpian]

Q:What's the last thing that crosses a soldier's mind when he is charged by a cataphract?
R:A spear-point

[PersianFire]

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colliseum.
"Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."
The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some rubbish eh? He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conqured France and addresses the crowd in the Colliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".
The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".
Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his nonsense, I'm off to France to check this out."
So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"
The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colliseum then across at Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing.........

Away Gauls count double in Europe."

[Olimpian]

Good one PersianFire

[Parallel Pain]

I don't get it.

[PersianFire]

I don't get it.

"I suppose it depends on if you enjoy the beautiful game of football and know the rules."

[Obelics]

PF i had to overheat my poor dull brain to understand that
(im so a poor informed on football, gaul=goal)

anyway here's some one related to the game-play...

how do you call:
- a Casse General leading a charge?
- an incurable optimist...

- A numidian skirmisher walking furtive in the night there around a camp of gaesataes?
- a pusher

- an hippokontistai throwing javelins?
- just freeing himself of a further burden...

- Galatian Kluddolons alligned in the first ranks and looking around with an interrogative glance?
- just trying to guess who will be the first to cross that big red line...

- a routing phalangite pursued by cavalry tanks?
- i dont know, but sure he has to love that sarissa so much,,,

- A peltast gone already out of ammo...
- a waste of moneys

- sotaroas looking so badly to losatae?
- it's all envy...

- a unit of Hastati being recruited?
- rpg

[marodeur]

Sparte and Athens want to find out who has the better athlete. The best athlete from athens will duel himself with the best athlete from sparte.
On the very next day, athenian heralds start to tell the hellenic world from Massalia to Baktria the glorious results:
"While our athenian hero proved himself worthy and made it to a very good second place, the Spartian athlete dissappointed his people and only became penultimate."

[Gebeleisis]

Red Balloon for Brave Pez (awsome)
Green Balloon for marodeur (preety cool)

[pezhetairoi]

Hurray, more balloons! And red ones, too!

Thank you, Gebeleisis. Ave. *solemn salute*

[L.C.Cinna]

A young Athenian noble comes home in the morning. His father has been waiting for him all night and is pretty upset:

"Son!!! Where have you been all night?!!!!!????"

"Father, I'm sorry. I know I should have been home earlier but...oh well I had such a great night..."

The fahter looks at him: "Oh son, does that mean you're not a virgin anymore?"

The son smiles at him.


"Good boy! Go get us some wine and sit down here with your good old father and tell me everything!"

"Oh father, I'd really like to have some wine with you but I'm afraid I can't sit down yet..."

[Hax]

Hahahaha, oooh!