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  1. #1
    master of the wierd people Member Ibrahim's Avatar
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    Default EB Jokes

    that's right, EB jokes; I'm not writing them, you are the one who gets to make jokes about it-it's not serious, or meant to criticize EB's team-they're awesome and so their mod. but that shouldn't stop anyone from reporting funny and disturbing stories from an EB campaign/battle...


    I'm playing as romani, and I had to lay siege to Segesta, a celtic town; there I met the dreaded Gaesatae; now in EB's website they have underwear, the shield, helm, and torques. figured: poorly armored, on drugs-easy. on installing it on release date, they asked for a modesty patch to be installed, at which I said no, note reading the fine print under it...

    ..hehe came to assult the town, and to my horror I discovered a shocking fact, a fact about them that sucked so hard it scarred me for life...they were naked-butt naked (seriously I didn't know) even the bits showed. Now I know what the modesty patch was for...when I saw those demons I let out a cry of horror and suffered my fearst heart attck aged 17. my men were running away in a matter of seconds-since they were scary and weren't dying... I felt...I don't know...naked?! exposed? terrified to pi-ing point perhaps(I didn't do that luckily)?! and helpless...spent a week afterwards sucking my thumb the first time I got terrified at a unit-later experiments proved the shockiness of the Gaesatae effective on 13 yr olds from up to 50yrds+......39yr olds up to 100yrds+

    p.s I still captured segesta, losin 1/3 of my men, most from those naked F#@*ers


    my situation now:

    now to rate jokes do so from 0-10 laughing smilies-I rate mine 1, since this was a demo.
    Last edited by Ibrahim; 03-11-2008 at 22:11.
    I was once alive, but then a girl came and took out my ticker.

    my 4 year old modding project--nearing completion: http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=219506 (if you wanna help, join me).

    tired of ridiculous trouble with walking animations? then you need my brand newmotion capture for the common man!

    "We have proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if we put the belonging to, in the I don't know what, all gas lines will explode " -alBernameg

  2. #2
    Not your friend Member General Appo's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Was it a joke? Really, I don´t see how this is going to work, EB jokes are more spontaneous than really thought-out. Unless someone start making EB versions of famous jokes.
    The Appomination

    I don't come here a lot any more. You know why? Because you suck. That's right, I'm talking to you. Your annoying attitude, bad grammar, illogical arguments, false beliefs and pathetic attempts at humour have driven me and many other nice people from this forum. You should feel ashamed. Report here at once to recieve your punishment. Scumbag.

  3. #3
    master of the wierd people Member Ibrahim's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    I don't know-I didn't intend (or say) this is to be funny-just the replies, I leave method up to you. and no this was not reaaly thought out; I came up with it the moment I wrote it. it's meant for people to share jokes with one another.
    Last edited by Ibrahim; 03-11-2008 at 22:19.
    I was once alive, but then a girl came and took out my ticker.

    my 4 year old modding project--nearing completion: http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=219506 (if you wanna help, join me).

    tired of ridiculous trouble with walking animations? then you need my brand newmotion capture for the common man!

    "We have proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if we put the belonging to, in the I don't know what, all gas lines will explode " -alBernameg

  4. #4
    Member Member Hax's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Why did the Pezhetairos cross the road?

    ==========

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Ele

    Ele who?

    Elephantes Indikoi!
    This space intentionally left blank.

  5. #5
    master of the wierd people Member Ibrahim's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    well why did he do it?
    I was once alive, but then a girl came and took out my ticker.

    my 4 year old modding project--nearing completion: http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=219506 (if you wanna help, join me).

    tired of ridiculous trouble with walking animations? then you need my brand newmotion capture for the common man!

    "We have proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if we put the belonging to, in the I don't know what, all gas lines will explode " -alBernameg

  6. #6
    Urwendur Ûrîbêl Senior Member Mouzafphaerre's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    .
    A Kart-Hadasti, a Lusotannan and a Makedonikos walk into a bar. The barman says: "What's this? Some kind of joke?"


