How to know when the game is pissed at you.

[nara shikamaru]

Hi all I thought I'd make a small list of things that the AI could do just to get back at you for all the times you handed it's own arse to it with relative ease.

1. A single unit of peasants has just decimated your fully armored and upgrade uber stack.

2. While in said fight with peasants, your men seemingly put on a floor show for the enemy, allowing them to kill your men.

3. your attack fleet of 50+ ships* is taken out by one single long boat.

4. All of your generals are targeted by an inquisitor with no valor, and they are all burned at the stake.

5. Your 8 valor assassin, with a 99% chance to kill the enemy king, is caught despite there being no border forts, or another assassin or spy in the province.

6. Nobody will ally with you, and in fact the entire map has gone to war with you, one way or another.

7. A massive horde* of camel warriors has come out of the Mid East, and has ravaged your lands

8. No matter what you do, all of your royal line seems to have all of the worst possible vices to get.

9. Your king instead of charging an enemy unit, stops, and waits for the enemy to surround him.

10. You hear your game yell "nuts to this" and you see stacks full of jedi units everywhere, that attack you the next turn.

Notes: 1. ships are whatever the best you may have is, depending on your faction.
2. The camel horde is at least 100,000 strong some how.
3. This was made in a most likely failed attempt at some humor on my part, but if anyone wants to add anything feel free to.

As you can see it doens't have to be something that can actually happen, just something you think the comp would do after all the times you kicked its arse.

[bamff]

11. A crusade passes through your zero zeal province, and every one of your troops joins up and marches off with it.....and you are playing as the Almohads.....

[seireikhaan]

11. A crusade passes through your zero zeal province, and every one of your troops joins up and marches off with it.....and you are playing as the Almohads.....

And the crusade's target province belongs to you as well...

[Raz]

12. You are playing as the Spanish. It's one turn before the golden horde arrives and you march your entire army to the east to prepare for the defence and leave your only King in Castile for safe keeping. You press "End Turn" and a message pops up saying: "Bah, I think I'll do something different today"............ The next turn, Mesoamericans sail to Europe and launch a massive assault on the Spanish peninsula - Your king is annihilated and you lose the game.

Psst, see the irony? =D

[Ironsword]

18. The computer kills off your King when your heir is only 14yrs old.

19. Rhodes is invaded and your King resides there, so you try to draft in troops from all over your empire to protect it. The problem is you can't squeeze them all on the tiny $%*&! landmass and lose. Horribly.

20. You've been playing for a while and there are only two powers left, you and the papacy. You begin to gear up for war when a message pops up; The papacy has claimed the lesser victory of 60 territories - You Lose chump.

[nara shikamaru]

18. The computer kills off your King when your heir is only 14yrs old.

19. Rhodes is invaded and your King resides there, so you try to draft in troops from all over your empire to protect it. The problem is you can't squeeze them all on the tiny $%*&! landmass and lose. Horribly.

20. You've been playing for a while and there are only two powers left, you and the papacy. You begin to gear up for war when a message pops up; The papacy has claimed the lesser victory of 60 territories - You Lose chump.

Speaking of number 18 Ironsword, I remember a campaign as the Danish were the French had a an empire stretching from northern Spain thru france, England, and into Germany, were the French Monarch had no heirs of age. Now I notice this only because I use the -ian thing to see how other factions are doing, and see he has an heir at 5 years of age. Later when I check again the heir is now 15, and I thought my ally to stay for another generation. Well I was wrong, end turn, the French king dies before his son came of age, and the whole French empire became rebels.

[Caerfanan]

19. Rhodes is invaded and your King resides there, so you try to draft in troops from all over your empire to protect it. The problem is you can't squeeze them all on the tiny $%*&! landmass and lose. Horribly.

I feel the pain!

On a more serious notre I "discovered" that pressing X or Z allows you to be shown only allies/only enemies, or agents/no agents. YOu can then pile more troops in Rhodes! :-)

[Kaidonni]

13. As your king dies, his heir (the new heir apparent) comes of age. Only, the previous heir apparent who would've assumed the throne had the new one not come of age has disappeared for some reason, and the new one has been crowned king. And he had decent stats, or much better.

*Happened to me, although my guy only had decent stats...good job he wasn't uber or anything!

[Jxrc]

12. As soon as the battle start, you discover that you are in front of big catapult. Seconds later, your general is found having a long nap under a very big rock. His head is missing too.
13. During a siege you've only need to kill the enemy general. Will waiting that your five hundred spearmen manage to pull him off his horse, your general is killed by an arrow fired by one of the tower.
14. Enemy generals with "weak principles" v&v now always refuse your bribes and become men of principles.
15. An earthquacke/floods just happen to destroy your chapter house as soon as you've launched a crusade or produced a few crusade markers.
16. Each sea next to your king becomes a new Bermuda triangle. Any ship staying there to connect your king with the rest of your empire misteriously disappear.
17. One of your king lives until he is 75. His heir who has been married when he was 16 gets cronwed at 49 but has now heir of his own. He dies as soon as he becomes 51.