    .
    Ja mata Tosa Inu-sama, Hore Tore, Adrian II, Sigurd, Fragony

    Mouzafphaerre is known elsewhere as Urwendil/Urwendur/Kibilturg...
    .

  7. #7
    Vindicative son of a gun Member Jolt's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Hax
    Why did the Pezhetairos cross the road?

    ==========

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Ele

    Ele who?

    Elephantes Indikoi!
    ROFLMAO! The ebst one for me so far!
    BLARGH!

  8. #8
    NOBAΛO AYΣE Member Ayce's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Re: EB Jokes

    Why do Thracians wield big swords?

    To compensate for their manhood

    (That's just mean of me )

  9. #9
    The Creator of Stories Member Parallel Pain's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    You know you've played too much EB when you...

    Are a Sab'yn general bodyguard. The Ptolemy catapharct is charging at you.
    The ground shakes beneath you. The screeching enemy horses sound like demons from hell. The sand and sweat sticks to your body. But you take no notice to any of that. You are experienced.

    You brace for impact...BANG the cataphract slam into you hard.
    You smiled, for you had faced cataphract before and know how to brace yourself against them. You were able to easily keep on your feet.

    You saw a hole in the hosemen's defences and sharply thrust your sword up at the him. Your sword flys forward quick as lightning.

    At that moment, the second rank of those Helenic cataphract rams into your lines. You see the flash of a spearhead shooting forward at you from your forward left. You raise your shield desperately to block the blow.

    You felt the pike head slide on your shield. Moments later you feel a blow to your head. The pike had glanced off your shield and bounced upwards. Your helmet has protect you from direct injury, but the force of the pike was too much.

    All goes grey...then black. You can feel your legs giving away. You are falling to once side, to your right. You are abandoning your friends. They are going to have to fight on without you. You feel helpless. Soon your arm would hit the sand. You will likely be trampled upon. You will likely not rise again...

    THUMP
    What? What?
    You opened your eyes. You have just fallen off your bed onto the wooden floor. Oh yeah and it would seem you have thrown your sheets off during sleep. I wonder when you did that.

  10. #10

    Default Re: EB Jokes

    The shortest joke in the world

    FYROM


    and the notion that it had ANYTHING to do with Megas Alexandros and Makedonia of Hellenistic times



    Last edited by keravnos; 03-11-2008 at 22:32.


    You like EB? Buy CA games.

  11. #11
    master of the wierd people Member Ibrahim's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    FYROM?
    I was once alive, but then a girl came and took out my ticker.

    my 4 year old modding project--nearing completion: http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=219506 (if you wanna help, join me).

    tired of ridiculous trouble with walking animations? then you need my brand newmotion capture for the common man!

    "We have proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if we put the belonging to, in the I don't know what, all gas lines will explode " -alBernameg

  12. #12

    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Ibrahim
    FYROM?
    Also known in present times as Makedo-ninja


    You like EB? Buy CA games.

  13. #13
    Amanuensis Member pezhetairoi's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Uh, so whyyyy did I cross the road? Because it asked for a blessing? XD


    EB DEVOTEE SINCE 2004

  14. #14
    Sadly not worthy of a title. Member Jurdagat's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Remember Bartix?
    This is where my signature is.

  15. #15
    Tuba Son Member Subotan's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by keravnos View Post
    The shortest joke in the world

    FYROM


    and the notion that it had ANYTHING to do with Megas Alexandros and Makedonia of Hellenistic times




  16. #16
    Member Member The Wicked's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Originally Posted by keravnos
    The shortest joke in the world

    FYROM


    and the notion that it had ANYTHING to do with Megas Alexandros and Makedonia of Hellenistic times
    Last edited by The Wicked; 01-05-2009 at 20:06.

    "Alexander came by the statue of his father and spoke loud: `Youths of the Pellaians and of the Macedonians and of the Hellenic Amphictiony and of the Lakedaimonians and of the Corinthians... and of all the Hellenic peoples, join your fellow-soldiers and entrust yourselves to me, so that we can move against the barbarians and liberate ourselves from the Persian bondage, for AS Hellenes WE should not be slaves to barbarians."

  17. #17
    Tuba Son Member Subotan's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Tbh, I can't understand why both the Greeks and the Macedonians make a big deal about it. If they want to call themselves Macedonians, let them, it's not like Megas Alexandros ever considered himself a Greek anyway.

  18. #18

    Default Re: EB Jokes

    It's nationalism and therefore not required to be sensible.

    All in all, it's best to stay away from the whole issue.

  19. #19
    Wielder of a pointy-thing Member Olimpian's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Q:What's the last thing that crosses a soldier's mind when he is charged by a cataphract?
    R:A spear-point

  20. #20

    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colliseum.
    "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."
    The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
    Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some rubbish eh? He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
    Six months later, Caesar comes back having conqured France and addresses the crowd in the Colliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".
    The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".
    Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his nonsense, I'm off to France to check this out."
    So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"
    The crowd are up on their feet. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
    Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
    The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
    Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colliseum then across at Brutus and says "Brutus, you are forgetting one thing.........

    Away Gauls count double in Europe."
    "The secret of all victory lies in the organization of the non-obvious." - Marcus Aurelius

    "Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum"
    Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe.

  21. #21
    Wielder of a pointy-thing Member Olimpian's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Good one PersianFire

  22. #22
    The Creator of Stories Member Parallel Pain's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    I don't get it.

  23. #23

    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Parallel Pain
    I don't get it.
    "I suppose it depends on if you enjoy the beautiful game of football and know the rules."
    "The secret of all victory lies in the organization of the non-obvious." - Marcus Aurelius

    "Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum"
    Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe.

  24. #24
    aka Artaserse (the Lone Borg) Member Obelics's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    PF i had to overheat my poor dull brain to understand that
    (im so a poor informed on football, gaul=goal)

    anyway here's some one related to the game-play...

    how do you call:
    - a Casse General leading a charge?
    - an incurable optimist...

    - A numidian skirmisher walking furtive in the night there around a camp of gaesataes?
    - a pusher

    - an hippokontistai throwing javelins?
    - just freeing himself of a further burden...

    - Galatian Kluddolons alligned in the first ranks and looking around with an interrogative glance?
    - just trying to guess who will be the first to cross that big red line...

    - a routing phalangite pursued by cavalry tanks?
    - i dont know, but sure he has to love that sarissa so much,,,

    - A peltast gone already out of ammo...
    - a waste of moneys

    - sotaroas looking so badly to losatae?
    - it's all envy...

    - a unit of Hastati being recruited?
    - rpg

  25. #25
    death is just the beginning Member marodeur's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Sparte and Athens want to find out who has the better athlete. The best athlete from athens will duel himself with the best athlete from sparte.
    On the very next day, athenian heralds start to tell the hellenic world from Massalia to Baktria the glorious results:
    "While our athenian hero proved himself worthy and made it to a very good second place, the Spartian athlete dissappointed his people and only became penultimate."

  26. #26
    WotD 2D graphic Dude Member Gebeleisis's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Red Balloon for Brave Pez (awsome)
    Green Balloon for marodeur (preety cool)

  27. #27
    Amanuensis Member pezhetairoi's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Hurray, more balloons! And red ones, too!

    Thank you, Gebeleisis. Ave. *solemn salute*


    EB DEVOTEE SINCE 2004

  28. #28

    Default Re: EB Jokes

    A young Athenian noble comes home in the morning. His father has been waiting for him all night and is pretty upset:

    "Son!!! Where have you been all night?!!!!!????"

    "Father, I'm sorry. I know I should have been home earlier but...oh well I had such a great night..."

    The fahter looks at him: "Oh son, does that mean you're not a virgin anymore?"

    The son smiles at him.


    "Good boy! Go get us some wine and sit down here with your good old father and tell me everything!"

    "Oh father, I'd really like to have some wine with you but I'm afraid I can't sit down yet..."
    My first balloon:

  29. #29
    Member Member Hax's Avatar
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    Default Re: EB Jokes

    Hahahaha, oooh!
    This space intentionally left blank.

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